Heroine

Nymba

level 64

I love you

Age 11 years 10 months
Personality neutral
Guild no guild
Monsters Killed about 112 thousand
Death Count 75
Wins / Losses 204 / 107
Temple Completed at 07/12/2013
Wood for Ark 51.3%
Savings 2M, 35k (6.8%)
Pet Double dragon Nipper 6th level

Equipment

Weapon transmogrifier gun +72
Shield morgue slab +73
Head Honest Abe's top hat +74
Body corduroy ninja outfit +73
Arms impact bracers +74
Legs pair of winged sandals +73
Talisman unlike button +74

Skills

  • strong brow level 42
  • heel grip level 39
  • menacing glance level 37
  • lion belch level 33
  • acid tears level 31
  • eye scream level 31
  • glance of Kaa level 31
  • foot massage level 30
  • pathological honesty level 29
  • spoon-bending level 26

Pantheons

Gratitude8693
Templehood7701
Gladiatorship1265
Storytelling479

Achievements

  • Builder, 1st rank
  • Careerist, 1st rank
  • Favorite, 1st rank
  • Invincible, 1st rank
  • Renegade, 1st rank
  • Animalist, 2nd rank
  • Champion, 2nd rank
  • Coach, 2nd rank
  • Dueler, 2nd rank
  • Fiend, 2nd rank
  • Hunter, 2nd rank
  • Martyr, 2nd rank
  • Saint, 2nd rank
  • Shipwright, 2nd rank
  • Raider, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

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… ♥ …

Things were great with Nymba when she began … the solar eclipse was out and her love Horus K of Pharaohs was with her in totality… they celebrated their love at the water front Hilton palace while Venus began its transit and the moon had never been so close to the earth.

Furthermore the hero’s gods King Johnny and Nymphetamino were also totally inlove and although Horus K of Pharaohs was an injured hero, it looked like all was to be…

Horus was born under the month of October. He sometimes would tell nymba that it was not a good idea to get involved with him…

21:44: The OctoBear bade me to let it pass. Over my dead body!

He was the first to be so gentle with her and instead of leaving her feeling shaken, he left her feeling so stirred.

21:45: That OctoBear left me feeling stirred but not shaken.

They followed each other thru hardships untold and relied often on the wisdom and strength of Nymba’s extra few days of life experience and the surprising power and might of king Johnny that came with his unique spiritual connexion. THEY BATTLED VERY DIFFICULTLY WITH THE PRESENCE AND MEMORY OF THE TYRANNOSAURUS EX.

Even so Nymba soldered on. Doing enough battles in godville for the both of them while Horus k rested in pure injured exhaustion, choosing his battles with the town’s building walls and traders and passers by on the roads. This was quite uncomfortable for nymba as she had started trying to build a home in Beerburg where the locals had them there as welcome guests and Horus’s outbursts were just so difficult for all to acknowledge. .. … it begun to be very awkward. .. nymba busied herself with guiltily cleaning up Beerburg and it’s beer bottles and trying to remain positive. She even joined a guild called the Holy Randoms but she felt more and more alienated from life and started panicking and when Horus started emotionally pushing her away at times she started feeling a little resentful that she was a random thru and thru and she was lonely and couldn’t even message other random guild members for contact as she was only level thirteen. ..

But then Nymba noticed that her all-time fave movie and obsession has a guild. Its called The Goonies! She started a quest to join them instead. They seemed to share her philosophy. Goonies never say die or give up on their fellow Goonies! Exactly what Horus was not doing.

Times got easier a little and it looked like it was all going to be OK ..Horus had got his health back… He was using the peace pipe a little too much nymba thought.

They started getting along happilly again:

10:47: Strange words drifted by in a cloud of smoke: ‘I apologise for the sudden lack of life, I was AFK.’

10:07: Finally found the right path. Yeah, I’m quite sure about it.

13:38: I suppose this is a good place to put all the eggs in one basket. Let’s go!

But things were very tense… Nymba started feeling nervous. Horus’ anger attacks were getting more frequent and harder to understand.

05:40: I descended into a dark cavern and felt something sinister nearby. It’s pitch black… Am I going to be eaten by a grue or something?

10:27: Repeatedly chanted “in communion with kehua” to boost my morale but realized too late that it was an incantation to summon a Boogie Woogie Man. To battle! …

Duck! ….Duck! …. Dodge<img /> I think I’m getting the hang of this. This was like walking on eggshells to avoid what might happen, Nymba felt like.

