Introduction
In the far reaches of Gondawandaland (1 mile from Godville), there lived a young sheepherder named Jint. He wasn’t the strongest, fastest, or most noble of people. Jint was in fact a nobody, until one of his sheep wandered from the flock. It was no ordinary sheep either, it was a rare gilded onyx sheep that was the crown jewel of his flock. Jint followed his sheep and he stumbled upon a jungle Shrine. The shrine was abandoned and falling apart. Jint spotted his sheep and retrieved it, but he was very curious about the shrine. He drcided to take a closer look, but only found an altar. When Jint was about to leave a voice called out to him, “Rebuild my Temple and you shall do great deeds.” Jint found a gleaming halberd in perfect condition. Etched into it was the word MirrorSteel. As Jint grabbed the weapon, he was suddenly full of strength and set out to do his new god’s bidding for such a great gift.
Arr!
Foes would stand in his way and it would be a long journey but he would not give up for his god Dyar was with him. He strode forth calling out “It’s ok I’m a sheepherder!” None could bear to stand in his path. Light shined where he hath traveled past. He would rescue innocents along his journey. When he came within reach of the hoard of treasures that would supply him with what he needed to build his god’s temple a giant…..menacing…...deadly….Guinea Pirate emerged and attacked. Jint fought valiantly with his halberd of freedom named Mirrorsteel. Jint landed a few good blows, until the GuineaPirate lunged forward. Jint would have perished were it not for his god. Jint was suddenly filled with vitality and dodged the fearsome beast. As the GuineaPirate recovered from its failed attack, Jint thrust Mirror into the beast’s eye. The creature collapsed. Jint prayed thanks to his god and strode forth to the treasure.
Quack!
Just as he was about to reach the treasure, Jint heard a rumble. The walls around him began to shudder and the ceiling was collapsing. Jint grabbed something randomly. Jint made a dash for the door and made it outside just in time. Jint was angered to have lost such a treasure but looked down at his hand to see what he grabbed. In his hand was three gold coins, a sapphire and a small ring. The insignia on the ring was a duck. Not a dragon not a lion. Just….a duck. Jint put on the ring determined to get something of his ordeal. As Jint returned to town he was greeted by cheering for ridding the town of the foul GuineaPirate. Jint was unsettled about something. You see he has Anatidaephobia – The fear, that some time, somewhere, some how, a duck is watching you…and when he turned around there in its horror was a duck….watching him. Jint made a run for it but tripped and fell into a pond. As he got up there were more ducks…watching him. Jint was terrified there was nowhere to run. Jint looked down at his hand and saw the ring. An idea formed in his head and he twisted the top of the ring. The ducks were now moving closer. He yelled, “Go away.” The ducks did just that, but they still watched him from far away. Jint called them back and they came back. It was the ring! It gave him power over the ducks. However, there is little you can do with ducks. They just swim eat and fly. At least the ring helped Jint conquer his fear. Now if he wanted to no duck would ever look at him again.
Charlie!
After conquering his fear Jint strode forth to explore candy mountain. It was a long trek across gorges and up steep cliffs. Jint finally came to the mountain cave where he found Charlie the Unicorn dead with a missing liver. Jint broke off his horn as a souvenir. Seconds later two unicorn organ snatchers appeared. Jint decapitated one with MirrorSteel. The second turned to escape, but Jint was too quick. He pulled the unicorn horn from his pocket and threw it straight for the unicorns head. It droppped dead instantly. Jint strode forth unfazed. Suddenly the ground dropped away beneath his feet. Jint fell and landed on his back. As he got up he saw something…...something red…....and white. He looked up. It was a person and not just any person it was the one thought to be uncatchable, it was Waldo. Upon realizing he was discovered, Waldo shrieked and vanished in a puff of smoke. All that remained was his hat. Jint took the hat and proudly wore it to show his accomplishment. The cave continued on to a mine where people were gathering gemstones. Jint walked by proudly. The mine opened up to fresh air. Jint looked around to see he was on a desrt island. Jint thought he was stranded until he rembered his ring. He called out, “HEEELP” and several ducks flew over. Jint grabbed all the ducks and they took off. While flying Jint spotted a giant peach floating in the ocean. Odd. The ducks dropped him off at Godville.
