03/13/15 08:21 PM Embarrassed, yet completed. Got a weird sense of déjà vu from it for some reason. They told me that to sacrifice dignity on the altar of entertainment would be a piece of cake. Well, I don’t see any cake, and I can’t eat this stupid golden brick either.
03/02/15 01:55 AM I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Double Dragon, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Nessie. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
02/05/15 07:39 PM I don’t know if I’m more surprised to be alive at level 56, or that I can count that high.
01/27/15 02:58 PM I wonder what was going through the Immoral Porpoise’s head when it died. Probably the lightning bolt, judging by the mess.
12/06/14 12:04 AM – Some say it’s the reason heroes drink, and that it once swallowed a hero whole just to prove it wasn’t poisonous. All I know is that it’s called Felix, and it just leveled up.
12/02/14 06:54 PM – A blinding light from the heavens shone upon me. Broken bones cracked back into place, wounds reversed back into nothing and that medical problem I had that I was too embarrassed to even mention in my diary has finally gone.
11/23/14 10:00 PM – My face must be glowing like this golden temple I just now finished for you, Most Righteous One. I have to say, it does look great!
5/16/14 10:01 PM – I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Lightsaber-Toothed Tiger, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Scratchy. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
5/11/14 09:31 PM – Judging by Pilot’s face I think he’s tired of me. I guess it’s time to finally set him free. Farewell, Pilot! I promise to find a new best friend in your memory!
Engines set to warp speed. Engage, Officer Felix.
Stared into the abyss. Couldn’t see a thing except some lemmings practicing base-jumping.
Found a goose that laid golden eggs. It was delicious.
Due to copyright issues, the previous diary had to be destroyed. Sorry for the inconvenience.
My Lord, why do I seem to be your only follower? Don’t you have other people to yell “Clean up on aisle 4!” or do stupid, almost heroic things in your name?
I hate censorship. Why can’t I even write **** in my own ****ing diary?!
My Lord, you know how we each have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other? Should I be concerned that my angel has wrapped my devil in duct tape?
Took a right turn and found a traveling tavern hidden in the woods. Tears of joy ran down my face as the barkeep placed a cold beer in front of me. 83 coins seems steep, but where else was I going to get a drink out here?
This is a test of the Emergency Diary System. In the event of an actual emergency, I will drop my diary and huddle in a corner. Thank you for your cooperation.
I’m not really this dumb, Almighty, it’s just that my diary is stuck on the “brainless drunkard” setting. Why did I have to lose the manual?
Dug a deep trap for unsuspecting monsters, but it’s quickly filling up with angry heroes. Perhaps setting it in the middle of the road wasn’t such a good idea after all.
The back of this milestone marker reads: “Myrkul was here.” Hey, I forgot I did that!
Dipping the hard-earned nuggets of wisdom in the ranch sauce of ignorance…
Realizing I only get hungover when I drink beer, I tried eating 2530 gold coins’ worth of ice cream instead. What’s the deal here? I got a splitting headache anyway. It’s like I can’t win.
Chaos, panic, and disorder – my work in this town is done.
The doctor told me he was inspired because I was a person who loved nature in spite of what it did to me. Wait, what?
I woke up in a cold sweat. Had a nightmare that my life was someone else’s game…
Darn that trader! Almighty, why am I so easily distracted by shiny things?
Butt out, Scratchy. There is no “we” in “bacon”.
Found a gingerbread house. Couldn’t help myself – had a bite of the windowsill.
Other heroes love it when I draw the letter ‘X’ on the ground. They swarm around it as soon as I leave, cheering excitedly, with shovels in their hands.
Visited an acupuncturist instead of the regular doctor. I became suspicious of his methods and left quickly when he started to draw a dartboard on my chest.
Found a package with the label “BACON” on it. Ate it without question.
Saw a Bazookat eating a hero sandwich. Since I don’t look good in bread, I decided to roll away from it.
I’ve decided, Great One, that you are just an excuse my mind has concocted to explain away my magic powers which I cannot, as of yet, fully control. Either that or you’re real, and will definitely smite me for thinking this.
Pet Care Tip: Pets do not like practical jokes at their expense. For instance, do not hang a “Wide Load” sign on the tail of your lightsaber-toothed tiger.
Found a strange machine with a coin slot. Inserted a coin and was rewarded with a cup of coffee. Must have drunk a dozen by now, but I’ll carry on playing as long as I keep winning.
“Ground Control to Major God…”
After years of research and development I unveiled my new cocktail to the regulars of “The Drunken Clam” last night. It’s made by pouring half a pint of beer on top of another half pint of beer. I call it “Pint of Beer”. I was shocked when I was fined 2258 coins for copyright infringement.
Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say “are you gonna drink that or what?”
Was able to escape the Prankenstein using a paperclip, a rubber band, and a straw.
From now on, I shall completely devote myself to my quest, Almighty! I shall not deviate from… Oooh! A little puppy!
Complained to the doctor that I keep experiencing sharp pain in my left eye whenever I drink pina coladas. After asking me to demonstrate, he firmly advised me to take out the straw first if I am to chug it straight from the glass.
As I continue my efforts to become a better person, my resolutions are: 1. Stop making lists. B. Be more consistent. 7. Learn to count.
Came across a board game in the forest that was playing itself. Felt an eerie sense of affection for it.
Made a grand entrance into Bumchester to the applause of no one.
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