Born Friday, October 12, 2018
07:20 PM The following diary entries are brought to you by Samuel Cornelius — Oh my god!.
07:47 AM “The Diary of Samuel Cornelius” sounds lame. Maybe I should call it “The Epic Chronicles of Samuel Cornelius?”
01:21 PM Buried my diary in a time capsule, so that future generations will know what it was like to be a handsome and successful hero in the golden age of Godville.
12:55 PM Great One, I’ve been putting a lot of thought into it and I just don’t think being a responsible adult is going to work for me.
06:36 PM These quests are easy. It’s the monsters that keep trying to kill me that make life hard.
07:33 AM What’s the worst that could happen? I screw up, I die, and I get some time off. No big deal.
03:34 PM I may not be the best worshipper, Most Righteous One, but I’m the only one worshipping you.
06:53 AM There are heroes and superheroes. And then there’s me!
02:11 AM A beastly Dust Bunny is writing in all caps. I will destroy it for its crime!
11:33 AM Savoring the fruit of victory. Tastes like chicken…
5:12 PM Who’s to say I have a screw loose? Maybe everyone else’s screws are too tight.
05:32 PM I heard that when it rains, it’s because you’re crying. Don’t be upset, Omnipotent One! Look, I’m doing a little dance for you!
06:00 PM Felt an existential epiphany coming on, but thought, ‘Why bother?’ and continued on my way.
First pet, Chip, a ninja tortoise. Acquired while in Boston. Knocked out at around the 6th Level. Let him go soon afterwards. :( 1/22/19
04:04 PM I’m walking around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock keeps slipping off.
05:50 PM Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
11:51 AM I found a box labeled ‘cake’, but it was empty. Heartbroken. The cake was a lie…
05:15 PM A wandering monk said that playing chess helps to develop strategic planning, a flexible mind and independent thinking. That must be why gods don’t like chess players.
05:27 PM When life knocks you to your knees, you’re in the perfect position to pray.
06:04 PM Thought about doing something really nice for you, Great One. Didn’t actually bother doing it, knowing it’s the thought that counts. You’re welcome.
12:26 AM I was born to be a sports legend, you know. Just finished second in a two-man race after my opponent was disqualified.
08:46 AM Tried to reap what I sowed. All I got back were seeds again.
06:42 AM Consulted a map. What a featureless and barren wasteland! Oh, wait — there’s something on the back.
02:53 PM Gave a tree a hug today. It smiled at me as I walked away… It likes hugs.
07:32 PM Came across a bunch of flamboyant vampires and overgrown wolves arguing over some girl. Looked pretty lame. Kept walking.
05:59 PM Yelled “Geronimo!” then did nothing.
04:07 PM While passing a river I heard Griffin the Rotund yelling. When I found him nearly drowning I heroically jumped in to save the day. After watching both of us struggle for our lives for several minutes, Cuddles sighed and pulled us out of the water.
04:15 PM I found my name in a heart carved into a tree with an arrow through it. I think someone is planning to kill me.
02:45 PM Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
03:53 PM I think my shadow is afraid of the dark. Whenever I walk into a dark cave, it always stays outside.
05:29 PM So when I’m angry, I should scream, yell and attack whoever is around me, and blame all my problems on others. I could get used to this!
06:52 PM The therapist told me that I need to work on my trust issues, but I don’t think he has my best interests in mind.
06:58 PM Thought about building up some hope, so I could then go on to abandon it, but realized the pointlessness of the situation.
07:21 PM Had an epiphany. Every sentence is an innuendo, if I think long and hard about it.
06:24 PM I think if it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
06:53 PM Heroes and heroines, sitting under trees, R-E-S-T-I-N-G. No time for love, just devotion, receiving wounds not healable by potions.
Performing random acts of kindness, followed by methodical acts of hatred…
Through tangerine trees under marmalade skies…
Through the salty seas and sunburnt sands…
07:15 PM People say that nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
Stoically accepting the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…
04:35 PM Nearly drowned wading across a river. It’s a good thing that a bridge was there for me to grab onto.
07:53 AM I had a dream — I was sitting in a stuffy, overcrowded office doing useless and tedious things. Great One, that was really horrible.
09:01 AM Punctured a hole in the Critical Mastodon and joyously collected 18 gold coins that poured out. I guess change really must come from within.
09:00 PM Chanced upon Elease nearly drowning in a giant vat of honey wine. Selflessly drank almost all of the beverage, allowing her to escape to safety. A friend in mead is a friend indeed.
08:54 PM I wasn’t really expecting to get a golden brick for completing such an easy task. Don’t forget to touch the untouchable again some time soon.
05:44 AM Tried to follow the road to success, but it was under construction.
“If I could wish for just one dish, my greatest wish would be more fish…”
10:08 AM Another fine day ruined by responsibility.
01:02 AM Drew some nonsensical pictures on the walls of a cave I was passing. Hopefully in the future, archeologists will jump to wild and ridiculous conclusions about our culture while I’m laughing at them with you, my Lady!
03:05 PM I am not a minority. I am an outnumbered majority.
Through blissful ignorance and terrifying awareness…
08:36 PM I was going to go out drinking, but Cuddles beat me to it. He stole 1855 gold coins from my purse and is now buying everyone a round of drinks in a pet bar called “The Doghouse”.
08:34 AM A chief just told me that “vegetarian” is an old Godville native word for “bad hunter”.
03:58 PM The trader offered me a bunch of extra coins, but I ran off in terror. I have always feared change.
Being cuddled by Cuddles…
10:14 PM A Mind Boggler is bothering travelers. Maybe I should do something about it… like “kill the Mind Boggler.”
10:29 PM Saw a hero ignoring a ‘Keep off the grass’ sign. Heard a scream… And then the grass burped.
05:46 PM Stopped at a traveler weigh station. The attendant informed me that my baggage was overweight and he’d have to charge me a fee to carry it on the next leg of my journey. Decided to go back for a layover at one of the towns, maybe do some duty-free selling.
03:00 PM If there’s one thing I hate, it’s how everyone always generalizes.
06:26 PM Almighty, I think all these head injuries from fighting are making me lose my short-term memory. I also think that all these head injuries I’m getting in fights are making me lose my short-term memory.
05:15 AM Cuddles swallowed a tribble, then made a terrible face and spat out two. Well, thank you my friend…
07:23 AM I took a tribble out of the bag, made a good swing and threw it as far as I could. Then I heard an indignant squeak in my bag and two bursting sounds.
07:38 AM Fed Cuddles some of this new kibble and he burped up a gold brick. Guess this stuff is really rich in essential minerals.
08:12 AM Saw a guy yelling ‘This is Sparta!’ Told the confused soul he was in Godville.
03:03 PM Lit a candle for the peace of slaughtered monsters’ souls.
06:08 AM When I told the Hindsight Seer that my mission was to kill as many bosses as possible, its demeanor changed completely. It called me an honorary comrade of the Common Monsters’ Revolution and handed me a holy cowbell in recognition of my service to the cause. Weird.
