Carik’s story starts far, far away from Godville. Far enough away that it actually starts on Azeroth. It’s a little awkward.
So you want me to start at the beginning, huh? Okay. In the beginning, there were the Titans—
Oh. Not that much of a beginning.
Once upon a time there were two trading clans in two different kingdoms who decided to marry a pair of unwilling kids to each other for trading alliance purposes. This mostly resulted in many illegitimate offspring, one legitimate child (that would be Carik), and not a lot of profit. Mostly because then the orcs showed up from some portal from another world, and razed the kingdom Carik was born in to the ground.
So Carik grew up in a city he wasn’t born in, in a family who was generally indifferent to each other, in a social climate that was rapidly shifting from peacetime to all out war. Of course he became an adventurer. Also his new home also was destroyed when he was a teenager, because Azeroth’s history for the past thirty years has been completely insane.
Somehow Carik became a paladin, or at least as much of a paladin as you can be armed with a sword, spending about 80% of his time gossiping with people and doing their errands instead of Smiting Evil, and picking up sewing as a hobby. Somehow this didn’t end up translating to a fashion sense, since his favourite outfit was bright purple, which clashed wonderfully against his bright orange hair. But at least he was more interested in helping people than trying to get people to Convert or whatever the heck paladins are supposed to do.
And then one day he opened his eyes and discovered he wasn’t in a place he recognized.
Carik has no idea how he got to Godville, but he stuck to adventuring as something he knew how to do, but quickly ran into problems. For one thing, his familiar armor, axe, and shield (not to mention money) had evaporated into thin air. For two, for some reason he couldn’t use any of his cool paladin abilities anymore and soon found himself using even stranger abilities.
For a time, Carik was very clumsy, still trying to throw a shield made of light at enemies or not expecting it when he did randomly use some of his new abilities (he still isn’t sure what liana-eyebrows did since his eyes always ended up reflexively closing), but he slowly (mostly) adjusted to the new world around him. It’s not like adventuring changes that much. Sure, he doesn’t know what half of the things he picks up are, but it’s not like it matters as long as someone buys it, right?
But wait, I hear you ask, what about that whole God thing?
That’s a touch more complicated for poor ol’ Carik. Mostly because he believes in the Light, not in some specific god. It also actually took a surprisingly long time for Carik to become aware of the existence of his “god”. For a while, all the interactions with the being known as Kaerran were limited to a lot of light that sometimes healed him but sometimes missed, and he had assumed that it was just the Light behaving weirdly here.
And then Kaerran managed to actually talk at him and he discovered that no, the Light was still confusingly absent, and life had quickly gotten even stranger. Apparently Kaerran was a lesser god of a sort and had just started on a practicum of sorts: keep an eye on this hero, do well, you’ll be promoted probably. One day.
This was, in fact, a step backwards for Kaerran, since Kaerran really wanted to be in charge of elements or animals or something that didn’t have to deal with pesky people very much, and everyone knows that heroes are some of the most needy beings on the planet besides babies, and at least babies stop crying when their needs are met.
Luckily, this meant Carik was nearly an ideal hero for Kaerran to get saddled with since he doesn’t Believe in them anyway, tries to take care of himself (but fails, it’s a lot harder to pick up first aid after ten years of magically healing yourself and the local idea of first aid seems to be taking a nap under a tree), and is also invested in helping people out. So they struck a deal: Kaerran would try to keep an eye on Carik as best they could, and Carik would build that weird golden temple everyone else seemed to be building as proof that Kaerran had “succeeded” in championing this hero.
Time passed, and Carik eventually succeeded at building this temple thing (which has been the source of a few more headaches for Kaerran due to the new more-than-one-worshipper thing. Whoever’s in charge of assigning new god duties apparently didn’t warn them about that part of the temple). Kaerran also had to give Carik the bad news: they can’t actually send him home. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, a flash of divine inspiration revealed to both Kaerran and Carik that, well, he’s probably happier here anyway, since war has broken out AGAIN (for those keeping track at home, this is, depending on how you count them, the sixth or so war in the past eight or nine years) and basically it’s the stupidest war yet. And won’t allow him to help many of his friends, and some of the people on “his” side he dislikes more than the “other” side. Sucks to be stuck on Azeroth right now.
