Day 1
Creepy… it’s very, very creepy. My armor and weapons are… better not describe them that way; let’s just say they’re like wet cardboard and almost flaccid. I’m confident I’ll be able to buy heavy metal in a few hours — my innate skills have gotta be worth a vault of gold and the traders will be pansies. Now… let’s go kill something!
Day 2
What the…!!! Thought my god was powerful, but apparently he takes long cat naps as something killed me!!! That’s not right. That’s not fair. I’ll sing his praise for resurrecting me… but I’d be yodeling louder and more often had the Big R never been required.
Up-levels feel good but so far they’re no more satisfactory than farting… and seem a good deal less effective on my adversaries. No matter how much gelt I march home with, the shopkeepers won’t sell me hardware that’s as good as I deserve, and I’m so depressed it’s off to the bars for liquid consolation.
Day 3
Oy vey! Wotta day. Maybe I should trade in my god for another? I finally decided to test the Arena and my mean opponent, Joseff of god KKrafter, walloped me! I KNOW what happened: my god fell asleep during my fight!! Or maybe he went out for tea and crumpets? Anyway, if he even TRIED to Encourage me, he waited until too late and couldn’t get his blessing through before I was unconscious on the ground, face-down in minotaur droppings — which taste a lot like that stew over at the inn, as I think about it… gak!
Is there a shop selling new gods? Can’t cost much if my current one’s value is properly assessed. Days like this leave me dreading the morrow… so I’ll once again down a cask of liquid oblivion….
Day 4
Whoop dee doo!!!! ‘Finally have a Motto. I’m trying various one’s on for size, but none have shattered the hearts of enemies… though giving them a good laugh is a useful distraction. Depressingly, my weapon and armor frighten ME more than those enemies, and there’s little hope in sight that they’ll improve, dang those merchants!
Day 5
I’ve settled on my motto: “WHEEEE!!!”. It’s exhilarating for me, and enemies are taken aback, no doubt worrying about my truly questionable sanity. [How can one sanely attack any creature with these toys for armor and weapons?]
Day 6
A day like all days, filled with running and drinking. Bet most knights die in taverns, rather than facing wee beasties.
Day 7
It’s been a tough first week, mostly spent trying to trade away armor and weapons that were limp losers. Well, Hurrah! Finally, my weapons and armor are a rugged as DRY cardboard. Sigh… at least I’m conditioned for my next Marathon, having spent so much of this week running away.
To cap off the week, my “god” underwent a sex-change today! A name change, too… probably to spare its family any snarky looks. I took the hint and changed my name, as well. How can a god[dess] suffer a Mid-Life Crisis when they live forever?
On the positive side, the god’s once rather effete, tenor commands are now a sultry contra-alto, so I’m having much more fun sacrificing to her… while struggling to keep my thoughts worshipful. At least something I’m carrying isn’t limp.
Day 8
My first Arena victory!!! A long battle, too… but my fearsome skills and quite a few Encouragements from my sultry goddess wore out the poor gent, Little Kevin of god Big Kevin. I must be amazingly talented as his armor and weapon far excelled mine! (’Tried to steal them while he was unconscious, but the judges muttered very convincing threats towards me.)
Day 9
My high point: I’ve entered the “Knight’s who say Ni”. It seemed appropriate to add that to my motto, so now I don’t just yell “WHEEEEEEE!!!”, I yell “WHEEEEEEE!!! NI!!!”. That’s got me wondering: do my enemies think I’m yelling “Weeny!”? That might be taken as a rude insult — not a commendably knightly thing to shout.
AND: ‘had my second victory in the Arena! Thrashed Trackmaster of god Traxgod —
sounds like he’s more inclined towards running than fighting. Not much to be excited about the fight as his equipage was inferior -
hard as that is to believe -
and his god was negligent in the Encouragements department.
Time to put away the quill and down a cask in celebration.
Day 10
Gosh, I’m an Intern!!! “Knights who say Ni!” must really appreciate my awesome contributions — ‘bet they’re ’bout to offer me a high office… maybe high holy stable sweeper?