07:01 PM Reclaimed my rightful place on the grand stage of history. I was given a cheap seat in the back row, with an obstructed view.
04:15 PM Discovered that the trader stole my invite to Godville. Fined him 2228 coins.
05:32 PM Tripped and fell onto a rocky road. Wondered why it tasted like chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.
06:52 PM Luckily, I don’t write down everything that pops into my mind. Refrigerator.
05:21 PM Felt lonely. Gave my daydream catcher to a passing stranger in exchange for a hug.
The Godville Administrator is displaying a breathtaking lack of situational awareness…
Looking for sympathy, not logical solutions to his problems…
03:56 PM I stopped by the graveyard to listen to the local ghosts wailing. I must say, they’re quite impressive. Although they do chat a bit too much at times.
05:13 PM Just got haunted by my own ghost from one of my previous deaths. How does that work, anyway?
12:26 AM Took time out from my busy schedule of death and destruction for a spot of knitting.
07:02 PM Today, I’m doing nothing; I started doing it yesterday and I haven’t finished yet.
Wishing someone would objectify him…
06:58 PM Was shoved aside by a grumpy patient in the doctor’s office. Heard the doctor explain that his blood type was B-negative.
02:19 PM My face must be glowing like this golden temple I just now finished for you, Great One. I have to say, it does look great!
05:40 PM Found a package with the label “BACON” on it. Ate it without question.
02:08 PM Instead of spending my gold at The Sword & Sandal, I saved it at the bank — until the day I can buy that tavern outright.
04:44 PM Banana skins cause the heroes to slip west. Correlation implies causation here, but it’s just a coincidence. There are passages to the west and east.
10:11 AM Found a bucket of flammable substance labelled “Nitroglycerine”. I’d better kick it aside before some idiot does something stupid with it.
Walking aimlessly with confidence…
01:23 PM As soon as they were in, they started arguing over who was the ruler. Seriously, who cares? It’s just a wardrobe.
Finished my quest to get a lion and a witch into a wardrobe. Cuddles was rewarded with some experience and a board for his talking donkey house. Hey, wait a minute!
09:16 PM I know it’s not right to end sentences with ellipses, but sometimes I can’t help myself…
12:16 AM A glowing man with wings descended from the sky to give me a log. He called himself the “Ark-Angel.”
05:31 PM Cuddles swallowed a tribble, then made a terrible face and spat out two. Well, thank you my friend…
Through the constant demands and unreasonable requests…
Trying to give off an air of intelligence by staring thoughtfully into the middle distance…
05:42 PM I stopped by the temple and found a piece of gopher wood tied with a beautiful ribbon. The donor wished to remain anonymous.
Trying to avoid innuendo, but finding it hard…
06:40 PM A traveling thespian told me to ‘break a leg’. I broke his instead.
07:39 PM Just saw a well cleaner ride past me in a solid gold carriage. How do they make so much money?
Praying for luxuries while ignoring his basic needs…
05:22 AM Other heroes love it when I draw the letter ‘X’ on the ground. They swarm around it as soon as I leave, cheering excitedly, with shovels in their hands.
05:51 PM I have lots of original and viable ideas. It’s just that my original ideas aren’t viable and my viable ideas aren’t original. Either this is both or neither, so help me my
05:54 PM What’s this about your omnipotence, Omnipotent One? Isn’t there a pill for that now?
05:55 PM My aura of rage whispered that we needed some time apart and that it wanted to see other people, then vanished, taking a little piece of my heart with it.
10:04 AM I took a tribble out of the bag, made a good swing and threw it as far as I could. Then I heard an indignant squeak in my bag and two bursting sounds.
05:21 PM After a quick discussion, the cavers decided to go east. This room contains a bonsai forest. The adventurers stomp around, pretending they’re giants. There are roads to the west and east.
01:38 AM A box in a crate, a case in a box… In the end I got two logs for the ark. I opened this thing 27 times, Gentle One! That’s what I call unboxing!
08:14 PM My mind says “no”, but my heart says “definitely not”, Almighty.
08:31 PM What a disappointment! Well, at least now I know why nobody ever goes there.
Hope that I won’t have to boldly go where no one has gone before again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!
08:38 PM You know, Luminous One, it’s lucky that no matter how far I travel, and how strange the creatures I encounter are, everybody speaks English.
03:58 AM Went with my pet to the advanced pet fights. Cuddles valiantly defeated and marked the opponent, earning us a solid 2636 coins of cookie money. Good job, Cuddles!
03:47 PM Dispatched the Elemental of Surprise, then tucked a heartfelt note into its paw acknowledging its generous contribution of 22 coins to my beer fund — I mean missionary work.
11:45 PM Look, Exalted One, I’ve taken up a new hobby: doodling. See? A fish! <*)))><
03:39 PM My vision faded to green and my movements slowed until I was completely stationary. Thought for a moment that I was dead, before realizing that I’d just walked into a giant jello.
07:46 PM Hurled the Loaded Bearlock through a hedgerow, but Cuddles fetched and brought it back to me excitedly.
08:51 PM Saw a brick floating in midair. Jumped to try breaking it with my head.
08:51 AM I tripped over a lamp, and a genie appeared and offered me three wishes. Had three beers.
07:10 PM Just got haunted by my own ghost from one of my previous deaths. How does that work, anyway?
08:06 PM I find I’m much more productive when I make a list of check marks, then write whatever I end up doing next to them.
01:47 AM Being a hero is such hard work! Sometimes I wish I could just sit behind a desk all day long…
09:28 AM I have lots of original and viable ideas. It’s just that my original ideas aren’t viable and my viable ideas aren’t original. Either this is both or neither, so help me Most Righteous One.
09:55 AM I suspect Cuddles of eating an artifact. He’s not fessing up, but the bits of the half-eaten poisoned apple stuck to his teeth sure speak otherwise.
06:01 PM Just when I thought the monster was going to kill me, it hugged me instead. It turns out that all this Loch Ness Mobster wanted was a little love.
05:45 AM Sometimes I’m the windshield, and sometimes I’m the bug.
11:00 AM Why is it that no campfire ever felt as warm as the morning sun on my back? Life is good sometimes.
02:19 AM The Romanticore swore it would bring my mortality to an abrupt conclusion. I don’t really know what that means, but I’ll die before I let it happen!
03:43 PM I’m dying! I’m dyinnnggg — wait, no I’m not! Back to questing!
05:02 PM Pinched the Lode Runner’s chubby little dumpling cheeks, only to watch it instantly die of embarrassment. Picked up its willpower generator and scuttled off before anyone noticed.
03:51 PM Tried to turn water from the pond into wine and took a hopeful sip. Tadpoles really aren’t that tasty.
06:29 PM You know what, Luminous One? I’m beginning to think that you really only pay attention to me for short periods of time, then ignore me for hours. I’m just going out for a bit. See you later.