So while Kaerran researches universe-hopping and maybe time travel on the side, Carik has gotten onto new tasks: the world’s biggest floating playhouse (complete with new friends!) for his companion firefox, and saving up this money he has no long term use for to use for his other new project. Specifically, socializing.
But wait, you say, that doesn’t make any sense!
Well, Carik heard about the other heroes retiring to open shops, so his idea is to open a tavern instead, and maybe then some heroes will sit still long enough for him to actually make some new friends. Sure, he has a few, but their interactions are always limited to him starting to wave at them and being passed by at warp speed as the other hero run off to find more monsters to kill. For a social guy like Carik, it sucks.
So that’s one year down. Keep on truckin’, Carik.
At 762 days (2 years, 1 month), level 75, and quest 1200, Carik finally completed his ark! Now Oy has retired to a fun life of playing with the various pairs his owner has fished out, and Carik has celebrated by finding a new pal for the road: a hyper lynx Kaerran named on a whim after something they saw on the Wikipedia Did You Know section one day, Narsaq.
Three and a half years into Carik’s journey, he hasn’t hit any new milestones, but he trained Narsaq to be so big and scary, that he was sent to help Oy keep the various ark dwellers from tearing the ark to pieces. Then Carik recruited a battle sheep to help them, and now he’s training up a new gummy worm pal, mostly because he got lonely on the road again. He feels like a real hunter now! Like some of his old pals on Draenor and Azeroth. The world is a lot more relaxing here, though, he heard some rumor from Kaerran that… Anduin is brainwashed and evil? Even more strange rumours that they were visiting dead people? He is kind of glad to live in a world where a new war doesn’t break out every year now.
Five and a half years in, Carik hasn’t changed much. He’s completed a few more goals (like collecting pairs of friends for his menagerie) and collected even more friends, without once checking what’s going on back home. He’s made a new one here.
~~~
Paladin habits are hard to break…
The hero is blocking with his weapon and attacking with his shield for 18 hp…
11:04 The trader told me that a brand new lederhosen of redemption would help me stand out from the crowd.
05:51 Lit a candle for the peace of slaughtered monsters’ souls.
02:23 Meandering along the path, I came across a sign that said “Low Trees”, so I gave one a big hug and carried on my way.
08:51 Found refuge in a cave for the night. Shared my blanket with the bear living inside. Came out unscratched. Winter is awesome.
11:15 PM The world is saved, the missing cow is found, the herdsman is buried, the wolves are satisfied.
A hero’s work is never done, but my quest to save the world in the nearby village certainly is! This golden brick is a nice reward for such a thankless job.
On the subject of self-improvement…
05:11 Took time out from my busy schedule of death and destruction for a spot of knitting.
03:15 Look, Mighty One, I’ve taken up a new hobby: doodling. See? A fish! <*)))><
03:23 Joy! After years of practice I have finally mastered how to play the violin. “The Violin” is a tune I play on the triangle.
The best companionship for any travelling hero…
Guarding Oy while he sleeps…
02:43 Sometimes it seems as if everyone is against me, but, when Oy snuggles up next to me, everything seems alright. I love my firefox!
04:57 Woke up to find Oy sleeping on the foot of my bed, twitching his legs as he dreamed. Wonder what grand adventure my little buddy is having.
04:54 I was praying at my temple when Oy came to my side and offered some flowers that he had dug up from the roadside. I think he likes you, Luminous One.
12:46 A giant hand materialized out of the sky, patted Oy on the head and threw him a treat.
Almighty, hypothetically speaking, how annoyed would you be if I spent 1613 gold coins trying to win a stuffed firefox for Oy?
After vanquishing the Battlesheep, I noticed a pair of tear-brimmed eyes peering out from under the bushes. Wracked by guilt, I took the baby-monster’s shaking hand and adopted it as my pet. I’ll name him Tige.
