Godville

Ryburn Curtiss and her Epic Copy Pasta Chronicles

• July 24, 2024
  New Achievement: “Raider, 1st rank”

• June 18, 2024
  New Achievement: “Seadog, 2nd rank”

• June 6, 2024 (thanks, Persuasive Advocate)
  New Achievement: “Coach, 3rd rank”

• March 25, 2024
  New Achievement: “Savior, 3rd rank”

• March 1, 2024
  New Achievement: “Seadog, 3rd rank”

• February 19, 2024
  12:20 am: Time to Explore the Wonders of the Sea. A log! A thousandth log! I’m even ready for a flood now. Not that I’m asking for it, Gentle One.
  New Achievement: “Shipwright, 1st rank”

• February 8, 2024
  New Achievement: “Hunter, 1st rank”

• November 9, 2023
  New Achievement: “Honored Favorite”

• October 6, 2023
  New Achievement: “Freelancer, 2nd rank”

• September 21, 2023
  New Achievement: “Moneybag, 3rd rank”

• May 26, 2023
  New Achievement: “Shipwright, 2nd rank”

• May 9, 2023
  New Achievement: “Martyr, 2nd rank”

• May 7, 2023
  09:28 pm: Mmm… Potion of sleep resistance. Or as the locals call it, ‘coffee’.

• April 29, 2023
  New Achievement: “Raider, 2nd rank”

• February 25, 2023
  New Achievement: “Hunter, 2nd rank”

• February 23, 2023
  New Achievement: “Shipwright, 3rd rank”

• February 22, 2023
  New Achievement: “Raider, 3rd rank”

• February 5, 2023
  New Achievement: “Freelancer, 3rd rank”

• February 2, 2023
  09:16 pm: Now Build for Me an Ark. Entered the temple and ran smack into a new piece of gopher wood. Was this your idea of a “log-in” bonus, Great One?

• February 1, 2023
  02:27 pm: The Temple is Finally Built. Carefully placed the last brick, swept all the rooms, opened all doors, and cut the ribbon in a stately manner with my sword. I can’t believe it’s finally happened! After all these months of work, the temple in your name is finished, my Lady! I feel crazy with happiness.
  New Achievement: “Builder, 1st rank”
  01:59 pm: Wow, a thousandth brick! Now I just need to get to my construction site and finish the temple…
  01:59 pm: As the air crackled with energy, my purse jerked and lightened. Scratchy coughed and abruptly yakked up an enormous hairball. Gleaming through the grey mess was a perfect golden brick! Scratchy belched contentedly and sat down to groom himself.

• January 26, 2023
  06:11 pm: A wandering sage told me that while some are wise, I am otherwise.

• January 24, 2023
  09:41 pm: An Easy Request. "The Diary of Ryburn Curtiss” sounds lame. Maybe I should call it “The Epic Chronicles of Ryburn Curtiss?”

• January 21, 2023
  11:55 am: Drew a picture of a bipolar bear in a snowstorm for you, Soul Supreme. I hope you’ll stick it on your holy fridge.

• January 15, 2023
  10:24 pm: Your Re-Entry to Guild Name Guild. This diary entry is brought to you by “Guild Name”. Thank you for your contributions to our drinking fund.

• January 12, 2023
  07:46 pm: A mole popped out of the ground and handed me a note that said, “Join the “Guild Name” guild”. It’s obvious, I need to join the ‘Guild Name’ guild! Strange that I didn’t think about it before…
  New Achievement: “Honored Renegade”

• October 5, 2017 (many thanks, AdamShi)
  Godville Times: Ryburn Curtiss – 43rd-level adventurer, with the motto “All for the Goddess!”, stands at the 129th position in the pantheon of gratitude under the vigilant supervision of the goddess Dragon Orb. We’ve had many reports that a Coffee Mugger has been afraid to make eye contact with her since their last encounter.

• June 11, 2015
  New Achievement: “Saint, 2nd rank”

• May 8, 2015
  New Achievement: “Careerist, 3rd rank”

• April 1, 2015
  New Achievement: “Dueler, 2nd rank”

• March 26, 2015
  10:44 pm: I didn’t manage to heal up my pet’s wound in time. Well, Scratchy, your regenerating abilities will help you to recover, but I think level-ups and pantheons are not for you anymore. On the other hand, who needs those silly things anyway?