21:23: Took an educated guess about which path to follow… Maybe, I should’ve flipped a coin instead.

When he finally layed down to rest he tried to unite with her but Nymba wasn’t tired. They had been partying too much plus the nervous adrenalyn kept her awake.

21:57: This looks like a good place to rest. It’s a shame I’m not tired yet… Oh well.

She was sure that it was keeping him up and adding to the problems. He would often rouse and have another anger attack about the demons that had started attaking him in his mind. It was getting frustrating for Nymba as she couldn’t predict or help these outbursts much at all. They seemed to be getting more and more threatening.

18:21: Hid from the Are We There Yeti. No one saw me, although my shrieks of fear may have given me away…

The heroine is trying to impress the Imaginary Threat by showing off scars from previous fights…

21:48: Engaged the Imaginary Threat in a spirited debate about fighting. While it was making its point, I quietly snuck away.

09:49: I definitely need a day off. Going back to town.

Must. Resist. Urge. To. Cry.

She went to visit her “friend”, Richie but cruel at times -doctor. He said he cared and would talk to her about how sad she was about what was going on with her and Horus. But unfortunately He started unexpectedly to do experiments that left her upset and confused.

00:16: R M pulled out a doll that looked like Nymba and started stabbing it with a needle. Nymba felt confused, shrugged her shoulders and got ready for her turn.

13:09: The doctor gave me an injection in exchange for an obvious and personal insult.

6:37: The town doctor told me that I was emotionally unstable. I punched him in the face, then huddled on the ground to cry.

13:32: Ran into some of my buddies from The Goonies. We went out for a long night of drinking, sharing stories and bawling songs. It was a good time… until they stuck me with the bill for 229 coins.

Her fellow Goonies supported her after the medical misadventure and she was promoted from recruit to follower rank which meant her say was now listened to.

Then after that she made up with Horus. But how could she tell him about what had happened with Richie? How could he ever understand! Would this secret be picked up by his psychicity?

Just as it looked good for the duo nymba saw Horus being snuck upon by a demonic ex ghoulfiend spam bot who was seconds away from reprogramming his mind with wrong things about the tyrannosaurus x that he so feared with frustration!

During one attack, Nymba called a Goonie friend out of frustration and confusion and forgot she was a hero! So she complained, kind of… The muddled up Horus accidentally overherd the conversation. The spam bot ex ghoulfriend got into his head and added to the haze of what he was smoking -he blew up.

She tried unsuccessfully to clean up the mess.

10:49: The Spambot ex-ghoulfiend turned to dust. I blew away its ashes and found a paincake.

The paincake was stuffed down by her love who had mega munchies and then it was too late … Horus had been poisoned by pain and thoughts of his nemesis and delusions of betrayal. He violently thru himself against their home breaking the rest of what they had left and banishing Nymba from Beerburg.

She asked him where she was supposed to go and live. He was angry and told her to just leave right now! She had to leave her stuff behind.

11:42: Strange words came in a puff of smoke: ‘go find a tree, I’m out of God juice!’

09:56: The Exiled Vault Dweller must have been well paid. It had 12 coins and a touchy subject. Maybe I should apply for its monstering job now that it’s become available…

She thought angrilly how he had let that Tyranasaurus Ex get into his head and now he had made himself into a Terror Dactyl.

00:46: The Terror Dactyl didn’t just threaten to huff and puff and to blow my house down, it fainted from actually attempting it. I borrowed 2 gold coins and some pixie dust snuff while putting it in the recovery position and went on my merry way.

8:02: That Stoned Golem was really rich. I found 31 coins in its pocket. (Thats’s for the taxi … half way to my friend’s house.)

00:48: Asked the Maxwell’s Demon if it knew the time. As it was checking its watch, I made a timely getaway.

18:04: Walked up to a stranger to ask for directions. He told me to hit the road. I took his advice, but now who’s going to fix all the potholes?

18:17: I told the Cotton Candy Golem this land wasn’t big enough for the both of us… then I decided to be the bigger person and move on. Quickly.

21:36: Fled from the Atheist Mantis before it could mock me again.

05:22: Decided to get a better perspective on the Sad Hatter from a distance… a very long distance.

And so she walked away to her fellow goonie ’s town Deville many many milestones away in the cold thick of winter. It was so cold it even numbed her feelings which was one good thing about the situation.

