Bundle of Joy?
There comes a time in every Goddess’ existence when they feel the need to create someone. That day had come for the Goddess Morrigan Dahlia and, after a moment to consider the responsibility involved, she decided she was ready to have a little someone of her very own. That someone would be a hero.
He took mere seconds to create and she named him Olav Asveinn. Olav was dashingly handsome, utterly fearless and extremely clever. He was a hero designed to worship her blindly with undying loyalty and love… A hero who would never question why he couldn’t go out after dark with his hero buddies or why he was forbidden from going to a Beelzebieber concert. He was perfect.
Morrigan Dahlia cradled her beautiful creation. Her eyes welled with tears, her chin trembled, and then it happened…
Five-Second Rule
Suddenly, Morrigan Dahlia spotted a shiny coin lodged in a small puff of her divine cloud. “Score!”, she roared as she dove for the treasure, tossing her precious hero aside so she could examine the coin more closely.
Olav plummeted toward Godville at a frightful speed, past stars and then clouds until finally he hit the ground with such force he would never be the same again. Olav was no longer the clever and handsome hero he had been just moments before. He had sustained severe head trauma and would never fully recover.
Morrigan Dahlia peered down at her hero, muttering something to herself about a Five-Second Rule having passed and threw her hero a pen and paper, shouting “I gotta go do that thing over at that place but, um, keep in touch!”
Olav was immediately overwhelmed with separation anxiety. He had so many unanswered questions, so many feelings he wanted to share with his Goddess but couldn’t. Staring at his two keepsakes, he’d come up with a plan. He would maintain contact with her by letter. Unfortunately, all of the letters were returned, marked “Undeliverable. Address ‘My Goddess’ Unknown.” With unrelenting determination, he would instead keep a diary containing his deepest thoughts in hopes that she’d be watching.
Diary Excerpt: 05:21 PM Felt itchy. Scratched.
Within just the first few minutes of his life, Olav was already out in the world left to fend for himself, alone and naked…
A Fig Leaf
Diary Excerpt: 09:50 PM The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did too. She started running so I ran too. Then she screamed so I screamed as well. I never even saw what we were running from.
Olav didn’t feel a need to wear clothes right away. Though, due to social pressures and inclement weather, he eventually had to find something to wear. First, he found a fig leaf. Unfortunately, proper placement of the leaf was a mystery to him, so he went through a brief period of trial and error. Olav tried placing the leaf on various locations of his body – first his head, then a shoulder – but eventually he got it right. Shortly after, women and children would stop shrieking and crying as he strolled through the streets. Soon, he was allowed entry to taverns.
Abandoned Hero Syndrome
Diary Excerpt: 08:57 AM I keep writing to you, Great One. Why won’t you write back?
Olav found purpose in questing. He slayed monsters and gained some experience and skills doing so. Yet, he struggled to come to terms with his Abandoned Hero Syndrome. He longed for his Goddess’ love and acceptance. Was a simple hello now and again too much to ask? So, he decided that he would build her a temple of gold hoping to win back her favor. He pursued this goal night and day. This was a very thankless job, however, so Olav soon turned to beer for comfort. It was then he mastered the skill “Drunken Rampage”.
Search for a Guild
One day while perusing guild fliers posted in Godville’s center square, he bumped into another hero named Geoff Burton who was promoting his guild and offering free samples of cheese and bacon. When Olav explained that he was looking for a guild with a great sense of humor, Geoff confidently handed him some of Guild Name’s promotional material. Olav stared at the pamphlets with a blank expression and put his “Awkward Silence” skill to full use. It soon became clear to Geoff that Olav’s reading abilities were subpar. With a sympathetic smile, Geoff handed him a picture instead. Laughing and clapping, he knew right then and there that Guild Name was the place for him.
The Art of Smitejutsu
Feeling pressured to complete his Goddess’ temple, Olav decided to compete in the arena. He struggled to win his duels. He hadn’t had any proper training, so he set out in search for an arena sensei. As luck would have it, he met a gladiatrix in his guild named LisaAlexandra. She was willing to take him under her wing and train him in the Art of Smitejutsu. Olav has her to thank first and foremost for what would become an extensive career as a gladiator in Godville’s arena. In many ways, he enjoys dueling most because he feels his Goddess’ presence more in the arena than at any other time (even if it is delivered via lightning bolt).
What’s Olav up to today?
Olav’s still in active hero duty in the land of Godville.
Luckily, his Goddess pays more attention to the Ideabox now than ever before. He gets punched and stabbed much less that way.
On occasion, he can still be found in the arena trying to show off for his Goddess. Mostly though, he just likes to watch duels from the arena stands with his buddies.
He continues to search underground lairs and to slay the boss monsters that reside in them. He desperately tries to resist drinking all his hard-earned gold away and has been working on saving it instead.
Epilogue
Shortly after Olav’s “accident”, Morrigan Dahlia was reported to the Divine Department of Hero Services. After a brief review, she was found guilty of hero cruelty. She was sentenced to 30 days in a Holy Correctional Facility and stripped of her hero-creating powers.
She has since reconciled with Olav and has established scheduled visitation.