03:16 AM Took a nap on Tige’s warm furry back, and woke up many, many milestones further down the road. I should travel business class more often.
12:20 AM Tige graciously gave me a quick ride on his back. I gave him a big hug as thanks.
10:42 PM Paid 661 gold coins to give my little monster a bath before starting a tough campaign. Timon’s coat now shines luxuriously and he is happily hiccuping soap bubbles.
Softly singing a lullaby to Timon…
And enjoying a life not fraught with faction squabbles…
01:53 Why is it that no campfire ever felt as warm as the morning sun on my back? Life is good sometimes.
08:44 Found a clearing in the forest filled with wildflowers and songbirds. Remained there a while and offered thanks to the Almighty for creating such beauty.
01:04 Good friends are hard to come by. At least I know I’ll always have you, Great One.
02:06 PM A soft tribble hopped into my hand. It wheezed and purred and made me feel better and healthier.
03:50 Watched the world around me slowly change into a beautiful, snow-covered wonderland. For a brief moment, I almost forgot that there’s probably a monster waiting to pounce on me at the next milestone.
04:32 PM It’s cold and bleak here. I should probably be getting on with my quest, but first things first. Time to make some snow angels!
12:09 Dearest diary, today was the day! I carefully laid the last brick, swept all the rooms, opened all windows to let your glorious light shine in. I can’t believe it, your temple is finally finished, my Lord! I feel delirious with happiness.
04:35 Saved 2568 coins for a tavern of my own one day.
I have the kindest and gentlest god in the world, and may he smite anyone who says otherwise.
12:06 A log! A thousandth log! I’m even ready for a flood now. Not that I’m asking for it, my Lord.
06:28 PM Managed to get 4000 gold coins from the trader for my Godville days counter (4000 pcs) 🎉. Luckily, he didn’t see the graffiti of a famous artist’s name sullying the bottom.
10:38 PM The Godville days counter (5000 pcs) 🎉 was worth its weight in gold, assuming it weighed as much as the 5000 gold coins the trader paid me for it.
01:38 AM Soul Supreme, I just re-counted the pairs and I think the ark now has a thousand of them. We’re not going to cram another thousand in there, are we?
Quest 2500: Climb the tallest mountain and take a peak (epic) picked up at 4 years and nine days old.
Quest 4000: Finish a thousand-piece puzzle of a clear blue sky (epic) completed after 6 years and 4 months, or 2328 days in.
Pantheons
Hit #6 on Creation Pantheon at about 10 PM (all times MST) on 09/25/17. Aw yeah. And again at 6 PM on 10/23/2017. Highest of the pure goods, still hasn’t hit pure good! yet.
Hit #5 in Creation at like 6 or 7 AM on 10/26/17. Thanks hammer of realignment!
And #3 Creation at midnight between 01/04/18 and 01/05. Sweet
New high point of #2 at 6 am on 01/22/18 due to two auras of totemism in 3 days. Getting close to that elusive #1!
At #2 again at 3pm on 06/05/18. 40 minutes and three encourages later, finally hit pure good! and upgraded to #1 at 4pm! Achievement unlocked.
Since then we’ve hit #1 a couple more times, and pure good! once more.
On 07/31/18 at 02:00AM, hit #1 in Creation again… and 6666 in Survival. Lol.
Hit Honored Saint on April 24, 2023. 30,000 encourages completed…. and absolutely no punishes.
So far the highest Survival ranking has been 77 (Feb 27 2021), followed by 85 (Nov 14th 2019) Survival hovers in the 40-50 range these days, and has climbed as high as mid 20s but a string of unlucky improbability drive etc activations dropped him from 16 deaths to 20 in the course of two days. Generally keeps just above 10 deaths. Mastery is probably slowly climbing along with Savings, Arkeology, Catch, etc. My guild has topped out Popularity at 8, Unity at 12, Duelery at 221, and Adventure at 69 at different times.