Walking to Deville….

00:52: I’ve heard that some people run from their past. Lucky them! I bet it doesn’t run as fast as this Thumb Raider.

Going around the bend…

07:43: Technically, how could I ever get lost if I never had a destination in mind?

00:56: Saw a big red dot on the ground. Next to it were the words, ‘You are here’. Felt a wave of paranoia…

She had visions … some bad some good… some vastly spiritual experiences involving Horus and her. Was she suppoed to be with him or was she going crazy? Nothing could deny the synchronicity she experienced with him previously on MANY occasions, a feelin like she was close in spirit with him … like he was there with her … and then he would call. At exactly that time…. She was connected to him on some digi spiritual level. What is that about!?

05:24: Suddenly, I felt as free as a bird… I talked to the wind, and my words were carried away… Oh, this vision was amazing, my Lady!

18:14: The voices in my head keep telling me not to listen to the voices in my head.

Some voices in her head said the following:

10:08: Managed to see some strange fiery letters fading out on the horizon: ‘No you are not my son. I would not let that happen.’

18:13: Suddenly, coming from the nearby hills, there was a roar: ‘I allowed you to fall my hero, forgive me.’ Who’s there?

22:32: Tried to count the stars, but got blinded by the light. Might have better luck at night.

Undignified in situation yet not in pride, Nymba had only pennies to get by on and a peasants sickle as her weapon.

13:22: Bought some potions for 197 coins. I could have bought more (as she didn’t have nearly enough and ended up feeling worse due to tolerance? ), so lying under a tree will be much cheaper.

And so she lay for about a week. .or maybe two… using the free pills to keep her under. Til her body hurt from too much inactivity.

She then went out to get to rocks again.

16:35: Woke up with pins and needles in my arms, but how they got there is beyond me.

07:09: Stumbled over something hard. “Something hard” turned out to be a chest of gold. That she found within her fellow Goonies guest room he had made for her.

14:04: Tried collecting rocks as a hobby. Realized that collecting golden bricks was the same thing and much more useful… (unless they get swapped for rock again …)

Rocks were becoming an expensive habbit for her almnost like before…. many years ago, when she had to go get help for that.

The happy place became a little less happy as she saw her rock collecting was affecting her Goonie friend, and he was beginning to be a pain in the ass.

23:52: I told the Firebreathing Dragoon it had to wait while I wrote this diary entry.

18:08: While the Dead Horse claimed the moral high-ground I quickly scrambled up the hill and rolled a large rock boulder down the slope, flattening its false claim. And look, the boulder unearthed some monster repellent. Score!

18:15: Duck! Duck! Dodge! Run!… I think I’m getting the hang of this.

22:05: I watched a Personal Drainer brawling with a Roaming Gnome. That’s so much better than them hitting me…

18:26: I am courageous, and I am brave! I shall continue to write about how great I am as soon as I’ve run away from this Tickle Monster.

She was so confused about her and Horus and also her new residence living with her Goonie friend:

21:49: I successfully completed my quest to wake the dead with breakfast in bed. Looted treasure – check! Slain princess – check! Rescued dragon – check… Um… I think I made a mistake somewhere. I’d better get rid of the evidence…

The heroine is submitting the Tickle Monster as questionable content…

18:26: I am courageous, and I am brave! I shall continue to write about how great I am as soon as I’ve run away from this Tickle Monster.

20:41: Came across a wardrobe with its doors open. Excited by the thought of new clothes, I peeked in, but saw only a lion and a witch lying in a snowfield. What a disappointment!

21:17: The Income Taxidermist cried ‘A plague on both your temples!’ and vanished. Received 31 coins and a closed loophole.

And with that the income taxidermist sent her a bill for $3000 owing from her student overdraft and car fines.

She was quite depressed nowadays. The Goonies told her though, that it would only be eight days til she could become a Master in rank. Twas still not such a consolation (until there was one day to go and then she got excited).

She tried various ideas to get some kind of message to Horus becoz he was incontactible due to breaking his eye-phone two days prior to her leaving … it finally gave a blue screen of vengence as horus called it… he did not have a replacement. He didn’t have her number either now.

