09:31 am Hark! The Deeds of Finrod, the Righteous, whose destiny is intertwined with divine plan.
The bards sing not of his quest to reseed the Great Random favorably, for they can scarce stop laughing. For reasons unknown
to mortal minds, his pouch perpetually contains a solid maybe. Believes ’tis foolish to seek trouble when trouble finds thee naturally. They say he once performed “mosquito roar” backwards, upside down, and during teatime. He refuseth to spend nights in Dessertown, though none dare ask why. Let the scribes rest their quills, for this epic tale has exhausted their inkwells.
11:02 am The Epic Tale of Finrod, the Renowned, who walks in the sacred light of The Mighty Bruce.
The guild of “Ankh-Morpork City Watch” cherishes him as their own flesh and blood. The innkeepers of Next Station both welcome and dread his arrival. Once did he tame a fearsome beast, an evil minion most terrible, and named it Herodotus “Toothless”. Strange trinkets he bears: sometimes a prose-cessor, other times a second-aid kit. In utmost secrecy, he authors a culinary tome ‘Monsters: 1001 Recipes’. The parchment itself shall bear no more tales of him, lest it crumble under their weight.10:46 am The Legend of Finrod, the Noble, to whom The Mighty Bruce granted powers untold.
Lo, his most glorious feat — “epitaph writing” performed through rings of flame. Many a tale is told of Herodotus “Retiree”, the evil minion whose loyalty knows no bounds. Frequently observed inciting monsters against his foes, yet maintains high regard among surviving friends. Seven towns quarrel to claim him as their own, but Herolympus speaks true. Worlds he could save, yet chooses not to, but describe this quest in five words or less. So speaks the legend, from mountain to sea.04:33 pm Gather ’round to hear of Finrod the Great, bearing the mark of The Mighty Bruce the Divine.
The guild of “Knights who say Ni” cherishes him as their own flesh and blood. And lo, the card of houses that he carries is coveted by every merchant far and wide. His “heel grip” — a skill so bizarre, even the wisest scratch their venerable heads. Long has he attempted to find an acidic solution for a basic problem, yet success remains elusive. Verily, such deeds shall echo through the taverns until the last mug runs dry.