Day 1:
I awoke in a temple, in my birthday suit. Well, I guess it is my birthday, so I am adorning the appropriate attire. Felt an urge to walk into a biker bar and take the largest man’s clothes and his bike, and place his cool sunglasses on my face saying “Hasta la vista, baby”
Day 2:
I have this urge to complete quests, even if I don’t think there is anything better then sliced bread. I found out what it was, but forgot after a trip to the pub.
Day I lost count already:
Learned that I should point my weapon at my enemies and not at me head, yarg. Spent the next hours trying to stop my brain from hemorrhaging.
Day after the last day I wrote about:
I learned a skill! Saw a panda slapping another hero with his palm, decided it was an excellent weapon. Thus it was called Palm of the Panda. Too bad I didn’t see a gorilla.
Day I leveled up to 20:
I acquired a new piece of equipment! However it seems to need to be fed and bathed regularly, decided to name him Pumba, and now haven’t been able to make him stop following me around.
A few days after I leveled to 20:
Pumba stopped an Antihero from striking a fatal blow, dragged his carcass around for a few days, crying into his fur and throwing sticks into an open field with him, however got tired of fetching them myself, went back to town and after many sacrifices and donations, brought him back to fetch me beers.
Day after the last entry:
Once again I stand victorious against the evil aligned, I hope that my purity has had an effect to sway these heros to fight for good, it makes hair styling a lot easier on the hero.
Day after, after the last, last entry:
Fought in an epic arena battle with Mihala, received many lightning bolts to my face, but with the constant encouraging of my Lord I managed to win with only 3 health. Too bad the constant healing takes care of the scars from the intense blasts, all the ladies love battle scars.
A few days later (I think):
Ran into Iehuhua on the battlefield, decided to run my uranium walking stick into his skull until he admitted defeat. Received a shiny gold brick, and his 2D glasses, which when I arrived in town decided to upgrade to a subnet mask, mostly for the cool factor.
Captains Log, Stardate, the day after yesterday:
Finally, a shield worthy of my pure efforts, I decided after downgrading all of my other equipment, I shall upgrade to the shield of Heaven’s Protector, now to fight monsters that I know I can not defeat, with very little health, but I know the divine one will protect me, won’t he?
Day about 2 months:
Wrote some poetic verses about my journey. They were too good to keep to myself, so I performed them in front of an adoring audience of peasants. They said I have talent. Much better then last time when they were throwing tomatos at me.
Day 11:10AM
My vision suddenly went dark and my ears began to pound… Once I had recovered, I found myself at the center of an arena with a strong desire to kick ass and chew bubblegum. And with that I gained my 60th Arena Win however my opponent had no bubblegum.
Stardate 102.69
I should be put away for charges on animal cruelty, my fifth pet has died again, but I found a Heffalump, hopefully when this one brings me my beers he won’t drink it all and die from liver damage.