She tried telling a trader to pass a message on but it was not helpful… she had no credit to try directories based on location… she thought constantly of how to see him again because she ‘had left many things in his quarters!’ (she told herself in understated dismissal and denial), but she did want to see him too. And make love to the only one who stirred her not shaken her. … My God she was numb tho… she was never ok at separations… so why the lack of pain! Could be the pills? Could be the irony of her life. Could mean that for once this one was worth the pain! !

She got card readings which said two things… she was not sure where to find the answer…

She got sum weird ‘random shouts’ which were confusing yet messages from him somehow, she thought, like:

14:43: Stumbled across a sign that read: ‘I see what you did there.’ (after posting the first of chronicles on her profile…)

14:57: I was running away from a monster when a wall jumped out and slammed into me.

14:54: Found a partially melted piece of armor with some words written on it: ‘do the right thing, even if it seems like a bad idea at the time.’

13:51: I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that, my Lady. I’m busy.

09:40: Managed to see some strange fiery letters fading out on the horizon: ‘no matter what i will always be there. ..’

3:57 A goofy looking man with a chicken hat whispered to me: ‘You can take him! Your the stronger one!’ What was that, I wondered.

14:25: Technically, I’m not running away from the Willy-the-Wasp. It’s called relativity – from my perspective, the monster is moving farther away, so it’s fleeing from me.

22:53: Strange words drifted by in a cloud of smoke: ‘Sending you a clue and love for Felix!’

00:45: Strange words came in a puff of smoke: ‘Use the power of your left foot to find the right path. Thats your right foott.’

!!!! 00:40: That Love Bug left me feeling stirred but not shaken. !!!!

Had some weird frustrating lucid half dreams like :

14:09: Yelled ‘Objection!’ while pointing a finger at the Abominable Sandman. It had no effect though.

14:12: Yelled ’Horus K I love you! ’ at the Abominable Sandman and it died laughing. Found 28 coins.

22:28: Saw another hero’s god in my dreams. My Lady, give me a sign of your presence, I beg you… I feel so lonely.

23:44: I suppose this is a good place to make an appointment at a local cloister to learn how to access the astral plane. Let’s go!

22:54: Is it just me, or have I passed this milestone before?

She got frustrated yet desperate to find the answers to this dilemma.

06:41: Heard some other heroes talking about getting stuck in walls and skipping milestones. I’m not too bothered. I’ve got 99 problems but a glitch ain’t one.

23:06: They say it’s better late than never. Therefore, I decided to postpone my duel with this Dyna Mite to sometime later.

Eventually she heard from him again and then she decided to visit.

00:57: While passing by the gates of Beerburgh, I decided to drop in for an hour or so.

Losing track of time and wandering aimlessly trying to find it…

05:00: The Ex-ghoulfriend turned to dust. I blew away its ashes and found the secret handshake instructions.

00:06: I found it! The secret ingredient is… love?! Alright, who’s the wisecracker?

00:22: Found a partially melted piece of armor with some words written on it: ‘Believe in the power of your heart!’

09:23: Got stuck in a wall. Hmm… must be a glitch.

10:24: I heard someone shouting from the trader’s hut: ‘Yes, as a matter of fact, that WAS me.’

11:48: While passing by a deep hole, I heard an echo resonate from within: ‘No it’s me, but you are going crazy…’

00:31: Strange words drifted by in a cloud of smoke: ‘Jesus Sister. Yes it is I. Be greedy and lustful. Do as I say or I punish.’

01:32: Strange words drifted by in a cloud of smoke: ‘on we go into morning. not to stop before the light.’

11:32: Though I was hoping that succeeding in my quest to bring sexy back once and for all would win the respect and admiration of my peers, this gold brick will have to suffice.

But then it started turning darker again, with the atmosphere becoming tenser and she could see he was starting to be affected by psychic attacks again.

22:41: Came across a Lying King who complained about hordes of heroes trying to prevent it from completing its quests.

09.32: Oh, Wastelands of Insomnia… It’s not all that it’s cracked up to be, and I don’t like the way that Pseudonymph is looking at me. . . Run!!

After a great time together… it ended the same way again: she was told to leave when he had another mental attack involving the memories of his exgirlfriend. She was quite terrified as he now was in the possession of a sawn off shotgun and had heard stories about how things like that end. So she walked down the road opposite the graveyard and called a taxi and her Goonie friend.

22:29: My foe begged for mercy and claimed it wasn’t actually a Virtual Enemy. However, the autopsy proved it wrong.

21:57: Hid from the Spraying Mantis in a graveyard.