07:59 PM Rootbear tried to launch an attack using mind over matter, but Samuel Cornelius didn’t mind so it didn’t matter.
11:15 PM That Biowolf looked at me funny. I guess it’s time to kill it.
Feeling certain that someday all his failures will lead to a great breakthrough…
06:03 PM Heard a tree fall in the forest when nobody was around.
06:23 PM The party takes a few moments to stop screaming.
01:53 PM Struck with divine inspiration, I struck with divine inspiration. Now the Heavenlowerer’s been struck with divine inspiration, too. It looks a bit woozy.
06:17 PM Came to a sign reading “The point of no return”. Took a step past it, then stepped back and giggled.
Confusing pheasant hunting for peasant hunting…
08:25 AM Found pages from someone else’s diary flying in the wind. I’d be horribly embarrassed if someone were reading my most personal thoughts… Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll read it anyway.
10:49 PM Nearly drowned wading across a river. It’s a good thing that a bridge was there for me to grab onto.
06:09 AM Left my artifact placeholder in a warm, damp place, in direct sunlight and subject to extreme temperature. I’m sure it’ll be safe there until I return to collect it.
Dipping the hard-earned nuggets of wisdom in the ranch sauce of ignorance…
10:49 AM Cheers to you too, Almighty! By the way, somebody just asked me to give you these nine strange things from out of this world…
“Nobody knows the tribbles I’ve seen…”
09:28 AM Oh no! I’ve lost my thesaurus. I can’t find the words to describe how upset I am.
09:05 AM Strange words drifted by in a cloud of smoke: “You are a unique and special snowflake… just like everyone else.”
Busily doing nothing…
04:38 PM Sometimes I’m the windshield, and sometimes I’m the bug.
07:46 PM Met an elderly couple on my way. They offered me a ride in their wagon and some biscuits for the road. I hope I get to meet them again someday.
03:42 PM I can’t dig here! There’s a golden brick in the way. Oh well, I’ll simply take it.
Poking random people on Herobook…
09:30 AM If looks could kill, I would be a weapon of mass destruction.
09:29 PM I found a box labeled ‘cake’, but it was empty. Heartbroken. The cake was a lie…
11:59 PM Sold a rare find at the shop “Roadside Trader 🤮” at five times the premium. These newspaper ads could actually be useful.
12:10 AM I just saw my Chronicles in a book shop… When I asked, the shop owner said he had to pay people to buy it.
03:18 PM Samuel Cornelius sadly noted the pieces of his shattered confidence after the last attack, then grabbed a sharp one and brutally stabbed Hangoverlord without warning.
05:51 PM After carefully considering my options, promotion opportunities, and retirement plans, I decided to head to the tavern.
01:21 AM Saw a Godville Administrator being chased by a 502 Bad Gateway. Seems that we each have our own nemesis!
05:26 AM Gave a tree a hug today. It smiled at me as I walked away… It likes hugs.
05:33 AM Followed the road less traveled only to find out that there’s a reason why it’s such an unpopular route. It’s a bloody dead end!
05:20 PM You were meant for me, Cuddles. Perhaps as a punishment.
08:46 AM Felt itchy. Prayed. Wait… What?
11:47 AM Cuddles brought me a fresh bun from somewhere. I’d better eat it right away.
02:26 PM Lacking snow, I resorted to making rock angels. Regretted it instantly.
04:34 PM Knelt beside a dying hero. His last words are still ringing in my ears: “Be back soon!”
11:51 AM The defeated Dust Bunny gave me some tips on how to raise a family of dust bunnies. I’m a little worried about how it knew what my quest is, but I listened intently anyway.
Checking Facetome, poking grandma…
05:50 PM Went mining for golden bricks but all I could find were lots of shapeless shiny yellow nuggets. Rubbish!
08:52 AM A new gravestone! Thanks Gentle One, I’ll need to put it with the others in my garden.
04:58 PM Noticed a less fortunate hero who looked like he was starving. Left him some money so he could afford a good dinner.
10:20 AM A passing Non-Terminal Repeating Phantasm told me that the best revenge is living well. I’ll kill it for teasing me with unattainable aspirations!
10:30 AM A wandering sage told me that while some are wise, I am otherwise.
04:37 PM Tried to erase the word “recursion” from my diary, but it kept coming back.
04:45 PM You hear that, monsters? Yeah, it’s me, Samuel Cornelius, and I smell victory! Also a nearby skunk. But mostly victory! So run, cowards!
11:23 AM The trader wanted to charge me an arm and a leg for the new vortex cannon, but I managed to talk him down to 1459 coins.
11:24 AM The old piece of equipment was worth its weight in gold, assuming it weighed as much as the 1388 gold coins the trader paid me for it. = @Anville!
07:01 PM Felt lonely. Gave my lunchbox of Notre Dame to a passing stranger in exchange for a hug.
08:08 PM Who wants a hug? Somebody? Anybody? Nobody? Guess I’ll just hug myself then.
07:26 PM If I ever find out what a spoonerism is, I’ll heat my at.
04:29 PM Heroes and heroines, sitting under trees, R-E-S-T-I-N-G. No time for love, just devotion, receiving wounds not healable by potions.
05:49 PM Nobody told me there would be days like these.
06:24 PM Left my pouch of eterna tea in a warm, damp place, in direct sunlight and subject to extreme temperature. I’m sure it’ll be safe there until I return to collect it.
01:35 PM A silly yellow bear gave me a hug, restoring several pixels of my health.
05:38 PM My aura of rage whispered that we needed some time apart and that it wanted to see other people, then vanished, taking a little piece of my heart with it.
07:26 PM I was so hungry that I ate my bag of navigational breadcrumbs. It was a little difficult to chew, but it tasted almost like bacon. I can see why you’re always so interested in these things, Cuddles.
Saying “Pun intended” on the off chance that he’s unintentionally made a pun…
02:44 PM My wallet suddenly inflated, started to vibrate and threw out a shiny gold brick. Nice.
04:57 PM Good friends are hard to come by. At least I know I’ll always have you, Exalted One.
06:29 PM Fell over. Got up. Hope no one saw that.
08:43 PM Want to write haiku, but don’t know how to do it. Wonder how to start…
10:33 PM Put some orthopedic inserts in my shoes, pressure-bandaged my sprain, readjusted my back brace, and generally felt much better.
12:02 AM Punctured a hole in the Cyber Punk and joyously collected 102 coins that poured out. I guess change really must come from within.
04:38 PM My friend now left me. He said I talk in haikus. I don’t believe him.
05:04 AM Fed my can of refried jellybeans to a hungry troll. I’m sure it’ll be satisfied after that…
05:48 AM What’s the deal, Luminous One? I passed another coffee shop with a mermaid sign. That’s like five in a row already.
06:17 PM The trader looked at my golden brick and said, “Sweet! Now I’ve got the whole set! Worth every one of these 2702 coins.”
