Whizzo was confused. Rather, Whizzo is perpetually confused. A Battle cry of “By Akbar’s Accordion!” What? What’s that all about? And what, blessed be his name, what sort of name is Foobar42 for a god? Really? Shouldn’t it be something, well, more awe inspiring? And the answers to his prayers? Were smoldering sheets of paper with musical scores titled “Lady of Spain” and “Beer Barrel Polka” really supposed to pass for enlightenment into the mysteries of the universe and inspire him to do good?
Well… the “Beer Barrel Polka” at least had promise. Now. If only he could find a tavern with an accordion player….
Day 11. An Aura of Abstinence? Really My Lord? Why? Don’t I quaff Beer in your honor? Devour thy flesh in the holy ritual form of the Sacred Pretzel? Was it that I also partook of Ale, Porter and Stouts in Beerburgh? Have mercy on thy hero before he perishes of thirst! For Beer & Pretzels!
Day 16. Lord? Thank thee for thy blessings. The small cask labeled “Delirum Tremens” proved to be most pleasant tipple. One thing. The pink elephants circling above my head were quite distracting. Could you, perhaps, see fit to spare me their images? Blessed be Foobar42’s name. For Beer & Pretzels!
Day 47. Almighty? Thank thee for Dino. A firefox is a most wonderful companion. Dino snuggles up to keep me warm, warns me of monsters, even joins me in battle. And that little cask? What a nice idea. Omnipotent One? If I might point out just one small problem? It’s the cask. Could you please, somehow make it a ‘Cask of Everfilling?’
Day 84. What was I thinking Oh Mighty One? Yes, it was in a glorious fight in your name, but I admit have been a bit distracted when I triggered that artifact. What? No, Lord I didn’t say “Oops” I said “Boots.” First Pseudo Origin appeared, but he was badly battered and bruised and could barely stand. Was summoning a weak companion some sort of test oh Divine Being? Then the Hulking, Enlightened Khannibal appeared. We fought bravely, but when Khannibal sucked the life out of him in the second minute, I doubted I would survive. Lord? Was it that you wanted to protect me that I survived? Or those three gold bricks and the rich treasure it was carrying? Send me a sign, Almighty that it was me…what? What’s that glow? A mysterious shape? Getting brighter, almost too bright to see, it’s a, a… it’s a pretzel? Really Lord? Dino, no, stop, that’s my….
16:53 Wrote down the thousandth word into the holy book, took a deep breath and snapped my numb fingers. Hallelujah, Gentle One, the great work is done!fter six years and six months, at least last the great work is done! Pilot, a 49th level Inner Demon and I will have bowls of Green Dragon ale!