Name: Demon Lord Azaroth
Hero: Abraxas Caricosa
Occupation: The Ruler of all Demons (Essentially God of Demons)
Age: ~197,850,000,000,000 Years
Guild: Guild of the Demon King
Alignment: Pure Evil!
Abraxas’s Birthday: March 1st
What would you do if you were a God’s chosen one? There are many different ways to react. Some serve their God to their fullest ability, while others curse at the life that has been thrust upon them. However, in one case, something different happened.
I am the Demon Lord Azaroth, Lord of all of the Demons, Demon Lords, and so on. My position is second to none. My power is second to none. I am a God to the demons. Yet, I decided to change my life. I made many enemies climbing to the top, and regret my many decisions. To my demons, I am still a ruthless God. To my family, I am a loving, caring father. To the other deities of the various realms, I try to be a friend. But to the mortals, I am the King, nay the God of Demons. I have an image to maintain for them. To maintain this image, I decided to send a small strand of my consciousness with a fraction of my power into the mortal lands, and have some fun, for lack of a better term. That is when I found my target. He was a farmer’s child named Abraxas: Dumber than a rock but moldable like clay. He was the perfect candidate to mold into the conduit for my resurgence in the mortal lands. If I was going to make myself known, I was going to be creative. Little did I know that this insignificant demon in training was too dumb to follow commands, and actually enjoyed being struck by my unholy lightning. This journey will be much stranger than I anticipated…
“We are here with Abraxas Caricosa, who just won his 25th arena bout in a row.” The interviewer started.
“Is it that many?” Abraxas laughed, taking out a cloth to clean his sword. “I lost count after ten because I ran out of fingers!”
“Anyway… tell me Abraxas, do you think that your God helped you win those battles?” The interviewer asked, holding a piece of parchment and quill while waiting for the young, battered hero’s answer.
“I think so. Master has always been there for me ever since he chose me!” Abraxas responded smiling, wiping the blood from his latest victim off of his sword. “Those other guys with their fake gods better hope they become real when they see me on the other side of the ring.”
“Yes, but if they do not exist, why would your opponents be getting healed and you targeted with attacks from the heavens?” The interviewer asked, puzzled at Abraxas’s thought pattern.
“Master probably wants to make things a bit more interesting. That’s all.” Abraxas chuckled, sheathing the sword that took the lives of thousands of monsters. “Master may be cruel, but he is the greatest. I have to thank him for choosing me.”
“So tell me about yourself Abraxas.” The interviewer stated, staring the hero in his beady, albeit childish eyes.
“Um… Am I allowed to even talk about that?” Abraxas questioned, looking towards the sky. Out of nowhere, a powerful bolt of pitch black lightning stuck Abraxas, destroying the chair he was sitting in and singeing his already ragged clothing.
“WHAT IN GODVILLE WAS THAT!” The interviewer screamed in terror, running to the corner of the room.
“Oh. When Master doesn’t feel like talking, he does this!” Abraxas giggled, taking the bolt like it was a light slap on the back. “When I ask a question, one bolt means yes, two means no!”
“Wouldn’t that kill you? An unholy bolt of lightning like that could very easily kill someone!” The interviewer yelled, shocked by the scene unfolding in front of him.
“Oh it hurts a bit, but I’m used to it. Master is the King of Demons! Of course he’s a bit… um… a lot with his punishment.” Abraxas smiled, his wounds starting to heal themselves slowly. “And besides, I’m tougher than the average guy!”
“Well, I hope I do not end up as collateral.” The interviewer laughed awkwardly, trying to return the interview back to civility. “I’ve never seen a deity act in this close proximity before.”
“Master likes to be heard.” Abraxas laughed. “Everywhere I go there’s a lightning storm. I’m starting to wonder if Master’s running out of ideas for punishment…” As soon as the words left his mouth, Abraxas slapped himself in the face so hard that a tooth flew into the wall across the room. “Never mind. He’s still got it.”
“Moving on.” The interviewer interrupted frantically. “Tell me about yourself. What was it like when your master, as you like to call him, first chose you.”