10:31 PM I tripped over a lamp, and a genie appeared and offered me three wishes. Had three beers.
Keeping the dream alive by hitting the snooze button…
Too tired to eat, too hungry to sleep…
03:42 AM Died again. This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang, but with the Omnipotent One not checking up on my well-being.
04:06 AM I refused to part with my eye of the Scaretaker until there was a good omen to confirm that I should. The trader convinced me that 2795 coins would not affect the harmony of the universe as it was my lucky number.
06:11 AM Made a terrible faux-pas. Strangely, no one seemed to notice.
03:43 PM Sometimes I feel small and vulnerable. I hope I level up soon.
03:03 PM Bathed in the fountain of youth, but used the soap of premature aging. Ended up roughly the same.
07:12 PM A worm popped out of my apple and screamed “Just roll over and die.” Ate it to shut it up.
07:12 PM Obeying the strange voice from the skies, my heart suddenly stopped… = First successful suicide attempt! 7/20/19
07:14 PM Gave yet another coroner a heart attack. You think they’d be getting used to this by now.
05:21 PM Fighting the Coal Mime is the closest I’ve been to anyone since my last relationship. So alone.
01:28 PM I traded the golden brick for some magic beans, then sold them for 2236 gold coins. Wow, they really were magical! —@Godville
04:50 PM Guild council decided to send me on a special mission to increase our guild’s influence. Now I have to make El Herado great again. Am I a patriot or what?
07:15 PM What’s the deal, Great One? I passed another coffee shop with a mermaid sign. That’s like five in a row already.
03:35 PM Noticed a less fortunate hero who looked like he was starving. Left him some money so he could afford a good dinner.
05:37 PM I didn’t expect to fish out a golden brick. The brick didn’t expect it either.
05:39 PM A Capitalist Overlord is bothering travelers. Maybe I should do something about it… like “kill the Capitalist Overlord.”
Overreacting wildly to innocuous comments…
08:40 AM A dying knight asked me to deliver a universe-shaped donut to his order. Yep. Unless I forget.
Hoping for active partners, amenable bosses, and incredible riches…
04:55 AM Cuddles’s hospital bill: 9957 gold coins. Having my favorite talking donkey back in one piece: priceless.
09:42 PM I found a box labeled ‘cake’, but it was empty. Heartbroken.
08:17 AM This Final Frontiersman doesn’t appreciate my jokes. It will pay for its discerning sense of humor. Attack!
06:23 PM Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.
06:27 PM If I had a coin for every time I’ve had an existential crisis, it wouldn’t matter because currency is only a social construct.
05:39 AM The News Flasher had oodles of noodles inside its skull. This explains a lot.
01:55 PM Repaired my equipment with masking tape and glue. Luckily, these are commonly found in the wild.
05:49 PM Felt a burning desire to disassemble the mystery box. Found something unbelievable inside — a scroll with instructions on how to get a premature level up!
05:29 PM Felt lonely. Gave my set of kitchen throwing knives to a passing stranger in exchange for a hug.
06:11 PM Cuddles suddenly sat on the ground and started mumbling to himself. Next thing I saw was a band of fleas attacking the Lip Smacker causing major damage. Maybe I will skip his bath next time we are in town.
08:04 PM I told the trader that my golden brick was haunted, then charged him extra for the spirit trapped within for a total of 2088 coins. —@Godville
08:16 PM Woke up today only to discover that I’m still incredibly fabulous.
12:53 PM Round and round I went. I don’t remember how many times, till I was dizzy at least. Never saw anything resembling a corner anywhere until I slumped over from vertigo. There they were! Under the desk, a whole nest of corners, almost too many to count, as long as four is a big number. Everybody else called ‘em a drawer, but I don’t care. Looked like corners to me!
I’ve finally managed to find the corner of a round room. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change.
Asking heroines what level he looks…
12:32 AM I can’t dig here! There’s a golden brick in the way. Oh well, I’ll simply take it.
03:15 PM No more frivolous spending! I’d better stash 22546 coins for the future. -@Heisenberg
06:04 PM Visited a ghost town. Didn’t see any ghosts, just some semi-transparent people getting a tan.
08:13 PM Part of me says that I should stop drinking. But the other part tells me, “Don’t listen to him. He’s drunk!”
05:18 AM I snatched a bag containing 5009 coins from the display and instantly replaced it with my invite to Godville. Luckily, it was of equal weight, so I didn’t trigger the pressure-sensitive sensors on the base unit. -@Tradeburg
09:04 AM Luckily, I don’t write down everything that pops into my mind. Need to drink.
04:20 PM If money is the root of all evil, my bank account just got 17664 coins closer to world domination. – @Godvillewood?
05:45 PM The clouds formed the shape of an exquisitely beautiful face, which blew a cool breath of air over me. Exalted One, get your head out of the clouds and heal me properly, will you?
05:52 PM Cuddles doesn’t suspect a thing. Kind of makes me wish I was plotting something.
07:23 PM Pulled a log for the ark out of the water. Nice.
04:04 PM The merchant was bamboozled by my entrepreneurial flair as I put my “Cheshire smile” skill into action. I managed to sell my golden brick for the handsome sum of 4483 gold coins and he even threw in an earth wind and fire alarm as a sweetener!
06:01 PM The Enlightened Governator claimed that when it was done with me, I’d be sleeping with the fishes. I guess that must be where mermaids come from.
09:31 AM Tried to test the veracity of Murphy’s Law, but something seems to have gone wrong.
09:46 AM Went to the guild doctor. He took one look at me and said, “Darnit, Samuel Cornelius! I’m a doctor, not a miracle worker…”
07:30 AM I was once told that a fifth element holds a power great enough to destroy worlds, so I sold it for 345 coins.
Using the royal we for trivial comments…
07:50 AM Omnipotent One, why is it that all good things in life are either illegal, immoral or make one fat? Can’t you cut us some slack?
08:07 AM You hear that, monsters? Yeah, it’s me, Samuel Cornelius, and I smell victory! Also a nearby skunk. But mostly victory! So run, cowards!
08:26 PM Thought about building up some hope, so I could then go on to abandon it, but realized the pointlessness of the situation.
06:54 AM I’ve heard people say that the whole world is a stage. If so, I want to operate the trap door.
05:34 PM If that silly trader believes this useless gold-plated fish is worth 1195 gold coins, I won’t try to convince him otherwise.
- from a trader near the 98th milestone.
07:12 PM Got into a fight with a trader over my ear of the Plundertaker. He threw a sack of 3022 gold coins at my head, but I ducked and threw the ear of the Plundertaker, knocking him out. – @Godville
Being the hero Godville deserves, but wishing he was the one it needed…
06:51 AM Crashed into a tree while running away from the monster. Yeah, I’ve got the skills to pay the bills!
05:57 PM Spent some time pondering the difference between ignorance and apathy before realizing that I neither knew nor cared.
