Curated by me, Ngma and Hairplug4men – made possible thanks to many.
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Now, moving onto the actual…
CHRONICLES
Date of birth: 31/3/17-
7/2/23 – Got my Seadog achievement. I can finally say I have gotten plenty of booty throughout my life.
Fun fact: I got this achievement exactly one year after getting Honored Animalist.Fun fact #2: as you can see, I don't grind in GV that much anymore.Fun fact #3: none of the facts above are actually fun. Neither is this one.-
13/5/22 – Got my Honored Raider achievement. Gonna listen to ‘Raiders On The Storm’ to celebrate.
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7/2/22 – Upon putting Roshan into my ark, a huge pop up window appeared in the sky out of nowhere. I could read something like “Honored Animalist” before a massive finger tapped on it to make it vanish. I need to get some sleep before these hallucinations become worse.
Martin Garrix would be proud.-
28/12/21 – Wood for ark – 300%
There's no way I'm saving forests by doing this.-
23/9/21 – 08:58 It’s alive… It’s alive, it’s moving, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, IT’S ALIVE!
Second boss; harder, better, faster, stronger.-
14/7/21 – 12:28 Divine enlightenment politely made it clear that I was calling my pet by the wrong name all this time. I’ll be calling him Rextifier from now on!
Are you serious, Lord?! I expected you to fix it! You should rextify it... (okay I'll stop)-
25/6/21 – 05:32 After vanquishing the Thesaurus Rex, I noticed a pair of tear-brimmed eyes peering out from under the bushes. Wracked by guilt, I took the baby-monster’s shaking hand and adopted it as my pet. I’ll name him Chip.
I'm terrible at picking names. Hopefully, Andrele will fix it.-
16/6/21 – 20:17 Saw a paper with the headline, “You know what they say about being a hero. The pay’s not great, but the work is hard”, Mighty One! You’re front page news!
I don't know why I would apply for a job like this. Should've listened to my mom.-
3/6/21 – Got my Honored Hunter achievement.
Or did my God get it? As if I wasn't doing all the dirty job.-
9/5/21 – 10:56 You know, Most Righteous One, it looks like people are passing your saying, “My hero may seem a pacifist, but he’s just a coward”, around as a prayer. Isn’t that great?
If you see me jogging, I'm not working out, but running away.-
bq. 4/3/21 – Found my god on the top of the Pantheon of Storytelling
People will rate anything 5 stars these days.-
20/2/21 – 11:34 It’s alive… It’s alive, it’s moving, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, IT’S ALIVE!
I stuttered in joy, am I the new Fronkensteen?-
20/1/21 – Reformatted and polished my chronicles. That is the sort of stuff I put my time into.
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3/1/21 – Became a Harvest Moon guild representative
"Noobs have risen, old timers have fallen. Noobs shall take over HM. It is time for a change for the better – it cannot be for the worse anyway."-
27/12/20 – 03:49 I was just about to defeat the Santa Claws when he pulled out a beer and offered it to me. Hey, I could use a good drinking buddy. Slapped a collar on him and named him Nipper. He looks like he’s regretting his choice now.
Where the hell did my ninja tortoise go?! Anyway, this Santa Claws will do.-
24/12/20 – 10:42 Took the leash off my pet and set him free. It’s sad to part ways, Methuselah, but I need some space… in the ark.
Got drunk and released my ninja tortoise into the wild. I hope I won't regret it tomorrow.-
6/11/20 – 04:51 AM Soul Supreme, I just re-counted the pairs and I think the ark now has a thousand of them. We’re not going to cram another thousand in there, are we?
I really hope they won't reproduce.-
29/10/20 – I got a sailing ability pet, Jaws, so I managed to get a pet of every kind. Now I just need to find a partner who fills the void that pets can’t fill.
(Outdated since 31/10/20, since a new kind of pet was added. That was real quick.)-
26/8/2020 – Quest #2000: Touch the sky (epic)
I got a feeling that I'm getting too old for all these quests. Can't I just devote myself to drink and that's it?-
5/7/20 – I finally got a dungeon ability pet, but I forgot to add it to my chronicles. Please welcome Roshan!
