06:14 AM You were with me when I was bruised and wounded. You were with me when I was alone and miserable. You were with me when I was overwhelmed by hunger and thirst. I see one common factor in all of this, Great One.
05:05 PM Tige roared loudly and charged at the Lawn Enforcer, but stumbled and fell. Yes, that’s definitely my battlesheep.
This may be one of the funniest random god voices I’ve seen: 12:37 AM Heard a shout resonate from within an adobe hut: ‘hey, I just made you, and this is crazy, but here’s some monsters, so slay them, maybe?’
Random favorite entries:
09:37 PM Glued a sword handle to a large rock, then sat back and giggled to myself as I watched other heroes waste their time pulling on it. Had a fun couple of hours.
03:31 PM Sometimes I feel like there is no free will and I’m just a slave to my computer coding.
12:47 AM Had an epiphany. Every sentence is an innuendo, if I think long and hard about it.
03:47 PM A stranger came close to me and whispered: ‘Klaatu barada nikto.’
06:13 PM Turned briefly to the dark side. Couldn’t see a thing.
03:31 AM Tried to stab the Cluster Duck with a blunt weapon. It was pointless.
16:17 Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
03:10 PM Stumbled on a meeting of anonymous heroes sitting in a circle and talking about how long it’s been since their last drink. Felt sorry for them, and spent 9718 coins buying them all beer.
06:50 PM The doctor berated me for each of my wounds. That’s just adding insult to injury.
06:06 PM Found an ancient chest protected by a powerful seal. Distracted the seal with some fish and took 3788 coins from the chest.
12:39 AM A Firefox ahead! Cry havoc, and let slip the philosoraptor of war!
04:27 AM Saw saplings march into war. Must be infant trees.
05:03 PM Accidentally swallowed some food coloring. Although the doctor says I am okay, I still feel like I dyed a little inside.
12:23 AM Just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.
10:20 PM Sunshine is nice, but moonshine is so much better.
05:27 AM Burnt the haystack. Found the needle.
07:04 PM Mysterious forces have left another log of gopher wood for the ark at your temple. Whatever floats your boat, Luminous One.
11:56 PM Tried to save money by visiting the vet instead of the doctor, but left in a hurry when he started talking about spaying.
12:11 AM If I can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate!
01:56 PM Mmm… Potion of sleep resistance. Or as the locals call it, ‘coffee’.
Quest: Pick up some chicken broth from the stock market
Quest: Fit Cerberus with flea collars
Random favorite monsters:
Enemy: Satanic Mechanic
Enemy: Killer Rabbit
Enemy: Panic Attacker
Enemy: Woolverine
Enemy: Bloodthirsty Umpire
Enemy: Niceferatu
Enemy: Non Sequiturtle
Enemy: Lucifurby
Enemy: Prosthetic Arms Dealer
Enemy: Lesser Scott
Enemy: What’s-its-Face
Random favorite religious things:
07:51 PM Saw a burning bush. Watered it.
Enemy: Deer God
Quest: Create holy water by boiling the hell out of it
01:07 AM Heard someone yelling, ‘Oh God!’ over and over from behind a bush. I wish I were that devout, Luminous One.
03:45 PM Happened to stumble upon a group of dyslexic priests praying to their dog.
Random favorite items:
Wirt’s other leg
Gently weeping guitar
Coy fish
Igpay Atinlay ictionaryday
Bag of dirty thoughts
Weapon: Pachelbel’s cannon +107
Pretty buoy
Dead parrot
Spork
Chloroform-scented candle
Oil of “olé!”
Lye Detector
Dead pet rock
Defrag Mint
Many-splendored thing
“Autocorrection four Dummies” guide
Gregorian colander
Braille “Do Not Touch!” sign
Prints of Persia
Audiobook of untold tales
Wreath of Khan
Oh how nice: 01:47 AM Saw a dead heroine who had lost all her equipment. Covered her politely with strategically placed fig leaves.