I entered this world wet, naked, and crying like a baby. How much did I drink last night?
I love beer, my significant otter Dino, beer, my naughti guild mates in Nautilus, beer, my Goddess Sassy Taegan, and most of all beer.
Day 4948 g.e.
• My Goddess has chosen me as her champion! Now I don’t have to stack bricks at that dead end job. Wait, my first mission is to collect and stack bricks?
Day 5039 g.e.
• Ran into Mathilde. We got matching bruises to remember each other by.
Day 5045 g.e.
• So, why won’t these rocks eat the rock candy I bought for them?
Day 5054 g.e.
• Met up with Xorph and challenged him to see who could kick a wasp’s nest the farthest. We both lost.
• Ran with scissors. Nearly died. Nearly.
• Turned over a new leaf. Got bitten by ants.
Day 5060 g.e.
• When your temple’s finally complete, Omnipotent One, can we start work on my love shack?
• Sometimes I wonder if Dino’s feelings get hurt when I don’t lick him back.
• Farmers from the city of Monsterdam are filing complaints about heroes destroying their scarecrows. Heard someone shouting “Die, Lily Ice!” in the distance. Rushed to the rescue, but it turned out to be a Lepreclown brutally smashing a scarecrow. 🤔 Hmmm…
Day 5061 g.e.
• A passing stranger shouted “Pretentious snob!” at me. I nearly choked on my soy latte macchiato.
Day 5062 g.e.
• Dino swallowed a bunch of fireflies. Now every time he hiccups, beams of light shine out of his eyes and ears.
Day 5062 g.e.
• A stranger came close to me and whispered: “Never talk to strangers.”
Day 5064 g.e.
• Found a small volcanic rock and added it to my igneous pieces.
Day 5065 g.e.
• A wind nymph proved to me that if she blew in one of my ears hard enough, air would come out of the other. Mind blown.
Day 5066 g.e.
• Yelled, “I have the high ground! Don’t try it!” The Darth Invader tried it. Now I’m 24 gold coins and a well-cooked book richer.
Day 5068 g.e.
• Knelt down to feel the cool, wet ground in a majestic field of wind-swept grass. Ripped my pants.
• Channeled my inner significant otter and viciously tore apart a feather pillow.
Day 5071 g.e.
• Nimbly skipped over the pothole in the road, then promptly tripped over the pot beside it.
Day 5074 g.e.
•Couldn’t find a place to fish, so I poured my water bottle into a pothole.
Day 5075 g.e.
• Suddenly heard some buzzing coming out of my knapsack, and the Bawdy Guard lost its will to live as it witnessed the power of my mitsrnel cylce.
Day 5076 g.e.
• I’m starting to suspect people know I’m naked underneath my gear.
• I will ███ be silenced! I will never ████ protest███ the ██fair censorship of heroines.
Day 5078 g.e.
• Once again, my attempt to hide in the bushes and make carrot noises has failed to capture me a rabbit.
Day 5082 g.e.
• Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I’m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
Day 5085 g.e.
• Found a hole in my pocket. Luckily, it’s not the one I keep all my candy in, so I only lost 88 coins.
Day 5087 g.e.
• Tried using a Jedi mind trick on the trader. Got slapped in the face.
Day 5092 g.e.
• Noticed a long trail of wilted flowers behind me. Time for a bath.
Day 5097 g.e.
• I just got news that Lily Ice bit the dust, so I tried it. Gritty and dry with an earthy flavor.
• The Rival Guild Fanboy screamed, “Stop killing my friends!” and died.
Day 5109 g.e.
• Wow, a thousandth brick! Now I just need to get to my construction site and finish the temple…
• My face must be glowing like this golden temple I just now finished for you, Great One. I have to say, it does look great!
Day 5119 g.e.
• Punched the air. Got winded.
Day 5148 g.e.
• Accidentally dropped my can of whoopass while trying to escape from an organized monster gang.
Day 5198 g.e.
• If I had noticed my aura of baiting was so see-through, I’d have worn nice underwear. Or at least some.