4/7/2025
02:08 Notes from the battlefield: The Rocky Raccoon was used up for gold and experience! Time to return to my heroic deeds. The enlightened boss turned out to be a good inspiration for a deep prayer. ➠
01:59 This Rocky Raccoon has to be sacrificed in order to finish this mini-quest. Chaaarge!
01:56 Suddenly realized that I’ve got to find the Rocky Raccoon real quick. Okey-dokey
3/12/2020
09:34: Almighty god, please accept this sacrifice of 17 gold coins and make something good happen to me!
09:34: Hmm, starting to regret that last diary entry. Maybe if I run really fast counterclockwise I can turn back time and erase it?
09:34: A bush near me just burst into flames that spelled: ‘your mother was calling out to me last night. But I don’t think that fellow was your father.’
10:02: My wounds are healing way too fast, the sunlight hurts my eyes… Am I becoming a vampire?
11:55: The ground trembled and there was a blinding flash. When my eyes recovered, a huge billboard towered by the side of the road reading “Your God is Always With You!”. I know I asked for a sign, but that is not what I meant.
7/1/2012
14:25: I’ve lost a lot of blood, and that blood contained a lot of alcohol. I’d better head back to town to restock.
Hmmm, Waiting for a moment while the scenery loads before me… Ok, moving on.
Then suddenly my wounds are healing, the holes in my outfit are disappearing, and even my pathetic life is starting to look better.
“My Lord, I think I shall do something great and stupid in your honor!”
Well it seems that I no longer need a doctor. Back to my heroic questing!
Hmm… Jerk, so after I left I added an obscene hieroglyph to the merchant’s signboard. “Teach you to mess with me.”
Back on the beaten path I noticed a friend up ahead… As I got closer I was pleased to see it was Serveus Tobias Snape a good pal of mine.
We started exchanging in tips on dealing with monsters, slaying monsters and even how to prepare for a killing blow from a monster, Severus claimed to be a professional of both delivering and receiving a killing strike.
18:12: After talking with Severus for several hours, I thought to myself,
‘Wow this guy really has a thing for green eyed angels.. not sure what that’s about… perhaps I’ll ask him next time we cross paths.’
So off I went to continue my quest to catch em all…
“Huh, that’s not right.” (Shuffles Papers awkwardly)
So off I went on my quest to rescue the obligatory perpetually kidnapped princ-
“What…wait.. CUT!!!”
“Seriously!? Save the Princess?”
“Do I look like a little fat plumber with a serious addiction to mushrooms?”
(A deep booming can be heard from everywhere)
“Ok ok fine, put down the lightning bolt, Thunder. We’ll do it your way.”
“AHEM”
“SO… OFF I WENT….” to continue my quest and noticed a notice on a notice board by the road reading: ‘If you notice this notice, you’ll notice that this notice is noticeably not worth noticing…
“Seriously…? Who writes this stuff?”
(Walks off into distance, mumbling something about mice and ultimate questions.)