Hero

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Hadura

level 81

Everything is grey

Age 9 years
Personality neutral
Guild no guild
Monsters Killed about 246 thousand
Death Count 131
Wins / Losses 3 / 4
Temple Completed at 05/29/2016
Ark Completed at 11/11/2018 (160.1%)
Twos of Every Kind 284m, 230f (23.0%)
Savings 6M, 440k (21.5%)
Pet Biowolf Sandy

Equipment

Weapon shard of death metal +90
Shield insanity plea +90
Head red riding hood +91
Body armor of night invisibility +90
Arms vibranium vambraces +90
Legs steelettos +90
Talisman life insurance +90

Skills

  • asynchronous swimming level 65
  • backyard portal level 63
  • forced generosity level 60
  • mountain moving level 59
  • battle chess level 59
  • quantum leap level 52
  • thumb beating level 45
  • tooth sampling level 41
  • pseudopod attack level 37
  • Cheshire smile level 32

Pantheons

Gratitude2466
Might12156
Templehood17502
Storytelling110

Achievements

  • Builder, 1st rank
  • Careerist, 1st rank
  • Favorite, 1st rank
  • Renegade, 1st rank
  • Shipwright, 1st rank
  • Martyr, 2nd rank
  • Saint, 2nd rank
  • Animalist, 3rd rank
  • Fiend, 3rd rank
  • Hunter, 3rd rank
  • Moneybag, 3rd rank
  • Savior, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

Hadura and the Butterfly

Hadura saw a butterfly one day. He cried at its beauty.

Hadura and the Donut

Hadura looked in the window of a bakery and saw a delicious jelly donut. He had enough gold to buy it… but he ignored that and instead stole the donut. It WAS delicious though.

Hadura Discovers his Lactose Intolerance

After stealing the jelly donut, Hadura, decided to get a glass of milk for coffee. Unfortunately there were no glasses in town so he just drank straight from the cow’s udder and chewed on some coffee beans. About an hour later he escaped the bathroom, but not without being followed by a wretched smell.

Hadura Solves his Dairy Dilemma

Hadura was handed a fortune cookie by a stranger. Not really knowing what a fortune cookie was he nearly ate the paper inside. Thankfully for his still slightly upset stomach he spat the paper back out, it read: “Have you tried a non-dairy creamer?” From now on Hadura only takes his coffee with non-dairy creamer and hasn’t had any more dairy induced diarrhea.

a piece of paper is attached to the page by some unknown sticky substance, it reads

“I think I have OCToOOCDD. Which is Obsessive Compulsive Thoughts over Ones Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Disorder. Basically I think too much on an entirely irrelevant subject. Also I think I have hyperthyroidism, for I eat seven jelly donuts a day. Though that may just be my OCD. hmm, I shall have to think more on this.”

Hadura Contemplates a New Line of Work

Falling into a hard wooden chair after an equally hard day of fighting monsters, Hadura cracks open a beer and finds something inscribed on the inside of the lid. “You may want to look into a different job. Perhaps something in the culinary field?” Thinking on this idea of a safe life behind the counter of some fancy restaurant makes Hadura smile. Perhaps it would be a good idea. He dreams of being surrounded by models as he unveils his new restaurant made from pure gold bricks. A booming yet feminine voice shakes him from his dream, “You dare think of using my temple’s bricks for some cheesy restaurant!” Suddenly gray clouds fill the sky and thunder roars. Hadura scrambles to his knees and cries, “I apologize my Holy One! I shall not use your temple’s bricks for anything else, but to worship you! Please do not smite me!” The thunder quites down and the clouds roll of into the distance and disperse. Hadura, sweating, sits back down. “That was close.” The tavern owner looks over at Hadura perturbed and a bit bewildered by his actions. The tavern owner shouts for Hadura to get out as he throws a glass at his head. The glass hits him right in the forehead as he flees. “Ach! I’m leaving. I’m leaving! Stop throwing things! Ooh, bread! Thanks! ow That was a plate.” Hadura has not thought of opening a restaurant since. Nor does he pay any mind to things inscribed on the inside of beer bottle caps, especially when they’re only there after drinking the beer.

Hadura is Defeated

Hadura went flying through the air and slammed into a rock. When he opened his eyes he was laying before his Goddess Grandour. She had a look of embarrassment and shock on her face. “I am so sorry. I was only trying to move you aside of the monster’s attack. um, Here, you’ll be fine.” She waves her hand in front of Hadura’s face and mumbles something about “this is not the Goddess you are looking for”. Suddenly Hadura awakens under an oak tree outside of town, surrounded by empty beer bottles.

“That was weird, I thought I was fighting and then…”

Hadura looks around at the empty bottles of beer.