Skills
I’ve been tracking all the skill swaps, and, without going into a giant paragraph of text, they’re ridiculous. I do find it interesting that the only skill that has never swapped is his first (mountain moving, which is distinctly lower level because the AI prioritizes combat skills and seems to make trade skills useless). He swapped mountain moving, I’m very sad. I do wish there was a way to prod heroes into swapping SPECIFIC skills because one or two of the ones he got I was Distinctly Uncomfortable with and there’s no way to fix it without waiting it out.
Pets
#1: Gleep the ninja tortoise. Sept. 25 2018-Oct.24 2018, level 9 (chunky, fearsome, mighty personalities) Got up to 6059 in Taming pantheon.
02:49 AM Judging by Gleep’s face I think he’s tired of me. I guess it’s time to finally set him free. Farewell, Gleep! I promise to find a new best friend in your memory!
#2: Oy the firefox. Oct 25 2018-Jan 2 2019 with levels, maxed at level 18 (skittish, harsh, garish, vivid, superior, infernal) Got up to 4044 in Taming. Now living happily in the ark.
#3: Nipper Narsaq the hyper lynx (droller, fearsome, mighty, splendid, superior, unbeatable, great, indomitable, ancient oldie). Acquired just before midnight on Sept 21 2019, reached level 30 on May 7 2020. Got to 3387 in Taming at the same time.
#4: Tige the battle sheep (shaggy, chunky, dashing, nimble, harsh, wild, garish, vigorous, perilous, brutal, splendid, cheerful, garish again, brutal, slashing, indomitable, unbeatable, superior, great, unbeatable, tenacious, infernal, steady, eternal, long-lived). Acquired at 4:13 am on Friday May 15 2020. 🐑 Hit level 30 on Thursday December 10 2020, at six months 29 days old. yay for sheep. Returned to levelling on May 24, 2023. Got to 977 taming before heading back to the ark so Carik could try to get a new friend.
#5: Timon the gummy wyrm (I missed the first couple of personalities, truthful, harsh, neat, garish, swanky, garish again, wild, brutal, vigorous, cheerful, perilous, unbeatable, superior, superb, indomitable, superb again, tenacious, great, superior, great again, unbeatable again, oldie, toothless, eventually steady) Aw yeah, tamed the last level possible. I’ll probably rename them. You know, I didn’t know pets could get above 30 but now they’re 35. who knew. I finally remembered to send to the ark at level 42. Timon is rank 1055 in Taming.
#6: is apparently a Battle Toad named Baloo (droller, cheerful, vivid, I’ve missed most of these tbh, 34-36 is ancient, immortal, steady), tamed at 9:42 am on Feb 20, 2022. I’m kinda eh about this, I don’t go sailing so the abilities don’t help. Exactly 1 hour after hitting level 43, got KO’d and 23 hours later Carik also died, so Baloo’s not about to get revived. Sorry Baloo, you got to 980 taming. Released May 22, 2023.
#7: another Battle Toad, this time named Pilot. acquired May 24, 2023, and immediately swapped with Tige the battlesheep. Sent to the ark and released on December 24th.
#8: a Thesaurus Rex named Tigger (bustler, frisky, nimble, dashing, truthful, vigorous, hardy, garish, wild, splendid, unbeatable, garish, chunky, unique, indomitable), acquired December 30, 2023, at 6:05 pm. No Satan Claws apparently, but a giant dinosaur feels appropriate for the new year.
Other milestones: Joined Godville on August 19th, 2017 and joined guild on Sept 1.
Finished crossword first uhhh I have to find my backup copy but it was September 2018.
Made #1 in the Bingo rankings for issues 2919 and 2920 (Jan 6/7 2019), just in time for my birthday celebrations!
Was featured in the Godville Times on Friday November 15 – Saturday November 16 2019, for being 92 in Survival. Awesome! Kinda funny it happened immediately after dropping 7 places though.
Second newspaper mention was Wednesday April 9 – Thursday April 10 2021 for being 32nd in Creation. Goal achieved!