DO NOT READ!! I HAVEN’T FINISHED YET
CONTENT CHANGES FROM TIME TO TIME SINCE THE STORYTELLER KEEPS JUMPING BETWEEN UNIVERSES
THE EPIC JOURNEY PART I: BILIVERDINN AND A STRANGE GIRL’S PURSE
Once upon a time, when our hero was still a newbie who had to do all the lame, meaningless quests to earn every single coin of gold, the kingdom was in chaos because of a curse:
“On the fifth day of the fourth month, the third child of the Millionths will be turned into wet breadcrumbs”.
At first, people thought it was just a horrible poem of someone who tried to find words rhythm with “month”, since Mr. and Mrs. Millionths only have two children. Everything changed when a pregnant woman declared that Mrs. Millionths was the one who put the curse on her unborn child.
Everybody was shocked. No one could ever believe that Mr. Millionth would cheat on his wife. People also didn’t know Mrs. Millionth was that bad at making poems.
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It was a dark, windy night – perfect for people to run away from monsters…
In the Very Big forest, a young woman was running for her life when she tripped over a tree root. Her purse was dropped, but she didn’t notice it. She quickly got up on her feet and ran even faster.
Who was that woman? Why was she running away from the castle? Where was she going? Anyway, both the hero and his Goddess didn’t care.
Biliverdinn was resting nearby when he saw the woman dropped her purse. She seemed to be in a rush; she was running so fast that he couldn’t call her back. Our hero had no other choice but to keep this purse.
Inside the purse, he found three thousands gold coins. It was a large amount of gold for him at that time. He planned to go to the nearest tavern to celebrate his good luck. But a lightning struck him. And another one. And another one.
After being struck by lightning three times, the coins were melted into a floating bubble of golden liquid. Biliverdinn patiently waited for the undrinkable liquid to be turned into a beautiful, shiny golden brick.
The hero sighed, put the brick into his bag, picked up the empty purse, and threw it as high as possible. He hoped that it would be able to hit the beautiful face of, you know, her, softly…
The purse couldn’t fly high enough, but it did hit a face. A Santa Claws’ face, to be more precise. Biliverdinn didn’t expect that. The monster didn’t expect that, either.
It was the first time Biliverdinn had ever encountered a Santa Claws. The battle between them was destined to be legendary.
“I can never forget that night. Anyone who lived in the kingdom could hear the roars of the scary beast and the screams of our brave hero. People ran to the forest, but no one dared to come near. The impacts between the hero and the beast were so strong that the sky was cracked. Lightning bolts, one after another, continuously struck the ground. At the end of the fight, a giant pillar of lightning struck straight down where the fight was going on; it was so bright that everyone thought a new sun had been born in the very dark of the forest.” – A random man on the street, quite a long time ago.
THE EPIC JOURNEY PART II: BILIVERDINN AND A WOODEN BUCKET
5 months later, when our hero had finally become a grown-up man who could spend his money however he wanted, people had already forgotten about that battle in the Very Big forest. However, they could still recite the terrible poem spread around that time. Until that day – the day another terrible poem gained the publicity:
“A birdie keeps singing ‘what will happen tomorrow may shock you’; not only in English but in another languages too. How could she speak? We really have no clue; but one thing we know for sure she’s definitely a cuckoo.”
Everyone started arguing about what could happen the following day and whether this poem could be called a poem or not – which had nothing to do with our hero. Or, at least, that was what he thought.
=Hello there, I’m another random paragraph divider==
It was a hot, starry night – perfect for things to fall from the sky…
Two lovers were sitting next to each other when they saw a shooting star flying across the sky. “Quick, make a wish!”, one person whispered eagerly. They both closed their eyes and started wishing in their head.
“I wish we can be together forever….”, one of them wished.
“I wish it will rain tonight”, desired the other one.
The star carried their hopes and dreams, flied to the horizon and then disappeared into the far away forest….
Biliverdinn and his pet, Bolt, were sleeping in an abandoned shrine in the middle of the Faraway forest when he heard a loud crack and the sound of a heavy thing hit the floor. He quickly got up and approached the Unidentified-Falling-Object.
Just when our hero was about to get close to the UFO, it started glowing a beautiful emerald aura with green transparent plus-signs floating around. Through the light, he noticed the “object” was actually a woman. Biliverdinn was too familiar with this scene – obviously, this girl was a heroine, and she was being resurrected.
In the sky, clouds started gathering. Thunders started booming. Our hero’s senses were tingling. Something was about to happen.
It had to be raining soon.
And it actually did, the rain started pouring down heavily. After several failed attempts of pushing the unbelievably – heavy – corpse away from under the hole of the roof, Biliverdinn simply gave up and put a big wooden bucket over it. He had to collect rainwater. That corpse should be gone soon, anyway – heroes would be transferred to the nearest holy place when they were brought back to life.
Suddenly, Bolt stood up. The Unidentified-Falling-Heroine was still there, standing inside the bucket, all wet, and staring at them angrily.
Someone forgot that a shrine was a holy place.
Biliverdinn’s back hair all stood up. He could feel some kind of strong energy flowing in the air. The UFH closed her eyes and put her hands in a weird position. A fireball was formed in front of her.
… And it was put out completely a second later.
Someone else forgot that it was raining, and she was standing directly under the hole on the shrine’s roof.
Even in just a flash of time, the light shone out from the fireball lasted long enough for both of them to see the faces of each other.
“It’s… You!” The UFH shouted shockingly.
Biliverdinn stepped back.
Guess what? Our hero's finally had a sad back-story!
It was another night when everyone in the kingdom couldn’t sleep. What happened was a big surprise to all of them, but a welcome one.
“The first rain in the summer! It surely did kick the hotness away for a while. My family was all up to collect rainwater – these should be enough for us to use in about a week. What? What fight are you talking about?” – Another random normal man on the street.
THE EPIC JOURNEY PART III: BILIVERDINN AND A CAN OF SYRUP
Two years later, when our hero seemed to be tired of the hero life and was more interested in collecting gopher logs, no one remembered about his heroic deeds; but people would come to him to request some well-built wooden furniture. He and Bolt had chosen a small and peaceful village in a remote area to settle their lives.
It was another normal workday for Billy the timber man. After finishing his work, the old hero went outside to take a break. Bolt was in the front yard, playing with the children of the village. It looked like they had got a new folksong:
“This small kingdom in the far east is now out of the frying pan;
The first heir of the throne is known as a deaf-mute bag of bran;
One other heir is described as ‘worse than a garbage can’;
Now the only qualified one left turns out to be the child of a guardsman!”
Biliverdinn sat down at a table in the shade of an old tree and took a slip of tea, humming the new poem along with them. Suddenly realized something, the hero dropped his tea cup and jumped up while looking at the kids in terror.
(to be continued)