Both my hero’s great and ridiculous accomplishments are recorded within these very chronicles.
You know what? I think I’m just going to store my Terry Pratchett Quotes here instead.
“this is also a story about sex, although probably not in the athletic, tumbling, count-the-legs-and-divide-by-two sense unless the characters get totally beyond the author’s control. They might.”(Equal Rites 1)
08:35
Met a man who offered to drive me to the next milestone. I declined because there were no signs of a cart, and he kept cracking a large whip.
03:07 PM
Put 3730 coins away for a rainy day instead of buying an umbrella. I’m soaking wet but marginally wealthier.
07:29 PM Saw saplings march into war. Must be infant trees.
03:52
This book of magic is useless. They didn’t even run a spell check on it.
bc.07:42 AM Noticed a notice on a notice board by the road that read: “If you notice this notice, you’ll notice that this notice is noticeably not worth noticing”. Why did I take the time to notice that?
12:15
I asked the trader what the price of a new a** was. Asp. Ape. AXE! Stupid diary auto-correct.
08:52
I hate censorship. Why can’t I even write **** in my own ****ing diary?!
06:11
The General Grievance claimed that when it was done with me, I’d be sleeping with the fishes. I guess that must be where mermaids come from.
05:12 AM Not able to end my quest, I decided to take my life. And suddenly when I almost passed away my quest was completed! Strange. Very strange.
Once you manage to rid Godville of all the unnecessary drama — an epic reward is already in your pocket! I already feel 10153 gold coins richer and much closer to my next level!
08:46 PM
Notes from the battlefield: The heroes brought together by the Great Random have defeated the Hulking Scurrying Overhearing Alpacalypse! Laskjffj became the owner of 8146 gold coins, tail of the Alpacalypse, a golden brick, a golden brick, an invite to Godville, a slice of good fortune and a certificate of heroism.
08:32 PM
After all is said and done, I think I’ll just go back to Godville. I don’t want to talk about it.
Once you manage to find out what happens after all is said and done — an epic reward is already in your pocket! I already feel 10441 coins richer and much closer to my next level!
10:13
A power from up above tried to raise me up into the heavens. I failed to rise more than an inch off the ground before I heard an otherworldly grunt and fell down in a heap. Do you even lift, my Lord?
08:19
The following diary entries are brought to you by Laskjffj — I gotta go poo.
08:42
Yelled ‘I gotta go poo’ at the Ironclad Chef and it died laughing. Found 35 gold coins.
09:02
Hid under a huge cloud, so the Mighty One won’t see me using the golden brick as bait.
08:43 PM
Notes from the dungeon: The heroes plunder the treasure trove and divide the loot. Laskjffj gets 8665 coins, a log for the ark, a hammer of realignment, a reality check, the key to success and a chain reactor.
10:37
A glowing fairy came along shouting, ‘HEY, LISTEN!’ I swatted it out of the air.
10:53
I tried leaving a trail of bread crumbs behind, but it kept following me.
11:06
Dear Diary, why don’t you show up as an item in my inventory?
02:59
Notes from the dungeon: The heroes plunder the treasure trove and divide the loot. Laskjffj puts 10000 coins, a log for the ark, a prophet margin, the circle of life and a déjà voodoo doll in his pockets.
10:22
I’m sorry Almighty, but my last few entries were complete lies. I just wanted my life to seem more interesting.
07:41
Saw a shady trader by the road. Sat down beside him to get out of the sun.
05:28
A giant cable descended from the sky, wrapped itself around me, and re-energized my body. Thanks, Almighty, but we need to talk about where to plug it in next time.
Had an epiphany. Every sentence is an innuendo, if I think long and hard about it