“Well as you know, I’m Abraxas Caricosa, and I’m 19 years old. Before Master chose me, I was a simple farm boy from outside of Godvillewood named Teddy or something… I always worked the fields while Mama and Papa took care of the animals. I never went to school or anything, so I never learned how to read or write before Master came along! Then one day, while I was picking some tomatoes, I saw some random guy by the forest edge. I didn’t like it when random people show up on my farm! So I started running towards him to yell at him to get off of my farm. It was at that moment that I saw him up close. He was a scary looking guy. He told me he was searching for a mortal. I didn’t know what a mortal was, so I asked what one was. He just looked at me and laughed. Then one thing led to another and now I’m the hero of the King of Demons!” Abraxas smiled, before being struck by another bolt of lightning. This one however, was blue. The interviewer once again ran back in fear while the electricity surrounded Abraxas. “Aww! Thank you Master!!!” Abraxas yelled, falling to his knees for a quick prayer. As the smoke cleared, the interviewer noticed that Abraxas’s wounds were all gone. Aside from a few scars and his athletic build, he looked as though he’d never once seen a sword.
“First a black one and now a blue one?” The interviewer asked, not knowing what to say. Out of the many post-arena interviews he’d given, this one was the most eventful.
“Oh. A blue one means that I did something good, so I’m being rewarded. It still hurts, but look! I’m healed!” Abraxas smiled, feeling his teeth to make sure they were all there. “Wow! Even all of my teeth! I really did well! Anyway, is there anything else, or can I go back to killing monsters?”
“You want to kill monsters?” The interviewer looked to Abraxas with an incredulous expression. Truly this hero was an anomaly amongst heroes. “Most heroes I’ve interviewed hate it more than anything. The risk of death and injury, for what most describe as little reward.”
“Then they’re all pansies!” Abraxas laughed with a slightly maniacal twinge. “Sure I’ve died a few times doing it, but it’s worth it to watch my sword cause a beastie to die. I like the way it sounds when their bones break and they go ‘bleh’ and die! It’s a wonderful experience.” While saying this, the interviewer visibly became uncomfortable. He was interviewing a sadistic lunatic. After hearing that, he could only believe the rumors of the hero that skipped around the arena, waving his sword, singing merry songs about clobbering and stabbing other heroes.
“Well, I think that is all the time I have right now Abraxas.” The interviewer said frantically, desiring to escape from the psychopath in front of him. “Thank you very much for the interview.”
“No problem!” Abraxas smiled, shaking the hand of the slightly terrified interviewer. “I hope it helps me get famous! I read the Times to practice reading, and one time I was on the front page! I want to do it again!”
“That’s great, but I have to go.” The interviewer interrupted dismissively, almost pushing Abraxas out of the door. Finally, he was free from the lunatic. As he sat down to catch his breath, a small bolt of lightning stuck the interviewer. It wasn’t enough to kill him, but it came close. All the man could hear as he laid on the ground in pain was maniacal laughter. “Note to self…” He started to say as he coughed up blood. “Don’t interview demons.”
A Day in the Life of Abraxas and Azaroth!
Part One: The Morning
Morning in the Hall of the Demon King. Quite an imposing place to keep a successful bakery. The surroundings were rivers of molten lava, scorched mountains, and twisted canyons. Yet, this was the home of many demons, deities, and mortals. One of these mortals was the de facto leader of the Guild of the Demon King: Abraxas Caricosa. He was a handsome young man, no older than 20 years old. He was athletically built, with dark black hair and almost golden eyes. However, you couldn’t see those eyes right now, as he was sleeping off a long day of questing. Abraxas was not the only one in the guildhall who was grateful he had the larger, though more isolated “Leader’s Suite”, as his snoring could wake even the sleepiest of Dandy Lions, one of which was failing at sleeping next to the young hero.
