W I P — POLISHING CLOTH AND ADDITIONAL MATERIAL REGULARLY APPLIED —
A MAJOR UPDATE COMING SOON!
(Come back and check occasionally, they quite possibly could get better!)
LAST MINOR EDIT 27 Aug 2015
LAST MAJOR EDIT 04 May 2015
● GENESIS ●
AWESOME SODS’ rather inglorious head-first arrival in Godville (and the subsequent incident) have placed him under scrutiny by the local administrators. Unable to supply them with the overly onerous ‘blood’ fee or provide convincing answers to their somewhat pointed questions, he now faces a rather harsh, brutish and short stay. Worse, and even more unsettling, wherever he turns he gets the worrying feeling that someone is watching and following his every thought and movement. It’s enough to drive a man to his knees.
However, the facts may never be fully known, even if the truth is out there. Awesome himself is unsure of his origins. His memories are in tatters, his head hardly mended. His only alternative is to escape, travel fast and far. By joining the hero’s life maybe he can outdistance whatever simple twist of fate tangled him up in these blues. Maybe in some corner of this strange land he won’t feel like such a stranger.
If only his recollection would clear… his thinking is still dangerously muddled. Things here just seem so odd, so ‘different’. Best for now to go with the flow (wherever that odd and foreign thought came from).
Occasionally, snippets of a confounding and bewildering world float through Awesome’s head. He recalls several women that, at some time, must have meant a great deal to him. One, with an oddly-pitched voice, is related to another, sisters at best glance. They should hold an important key to his perplexing confusion.
The command, “Discover, DISCOVER! DISCOVER HERE!” echoes through his brain. Something is there and tickles at the corners of his comprehension. He racks his head from side to side, and tries to clear his thoughts. If only he could put his finger on it. It must be related to the prayer card. The sole item left to Sods after the ordeal was seemingly valueless and unknown to the cut-purses and wardens, but it is the only link left him to the balance of his past-world life.
As he lay stunned in the grubby alleyway, the scapular had remained, clenched in his grasp. The two startled men that attempted to steal his life and his meager goods that first day felt the god’s power also. However, they felt it in quite a different fashion. One would never again eat properly; the other would never eat at all. He knows the card holds some deity’s unlimited power. It tingles his fingertips as they trace over the corrugated runes.
To be so terribly important, so deadly, it must be the most holy relic of his far away god. To Sods it’s the only clue left to explain whatever has happened, and no one is taking it. Only a god could have produced such a curiosity. None of the few fellow travelers he trusted enough to display the icon to had ever seen such a wonder. Smooth on one side save for raised runes, he knew it represented his god’s realm in miniature: the clear azure of sky across the surface, and the orange roundel of the rising sun, his emblems. Not drawn, not painted, it looked as if the colors were made of the very material itself. On the reverse, flat lines of prayer runes supported the black representation of His altar. And below that the most holy line the very finger of god himself had engraved.
Sods rubs the worn edge of the coin-thin talisman as it flexes slightly against the pressure of his thumb. He mouths a quiet prayer of warding and carefully tucks it away. No easy answers ever come to a man of the paths they say. Arise then, graybeard. Heft your bindle and back on your feet. Forward, and look to your quest. There is a signpost up ahead.
Your god, your future, and the taverns await!
● NOW ●
Awesome tends to just repeat gossip he hears in the local villages. That might make him the village idiot if he were to stick around longer. Alas, such is the hero’s life… never a steady job.
As he ages Awesome is developing a serious problem with his hearing. He seems to be becoming more and more ‘Hard of Listening’ after attaining level 12. Even his OWN god tired of hearing “Join the ‘Blankety Blank’ guild”, and faltered in watching his progress…
● THEN ●
These are some of Awesome Sods’ annotated adventures and exploits. He does enough damnfool stuff that I can occasionally find something useful, even daily. Reading them is strictly unnecessary. If you do though, you’ll hopefully find some good stuff. You’ll also meet some of his friends and acquaintances of the road. You never know, you might even chuckle once or twice.
01 Apr 2015 04:35 AM I never chose to be a hero, but I can’t remember being anything else.
01 Apr 2015 08:27 PM “Be a hero,” they said. “It’ll be fun,” they said.
02 Apr 2015 05:35 PM Great One, you won’t believe this! I’ve just heard how a choir was singing a song with the words “Battle the monster you jelliless spinefish!” in it. I guess you’re getting famous!
03 Apr 2015 02:04 AM 木之本 桜 (Sakura Kinomoto) jumped in front of me and yelled, “Interception!” as the healing ray descended from the heavens. Please try it again, Luminous One, she’s gone now!
05 Apr 2015 04:10 AM Just found out that the locals of Hot Sauce Springs have dubbed Sakura Kinomoto and me “The Dream Team”! Apparently it’s because we both pass out at the first sign of danger.
06 Apr 2015 03:17 PM You know, Omnipotent One, it’s lucky that no matter how far I travel, and how strange the creatures I encounter, everybody speaks English. And almost nobody speaks Russian. I’ve always wondered Почему?