• March 14, 2015
  New Achievement: “Favorite, 1st rank”

• March 8, 2015
  New achievement: “Martyr, 3rd rank”

• February 22, 2015
  01:50 pm: Just found out that the locals of The Cave of the Weak-Witted Oracle have dubbed Ochareon and me “The Dream Team”! Apparently it’s because we both pass out at the first sign of danger.

• February 21, 2015
  New Achievement: “Animalist, 3rd rank”

• February 18, 2015
  New Achievement: “Builder, 2nd rank”

• February 13, 2015
  12:18 am: Your First Pet Healed. Scraped together 3558 coins and managed to persuade the priests to heal my pet. Oh, Scratchy, I’m glad to see you in great shape again!

• February 12, 2015
  09:16 am: The Lonely Hive Mind raised its hand for a deadly final strike against me, when Scratchy suddenly threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. Scratchy was knocked out by the impact of the monster’s carcass. Oh, my Lady, if I don’t bring him back to his senses in time, he’ll lose all his levels and his will to compete!

• January 20, 2015
  New Achievement: “Champion, 2nd rank”

• January 14, 2015
  New Achievement: “Hunter, 3rd rank”

• January 8, 2015
  New Achievement: “Favorite, 2nd rank”

• January 5, 2015
  08:11 pm: My Lady, if I was created in your image, then you must be a being of pure beauty!

• January 2, 2015
  08:44 am: Your First Skill! Ochareon taught me a special skill that he said no one else knows, called “mountain moving” and swore me to secrecy. I’m not entirely sure what “secrecy” means, but I can’t wait to show everyone at the tavern!

• December 30, 2014
  02:50 pm: Your First Boss Battle Victory. The heroes brought together by common destiny have defeated the Scurrying Vertigoat! Ryburn Curtiss got 5283 coins, broken heart of the Vertigoat, a pre-Godville relic, a dragon egg incubator and a last laugh.
  02:40 pm: Ryburn Curtiss and Ladyitty uncovered an ancient portal to the land of giant monsters. It’s slowly beginning to crack open…

• December 25, 2014
  11:48 pm: A jolly, rotund fellow wearing bright red and sporting a beard came in and gave me a portable milestone then left chortling. How very peculiar.

• December 24, 2014
  07:27 pm: I once visited a wise old sage in Last Resort and asked him the meaning of my existence. I will never forget his reply: “Who are you!? How did you get in my house?”

• December 23, 2014
  Your Acceptance to Guild Name Guild. Most Mediocre.

• December 22, 2014
  09:34 am: The Task Killer begged me to spare its life, so I decided to do so and continued on my way. I can still remember its plea for mercy: “Come back and fight, you coward!”

• December 21, 2014
  New Achievement: Favorite, 3rd rank.

• December 19, 2014
  11:39 pm: Ryburn Curtiss definitely fulfilled her god’s expectations today! The winner receives a gold brick and 841 gold coins. Win in 5 duels! New Achievement – “Champion, 3rd rank”

• December 17, 2014
  02:23 pm: The trader offered me a bunch of extra coins, but I ran off in terror. I have always feared change.
  02:05 pm: Your First Arena Victory. Fourteen minutes elapsed. Chris De Leon is on his knees. Ryburn Curtiss salutes to the heavens! The winner receives a gold brick and 355 coins.

• December 16, 2014
  07:01 pm: Your Cry of Battle. ‘I am Ryburn Curtiss, All for the Goddess! Raaaaaaaargh!’ Great One, what do you think? Does it sound impressive?

• December 15, 2014
  10:02 pm: My First Believer. Build a Temple in My Name. I heard that when it rains it’s because you’re crying. Don’t be upset, my Lady! Look, I’m doing a little dance for you!

Dragon Orb and Her Well of Creation

Newspaper

• [01/28/23 11:33AM] %random_hero% action figures now in stock at %random_town%. Get yours today!

• [01/16/23 08:52PM] None can surpass {his|her} tab at %some_tavern%.

• [01/15/23 12:01PM] Panic at %random_town% as %a_mod_name% tried to turn itself in for %mod_reward%.

• [01/14/23 01:15AM] If you can %random_quest% then %random_guild% wants you. Apply now!

Diary

• [04/03/15 05:51PM] Opened a fortune cookie. It read: ‘Thank you for getting me out of that cookie’. What a wise crack.

• [04/01/15 11:00PM] Heard that a nearby tavern was giving away free beer. Sad that I have no body to go with.

• [03/28/15 12:01AM] Suddenly, the guildbots in town simultaneously proclaimed: ‘Join %guild_name% guild!’. Way to make our guild more popular, %rg%!

