Godville

11:50: No opponent dared to challenge my superior combat abilities. Got 2859 gold coins for t 14:54: The merchant chased me out of his shop, frantically spraying air freshener in my wake. rying and returned to doing real heroic deeds. 14:05: Saw a brick floating in the air and jumped to try to break it with my head. Don’t know why I thought that was a good idea. 14:22: The price for a priceless gift here is ridiculous, it was only 4808 gold coins. But I’m a ridiculous person. 21:21: Yea, through I walked through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Unless, however, I’m very low on health… in which case I’m allowed to hide and quiver in a bush somewhere. 12:56: A voice from the skies thundered: ‘First United Meth Church. Pray and be Stoned.’ Nice. 10:51: Opened a bottle hoping to find a genie. Found some booze instead. Wish granted. 08:43: Suddenly felt a strong desire to examine the deus ex machina. My senses didn’t let me down — found 3889 coins inside! 12:31: A special edition of the Godville Times landed on my doorstep with the headline, ‘Live free, Die well!’ In related news, my doorstep appeared out of nowhere. 10:46: Scratched under my armor and found a no-thank-you note, a soap on a rope, and an octopus ink pen. Wow, there was also a golden brick! Maybe I don’t need to fight anymore? 12:11: Found the hero instruction sheet from my original packaging. It just says “Fight, drink, repeat!" 09:46: Scratched under my armor and found a supersonic screwdriver, an inflatable anchor, and a silence-o-meter. Wow, there was also a golden brick! Maybe I don’t need to fight anymore?