The Perfect Breakfast
Jint rested at his house after his ordeal. The next day while walking through town Jint was verbally attacked by a crazed street vendor. “I don’t want any sunglasses.” he said and made a run for it. He ran so far that he ran into the 101 acre woods. Jint spotted a fat, honey covered bear stuck in a rabbit hole. Jint laughed quietly and went to go help the poor thing. As Jint walked over a rare bouncing Tiger circled him and then ran away. That was odd. Jint helped the bear and then wondered what the hell was so interesting in the rabbit hole. Jint poked in his head to find an Entire room of BACON. Jint crawles through the rabbit hole fearcely. When Jint made it through, he sat down and began to devour the bacon. As he finished eating there in its horror was the Vorpal rabbit, with its razor sharp teeth and claws. Jint nervously started throwing things at it. It dodged all of the attacks. Jint nearly gave up, but he remembred the Holy Hand Grenade in his pocket, he quicky read the instructions. “pull the pin and count to three. Not 2 and not 4. 5 is right out”. Jint did just that and tossed the grenade oblitterating the rabbit. Jint gathered all the bacon he could and ran back to town. Before he could reach his house he was ambushed by a Baconator that stole all the bacon and took off running. Jint was depressed by this, but sitting in the road was a penny. He took it for luck. Two seconds later a the Baconator was struck by lightning and dropped dead. “I knew that penny was lucky!” he said. Jint strode back to his house with his bacon and decided to take a nap.
“I’m Invinible!”
When Jint awoke he ate a large sum of the bacon he collected and set out to explore once again. His god Dyar’s temple was only slightly built and he needed more bricks. Jint strode forth and challenged many heroes for golden bricks. Jint remained victorious for a long time. One day, a knight clad in black armor stood guard at a bridge. Before Jint could challenge him to a duel, the knight said, “None shall pass.” Jint, seeing that he obviously needed to pass, fought the knight. They blocked and parried blows until Jint’s MirrorSteel struck the knight’s arm, severing it off. Jint, seeing his victory, started walking. The knight was persistent and attacked Jint again, “It’s just a flesh wound,” he said. Jint severed the knight’s last arm and walked off again. The knight came back kicking him. Jint severed both his legs, picked up the knights treasures and left. The knight, determined not to lose, shouted, “We’ll call it a draw,” as Jint departed.
“Quest”
Suddenly, Jint heard a voice from the heavens. Dyar shouted, “HERO! I COMMAND YOU TO SEEK OUT THE HERMIT OF FELGON FOREST AND RETRIEVE FROM HIM THE POWERFUL AND RIGHTEOUS…...[item]. BE WARNED THAT YOU MUST NOT USE THE [item] OR YOU SHALL PERISH. MORTALS CAN NOT APPRECIATE THE TRUE WORTH OF THE [item]. ONCE YOU HAVE RETRIEVED THE ITEM, HURL IT INTO THE WATERFALL OF DELI. GO NOW HERO AND FULFILL MY WISHES!” Jint bounced to it. He trudged through Felgon Forest facing many boars and other regular animals. Jint come to a small hut and so he knocked on the door. A dirty red haired hobbit answered the door. Jint declared, “I am here for the [item].” The hobbit nodded and said, “First you must solve the puzzle.” Jint agrees and bids the hobbit to continue. “What can you lose that you can never find again?” Jint ponders for awhile. He sleep is restless and is haunted by the riddle. Inspiration strikes him at the dead of night. Jint approaches the hobbit and says, “Your mind.” The hobbit hands Jint the [item] and he departs gleefully. Jint finds the waterfall of Deli and glances at the [item]. “It looks just like a [animal] I really like it too. Should I really get rid of it?” A tree falls inches from him. “Okay okay I’ll do it.” He hurls the [item] and a hippo catches it and devours it. The hippo then carried a box towards Jint. Inside was the Amulet of Aquaticism. It would allow Jint to breathe under and walk on the water. “Nice!” exclaimed Jint. He the proceeded to stand atop the geyser of water produced by the town fountain in triumph.
Just One Bite
Now Jint found himself not powerful enough to smite his foes. Therefore he joined the ranks of the might Slaves To Armok who were the wealthiest and most influential people in all the land. With his new allies, Jint set out to do the impossible, to eat just one Lays potato chip. Many tried, but none have succeeded. One hero after another from the ranks of Slaves To Armok stepped forward, but none could resist and upon eating the evil second potato chip they vanished. Jint was last to take his turn and he struggled to resist and couldn’t handle it any longer so he took that dreaded bite and blacked out. Hours later he awoke surrounded by an ominous fog. He heard a noise and out shambled a ravenous Mr. Potato Head. Jint struck with MirrorSteel and lopped off body part after body part, but the creature always replaced them. Jint then in desperation struck the beast across it’s chest. The creature was sliced into thin pieces and before the creature could reassemble itself, Jint gathered up the pieces and tossed them as far as he could. Jint then realized that the fog was created by the heat of a volcano that he was inside of. Jint looked into the magma and spotted crispy wafers that were once Mr. Potato Head. The evil of the lays potato chips had been vanquished and people could once again eat potato chips in piece.