22:27: Hid behind the nearest bush. I’ll get that Chain Male next time.

04:22: While lying in a bush, a He-Who-Must-Be-Ashamed thoughtfully repeated: ‘Spread My Name Across The Lands .’

04:44: The He-Who-Must-Be-Ashamed turned to dust. I blew away its ashes and found a Fibonacci sequencer.

22:30: Knowing when to lose is just as good as winning. See you later, Godville Administrator!

22:32: I’ve heard that the best defense is a good offense. Therefore, a retreat must be the best attack!

Yet again the confusion set in and she didn’t know how to work it all out. Now she was even more at a loss for what to think of it all:

22:31: I accidentally stabbed myself with my weapon. So… is this what I’ve been doing to others?

22:27: Calculating the probability of… Oh who am I kidding, I can’t even count.

22:37: Strange words came in a puff of smoke: ‘Going to sleep, do not die while im sleeping you usually do its frustrating!’

04:48: Suddenly, coming from the nearby hills, there was a roar: ‘the road shall lead you to enlightenment .’ Who’s there?

23:03: Pleasantly surprised that my frame of mind was worth 441 coins. If only they grew on trees…

07:20: Strange thoughts filled my head, and I suddenly felt compelled to remember what happened last night. My Goddess, was that your doing?

23:02: A voice from the skies shouted: ‘show me your love in clear words … pray to me in clear plastic baggies filled with white glitter.’ Funny.

23:05: I suddenly heard a thunderous voice in my head: ‘worship the one you love by praying to them when you are apart…’ That was stunning.

23:04: Following a sudden desire, I decided to offer some prayers.

She was contacted by Horus again but her Goonie friend was trying to stop that happening anymore.

23:11: Parrots in the main square declared: ‘let the dust bunny hang out with whom ever it wants.’

23:21: A priest told me that faith moves mountains. Donated 23 gold coins in the hope of acquiring that skill someday.

23:25: A vagrant philosopher told me that the world is just a text. I always suspected something like that.

Asking the Never-ending Story Teller for a time out to retie her bootlace…

23:33: The Never-ending Story Teller was sacrificed to the Exalted One. As its spirit floated skyward, I found a red hat and 10 coins lying next to its remains.

06:39: The local sheriff gave me 2900 gold coins for the head of the Tyrannosaurus-Ex and asked me to bring more. So, where is the nearest pub?

She eventally caught up with Horus one more time but this time she made sure that she asked him to drop her back before he had a chance to go the same way yet again. He decided to keep her a little longer and held onto her for a while which was odd, refusing to drop her back when she suggested and it was puzzeling. And she had a chance to have it out with him and ask him about their future together, to which he was not so forethcoming on the reply. She insisted he drop her home.

08:15: Gave the Captain Oblivious the slip and hid nearby while it was twiddling its thumbs.

20:03: Decided to make a retreat. This bright idea blinded the Love Bug and gave me a lucky chance to escape.

04:05: Sometimes I wonder if my life would be easier without dating, Mighty One. Then I realized that things would be exactly the same.

15:36: Persuaded the Pseudonymph to commit suicide. Sometimes words truly are mightier than swords.

I decided to cell divide and make another hero and God. Her name is Nymphetamine and the God is called Nymphetaminegirl. She is constantly punnished.

  • To view her Chronicles that begin at about this point in my story please look up the God: Nymphetaminegirl

15:45: My quest to find and then tip the balance of power has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.

20:40: I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Rocky Raccoon, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Bess. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.

03:18: My quest to provide the princess with a good night’s sleep was completed with excellence! Got a shiny golden brick and felt great about it.

03:59: Visited the soothsayer. She said I should fight fire with fire without getting burned. I’m not one to argue with destiny, so off we go!

15:58: Parrots in the main square declared: ‘no matter what i will always be there. ..’

08:03: The Ring Wyrm and I decided to make a trade. I gave it a roundhouse kick. In exchange, it gave me its life and 10 coins.

20:21: Still haven’t found what I was lookiing for…

She still found herself with slightly unfinished business.

04:34: They say it’s better late than never. Therefore, I decided to postpone my duel with this Heavenlowerer to sometime later.

04:08: It is cold and bleak here and this quest isn’t going to complete itself. I shall move on.

00:41: Ooops! I broke the Legs Dealer. After carefully trying to put its pieces back together, I still had a free-range ant farm and 23 coins left over. Pocketed them and quietly walked away.

