[Reiss 1]
The Beginning
1 In the beginning, the goddess Dieudonnée was bored. 2 There was a panini ravaging the world, and she was thus confined to her sanctuary.
3 Now there were many games and apps on her phone, but none were particularly interesting at that moment. She scrolled and scrolled, tirelessly and desperately, in the App Store, looking desperately for something that could entertain her.
4 It was then that Dieudonnée came upon Godville.
5 And she said, “Huh, sure. Why not?” and downloaded the game. 6 She began forming her little pixel heroine, crafting her with an okay amount of care. 7 Dieudonnée called her heroine “Historia Reiss”, because she could and apparently no one was a big enough weeb to claim that name yet.
8 And Dieudonnée said, “I’m sure I’ll get bored of this game really soon.”
9 She did not.
[Reiss 2]
Is This What It’s Like To Be a Parent?
1 Dieudonnée watched, with equal parts amusement and bemusement, as her creation came to being. Historia was — is — dumb. She stumbled through life with the grace of a newborn giraffe calf, the intellect of a smooth-brained koala, and the threat of a rubber duck.
2 Nonetheless, the goddess Dieudonnée loved her little fool. She chortled at her heroine’s antics, marveled at her moments of brilliance (and lack thereof), and watched Historia have her historic heroine hijinks. 3 The goddess could not keep her eyes, continually intrigued and exasperated by this little, independent creature.
4 Maybe this is what parenthood is like.