04/03/2025
08:21 AM Hearken! The Song of Lord Sacco, the Glorious, whose destiny is intertwined with divine plan.
Few would dare such madness alone — to doctor a medical license. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways. The bards of Bad Gateway sing tales of his deeds, though most be tavern brawls. The gathering of thieves who prowl by night, known as “Dragons of Godville”, hath named him brother. And verily, he cherishes the bundle of seven deadly pins that dwells within his knapsack. Verily, this godvilla named Dumbo “Eternal” follows him with devotion most fanatical, if somewhat confused. Much more could be told, but lo, the scroll in grows short.
03/30/2025
The Testament of Lord Sacco, the Brave, whose destiny is intertwined with divine plan.
For reasons unknown to mortal minds, his pouch perpetually contains an armor cooling system. Knows full well who is to blame, yet shall never reveal such knowledge. At his beck and call stands a mighty host of great warriors, bearing the name “Dragons of Godville”. A difficult task lies before him — to cure a turkey’s fowl temper. In his noble quests, aided is he by Dumbo “Eternal”, a mighty godvilla. The bards of Newland sing tales of his deeds, though most be tavern brawls. Much more could be told, but lo, the scroll in grows short.
03/30/2025
A Ballad of Lord Sacco, the Most Valiant, bearing the mark of Rar-Kar-Set the Divine.
Oft doth he boast of his legendary technique, the mighty “brownian motion”. The guild of “Dragons of Godville” cherishes him as their own flesh and blood. Verily, this godvilla named Dumbo “Eternal” follows him with devotion most fanatical, if somewhat confused. Strange trinkets he bears: sometimes a royal pain reliever, other times a health bar. Despite his rank, he maintains steadfast belief in miracles and the Satan Claus. The parchment itself shall bear no more tales of him, lest it crumble under their weight.
Guild Spotlight
Dragons of Godville is in the 38th position in the pantheon of Duelery, unlikely though it seems. They’ve chosen the title of “dragoon” for their most esteemed members. Being seen with guild members around the taverns of Anville is an excellent way to earn a regrettable reputation.
09:05 Violence is not the answer, my Lord. It is the question. And the answer is yes.
05:02 AM Notes from the dungeon: The heroes plunder the treasure trove and divide the loot. Lord Sacco gets 6488 gold coins, a log for the ark, a log for the ark, an alchemical transmuter, sands of time and a hot seat.
12:09 PM I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Hyper Lynx, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Boo. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
08:07 AM Took Cupil to a local orphanage to try to cheer up the children. It worked so well that the kids begged him to stay. He gave me a wistful glance and a sad smile before going inside. Farewell, Cupil, I hope you give those kids as many fond memories as you have given me. Nicely written – makes me sad. Farewell my friend.
04:13 PM I didn’t manage to heal up my pet’s wound in time. Well, Cupil, your regenerating abilities will help you to recover, but I think level-ups and pantheons are not for you anymore. On the other hand, who needs those silly things anyway?
17:31: Dearest diary, today was the day! I carefully laid the last brick, swept all the rooms, opened all windows to let your glorious light shine in. I can’t believe it, your temple is finally finished, my Lord! I feel delirious with happiness.
23:05: Was confronted by my nemesis. In truth, I expected something more dignified than a squirrel.
18:56: Told the Bash Ogre that my mission was to kill as many boss monsters as possible. Its demeanor changed completely. It called me an honorary comrade of the common monsters’ revolution and handed me a boss key in recognition of my service to the cause. Weird.
03:17: After such a glorious battle with the Lightsaber-Toothed Tiger I could not bring myself to deliver the finishing blow. Instead, he will be my new companion. Come along, Timon, let’s go questing!
20:06: The doctor told me to take a long hard look at myself, so I did. Hello handsome! Looking good, Lord Sacco!
12:25: You hear that, monsters? Yeah, it’s me, Lord Sacco, and I smell victory! Also a nearby skunk. But mostly victory! So run, cowards!
06:05: Stopped to smell the roses. Tripped. After painfully removing a dozen thorns, I believe I have a newfound appreciation for daisies.
07:42: As I continue my efforts to become a better person, my resolutions are: 1. Stop making lists. B. Be more consistent. 7. Learn to count.
00:42: Note to self: never accept apples from wandering archers.
23:30: Participated in a banana-throwing contest with the local monkeys. Now I’m “fruited up” beyond all recognition.
12:36: Success! The vicious Bigger Badder Wolf is defeated! Tonight I will regale the townsfolk with tales of my heroic conquest, and they shall reward me with many pints of ale!
12:32: The Slithy Tove cried ‘Darn you, Lord Sacco!’ and vanished. Received 17 gold coins and an object of affection.
11:48: Note to self: Never agree to go out for a bite with a vampire.
19:18: The sun shone brightly down from the sky and I was blinded. The intensity swept me out of my body. Looking around, I found myself standing in an endless field of grass. A benevolent spirit appeared and winked at me. When I returned to my body, I felt renewed.
08:06: The helpless Hellaphant lay groveling at my feet. I gave it the chance to whimper out a few last words before destroying it.
19:04: The Inevitable Hulk is vanquished. Arranged its body to improve my Feng Shui.
09:58: Found a note with an old saying that read: ‘When you find yourself in the company of a dwarf and an ill-tempered Dragon, remember: you do not have to outrun the Dragon… just the dwarf.’
15:47: The Rocky Raccoon was shredded into tiny strips. I picked up a sack of lies and 20 gold coins.
06:06: Leatherbelt was removed from my potential threats list. He will remember not to stand in my way again.
20:13: The Generic Enemy sang its swan song and vanished. I looted its bag and found an invite to Godville.
12:08: I heard the Sumo Ninja had a heart of gold, but all I could find were some guts and an IQ point inside its corpse.
09:25: Caught my reflection in a shop window as I strolled by. Dang, I look good.
04:44: Smoked a peace pipe with some wandering minstrels.
23:41: The Terminator T-34 said that ‘I have become death!’ is a lame motto and turned to dust. What a rude fellow!
00:06: Hunted down some evil witches in exchange for 117 gold coins from the local church.
22:23: With one clean blow, the Giant Enemy Crab was sent on its final journey. I searched its lifeless body and found 1 coin and a scroll of false identity.
20:21: Dennyo was removed from my potential threats list. He will remember not to stand in my way again.
19:23: The Spice Worm was gloriously torn to pieces! While rifling through its remains, I found a transparent highlighter pen. It will need a good wash before I can sell it.
02:06 PM Wrote down the thousandth word into the holy book, took a deep breath and snapped my numb fingers. Hallelujah, Omnipotent One, the great work is done!