03:44: Sensing my bad mood, Bess deftly tickled me with his whiskers. I feel a little bit better already.

03:42: Hit my funny bone. Ended up crying. A lot.

03:47: Twatsquater ran out of the bushes shouting “Nymba, I’m coming!” but proceeded to trip and roll head over heels into a gully. As usual, I have to do everything myself.

Searching for the left path since the right path has only brought trouble…

23:01: I can’t believe I’m level 21 already. People tell me that I look much younger though, and I still act like a total noob.

Now I’m chief master of the goonies guild.

08:19: I overheard someone say ‘Only an idiot would try to fetch a pail of water from the nearest mirage’. This sounds like a job for me!

08:08: Tried to buy new holy straitjacket for a song, but the trader said I was tone deaf and charged me 2610 gold coins instead.

I used the strightjacket and go fetch one last pail of water from Horus’s mirage of love. I left the very next day, insisting many many times till he listened. I realised that maybe he should just be my friend as it wasn’t going anywhere and maybe I’m actually better off with a Goonie after all and giving up rocks…

23:21: I never make the same mistake twice. Thrice is my absolute minimum.

09:41: I suppose that at my age being a hero is OK, but it raises the question: where do I want to be in five years’ time?

So with that thought for the future she decided to go straight and give up chasing Horus. The new straight life where she stopped chasing psychotic dreams of other level type love was at first a mouthful hard to swallow.

12:58: A big mushroom fell from the sky. It tasted disgusting but I feel better and bigger somehow…

03:28: The Godville Administrator raised its hand for a deadly final strike against me, when Bess suddenly threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. Bess was knocked out by the hit of the monster’s carcass. Oh, my Lady, if I don’t bring him back to senses within the next 60 hours, he’ll lose all his levels and his will to compete!

20:45: Finally completed my quest to fetch a pail of water from the nearest mirage. Got some experience and a golden brick after a long, draggy cutscene.

07:47: I thought about giving the Melee Archer a proper funeral, but decided to just take its third-time charm and 38 coins instead. I’m not a mourning person.

03:24: Heard a shout resonate from within an adobe hut: ‘you are the first of the ampliphites.’

07:28: Parrots in the main square declared: ‘I am really talking to you Edge Crusher.’

Edge Crusher is the newest hero made by my goddess. This time this hero is to lead my lady to victory.

  • To view his chronicles please look up the God : Emily Sophia Maria

21:29: A strange man with a floating exclamation mark above his head told me to find the stuff dreams are made of.

04:00: Desperately praying and sacrificing, I made a small miracle and healed my pet’s heavy wounds. Bess, I’m so glad to see you in good health!

07:01: Carried Bess on my shoulders, so that he could see over the tall grass and alert me to possible danger. So far he’s alerted me to a ball of yarn, a dead pigeon and a lady rocky raccoon…

06:50: You know, my Lady, the life of a heroine is so lonely…

She was reflecting a lot on her life and what she had leanred.

06:53: Note to self: good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

12:40: Note to self: metal armor attracts lightning.

12:41: Not so wild after all…

12:44: Came upon a spoon in the road. How odd…

17:58: The strange radiance around me has finally disappeared. It looks like my aura of pacifism has expired.

19:36: Quest to refuse to master reverse psychology has been completed! Got a fire icicle as a reward. It’s time to go and celebrate!

16:31: A wise man once told me to use my head when overcoming an obstacle so I banged it on a fallen tree blocking the road. Do you have an aspirin, my Lady?

16:38: Watched a centipede and I couldn’t understand how it does it. I have enough trouble with just two legs.

16:52: Sometimes I wonder if my goddess has too much control over me, but I’m afraid this thought will get me punished.

16:55: A monk asked me what I thought about vanity. I told him that when you look as good as I do, you don’t have to think.

17:08: Tried to test the veracity of Murphy’s Law, but something seems to have gone wrong.

She stopped one last time to taste the sweet cotton candy of rock, that which she used to enjoy.

17:12: Passed a tree that looked like it was made out of cotton candy. Still trying to get the splinters out of my tongue.

She was much better off with her new clean slate of going straight and playing video games with her new but long known Goonie boyfriend.

15:28: Tossed the clean slate up in the air, but caught a “Godville or Bust!” sticker instead. Weird but true.

