So I Dubz23, a god, decided to sneak into the Eldrich gods fraternity house (the lesser known and much weaker cousins of the Eldritch gods) last night. It was a bout of pride, and the fact that I was chilly dog dared to do it. That evening they were all bragging about their heroes chronicles and how many temples worth and arkfulls of gold they had spent to get their heroes a worthy writer. My hero hasn’t even gotten 1% of my temple done. So while I was feeling inadequate, I decided to find out what a chronicle is anyways.
I immediately forgot about it when I found it was a essay on my hero and his journey.
FIN
…
My hero told me he’d stop selling artifact bases to traders for cheap if I wrote him a good chronicle so I’m back.
IN THE BEGINNING he was weak. IN THE MIDDLE he was still weak. IN THE PRESENT he is still weak, but he hasn’t died once as of writing this so he isn’t so bad.
To be honest when I found my hero he was a bit… heroic. I mean a village elder/prophet told him he would be my champion. I was glad he had the will, and he wasn’t shy in any way. Also, the first thing I did was encourage him… which was all part of the plan.
It was sooo funny when he fought his first monster! I don’t even remember what it was but he was practically pissing himself. His hands weren’t steady, knees weak, arms were heavy, I thought the monster was gonna slurp him up like moms spaghetti. So I did a little god’n and made him incredibly strong. It was killing two birds with one stone. He became totally devout and also lost all that pride.
I was a bit proud of him, so I split the clouds and shown some light I stole from a heroes’ party in a dungeon. He said he heard some screams and I told him my angels needed some choir practice.
I’ll tell you all his deepest secret. Once, whilst sneaking around a guild in the top 200 of every pantheon mortal HQ, he was dared to-
Sorry he almost died and I didn’t want him to start a habit so I shown blinding light on him. Sadly I had MIB’ed myself and have no idea what I was writing. In better news I showed my hero the chronciles so far. He likes it! But it distracted him from his fight with a griffendoor and cost him a good amount of health. Actually since I started writing this paragraph he’s lost like 20-25 HP. I don’t know what the hell he’s fighting, but my GP is looking a little low so I hope he has time to pray.
Recently my imaginary friend, because I currently have none that don’t exist in my mind, told me I’m too kind to my hero. I asked him howso. Turns out, I haven’t ever punished my hero. . .
… Aaaaaand looks like I can’t start now he’s losing again.
I saved him from battle, and told him multiple times to run away and go sell his stuff at the nearest town, but he became deaf again and rudely ignored me. He couldn’t even do a little praying after being on deaths door twice in ten minutes, like, have some gratitude man… I might have to follow Jeffery the Imagination’s advice and do a little punishing.
Crap he’s fighting again… looks like he’s losing again… this time imma laugh me arse off before I help him. No need to punish, these monsters do it for me, and drop cash too.
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It is the next day today. His first death happen. I feel, dissapointed. In myself. How could I let this happen??? Well I wasnt watching him… and he didnt pray enough yesterday…. yeah its on him, dumbass.
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Okay update: I haven’t seen my hero in over a year. He’s 581 days old now… AND HE’S DIED A TOTAL OF 7 TIMES?!?!?!?!
Oh he’s been working on the temple it seems… Around 12% done… AND OVER 6000 MONSTERS DEAD BY HIS OWN HANDS
Seems like he’s only gotten better at placing the bricks instead of trying to use the temple because he still sucks at praying… And fighting to, he’s almost dead and he hasn’t said a word to me. He just keeps writing in that book of his like it can drop heavenly dead bugs on him and bring him to peak performance.
Neither can I, I’m incredibly low on GP and the damn menace STILL hasn’t said anything. At least he’s got a pet to keep him company while he continues do be walloped from To and then towards Fro.
Now it seems he’s just blatently ignoring me since he’s conversing with his Ballpoint Penguin… Which would be fair since I was gone for… Literally forever. Except the moment I came back he Almost died and I’ve spent more than half of my time trying to keep him from making his death count jump one. So I feel this is uncalled for.
I’m starting to think he’ll never pray to me. He been wandering around healing up after being thrown every which way and still hasn’t thanked me for coming back and helping him right away!!