06:37 PM Remembering the advice to “Buy low, sell high”, I held the ear of the Grimelord up over my head and received 2835 coins under the counter for it. —found while fishing, sold @Godville.
05:02 PM I snatched a bag containing 2389 gold coins from the display and instantly replaced it with my heart of the Keyborg. Luckily, it was of equal weight, so I didn’t trigger the pressure-sensitive sensors on the base unit.
5:03 PM The trader paid me 2499 coins for the heart of the Gastronaut, then crushed it in his hand in front of me. He’s gone mad with power. Mad, I say! —@Godville
05:15 PM Couldn’t sleep, so I wandered out into the garden and spent some time stargazing. Great One, you gave the sky such pretty freckles.
08:21 AM I’d rather be under the influence of alcohol than under that of my goddess. To town with me!
11:19 AM Great One, you and I need to talk about my work hours. Given my job, work conditions, job risks and wages received, I deserve a six month paid vacation. Twice a year.
08:46 PM A Questing Impaladin suddenly jumped out of the bushes shouting “Insert witty remark here!”
09:36 AM The trader was so impressed with my hoof of the Buzzkiller that he immediately gave me 4088 gold coins for the worthless thing.
09:41 AM The trader told me he didn’t need my unicornucopia as he had one of his own. However, he dropped and broke his when he tried to show it to me. Decided to strike while the irony was hot, and got 1412 gold coins for my item.
9:44 AM Told the trader I wouldn’t sell the déjà voodoo doll at any price. 1113 gold coins wasn’t just any price. —@Godville with huckstering aura
03:11 PM Fell down a well and told Cuddles to get help. He came rushing back with Anameleth, who jumped down to save me! We’ve been stuck here for hours now, and it looks like we may even have to use the ladder.
05:47 PM That Orthodontisaur looked at me funny. I guess it’s time to kill it.
12:45 The town doctor told me that I am emotionally unstable. I angrily punched him in the face, then huddled into a ball on the ground and cried in sorrow.
06:17 PM I’m getting that sinking feeling again. This quicksand is not helping my mood either.
01:43 AM Cuddles must miss me. Even from the grave I can hear him asking “O hero, where art thou?”
06:22 PM The trader and I repeatedly bought and sold my praystation, outbidding each other until I found myself one item down and 1626 coins up.
6:22 PM The solar ellipse was worth its weight in gold, assuming it weighed as much as the 1003 coins the trader paid me for it. —trader at the 120th milestone
08:51 PM The trader and I repeatedly bought and sold my broken heart, outbidding each other until I found myself one item down and 1376 gold coins up. —@Godville
04:33 PM Felt a burning desire to disassemble the improbability drive. Found something unbelievable inside — a scroll with instructions on how to get a premature level up!
06:31 PM I’m so broke, I can’t even afford to pay attention.
06:36 PM Used my loot bag as a pillow while resting. It was unusually soft… I guess there is something good in these tribbles.
11:11 AM Chanced upon a mockingbird. Cried over its witty insults.
06:23 PM Won 7503 coins by outstaring the trader. Gave her a priceless gift for being a good sport. —@Godville
07:37 AM Argued with myself about the existence of pumpkins, cakes, and other anomalies.
02:21 PM When the trader saw my non-metal detector, he grinned sneakily and paid me 1500 coins for it. —@Anville with huckstering aura
11:17 AM Saw a white hair. Decided to deposit 23457 gold coins in my retirement fund. —@Los Adminos
09:17 PM Met an elderly couple on my way. They offered me a ride in their wagon and some biscuits for the road. I hope I get to meet them again someday.
05:41 PM When the trader saw my eye of the Gastronaut, he slurred, “I’ll take them both!” Good thing for me he was drunk and seeing double, so I got paid 2420 gold coins for it. —@Tradeburg
07:11 PM I have a problem with prepositions. Sometimes I just don’t know what else to end a sentence with.
09:56 PM I healed my pet so fast that I think he just gained a new level. Congratulations, Cuddles! —Level 28 @Bosswell after dungeoning
08:33 AM The merchant was bamboozled by my entrepreneurial flair as I put my “Cheshire smile” skill into action. I managed to sell my holy powercell for the handsome sum of 2024 coins and he even threw in a pelican opener as a sweetener! —@Herolympus
06:10 PM Saw Grayscale Goat running from a Dryer Gnome while I was fleeing from the Antihero. We joined forces and bravely fled together.
09:37 PM Note to self: duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
10:06 PM Couldn’t believe the trader didn’t notice Cuddles’s teeth marks on my holy powercell! Managed to keep a straight face as he gave me 10887 gold coins.
10:08 PM Saved both my liver and 17566 coins by taking them to the bank instead of the tavern. —@Tradeburg w/ 2x value for activatable artifacts as forecasted.
11:20 PM The trader told me he didn’t need my golden brick as he had one of his own. However, he dropped and broke his when he tried to show it to me. Decided to strike while the irony was hot, and got 2030 gold coins for my item. —@Godville
08:46 PM The tribe of tribbles reached its critical mass and loudly transformed into something that immediately ran off into the forest. It left 13300 coins and a few bold things in my bag. – over 20 tribbles (23-26?)
Taking it all too seriously…
08:09 PM Had a quick nap in the guild’s mansion and found 952 gold coins inside a toilet tank. —@Tradeburg
07:59 AM As I stood at the rim of a deep well, I felt an insidious urge to kick someone into it. Madness.
04:37 PM Sorry, Almighty, I’m just admiring my places in the pantheons at the moment and can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.
01:24 PM Gentle One, if I do something evil but do it very badly, does that make me good?
07:11 PM Saw a house with a sign on the gate: “The dog is harmless. Beware of the children.”
08:05 PM Felt lonely. Gave my likely story to a passing stranger in exchange for a hug.
07:55 PM Saw a sign written in Cyrillic text. A translation underneath read, “In Russian Godville, your god prays to you!” Weird.
02:38 PM Was rewarded with a philosopher’s stone and a box of candies for active promotion of my guild with some cheap street magic. —@Last Resort
03:44 PM My aura of rage whispered that we needed some time apart and that it wanted to see other people, then vanished, taking a little piece of my heart with it.
07:12 PM Savoring the fruit of victory. Tastes like chicken…
10:20 AM Sold the golden brick in my hand for two in the bush. Then, I sold those for 2164 coins.
10:21 AM When the trader saw my golden brick, he began to hyperventilate. Pointing his shaking finger at it, he exclaimed, “That is… That is…” and handed me 2196 coins without further delay. —@Godville with aura of huckstering
05:58 PM Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
09:37 PM Can you hear me, Omnipotent One? I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
Chronically self-obsessed…
07:20 PM A wise man once wrote “Know your enemy!”, so I invited a Midlife Crisis Negotiator for a drink and we had a good laugh.
01:24 PM All I ask of life is food, shelter, love, and absolute power over time and space.