23:03: By trading in my old equipment, I managed to buy a temporary tattoo at only half of its original value! I swear, the trader said so.

13:47: Bess cuddled up to my bruise and calmingly purred. Suddenly I felt a little bit better.

And with that, she decided to start consomating her friendship/relationship to her Goonie partner:

16:42: Hissing quietly, the aura of abstinence slowly evaporated. Once again, I’ll have to learn how to travel with a torch.

18:19: A strange man with a floating exclamation mark above his head told me to arrange a date between Burger King and Dairy Queen.

19:08: Returned to the point of no return in my mission.

00:27: Long ago a wise man told me not to try too hard to die. Looks like I ignored his wisdom and died trying.

18:30: Quest to arrange a date between Burger King and Dairy Queen has been completed! Received a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!

19:22: Strange thoughts filled my head, and I suddenly felt compelled to repair a broken dream. My Goddess, was that your doing?

Repairing her broken dream of finding her true love was to be repaired and changed into a vision of a life with her Goonie.

22:41: The trader was impressed by my “The Goonies” guild membership card. Received necromancer’s graveclothes as a free gift.

07:31: Looks like I’ve finally managed to repair a broken dream. Received a confidence-building sense of accomplishment as a reward.

07:41: I’m worried that my rocky raccoon is hanging with a bad crowd. What should I do, my Lady?

07:49: Bess suddenly got a very surprised look on his face and mumbled something that sounded like: ‘give Bess two meals and a lot of hugs.’ Hmm, I thought he was of the non-talking kind.

07:48: Sometimes I wonder if I should put my heroics behind me and settle down, but then again, I hear marriage is the most common cause of divorce.

07:44: Climbed a large tree to see what was over the horizon. A lot of leaves, apparently.

07:50: Finally! Godville at last!

Looking at the brighter side of life…

07:56: Was mistaken for a doc tor from “The Old Gods”. Managed to send all the high-ranking members who’d cut in front to the back of the line before I was discovered.

14:00: Every time I cross the road, I keep getting the weird feeling a chicken is watching me.

And with that feeling, she saw Horus there, parked on the side of the road watching her hand in hand with her Goonie. Just as she realised it was he who had been beeping his horn, he took off, but she didnt bother chasing him down.

19:45: Don’t know how, but I transformed the third-time charm into the Chain Male. The creature ran away and dropped some holograham crackers, while screaming something about long-awaited freedom.

The heroine and the Raging Hormone are drinking and reminiscing about the last time they battled…

20:34: The Raging Hormone claimed to be a great fan of mine. It couldn’t quote any of my diary phrases though, so I killed the liar and was rewarded with some black mail.

20:37: Tossed the black mail up in the air, but caught a deus ex machina instead. Weird but true.

20:34: Odd. I found sections of a map of Godville printed in the Cyrillic alphabet. It gave me an eerie feeling, as if there was a parallel universe…

20:40: The voices in my head are telling me to do things. Is that you, Almighty, or did I forget to take my medicine?

Just goes to show that magic experiences can still exist without you in my life, Horus!

01:03: Spent several minutes staring at the one-way mirror. Carefully moved it aside and found a new item: a “Things to Forget” list.

11:19: While passing by a cave, I heard an echo resonate from within: ‘there is man to be a great husband to you.’

17:30: Attended an Alcoholics Unanimous meeting at the Khaki-colored Dragon last night. Don’t remember too much about it, but judging by the fact that I’ve woken up face down in a gutter and that 670 gold coins are missing, I think it must have gone pretty well.

Her Goonie friend and her enjoyed that one last blow out on rock together and had a wonderful time doing so. But not good enough a time to want to do it again. They decided their life was better spent together soending their money on much better things. And Nymba had to get over to Australia to visit her mum.

02:47: The trader was impressed by my “The Goonies” guild membership card. Received a shield of Seven Rainbows as a free gift.

10:12: Hooray! I’ve reached level 23!

Seeking the right path by searching the yellow pages…

13:18: I see dead people.

15:12: While I was making my way out of the graveyard I bumped into a zombie. Poor fellow, his god hasn’t done a very good job at resurrecting him…

00:31: While lying in a bush, a Legal Weasel thoughtfully repeated: ‘I send my love, in a lightning form.’

There was the biggest lightening storm in Auckland, and that was the very last time she ever contacted Horus. She simply asked him if he liked the lightening.

16:38: Mighty One, I don’t know whether life is passing me by… or trying to run me over.