• [03/25/15 02:47PM] The %guild_name% guild doctor offered free treatment to everyone in town. Who’s the best guild now, huh?

• [03/23/15 02:42PM] Just as the %monster% was about to land a finishing blow, %random_hero% rushed in and bravely declared, “I’ll take it from here!”. The last thing I saw before the %monster% crushed me was %random_hero% taking all my loot and gold coins.

• [02/22/15 01:17PM] Navigated away from the %monster% by using the stars floating around my head.

• [02/16/15 10:06PM] This book of magic is useless. They didn’t even run a spell check.

• [02/09/15 07:44PM] The eccentric healer inserted %v% coins in %pet_name%‘s ear and poked my pet’s nose while blurting out, “Continue!”. And just like that, my beloved % pet_class% is back!

• [02/05/15 07:55PM] Scrubbed soap all over the monster and watched it make a clean getaway. Got this %artifact% for my trouble.

• [02/05/15 12:58PM] Sparkly lights swirled around me and I had the strangest urge to jump around repeatedly! Oh yeah! I just reached level %v%!

• [02/04/15 11:55PM] Just when things were starting to look hopeless, % pet_name% quickly threw a bunch of banana peels at the % monster% and watched the monster fall down! Guess we gave it the slip! And just in time, too!

• [02/02/15 10:55PM] Accidentally hugged %pet_name% a bit too tight that it burped out {a|an} %artifact%. All’s well that ends well!

• [02/02/15 01:30PM] Needed to reformat another diary because my last one got corrupted. Sorry about that, Almighty.

• [02/01/15 12:41AM] Be quiet, Almighty! %petname% is sleeping!

Earthly News

• [03/23/15 02:45PM] Happily blowing on dandelions…
  
• [03/10/15 10:02PM] Confessing all of %random_friend%’s sins…
  
• [03/10/15 10:08PM] Steeling {himself|herself} for the incoming barrage of encouragements and punishments…
  
• [03/10/15 10:13PM] Bet they won’t see this one coming…
  
• [02/03/15 06:47PM] Confessing all of %pet_name%’s sins…
  
• [01/23/15 07:31PM] Fitting in armor three sizes too big by cramming pet %petclass% inside along with {him|her}…

Duels

• [06/10/23 11:14PM] %attacker% punched the {hero||heroine}’s lights out but %defender% wasn’t afraid of the dark.

• [03/12/15 09:27AM] %defender% held up {his|her} pet {pet_class}. The cuteness overwhelmed %attacker% and the round safely passed by.

• [03/08/15 11:56AM] %defender% got starstruck. Literally.

• [03/07/15 01:51AM] %attacker% hit the nail on %defender%’s head in an effort to construct a better frame of mind for {his|her} opponent. %defender% reeled in pain.

• [02/15/15 12:39PM] %attacker% convinced %defender% that they should practice reducing, reusing, and recycling their garbage from now on. The referee called a foul because of the serious trash talk.

• [02/15/15 12:35PM] All of a sudden, %attacker% hurled tons of garbage at %defender%. What a way to get thrashed!

• [02/05/15 07:57PM] %attacker% hurled a bar of soap at %defender%. What a clean hit!

Quests

• [03/18/15 10:10PM] cook up some food for thought
• [03/11/15 09:27PM] butter a fly
• [03/11/15 02:05PM] overtake the undertaker
• [03/09/15 09:36PM] give some bubbles a bath
• [03/07/15 01:48AM] construct a frame of mind
• [03/05/15 05:14PM] untwist the plot
• [03/02/15 08:41AM] write a walkthrough for the last quest you undertook
• [02/26/15 08:43PM] paint a black hole white
• [02/13/15 07:24PM] travel through a wormhole
• [01/27/15 08:53PM] complete the demo version of an epic quest

Monsters

• [11/01/23 02:30AM] Pail Horseman
• [04/16/23 10:47AM] Dunce Instructor

Artifacts

• [01/24/15 09:17PM] phoenix feather duster

Equipment

• [02/15/24 03:18PM] ring of inn visibility
• [08/06/23 10:50AM] ward of the worlds
• [04/11/23 07:54PM] spider silk kimono

Picturizer

• [06/20/24] Bananaconda
• [06/12/24] Bankrupt Leprechaun
• [06/05/24] Cucumbear
• [05/12/24] Hemogoblin
• [04/19/24] Fishin’ Chipmunk