Fought another Arena battle — against a guild-mate, Riot Rose of goddess Dark Raven Clan. Clearly I’ve the heaven’s best goddess as I won again. ’Don’t understand why her goddess didn’t Encourage even once… she must’ve done something very bad to fall so cursedly far out of grace, or perhaps there was a bagel sale at the holey factory.
Day 11
Wahoo! Level 13… that’s gotta mean Good Luck for me!!! Tested this in the Arena and it’s true, I’m unbeatable!!!! Annihilated Anachronism of god “One of many Gods” [how attractively self-deprecating!]. Yet another case of an un-Encouraging god… perhaps that goes along with the self-deprecation.
As icing on the cake, ’rid myself of the last negative-level armor… well… unless something corrodes one of my numerous zero-level items. Wonder how so many people at my training level are decked out in much better armor? ’Must still be something to learn about this business….
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! [Hmmm, I like that… bet it’ll become famous when I publish this. ‘Think I’ll ask my buddy Lewis what he thinks of it.] It’s thrilling to have my first item that’s of greater than “+1” level: I’ve a +2 Talisman and I feel omnipotent as a result!!!! Come and try me, monsters!
And my so-called-life gets better and better: examined a “Mystery Box(@)” and 80 coins fell out -
yabba dabba dooo!! Then ‘opened it and a gloriously Golden Brick tumbled into my hands… WHEEEE!!! NI!!! I’ve now reached 1% of a Temple -
wow, it’s almost built… let’s see… 1% in 11 days, that’s… uh… oh… another 99*11 days of temple-building at this rate… sigh. That exceeds my life expectancy by, what, 1088 days?! Onwards…
Holy stromboli, batfart… I no longer have any item that’s ZERO or Negative! In fact, one item is +4 !!!! YES, I can Rule The World!!!! Now open another keg, please. Or two.
Day 12
Holey hosery, I’ve finished my 16th quest. Remember those old tossers who couldn’t even find a silly cup? I’ve found two of those treasures every night at the “inn”… and any size I’ve wished.
Wha the…??? I’ve bought “Glamorous chest armor”! Did I drink so much that I bought in the ladies’ department? Kinda sexy, but… ’better back away from the mirror and head out to best a beasty.
NOW THIS IS WRONG! I headed to the Arena and my own once-beloved goddess [censored] me and NOT amorously. I’m told she repeatedly tried to Encourage me but the only one which “worked” healed the enemy at the very moment I was about to win! If this were a game, I’d think it were rigged against me. On the other hand, my opponent was a level above me and had vastly superior toys, so how were we matched and why was I decisively winning until the final minutes? This isn’t a brilliant start to my day, nor am I camping happily….
After a totally mediocre morn’, I sauntered into the Arena again and stomped butt. Admittedly it was a rather cute tush… and banging away with a heroine was distractingly enjoyable. All Akkaya’s (of god Zillarz) tools were superior to mine and it was it a perilous struggle staying on top of her. I required three Encouragements while she received none… if you don’t count the one of mine which helped her more than me…. and I barely beat her at that!
My guild says I’ve become a recruit, but I don’t think that’s possible since I’ve never been a cruit. What are the governing rules here?
Another Arena victory… yawn! Who am I kidding: it was dueling Encouragements that ruled the day, not our clashing cardboard weapons. By the numbers, this was the most even match-up I’ve faced, but while Karnation (of Reignkarnation) had a slight edge in tools, she consistently lost tiny bits of ground all along. In the end, it was her god’s lack of Encouraging words that sank her while my sweet goddess crooned on and on. Do gods really toss their minions into an Arena with less than two charges of luvin’ goodness to spend? If so, they don’t stand a prayer against me
WHEEEEEEEE!!! NIiiii!!! I wasn’t getting anywhere with “examine” or “disassemble” the “Mystery box”, so I opened it and GAINED A LEVEL! Better than a night at an “inn” with a lemony tart! Wheeee! 1/3 of a level in one swell fooop!
Day 13
Who would’ve thought I’d spend a lovely day like this killing, killing, and more killing. ’Time to get out and kill smell the roses.
Day 14
My head has exploded with knowledge… I cannot write it all down…