06 Apr 2015 03:24 PM The back of this milestone marker reads: “Awesome Sods was here.” Hey, I forgot I did that!
07 Apr 2015 05:50 PM Spray-painted “Forward, into the paths!” on the wall of Khaki-colored Dragon. Was caught and fined 102 gold coins.
08 Apr 2015 07:06 PM Pebbles on the road spelt out “Listen to what I tell you or there will be severe consequences.”. Rearranged them to say “Forward, into the paths!” instead.
09 Apr 2015 05:26 AM Walked up to a nearby Orc Angel and in a conspiratorial voice whispered: “Forward, into the paths!”. The monster went pale with fear and ran away, leaving behind a bag of gold coins.
(Melted them for a brick, I think.)
10 Apr 2015 05:12 PM Met Ariadnae and worked out a new secret handshake around the campfire. Can’t wait to show everybody?!
11 Apr 2015 05:44 AM Stopped to carve ‘Awesome Sods was here’ into a nearby rock. Now I’ll be remembered long after I’m gone.
11 Apr 2015 09:58 PM Met up with Kandilis who showed me some weapon tips. It turns our that I’ve been using the wrong end.
12 Apr 2015 06:24 AM Felt an irresistible urge to take apart the Davy Jones’ locker and found 4883 gold coins inside. Now that’s the intuition of a true hero!
13 Apr 2015 03:26 PM I’m a hero and I’m okay; I sleep all night and I quest all day. I kill monsters, I stop and rest, I go to town when near! And when I’ve got lots of money, I waste it all on beer! Beer!
Now, that’s some good stuff. Thank you, lord Brinjal, the greatest six-foot eggplant, aubergine or brinjal in the world!
14 Apr 2015 04:34 AM Mysterious forces created a golden brick in my wallet. Almighty One, was that your doing? Why don’t you build a temple by yourself?
(Heh heh heh; the god chuckles softly to himself.)
14 Apr 2015 01:08 PM Sakura Kinomoto and I thought up an ingenious plan to make our praying more productive. We each press one of our hands together, which frees up the other hand for objects such as beer glasses. Praising has never been more enjoyable!
15 Apr 2015 03:01 AM Found a strange machine with a coin slot. Inserted a coin and was rewarded with a cup of coffee. Must have drunk a dozen by now, but I’ll carry on playing as long as I keep winning.
(In an introspective moment, Awesome imagines himself as Godville’s answer to Jack Reacher.)
16 Apr 2015 11:45 AM Entered a bamboo grove to get some rest, but encountered Kandilis there. We built a little field altar and prayed to our gods. Maybe we should build a pantheon next time.
17 Apr 2015 07:34 PM Awesome Sods suddenly rushed past Sakura Kinomoto, finished off the Info Superhighwayman, gave her a jaunty wave and disappeared into the woods. Thanks!
(For such a graybeard, the old Sod can still get around when he needs to!)
18 Apr 2015 06:36 AM Suddenly fainted while walking and then immediately came back to my senses, but feeling very calm. I can’t even feel anger from missing my hammer of realignment.
(Pulled him out of the game line-up for the mandatory one play. Guild physician looked him in the eye and examined his pupils. According to the doctor, “Nope, no concussion here. That’s the same way he’s been for as long as I’ve known him.”)
19 Apr 2015 12:16 AM Incredibly, the front page of every newspaper in town turned into an advertisement for “Righteous guild!”
20 Apr 2015 01:11 AM Notes from the battlefield: The heroes brought together by common destiny have defeated the Auriferous Hulking Nimble Bossferatu! Awesome Sods got all sorts of stuff.
(All Sods was doing was digging around looking for some loose loot, or maybe at best a forgotten brick. Instead, it almost killed him, proving that heroes really need to be careful about what they pray for…. Credit needs to go to those partners that were fighting. And fighting for their lives! At the last no more help was available from his deity, and his health was down to less than 40%. He managed to emerge barely, but somewhat, victorious!)
Not so very much later…
20 Apr 2015 05:14 AM Ran into Wine de Vino at the tavern and ended up betting on a drinking contest. Long story short, Most Righteous One, I’m out 792 gold coins, the tavern is a wreck, and the barkeep is considering a restraining order.
22 Apr 2015 03:21 AM I yelled “Forward, into the paths!” on the mountaintops, but the echos came back as “Hurry on your quest, slug-a-bed mortal that creeps along like a snail!”.
23 Apr 2015 02:13 AM Found Kyraih and an Emotional Baggage Handler bickering about who would get to keep a set of loose screws. Gave them mine so that they’d each have one.
(Sods must still have SOME screws loose, or else why does he do stuff? the god shakes his head, sighs and shrugs.)
24 Apr 2015 10:07 PM Ran into Sakura Kinomoto. I must remember to look where I’m going when I’m heroically retreating from a battle.
(So very sorry…, Awesome tends to become ‘Awkward’ Sods during full blown panic attacks.)