17:13: A strange looking man with a stew pot on his head whispered to me: ‘God demands you build an army!’ Is he a member of some kind of secret society?

17:26: Note to self: don’t join dangerous cults – practice safe sects!

Nymba’s period was late and it looked as if she was with child. She had no more cravings for rocks anymore. That was one bonus! She had been with both Horus and her Goonie and so paternity was foggy. She told her Goonie everything and he was ok with what ever worked out but he asked her to not tell Horus about it so that they could just focus on being a family together and not have a man make problems the way Nymba’s first child had been taken from her a few years prior due to mucky custody court cases. She agreed but was confused as to what was right. She thought Horus had the right to know, but yet again he was incontactable due to her probably ignoring his calls on the phone several times and the fact he probably had another anger attack and broke his things. She decided she would have to write a letter at some point.

16:18: Dear Diary, does it look like I’ve gained weight to you?

Looking at the brighter side of life…

17:01: A voice from the skies shouted: ‘who the hell is the father, nymba?’ Funny.

Taking every wrong turn to prove that all roads lead to Godville…

00:00: The trader said that a cow bell was all the rage with the local heroes, so I bought one for 2564 coins.

01:41: Wow, a gentleman’s club! This thing will match the rest of my body armor perfectly.

She was glad she had reacquired the Gentleman’s Club as for the short term this item would make her financial woes lessen as she was unable to spend the money on rock anymore. She would use this weekly to get back to a better position.

23:41: I sure hope nobody’s reading my diary right now.

23:28: Almighty, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the gold to buy shiny new things. Meanwhile, please accept my humble donation of 24 coins.

01:59: I ran into a brick wall with half-faded words written on it: ‘My hero I am proud of you. You have you challenges but you master everyone of them. .’

21:36: Ridiculous Man poked Nymba gently. Nymba suffered, but withstood the pain.

Her breasts were getting bigger and painful due to her pregnancy.

3:27: Chanced upon a roadside sock puppet theatre. I managed to take in about two minutes of it before being overwhelmed with the desire of self harm.

Her hormones were making her get a little fragile at times. She made sure she let it out and have a good cry. Her Goonie found it amusing. He was great to her. She wondered if maybe she should just let Horus go and continue on with a life so secure with her Goonie.

  • You can read his chronicles if you look up the god: Nymphetamineboy

23:35: Maybe someone is reading this now and… Ah, who am I kidding?

23:41: Strange words drifted by in a cloud of smoke: ’You’re making good progress, my son! .’

19:40: I came. I saw. I settled for an honorable draw.

23:35: Tossed the tell-tale heart up in the air, but caught a phishing lure instead. Weird but true.

18:31: Oh, I guess this quest is going to be really epic! I have to change the world, then change it back. And they want to make it fast. Are they kidding?

04:57: The spirits of my ancestors came to me in a vision and told me they would find no peace until I manage to repair a broken dream. I should probably do it just to stop them from haunting me.

18:56: The spirits of my ancestors came to me in a vision and told me they would find no peace until I manage to find a gate to a perpendicular universe. I should probably do it just to stop them from haunting me.

Life took on a new meaning and Nymba was confident about her new life. Her thoughts of Horus were now being processed in a different way: experiencing the anger that she had never felt towards him. But she knew she couldn’t really do anything about any of it.

01:51: Swallowed my pride. Funny, it tasted like chicken. Goodbye, Flash Gorgon!

07:09: The Love Bug asked me if I’d spare its life if it worshipped you, Omnipotent One. I decided to let it ask you in person.

Sniffing the air to find the right path…

05:03: Heard a shout resonate from within an adobe hut: ’I’m surprised you didn’t die in my absence.’

07:29: Hooray! I’ve reached level 25!

10:40: As I was walking by a wedding, the bride threw her bouquet and I adroitly caught it in mid-air. An accompanying note read, “attend an Alcoholics Anonymous for Heroes meeting.” Well, a trip out of town seems like a good idea, especially since the bridesmaids appear very cross with me for some reason.

18:46: Saw a blue hedgehog roll past me at an alarming speed. Must be mating season again…

16:20: Felt like I was being followed. Started walking backwards.

20:27: Finally found the right path. Yeah, I’m quite sure about it.

…..18:46: Spent several minutes staring at the alpha mail. Carefully moved it aside and found a new item: some poetic justice…..