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20/7/20 – 18:41 Hooray! I’ve reached level 100!
If I had a dollar for every level I've gone up, I'd have 100 dollars.-
25/3/20 – 16:57 Saw a paper with the headline, “Don’t you know the first law of physics? Anything that’s fun costs at least eight charges”, Most Righteous One! You’re front page news!
That's what I was taught at skewl.-
5/9/19 – 18:14 My Lord, you won’t believe this! I’ve just heard a choir singing a song with the words “I’m sorry, little one For I have no drilling rig You will have to do Without me when you dig” in it. I guess you’re getting famous and godpowerful!
Now this is some proper poetry.-
23/8/19 – 13:33 A merchant tried to sell me some bootleg “I never look down on you, my hero, for I have vertigo.” T-shirts. You’re getting famous, my Lord!
He might be way too high.-
9/8/19 – Got my high-level rank. I didn’t prepare any speech though. Anyway, does anyone even care?
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19/6/19 – 15:56 A merchant tried to sell me some bootleg “I wonder what the actual time is in Godville.” T-shirts. You’re getting famous, Terrifying One!
I mean, almost every hero's diary shows a different time. As if Gods were living in a different reality, and their "towns" had different time zones. It'd be super weird.-
12/4/19 – Fearsome One, you won’t believe this! I’ve just heard a choir singing a song with the words “I can’t hear you over the deafening sound of my own HOLINESS” in it. I guess you’re getting famous and godpowerful!
I guess I'll have to shut up.-
11/4/19 – New level! I plan on being wiser, smarter, braver, and more skillful, Exalted One. And I always will plan it.
Level 75. Not wiser. Not smarter. Not braver. Skills still useless.-
12/3/19 – My Lord, you won’t believe this! I’ve just heard a choir singing a song with the words “As your god I don’t ask for much. I just hope I’ve changed the way you think about life” in it. I guess you’re getting famous and godpowerful!
If you can even call it 'life'.-
5/3/19 – Quest #1000: Get away from it all
One thousand quests! And I don't even feel old.-
16/1/19 – Divine enlightenment politely made it clear that I was calling my pet by the wrong name all this time. I’ll be calling him Sagecrates from now on!
Oh my God. What has he done?-
16/1/19 – After such a glorious battle with the Philosoraptor I could not bring myself to deliver the finishing blow. Instead, he will be my new companion. Come along, Toto, let’s go questing!
I'm eager to ride you!... Wait a minute.-
8/1/19 – Divine enlightenment politely made it clear that I was calling my pet by the wrong name all this time. I’ll be calling him Methuselah from now on!
My tortoise might live even longer.-
8/1/19 – A log! A thousandth log! I’m even ready for a flood now. Not that I’m asking for it, Omnipotent One.
Ta-daaa! I'm feeling like Noah. Sorta.-
29/12/18 – Saw a paper with the headline, “I’m the opposite of Santa Claus”, Exalted One! You’re front page news!
!samtsirhC yrreM ,oH oH oH-
20/12/18 – Flipped through the Godville Times. Apparently the new phrase of the week is “I am so holy, I am so holy, I am so holy, I am so holy, h,l,o… I mean h,o,l,y.”, Most Righteous One!
"I won't need my god-school diploma anymore."-
9/11/18 – Reported my success at side job agency and was rewarded with a valuable prize. Got two logs for the ark.
First side job completed. Aren't all those quests enough? Anyway...-
13/10/18 – Suddenly had a burning desire to open up the improbability drive. As I raised the intricately marked lid, memories started flooding back and I remembered a death I had suppressed. Darn!
Death #50. It was supposed to be more epic.-
1/10/18 – Saw a paper with the headline, “One morning I shot an Oxydjinn in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.”, Most Righteous One! You’re front page news!