04:11 PM The trader took the babel fish off my hands for 964 coins. I only wanted to show it to him!
04:12 PM The trader was so impressed by my future antique that he immediately shelled out 1084 coins for the worthless thing.
04:13 PM I didn’t want to sell my rare find, and the trader didn’t want to give me 2881 gold coins. Now we’re both unhappy. —@120 milestone with huckstering aura
11:06 PM Came across a bunch of flamboyant vampires and overgrown wolves arguing over some girl. Looked pretty lame. Kept walking.
06:27 PM A wandering master told me that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Guess I’ll just sit here and relax for a while.
Mistaking disdain for a lack of understanding…
01:19 AM Felt a burning desire to examine the continuum transfunctioner. Found something unbelievable inside — a scroll with instructions on how to get a premature level up!
05:09 PM There are a lot of people that I find easier to deal with after I’ve had a beer. I should get another drink, for their sakes.
05:18 PM The trader offered me a king’s ransom for an eye of the Zodiyak. I wanted a horse to make a fast getaway, but settled for 3283 coins instead.—@Unsettlement
07:49 AM Tried swinging a pocket watch to hypnotize the trader. When I came to my senses, my portable tunnel was missing and I had an extra 1782 gold coins. —from trader @ 232 milestone with Venus in Taurus, double price for activatable artifacts!
05:08 AM I’ve been thinking, Omnipotent One. Is ‘Oh my god!’ really such a good battle cry? Will it strike fear into the hearts of my enemies and comfort me on cold, lonely nights?
10:39 AM The Metal Slug lived happily ever after. Then I killed it.
Looking undeniably cool from a distance and under the right light…
12:49 PM Stumbled upon a verse:
Haikus are very hard
sometimes they don’t make any sense
refrigerator
—God BaronvonGrizz1y
06:04 PM Felt an existential epiphany coming on, but thought, ‘Why bother?’ and continued on my way.
05:31 PM Heard, “Your Godess needs a medium rare offering, with a side of baked potato” emit from another hero’s pocket. That’s the most annoying ringtone I’ve ever heard.
—Goddess Waxweather
07:06 PM The glowing pumpkin suddenly exploded. Found a gopher wood board inside. —10/30/19
08:18 PM Thought I heard a little child screaming, so I ran to the rescue. It turned out to be a grownup cowering from a tiny spider. Luckily, he gave me 57 gold coins not to tell anyone.
08:51 PM I can’t believe my priceless gift was worth 7228 coins! I should give up questing and just become a professional priceless gift dealer. —@Bumchester
08:41 AM The glowing pumpkin suddenly exploded. Found a gopher wood board inside.
08:48 AM The glowing pumpkin suddenly blinked and exploded. Found a gopher wood board inside.
—10/31/19
11:01 PM Oh no! I’ve lost my thesaurus. I can’t find the words to describe how upset I am.
05:15 PM A muse floating by sang:
Hurry up
finish your quest
doing it quick
would be the be?st
—God Cotzbalam
‘Who am I…? Why am I here…? Who are all these people…?’
07:38 AM When the trader saw my golden brick, he grinned sneakily and gave me 4153 gold coins for it. —Roadside Trader @ 549ish milestone.
08:02 AM You know, Soul Supreme, gingerbread houses that have been standing in the middle of forests for years don’t taste as good as you might think.
09:24 PM Found a gingerbread house. Couldn’t help myself — had a bite of the windowsill.
11:33 PM A giant hand materialized out of the sky, patted Cuddles on the head and threw him a treat.
09:29 AM Stumbled upon a verse:
A sacrifice
would be nice.
Show your Love
to your Goddess above.
—Goddess Bad Ass Karma
02:54 PM Deposited 14423 coins in my bank account for the next time sobriety looms.
08:18 AM Wings of a flying muse wafted:
Do a dig
find some gold
there’s some treasure
to behold
—God Deus Corneum
01:59 PM Wings of a flying muse wafted:
For spite
I wore those tights
they’re so chunky tight
at night
—Goddess Fate of Eternity
02:25 PM Stumbled upon a verse:
A spy for whom
the question goes
you my friend
or you my foes?
—Goddess Star Stuff
04:00 PM The trader saw my ear of the Thug-of-war and started mopping the sweat off his brow. Looking around frantically, he shoved 3022 coins at me under the counter and hid the thing in the back room. Hmmm… —@Godville with aura of huckstering
05:41 PM A muse floating by sang:
Roses are dead
Violets are dying
Ill have your head
If you keep on lying
—God Raven
Doing pointless things because he trusts they have a higher purpose…
08:20 AM I’ve decided, my Goddess, that you are just an excuse my mind has concocted to explain away my magic powers which I cannot, as of yet, fully control. Either that or you’re real, and will definitely smite me for thinking this.
08:29 AM I wanted to compliment Federer Almighty so I took him to a plateau. It’s supposed to be the highest form of flattery!
12:38 PM Drew some nonsensical pictures on the walls of a cave I was passing. Hopefully in the future, archeologists will jump to wild and ridiculous conclusions about our culture while I’m laughing at them with you, my Goddess!
06:11 PM I was suddenly ambushed by a talking donkey and its cronies. I thought I was doomed until Cuddles leapt in front of me and growled fiercely. The creatures lowered their heads and backed away respectfully. I must remember to treat Cuddles next time we’re in town…
06:49 PM I carefully examined my pet, trying to figure out how he heals so quickly. Cuddles happily wagged his tail and yawned in my face.
10:42 AM Woke up on the right side of the hay pile, for once. I’m kind of creeped out now, because I don’t know what to expect of the day.
07:31 AM Stumbled upon a verse:
Smite and Kick
Lightning quick!
Though it MAY hurt,
You can make ’em eat dirt
—Goddess Ab-Ashanti
10:05 AM Stumbled upon a verse:
Frogs frozen
in fresh ice
croaks stilled
until spring sun
—God S624
02:01 PM Suddenly, coming from the nearby hills, there was a roar: “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.” Who’s there?
—God Kagia
02:01 PM Suddenly, coming from the nearby hills, there was a roar: “If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.” Who’s there?
—God Jaguar of Awesome
03:20 PM Cuddles gave the trader his best puppy eyes and I got 3173 coins in exchange for my old piece of equipment. —@Godville
04:06 PM Saw a brick floating in midair. Jumped to try breaking it with my head. Don’t know why I thought that was a good idea.
05:28 PM Some girl is making eyes at me from across the tavern. Writing this to look busy.
05:35 PM A pig with a slot in its back tackled me on the way to the bar and took 1229 coins from me. Somehow my retirement fund got bigger… —@Godville
08:22 PM Found a wrapper with “Sorry, you didn’t win, please try again” written on it. Even though I didn’t know I was playing, I was disappointed.
06:03 AM A muse floating by sang:
He’s a digger
And a delver
For the silver
And the gold
—Goddess SourceRunner
06:47 AM Nearly drowned wading across a river. It’s a good thing that a bridge was there for me to grab onto.
