The Origins of Oh Lawd
As the void of nothingness opened, the universe’s mightiest god stepped out. Rippling with muscles, power, and manliness, Oh Lawd appeared! His Beard of Justice shone throughout the universe, causing light to seperate from darkness, and rifts to appear in the time-spance continuum. As he flexed his muscles for the first time, the heat given of by their contractions caused atoms and molecules to fuse and create the first galaxies and nebulas. Oh Lawd stretched some more and he yawned, causing the sound waves to carry his power through the universe once more. This time, the atoms and molecules reacted differently. They joined in smaller sizes and created small spherical objects. Thus, planets and stars were born. Once Oh Lawd settled down, he looked around. Seeing that he was all alone, he began to think of what to do. He created telepathic internet to keep up with his god friends. On their Twitter, they wrote " creating small life forms! Lol n00bz". Oh Lawd wanted some lulz in his new universe, so he did the same. Oh Lawd made a bunch of people out of clay and mud. He gave them fire, weapons and animals to kill so they could level up and eat.
After a satisfying nap, Oh Lawd saw that they hadn’t made much progress, so he gave them a bit more knowledge. After eating a sammich and watching some videos on GodTube, he checked back. Now they knew there was a whole universe around them. However, they believed many gods had created it. Instead of reprogramming them to believe only in him, he made one new human that only believed in him and was alive only to serve him. Once he had finished, he called his friends over to watch. Instead, he found out his friends had already built a game called Godville, where the heroes would live in their God’s world, but could sometimes meet and fight with each other in an interdimensional arena or out in the fields.
And thus, Oh Lawd joined the game. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~“Mr. Manly, Thanks for coming to your performance review”
“No problem”
“So you’re in charge around here, is that fair to say?”
“Absolutely, I’m da boss”
“Okay, so take us through a day in the life of ‘da boss’”
“Well the first thing I do is…
Talk to to Oh Lawd (like a boss)
Approve feedback (like a boss)
Build a Temple (like a boss)
Remember prayers (like a boss)
Direct contruction (like a boss)
My own bathroom (like a boss)
Diahrrea (like a boss)
Promote StA (like a boss)
Hit on store clerks (like a boss)
Get rejected (like a boss)
Swallow sadness (like a boss)
Send some prayers (like a boss)
Call the admins (like a boss)
Cry deeply (like a boss)
Demand a refund (like a boss)
Eat a potion (like a boss)
Harrassment lawsuit (like a boss)
No experience points (like a boss)
Fifth of vodka (like a boss)
Poop on store clerk’s desk (like a boss)
Buy a weapon (like a boss)
In my mouth (like a boss)
Oh crap man I can’t do it… maaan!
Chicken out (like a boss)
Puke on store clerk’s desk (like a boss)
Jump out the window (like a boss)
Steal a dude’s drink (like a boss)
Score some loot(like a boss)
Break my arm (like a boss)
Make my own Guild (like a boss)
Eat some chicken strips (like a boss)
Chop my toe off (like a boss)
Black out in the sewer (like a boss)
Meet a giant boss (like a boss)
Smash its brains out (like a boss)
Turn into a jet (like a boss)
Bomb the other Guilds (like a boss)
Crash into the sun (like a boss)
Now I’m dead (like a boss)"
“So that’s an average day for you?”
“No doubt”
“You chop your toe off and die”
“Heck yea”
“And i think you said something about stealing another dude’s drink?”
“Naw that aint me”
“Im pretty sure you did”
“Naw…”
“Well… this has been eye opening for me” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 07/11/11 07:34 AM: Dearest diary, today was the day! I carefully laid the last brick, swept all the rooms, opened all windows to let your glorious light shine in. I can’t believe it, your temple is finally finished, my Lord! I feel delirious with happiness.