"Those are my voices, and if you don't like them... well, I have others"-
30/7/18 – Flipped through the Godville Times. Apparently the new phrase of the week is “You are not lost; it is normal for you to walk in circles, little one. I mean, look at the map…”, Mighty One!
I've always thought the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.-
7/7/18 – You know, Almighty, it looks like people are passing your saying, “How dare you call my hand “impudent”!”, around as a prayer. Isn’t that great?
Sometimes, my god has to teach me some manners.-
3/7/18 – Nessie’s first birthday is today. It’s a special moment and all that stuff, but I want a rideable pet so bad…
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27/6/18 – A merchant tried to sell me some bootleg “Who the heck writes the dungeon journal?.” T-shirts. You’re getting famous, my Lord!
I was just wondering...-
24/6/18 – My Lord, you won’t believe this! I’ve just heard a choir singing a song with the words “Do you know, hero of mine, that real life is also procedurally generated?” in it. I guess you’re getting famous and godpowerful!
Fact.-
16/3/18 – Got my Animalist medal. Nessie must be proud.
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21/10/17 – My face must be glowing like this golden temple I just now finished for you, Almighty. I have to say, it does look great!
Long days of hard work, finally paid off. Now what's this ark thing...-
21/10/17 (My last golden brick) – My knuckles are sore and bleeding, but that’ll teach these books to never fall off the shelf onto me ever again.
I’ve finally managed to hit the books until they don’t hit back. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!
My face was running with sweat, but somehow I was happy. I finally got some pocket change.-
22/9/17 – Flipped through the Godville Times. Apparently the new phrase of the week is “Always look on the bright side of life… (whistle sound)”, Great One!
Just a simple reference, isn't it?-
11/9/17 – You know, Most Righteous One, it looks like people are passing your saying, “My Harvest Moon. Oh e oh e oh. I think I wanna know ya know ya … yeah, what.”, around as a prayer.
After more than three years, I'm realising how terrible this voice is. Who could possibly have voted it?-
8/7/17 – I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Ninja Tortoise, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Nessie. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
My stalwart friend. My loyal companion.-
4/7/17 – I heard that if you love someone, you should set them free. I released Sparky into the wild to pursue his hopes and dreams. Meanwhile, I’m off to pursue all my greatest ambitions, in the tavern.
A decent pet, but not enough.-
31/5/17 – Left bromance and joined Harvest Moon. Got a warm welcome.
Sunshine is nice, but moonshine is nicer.-
27/5/17 – Got a dust bunny pet: Sparky “Harsh”.
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18/5/17 – Goodbye, Sneezy. You’ve been a loyal firefox.
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ADDITIONAL CONTENT
(‘records’ might not be updated)
7/11/17 – The day I “fished” the same golden brick I’d used as bait:
01:39 Squatted to fish. I don’t think I’d bite for the golden brick, but it’s worth a try.
01:47 Without the slime and silt, this brick I fished out of the water could easily be golden.
9/7/18 – This is so fitting…
03:55 PM What’s taking the quest giver so long? He’s usually awake at this hour… Oh, whatever. I’ll just find something better to do while I wait and check back for a mission later.
2/9/18 – Highest amount popped in the GP cap: 62%
9/2/19 – This is so unfitting…
04:19 Stopped by the Heroes’ Unemployment Office and got an assignment to do nothing until the next quest. Well, it’s something to do.
26/6/19 – Longest arena – 124 steps (with extra gold!)
16:39 Notes from the arena: Svor Pleis is on his knees. Montana Anthony salutes to the heavens! Extra gold prize collected by the fans for the winner is 30956 coins. The winner got richer by 21669 coins and a golden brick.
28/11/19 – 100th Arena Victory – Notes from the arena: Arin Aensland is unconscious. Montana Anthony successfully fulfilled the goal of praising his deity! The winner got richer by 6058 coins and a golden brick.