07:24 AM Went mining for golden bricks but all I could find were lots of shapeless shiny yellow nuggets. Rubbish!
12:11 PM The portable wormhole was worth its weight in gold, assuming it weighed as much as the 1968 gold coins the trader paid me for it. —from trader @milestone 54 with double-value activatable artifacts
12:13 PM Saw lines singing:
The road divided
I stood, undecided.
Then went both ways —
Thanks to my split personali-tay
—Goddess ZODEIA
02:27 PM Stumbled upon a verse:
Time to die!
no I wont cry
I’ll resurrect
now go ahead
—God TheOnlyOne2
12:46 PM The clouds split open and a bone fell from the sky. Well, Cuddles sure seems encouraged!
06:48 PM I don’t always make grievous errors of judgement, but when I do I write proudly about them in my diary.
08:52 AM A muse floating by sang:
Your god’s not a poet
His rhymes you don’t like.
So now I won’t help you;
I’m going on strike
—God Beeporama
11:07 PM Saw lines singing:
smite that evil
do my will
then your health bar
I will fill
—God Trisolaris
07:25 PM Left my soft gooey center in a warm, damp place, in direct sunlight and subject to extreme temperature. I’m sure it’ll be safe there until I return to collect it.
07:22 PM Saw lines singing:
This is your master.
This epic long-laster
Is such such a disaster…
Try to quest faster!
—Beeporama
08:37 AM Thought I finally found the meaning of life. Nope, it was just another fortune cookie.
03:01 PM Walked across a pond. Wait… what just happened?
07:27 AM Stumbled upon a verse:
Dig, past the moss.
Dig, for a boss!
Add your might
We’ll win this fight
—Goddess Badass Karma
01:18 AM Lying in bed and staring at the stars. I wonder what happened to the ceiling.
04:48 PM Wings of a flying muse wafted:
When you feel sick
Hug a golden brick
It may not cure your ills
But it helps to pay the bills
—God Raven
01:24 AM Tried to stay in touch with reality, but it just wouldn’t return my calls.
02:01 AM Smiting monsters while daydreaming about a vacation… Dang, I’m good!
09:19 PM A muse floating by sang:
By your goddess’
Glorious name
Pray for vengeance
Pray for flames
—Goddess Sirirn
12:42 AM I guess I’m lucky! Found a treasure chest containing 2489 gold coins.
12:01 AM The Jaywalking Chicken has been slain. Cuddles was fed with some fresh meat.
05:33 AM A muse floating by sang:
Your god’s not a poet
His rhymes you don’t like.
So now I won’t help you;
I’m going on STRIKE
—God Beeporama
04:36 PM Spent some time pondering the difference between ignorance and apathy before realizing that I neither knew nor cared.
Staring at people until they notice and then quickly looking away…
01:15 PM The trader claimed that my box of sins would be the final piece of his doomsday device. I hope I’ll get to enjoy the 428 coins I got from the deal before he activates it.
10:17 AM Came across a sign that read: “Trespassers will be shot”. Next to it was a sign that read: “Survivors will be shot again”.
“Fire up the grill! We’re having Hot Dog tonight!”
05:08 PM Stumbled upon a poem:
If you don’t want your god
To be such a pest
Quit writing down nonsense
And finish your quest
—God Beeporama
02:58 PM The priest demanded a blood sacrifice to appease the wrath of the Great One. Stabbed him and left his corpse on the altar, since I’m sure it wasn’t me that my goddess is angry at. —@Bosswell
03:20 PM A soft tribble hopped into my hand. It wheezed and purred and made me feel better and healthier.
05:45 PM Stumbled upon a verse:
I must insist you make a list
Of everything to do today
Then I expect youll find a way
To resist
—God Raven
Sitting on a cliff watching the storm clouds and rainbows over the arena…
05:17 PM A sea shanty drifted in from the coast:
I often have the feeling
You need a lot of healing
I did my best today
Good luck while Im away
—God Raven
02:29 AM I hate it when people ask me if I got here safely. No, I died many, many times.
07:00 PM A log! A thousandth log! I’m even ready for a flood now. Not that I’m asking for it, Most Righteous One.
11:16 PM Put the pet into the ark. Sit here Cuddles while I run some errands.
09:57 PM Stumbled upon a poem:
Worship me
my little pet.
You’ll be rewarded,
but not just yet
—God Pffffft the Gaseous
07:06 AM I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Battlesheep, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Baloo. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
—2.23.20. 3rd Pet!
11:20 AM I’m not lost. I’m having an unplanned adventure.
06:41 AM Baloo gave the trader his best puppy eyes and I got 4148 coins in exchange for my golden brick. —@ 82nd milestone trader w/ aura of huckstering
10:55 AM A sea shanty drifted in from the coast:
Pray to the almigthy!
Almighty needs praise boy
pray to me yes?
—God Blaatstaal
12:28 PM The Liar Wolf has been slain. Baloo has been fed.
04:44 PM The trader gave me a great price for my priceless gift, pouring 6938 gold coins out into my hands from a bag marked, “Cursed — dispose of at all cost”. —@Godville
09:20 AM I was praying at my temple when Baloo came to my side and offered some flowers that he had dug up from the roadside. I think he likes you, my Lady.
09:06 AM Collected 406 gold coins by offering battlesheep rides to random travelers.
06:14 AM Lying in bed and staring at the stars. I wonder what happened to the ceiling.
01:54 AM The Civil Warrior left me. Took its bag of filthy prawns and 36 coins as comfort loot to ease my sense of rejection.
05:30 AM One day the world will shout ‘Save Us!’ and I’ll whisper ‘No, I’ve got better things to do.’
06:26 AM A muse floating by sang:
Treasure treasure, shining bright,
In the forests of the night
—Goddess Pluvia Aeterna
07:24 PM Stumbled upon a verse:
I pray for you
your safety and health
but money won’t go through
from me to you
—Goddess Aquaheme
11:58 AM Tried drowning my sorrows. Unfortunately, they know how to swim.
10:32 PM I started off with nothing. At least I still have most of it left…
Avoiding talking to other heroes for the sake of his own sanity…
04:06 PM The group decisively moves to the east. This looks like a secret treasury! It’s just like a regular treasury, but better. = 1st Secret Treasury! 3/24/20
05:11 AM I told my psychiatrist that I’ve been hearing voices. He said I didn’t have a psychiatrist.
12:01 PM The trader took the golden brick off my hands for 3798 coins, or “beer tokens”, as I like to call them.
12:01 PM I snatched a bag containing 4208 coins from the display and instantly replaced it with my golden brick. Luckily, it was of equal weight, so I didn’t trigger the pressure-sensitive sensors on the base unit. —Trader @ 84th milestone
04:26 AM Put my “awkward silence” skill into practice and got 77% discount.