Hell on Earth
Jint then strode back to the guild hall to spread word of his deeds. When Jint arrived the Guild Pirter approached him with a letter. Jint opened it immediatly, read it, and dropped it in horror. The contents of the letter told of an unholy gathering that shall occur just outside of Godville. Jint set forth at once to put an end to such evil. As he exited the gates of Godville, he could see it. The most despised gathering ever to be called, the Family Reunion. Jint marched forward and was immediatly questioned. “Jint is that you? Why, you’ve gotten so tall!” said that one Aunt that he has seen only once before. Jint pushed on. “You look so skinny sit down and eat,” said the sweet old grandmother. Jint was tempted, but pulled himself together at the last moment. “Can you give me a hand with this?” said the hardworking uncle. Jint was trapped and foynd himself carrying picnic tables onto the lawn. Jint saw no hope of escape, until his eyes caught site of the heart of the gathering. Jint set out on a dead run for it and knocked it to the ground. Food and drink (unfortunately beer) tumbled to the ground. The gathering was stunned, then little by little the people began making excuses to leave until Jint was the only one left. Jint had again prevented terror and suffering from reaching Godville.
Fall from Grace
As Jint wandered back to town, a fearsome Godville Administrator appeared. Jint was unprepared and was stunned by the sight of the creature. The Godville Administrator altered reality and Jint found himself lost. He died screaming like a little girl while fighting valiantly for his life. Jint found himself to be in front of a white picket fence. Jint looked to both sides and the fence appeared to stretch on for eternity. Jint was confused, so he decided to get drunk. He opened his pack, but found only water. It was then that Jint decided that he was in Hell. Jint then turned around and saw an endless abyss. Jint climbed the eternal picket fence next only to find another fence before him. Jint looked back once again, but saw only the abyss. Jint suddenly realised that something was different. He could hear a very high pitched yapping. As he looked to the left a pack of miniature poodles swarmed towards him. Jint ran in terror to scale the next fence. Jint found himself in a mind field, one wrong step would cover his brand new shoes in the disgusting waste of the prieviously mentioned poodles. Jint picked his way carefully and slowly. Suddenly, a piece of bread fell from his pack and was lost to the madness. When Jint finally crossed the mine field, he found himself in front of a beaten down old house.
Tea Time in Hell
Jint went forward and knocked on the door. Nobody answered. He tried again with similar results. Frustrated Jint sat down to rest. As he was resting Jint came up with an idea and quickly prayed to his god Dyar. The door slowly swung open. Inside was a little old lady peering at him with a crossbow in hand. “Umm I was looking for whoever’s in charge,” said Jint. The woman relaxed and stated, “I though yee wer after me secret recipe, would you like some tea?” Jint cautiously accepted and stepped inside. The old woman brought Jint some tea and cookies and they both ate the snacks. “You be lookin’ fer Jimmy?” said the old woman. “Umm…sure…why not?” “Jimmy! Somebody’s here to see you!” said the woman. In walked the tallest most fearsome looking man Jint had ever seen. Jimmy looked to Jint abd said, “hello Jint, I’ve been expecting you.” “Well I’ll just let you two play,” said the woman. “I thought this place would be a lot more…you know…terrifying,” Jint said nervously. “Well being the evil tormentor of souls and keeper of Hell isn’t really the most profitable.” “Umm that woman doesn’t seem to fit the whole evil and soulcrushing theme,” Jint said. “Yeah don’t worry ‘bout Ma, she doesn’t really know about my job. She thinks I’m unemployed. But yeah, lets get to the whole eternal torment thing.” Jint scrambled to get away, but “Jimmy” was much faster. They found eachother on opposite sides of one very long dining table. As Jint tried to run one way so would his opponent. They appeared to be at a stalemate, until “Jimmy” broke every rule in the book. He climbed on to the table, breaking the fine china and sending tea everywhere. Jint was stunned at such an act, but it is too be expected from the prince of darkness himself. Just then a ladder crashed through the ceiling, knocked “Jimmy” off the now destroyed table, and bathed Jint in holy light. Inscribed in it were the words, “Jint you owe me one, don’t screw it up this time. Love, Dyar. Without hesitaion Jint jumpes on and started climbing. The holy power of Dyar prevents Jimmy from stopping Jint’s departure. As jint neared the top he could hear the old woman say, “Jimmy, If you can’t keep your friends from breaking things then they won’t be allowed to visit anymore!” Jint reached the top and opened a man hole cover to find himself in Godville safe and sound.