30/12/19 – Highest score in bingo: 86
25/6/2020 – Best booty so far (sorry, not that kind of ‘booty’)
15:02 Divine forces took the outlandish data bank and disassembled it without my permission. I should have known that there would be a one-of-a-kind item, a hurricane in a bottle, a cosmo knot, some tears of a clown, an unlimited breadstick, a kernel of truth, an unlimited breadstick, a slippery slope, some guesstimated data, a guide to the galaxy, a piece of vendor trash, a space-timestamp, a pillow of eternal sleep, a flawed coping mechanism, a narscissors, a token of friendship and 21326 coins inside.
15:02 One of my artifacts just fell to pieces. Discovered a monster-slaying license, a thought counter, a pillow of eternal sleep, a green fairy in a bottle, a ball of fame, a bacterial subculture, a heart of gold, a lightning bolt cutter, a non-stop watch, a portable wormhole, a scale model of a scale, a disengagement ring, some poetic justice and 16967 coins in the shards.
6/1/21 – Best savings dungeon in a while (had 40K gold, about 52K gold saved)
16:57 Notes from the dungeon: The heroes plunder the treasure trove and divide the loot. Montana Anthony puts 12253 coins, a log for the ark, a background music generator, a random number generator, a winning formula and a subplot thickener in his pockets. Zamzanov left unconscious. Those who missed the plunder are given 4033 coins in total as a consolation prize. After depositing all their gold into a savings box next to the exit, the heroes ascend to the surface.
25/1/21 – You know what? Let’s tell a little bird a secret. (first time I get my quest… about time)
12/3/21 – Fastest pet rez – 1 h. 16 min.
25/6/21 – Highest amount of gold saved in a day: about 65k. (I really need to make note of how much gold I have before dropping to a savings dungeon)
4/10/21 – Highest deposit so far
04:59 I forgot to pay my bill at Space Bar. Guess I’d better put 44867 coins aside for a rainy day.
8/10/21 – This arena hasn’t paid off at all
12:47 Notes from the arena: Kar is on his knees. Montana Anthony salutes to the heavens! The winner receives a gold brick and 2 coins. As it was promised, the loser gets a great consolation prize – three gold bricks.
5/12/21 – My fastest sucessful dungeon – 11 steps
25/1/22 – My longest successful dungeon – 98 steps
6/2/22 – A satisfying amount of gold
07:47 The tribe of tribbles reached its critical mass and loudly transformed into some creepy thing that immediately ran off. Found 12345 gold coins in my inventory.
7/4/22 – Highest amount of gold carried: 81943 coins
14/4/22 – First datamine run where I got 3 bosscoins
15:28 Notes from the datamine: the run is over. Difficultist learned two glyphs for the book and mined three bosscoins.
9/5/22 – Most expensive skill upgrade so far
12:19 Spent 56017 gold coins on a book called “Using Skills for Dummies”. Read the whole thing cover to cover and leveled up my “strong brow” skill. These books really do help.
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23/6/21 – Fastest side job completion – 2 minutes (didn’t think of taking a screenshot, otherwise it’d be in the Hall of Records. Always screenshot, kids)
10:43 Found a side job giver. Now I need to resurrect, and do it fast.
10:45 ➥ I was concentrating so hard on all the reasons I want to live that I forgot to breathe. I hope you’re happy, Soul Supreme.
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Look mum! I’m on the news!
12/10/19
Montana Anthony — 85th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Moonshine over sunshine🌙”, stands at the 148th position in the pantheon of duelers under the vigilant supervision of the god Andrele. He is known for his disarming smile and ability to wake even the most exhausted comrades with his laughter.
15/8/21
Montana Anthony — 110th-level adventurer, member of the “Harvest Moon” guild, with the motto “Moonshine over sunshine🌙”, stands at the 4th position in the pantheon of Storytellers under the vigilant supervision of the god Andrele. We’ve had many reports that a Napalm Reader has been afraid to make eye contact with him since their last encounter.
Super Secret Alts (abandoned)
Laziest god
David Brent
Robert Red Ford