“Perhaps I should stop drinking… HAHA! Nah…”

Hadura and the Boss of High Cholesterol

Hadura wakes up in a large cave next to the sleeping body of the High Cholesterol Boss.

“What the… I was just in the forest. How did I…”

The High Cholesterol Boss snorts and begins to wake up.

“Oh… uh…”

The HCB stares at Hadura and makes a growling, hissing sound. Hadura stands up straight and waves at the creature.

“Hi… I was just… uh leaving.”

A voice erupts through the cave, “Fight for me!”

“My Lady? Oh… Well… it’s quite big. If you haven’t noticed.”

With a popping sound a bar with numbers at the end appears above Hadura’s head. Hadura looks confusedly at the bar.

Suddenly another popping sound echoes through the cave as another bar appears above the HCB, but much larger than Hadura’s.

“Seriously? It has that much health?”

Hadura grabs his long staff and charges at the HCB as it roars and slithers towards him, it’s mouth open, rows of teeth shining, including a gold brick in place of one tooth.

(Blah Blah Blah, long description of the fight. Things happen. Hadura is wounded occasionally, but healed by his Goddess. The HCB is slowly brought down by Hadura’s fighting “skills”. Yadda Yadda, the thing dies.)

Hadura whips his head back with a laugh, pulling his sword from the HCB’s neck.

“Ha! Looks like. There is no SPOOOOON for you!”

A sigh floats through the cave.

“What? It’s my motto. Ooh, look a gold brick!”

Hadura picks up the gold brick and a few other things, he then spies a full six pack of beer.

“Aha!”

As he reaches for it he’s teleported back to town.

“Aww Come on!”

People turn and look at him, confused and irritated by his shouting.

Hadura and the Arena Duel

Hadura is thrown to the ground by his opponent.

“ow… My elbow.”

Hadura stands up and dusts himself off.

“Look at that. You got dirt on my viking helmet! And I don’t think that scratch is gonna buff out!”

His opponent throws a fist at him, but Hadura dodges it and kicks at his leg, but trips and falls to the ground. He slowly rolls over onto his back.

“Shi…”

His opponent kneels on top of him and begins beating him mercilessly.

“And the winner of today’s arena duel is…”

Hadura is wheeled out of the arena on a cart, broken and bleeding, obviously confused, shouting, “I’m a winner! I’m a winner! Where’s my beer?!?!”

Hadura Joins Infinity Waffles

“Abandon Quest!”

Hadura looks around.

“Oh uh, my Goddes. Sorry can’t do that right now. Very busy.”

Hadura goes back to drinking a beer and eating a taco.

“For the love of all that is holy, including me! Abandon your freaking quest!”

Hadura suddenly snaps to his senses.

“You know what. I don’t think I wanna join that guild anymore. I also suddenly want another beer.”

A loud slapping sound can be heard from above. Grandour must have facepalmed.

“Just… Please… Join the Infinity Waffles now. I’ve asked you this for three hours straight now. Just… Join the ‘Infinity Waffles’ guild!”

Hadura bolts straight up from his seat.

“Oh my Goddess! I suddenly had this epiphany! I know what guild I want to join!”

Applause can be heard from above.

“Yes, that’s it! I shall join the Crew that Never Rests!”

The clouds suddenly darken and a rumble shakes the building.

“um… I mean, the Infinity Waffles… Yes! I’ll join the Infinity Waffles… Heh heh…”

The sky brightens up and a rainbow shoots across the sky and hits Hadura in the chest, healing him.

“Oh thank you my Goddess! Now I can begin my quest to join the Infinity Waffles!”

The breeze blows by with a gentle sigh.

Hadura Stands Up for What He Believes In

Hadura stands atop a beer crate and is shouting to the crowd below.

“I believe that all men are created equal!”

“Yeah!”, roars the crowd.

“I believe we were put on this earth for one reason!”

“Yeah!”, the crowd says with a bit less volume.

“That’s right!”

Hadura nods in agreement with what he said as some people in the crowd begin to tear up.

“And we will let no man keep us from it!”

“Yeah!”, the crowd roars again.

Hadura points at some guy in an apron.

“Not that guy!”

“Yeah!”

Hadura points at a lady cleaning tables.

“Not that lady!”

“Yeah!”

Hadura points to a squirrel.

“And especially not you!”

“Yeah…”

Hadura pumps his fist in the air.

“I believe we should go out and do what we were put here for!”

“Yeah!”

One man pipes up, “Didn’t he already say that?” They ignore him.

Hadura smiles and nods his head.

“That’s right.”

People begin raising their hands and cheering, “Ha-dur-a! Ha-dur-a!”

“WE CAN DRINK AS MUCH AS WE WANT! TO HELL WITH LAST CALL!!!”

The crowd is in a fury now, banging their heads, hooting and hollering.

“Yeah! Woooo! Hadura! Wooo!”