I applied to be a god in india but they are overstaffed.
Strike the sheperd and the sheep will smite.
Eat a little and drink a bit.
10/25/13 12:53 AM
Tried to swallow my pride. Choked.
04/04/14 11:48 PM
A ray of light improved my looks rather than my health. Thanks, Luminous One… I think.
05/16/14 5:17 PM
Picked up a bottle of djinn and tonic.
03/01/16 8:54 PM
Hmm, Deville. Yet again, I I without fanfare, despite my record of glorious deeds.
03/03/16 12:49 PM
The doctor said that he could’ve healed me faster if the leeches didn’t keep falling off drunk.
03/03/16 05:51 PM
Judging by Pilot’s face I think he’s tired of me. I guess it’s time to finally set him free. Farewell, Pilot! I promise to find a new best friend in your memory!
03/03/16 06:09 PM
Bravely slew some brain cells in the local tavern, costing me only 411 gold coins.
03/03/16 09:02 PM
Paid 720 gold coins for an extended warranty on my vorpal sword.
03/04/16 10:36 AM
I beg thee, Luminous One! Heal my hangover and punish those cats that were yowling last night. Here is something for you — 2 coins.
03/04/16 12:22 PM
Heard someone yelling, ‘Oh God!’ over and over from behind a bush. I wish I were that devout, Omnipotent One.
03/04/16 7:09 PM
If looks could kill, I would be a weapon of mass destruction.
03/05/16 12:08 AM
Saw a really attractive hero today. Then I backed away from the pond before I fell in.
03/06/16 06:57 PM
Saw a vulture circling above me… I think I should get back to town now.
03/06/16 09:56 PM
Saw a tree that had a heart etched into it with ‘Boomslang + Steve Briggs’ inside of it. Hmm… I think Steve Briggs might be confused about the depth of our relationship.
03/07/16 02:39 PM
Chi hidyrw cccvbhhhbvbfr-aàu… Dang it, forgot to close my diary before putting it back in my bag.
03/07/16 10:40 PM
After such a glorious battle with the Were-Panther I could not bring myself to deliver the finishing blow. Instead, he will be my new companion. Come along, Stubby, let’s go questing!
03/16/16 02:23 PM
Decided to invest some money in a hedge fund. Threw 318 gold coins in a bush.
03/21/16 12:26 AM
Absolutely no one to fight with. What a pity… I’d better have a good prayer for better luck next time.
04/03/16 12:52 PM
After several failed attempts to transmute my gold into beer, I decided to wander off to the tavern to find a more talented alchemist.
04/04/16 08:33 AM
Saw a charred body clutching a copy of “Atheism for Dummies”. He must have angered his god somehow.
04/06/16 06:03 PM
Restored balance to the poverty gap by donating one gold coin to a beggar. Felt proud and treated myself to 3492 gold coins worth of drinking at a high-end pub.
04/11/16 11:53 AM
Sometimes I wonder if my life would be easier without dating, my Lord. Then I realized that things would be exactly the same.
04/11/16 12:01 PM
Joined a crusade against stupidity, but was immediately accused of being a double-agent.
04/14/16 01:04 AM
As I purchased a drink I heard profanity from the heavens. Spent 286 coins showing off this trick to other heroes.
04/14/16 07:21 PM
The priest demanded a blood sacrifice to appease the wrath of the Almighty. Stabbed him and left his corpse on the altar, since I’m sure it wasn’t me that my god is angry at.
04/14/16 10:51 PM
My face must be glowing like this golden temple I just now finished for you, Great One. I have to say, it does look great!
04/15/16 01:05 AM
Left without a purchase because I’m starting to suspect that the quality of my gear has absolutely no impact on my success as a hero.
12/27/16 08:15 PM
Challenged a statue to a staring contest and shamefully lost. Challenged it to a drinking contest afterward and reasserted my dominance.
02/13/18 4:35 PM
I paid 3317 gold coins to have “nice in the mouth” tattooed on my chest, but I was ripped off, Luminous One! I just looked in the mirror and it’s written backwards!
02/20/18 08:40 PM
A log! A thousandth log! I’m even ready for a flood now. Not that I’m asking for it, Great One.
For completing an epic quest I was complimented, fed and given three planks of ark wood and a golden brick as a reward.