It was morning. Afternoon. Whatever. I stepped out of the “Mistake,” a nice inn in Godville. I stop to fix the buckles on my Icarus Wing and look back. Senneth and the Black Prince are passed out on the remains of the piano. Drool is, well, still drinking it seems. Several other Adjudicators are there as well, mostly still passed out. The place is trashed.
It used to be a nice inn in Godville.
As I watch the inn keeper, holding a broom, he takes off his hat and throws it on the ground. He looks at me in the door way. My pathological honesty training tells me he wants money. My skill also allows me to notice Calvin the Great and his large money pouch, to which I point. The inn keeper grabs it up and stops eyeing me. Calvin will never miss that 25293, and I’m sure someone will get him to the hospital.
I turn around and begin walking toward the city gates. I have mighty deeds to do.
Glancing down the alley next to the inn I notice Nobby Nobbs, and several other friends from the Ankh-Morpork City Watch, either stopping a mugging or doing the mugging. Either way, I wave and feel much safer.
I look back at the inn and notice part of the roof caved in and a still burning fire somewhere in the back. Fazzona is standing on a balcony just above the front door putting on her moonglasses. She sees me and throws a kiss. I try to catch it and fail. Must be the hangover. The kiss hits me above the left eye and opens a gash. I quickly activate my self-cloning skill before anyone sees.
Crisis heroically averted I make my way down the street. I nod at Alex the Average and Dr Kenneth Noisewater, both bidding on a kaboomerang at the weapons shop. Pete the Popular sits on a barrel next to the anvil, sharpening his rock-immune scissors. Jeeber runs out of the store, his new Sword of Irony hidden underneath his Odin’s Beard. The, “stop! Thief!” I hear coming from the shop tells me he almost certainly paid full price for it.
Continuing down the street, I pass a well. I look both ways, and noticing that I’m not being noticed quickly toss 17,828 gold into it. I’m sure this is a great investment. I give my Icarus wings a flap in triumph before proceding.
Around the corner from the weapons shop I see Queen Emma, furiously scratching, waiting in line for her morning coffee. Her bloody itch skill always goes haywire without her morning coffee. Much the same way that excess beer affects my mating contact skill…
I stop at the apothecary for some healing supplies, check the offering box at the temple I built, give a thumbs up to Bad Karma up in the sky, and look for my imaginary pachyderm pet. He’s hard to find.
Ahead, the Godville city gates. Gunnar Greybox and Mezzrow (who always smells like bamboo) stand at the bottom of the battlement stairs. I give them a jolly wave and walk to the top of the wall. I check the draw strings on my security breeches and rest my Nerf cannon on my shoulder, gazing out at the monsters.
I am Lamplighter.