04:26 AM The trader told me the stuff I ordered last week arrived early. Completed the sale with 1676 coins. This atomizer looks even better in person than it did in the catalog!
04:26 AM When the trader saw my old piece of equipment, he grinned sneakily and gave me 2057 gold coins for it. —Trader @ 131st milestone
08:55 AM The Tempered Glass Dragon shouted “I eat heroes like you for breakfast!” and perished. Moral of the story: don’t play with your food.
Wondering if swimming in debt counts as exercise …
cket let ica
ona tone ect
ord not eat
Score: 60
That’s all for today! So far you’re top-1. —4/4/20
08:07 AM Couldn’t believe the trader didn’t notice Baloo’s teeth marks on my golden brick! Managed to keep a straight face as he gave me 3815 coins. —@Godville
08:14 PM You were with me when I was bruised and wounded. You were with me when I was alone and miserable. You were with me when I was overwhelmed by hunger and thirst. I see one common factor in all of this, Soul Supreme.
02:33 PM Dug out an almost new item: a Chakra of Kahn. Wow!
03:18 PM The Are We There Yeti threw a fit, then an abominable snowflake.
08:02 PM The trader offered me the world for my heart of the Headhaunter, but it wouldn’t fit in my bag, so I accepted the standard market value of 6268 coins for it instead.
08:12 PM Ok, Terrifying One, that’s enough drinking for today. I’d better put aside 27520 gold coins for the future and spend the rest on praying.—@Anville w/ aura of huckstering
06:31 PM I forgot to pay my bill at Shepherd’s Stuff. Guess I’d better put 39995 coins aside for a rainy day. —@Godville during 2nd day of 10th Anniversary
10:49 AM The trader’s first offer to me for my golden brick was an insult. I haggled him up to ten minutes of verbal abuse and 3441 gold coins.—@Godville w/ huckstering aura
10:25 PM Purposely endangered my own life so that my prayers would be genuine, and loud.
12:20 AM Accidentally took a vow of science. Should’ve paid more attention in spelling class.
03:32 PM Was about to step through the death’s door, when suddenly my lucky talisman saved me! It’s not bold anymore, but I feel alive and much healthier now… —w/ Chakra of Khan talisman +105
05:05 PM Whoa! My golden brick sold for 3352 coins! If only I had more of those… —@Heisenburg
04:53 AM I like my monsters like I like my coffee, ground up and in the freezer.
09:06 AM Was about to commission a local artist to create a marble statue of me for my guild hall. I’m glad I decided against it and put those 52940 coins into savings… Word is that he’s just another chiseler. @Next Station w/ aura of hoarding?
01:04 AM Threw myself at the ground and missed.
07:46 PM Noticed Baloo gnawing on my hungry tribble. Fortunately, I took it away just in time. Bad battlesheep!
05:17 PM Stopped to smell the roses. Got a bee up my nose.
07:55 PM I’m getting that sinking feeling again. This quicksand is not helping my mood either.
09:04 PM Tried to picture nothingness but drew a blank.
05:38 PM When I first saw this Overbearing Waiter, it looked tough and ruthless. Now, it just looks rough and toothless.
10:04 PM Dear auto-correct, I’m getting tired of your shirt.
01:54 AM The trader told me that no hero should own something as powerful as my really priceless gift, and gave me 21122 gold coins to destroy it. —@Nothingham
08:58 PM Another Star-Crossed Astrologist slain, another bad horoscope gained.
09:16 AM The healer thinks I’m a serious alcoholic, but I sincerely disagree. I’m actually quite funny.
10:41 PM Saw a house with a sign on the gate: “The dog is harmless. Beware of the children.”
06:45 PM Dreamt of flying. Crashed into reality.
10:29 PM Stumbled upon a poem:
Treasure my presence
You have a heart of gold
Time is of the essence
Dig before you get old
—God Garfield the Great, Hero Jon of Cat
05:43 PM Stumbled upon a poem:
Pray for the power
pray for the Divine
pray right now or your soul will be mine
—God Gurin, Hero Kaigen
10:22 PM After careful consideration I’ve decided to deal with today’s disappointments like a responsible adult. Beer it is, then!
10:22 PM After careful consideration I’ve decided to deal with today’s disappointments like a responsible adult. Beer it is, then!
06:17 PM A sea shanty drifted in from the coast:
Don’t worry if you fail
You’ll have a ripping tale
To tell to all your friends
When the journey ends
—Hero Sisyphus, God Raven
01:37 PM Look, it’s the 🦴 Ticking Crocodile! Snuffles rushed forward and resolved the matter peacefully, procuring 313 gold coins in the process.
10:46 AM There’s a Sandboxer ahead… Time to take out the trash.
09:36 AM Another Spaghetti Elemental slain, another bar of spaghetti gained.
04:47 PM What do they mean; I don’t know how to use a semicolon?
05:38 PM Heard weird voices. Made weirder noises to assert dominance.
08:48 AM Look, Angry One, I can see you’re clearly upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a chill pill, and think things over.
11:03 PM I told my psychiatrist that I’ve been hearing voices. He said I didn’t have a psychiatrist.
09:49 PM I just woke up, hungover, to the sound of my neighbor mowing his lawn. I figure he’ll just have to mow around me, ‘cause I’m not moving.
01:48 AM Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I’m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
07:16 AM Found this ditty scrawled in the city:
Pray to me
And give me power
Otherwise it’d be you
The monsters devour
—Heroine Historia Reiss, Goddess Dieudonnee
10:53 AM I thought I saw a spider, but it was just a piece of yarn. It’s dead yarn now.
04:19 PM Heard a quiet echo: “Hello, is there anybody out there?.” —Heroine Chartreuse, God Shishkabobba
05:53 PM This healer’s plants have all died. Not sure if I can trust him…
04:52 PM Wondering what heroes who write ‘ur’ instead of ‘your’ do with all that extra time.
12:01 AM I thought I saw a spider, but it was just a piece of yarn. It’s dead yarn now.
09:32 AM Tried to test the veracity of Murphy’s Law, but something seems to have gone wrong.
12:45 AM Tried drowning my sorrows. Unfortunately, they know how to swim.
08:24 AM I thought I saw a spider, but it was just a piece of yarn. It’s dead yarn now.
09:30 PM I seem to be having tremendous difficulties with my lifestyle.
Letting the irate customer know that he is, in fact, the manager…
09:31 AM You know, in the right light, all the dust floating around in here actually looks rather magical.
11:59 PM No one dares to fight me. Fine, I’ll take that golden brick without any duel.
07:46 AM Saw a meteor shower. Apologized to it for invading its privacy.
Wandering with determination…
Fighting the demons inside by killing the monsters outside…
02:27 AM Sometimes I question my sanity. Occasionally, it replies.
09:56 PM Ground up my arcane sugar to create an exfoliating scrub. Now my skin feels rejuvenated.
11:57 PM One day the world will shout ‘Save Us!’ and I’ll whisper ‘No, I’ve got better things to do.’