25 Apr 2015 01:43 AM Voices erupted in the Tradeburg town square. When I went over, I saw the fountain flowing with beer and a pile of mugs with “Righteous guild!” written on the side. Everyone likes us now!
26 Apr 2015 02:00 AM Stealthily followed Kyraih to see if she knew a secret shortcut, but she just seemed to walk in circles. Eventually I caught up to her and asked what she’d been doing, and she sheepishly admitted she’d been following me, looking for a secret shortcut…
(Yep, tounge-tied Sods is always beating around the bush, especially when going around in circles.)
28 Apr 2015 02:17 PM I was preaching about my guild in the main square, when there was a sudden flash in the sky and gold coins started raining down. People will remember “Righteous guild!” for a long time here!
30 Apr 2015 02:23 AM Yelled “Forward, into the paths!” into the night. Paid 1096 coins as a compensation for waking half the town.
01 May 2015 05:18 PM I heard a nearby Natural Selector yell “Forward, into the paths!”. You can assault me, kill me, take all of my gold and items, but when you steal the motto that I worked so hard to coin, that’s when it’s personal! It’s on now!
(Finally, exactly what really trrriiips the oh – so – virtuous Awesome Sods’ buttons!)
02 May 2015 05:02 AM Met Wine de Vino, and together we rested by a campfire. The warm meal and the good company helped restore quite a bit of my health.
03 May 2015 11:58 AM Just when I thought all was doomed, That Black Guy came running from the hills shouting, “Don’t worry, I’m here to help!” It was then that I knew all was doomed.
03 May 2015 12:06 PM Just when I was about to give up, a huge hand grabbed me, shook me gently, tapped me several times on the chest, wound me up, compared me to Sakura Kinomoto, adjusted me, and set me on my feet. That was my weirdest resurrection yet!
03 May 2015 06:56 PM Saw Kyraih running from a Bearskin Thug while I was fleeing from the Hell’s Kitten. We joined forces and bravely fled together.
(Together in the trenches once again, battling the combined forces of evil!)
05 May 2015 06:37 PM I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Sun Dog, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Felix. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
(Kind eyes? Well, discernment isn’t Awesome’s strong suite. For his first pet, of course he would want a dog. But then, of all things, he names him “Felix”! It’s just so… Sodic.)
07 May 2015 09:21 AM Mystery! Excitement! Adventure! Action! Thrills! That and much more, when you tune in to the Awesome Sods and Felix show!
07 May 2015 09:58 PM Felix knows a new trick. Whenever I say ‘Forward, into the paths!’, his tail wags like crazy! See? See?
(New pet owners. Sheesh, you have to love ’em… but reallllly?)
10 May 2015 08:48 PM Wow, what a party that was. Old timers say it’s getting better every year! A hero’s work is never done, but my quest to celebrate Godville’s anniversary certainly is! This golden brick is a nice reward for such a thankless job.
( Birthday Bash for Godville! What a fantastic job the Developers and Elder Gods and Goddesses have done here handcrafting over the last five years. Everyone involved should take a well-deserved bow. So, what DO they call the Fourth of July in Godville? ahh,… the fourth of july.)
15 May 2015 04:09 AM Saw a sign on a Guildhall reading “This guild rules!” Amended it by adding “Rule 1: Don’t join this guild. Rule 2: If you’re in this guild, leave immediately. Rule 3: Join Righteous guild! instead”. Tee hee!
20 May 2015 10:40 AM Keishaya came in and attacked the merchant, screaming about a fake gold coin. In the confusion, I took a ridiculously overpriced trinket from the counter.
(Just like a real pair of grifters, only not quite as slick. Instead of a con job, it’s a confused job!)
23 May 2015 11:15 AM Saw Kyraih lying in the field, quivering, shaking and looking close to death. I knew exactly what to do! One beer later, and my friend was up and good to go.
(As one good turn deserves another, so friends lend each other a helping hand! And a beer.)
24 May 2015 12:58 PM I didn’t manage to heal up my pet’s wound in time. Well, Felix, your regenerating abilities will help you to recover, but I think level-ups and pantheons are not for you anymore. On the other hand, who needs those silly things anyway?
24 May 2015 04:43 PM I heard that if you love someone, you should set them free. I released Felix into the wild to pursue his hopes and dreams. Meanwhile, I’m off to pursue all my greatest ambitions, in the tavern.
(That’s sad, just sad…. had more than enough money and plenty of time, but you blew it all down at the bar, didn’t you? And what about
that brand new set of golf clubs, I mean, that worthless Shield of Utter Stupidity you’re so damn proud of, the rest of all that shiny, brand-new junk you just had to buy! AND, talk about worthless, all your fancy-dancy, upgraded ‘combat skills’. With the thousands of pieces of gold that I, your Lord GOD! THE MIGHTY STANG!! have provided you with. JUST all that, SODS?!)
(Makes you wonder if God ever has similar thoughts towards some of the dumb
s**t, ahhh, stuff, that we do, doesn’t it?)
● YET TO COME? ●
Anything can happen in Godville… just not to the right heroes!