Out of nowhere, a faint yet powerful bolt of lightning stuck the bed, waking the hero from his slumber and agitating the lion curled up next to him. Abraxas didn’t complain. He merely rolled over, grumbling to himself. “Five more minutes Master.” He whined, trying to hit the snooze button on his demonic patron. Azaroth wasn’t having it though. Another bolt of lightning struck the young man, almost incinerating the bed. “Alright Master! I’m up!” The hero whined some more, staggering over to the closet where he kept his clothes and armor. It was at that moment when something rather peculiar happened. In the corner of his eye, Abraxas noticed another person in the room. It was his Master, Lord Azaroth, Ruler of the Demons! The young hero could not help but kneel down to his master. After all, this was a being who claimed he owned 20% of the Omniverse, and was the most powerful being in existence.
“Dark One.” The demonically handsome man in front of him started. “It is time for our one month check up.” His voice was powerful, yet reserved. It commanded authority, yet soothed.
“Yes Master. I didn’t even realize it was one month since our last one! I tried to count the days, but I forgot what came after twenty-five…” Abraxas laughed, trying to amuse his dark lord. He’d never seen his master smile, laugh, or show any emotion at all. He always had an arrogant, proud grin on his face though, as if he felt that there was no being above him.
“Learn to count, Dark One.” Azaroth commanded, before disappearing into a cloud of dark energy.
“Yes Master.” Abraxas kept kneeling until even the smallest wisp of energy had disappeared. Meanwhile, Sandy the Dandy Lion shivered in the corner. The young hero had just found the dapper feline a few days before this, and had never introduced him to his master.
Eventually, the young demon in training stood up from his kneel and made it to his closet. It was at that moment that a horrified expression became apparent on his face. He never got to put on his armor or proper clothes in front of his master! The nigh-omnipotent demon that dictated his life saw the young hero in nothing but his singed sleeping pants! Thankfully, despite the almost comical amount of beer he drank, Abraxas was able to maintain an athletic, lean physique.
As Abraxas was worrying about looking proper enough to please his patron, Azaroth was worrying about his husband. Demons such as Azaroth were created out of sin, malice, and darkness. When the demons were born, it was still considered a sin to be anything but straight. Azaroth, like most other demons, fit this bill. (Happy Pride Month Everyone!) “Azazel, it’ll be fine.” He spoke quietly to the demonic, handsome, winged man across from him. That man was Azaroth’s husband, the fallen angel Azazel. “The bakery still has plenty of customers.”
“I know.” The fallen angel stated. “It’s so popular back at home in the City, but here it’s not catching on quite as I’d hope.”
“It’ll be fine.” The demon lord smiled a sweet smile and hugged Azazel in a tight embrace. “I’ve been using Abraxas to help advertise to the deities. I even make him scream about Demon Cookies from time to time.”
“I know Azaroth Honey.” Azazel whimpered. “I play the Godville game with you, remember?”
“Oh yes.” The powerful demon lord laughed awkwardly at his husband. “Things take time here. We only opened the bakery a few months ago and have already found so many reliable customers and employees. We’ve been married for more than one trillion years! A few months is nothing!”
“Thanks Azaroth Honey!” Azazel smiled a beautiful smile. Despite his demonic features, Azazel still had his angelic charm and beauty. “You know how to make me feel better.”
“Now, can you get Satan and Rowan for breakfast? Today’s their turn to drive Abraxas. I have to speak to him now.” Azaroth smiled, releasing his embrace of his husband. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
While that heart to heart was happening, Abraxas was walking through the guildhall, passing various demons and mortals along the way to the bakery where he had breakfast every day. The Abyssal Bakery & Cafe was a staple of the Hall of the Demon King, providing some of the best food in all of Godville. Abraxas made it to the small restaurant, where he was greeted by some of his guildmates and demonic compatriots. The cashier today was Azorius, one of the demons that works in the bakery. He knew Abraxas, and was intimately familiar with the fact that he was Azaroth’s chosen one. “Good Morning, Lord Abraxas.” Azorius stated with a small bow.
“Hi Azorius!” Abraxas replied with a childish smile. “Can I have the usual today?”
“Of course, Milord.” The demon continued with formality.
“You don’t need to be so uptight all the time Azorius! Why are you always doing this Milord thing? You’re probably stronger than me anyway…” The hero started blathering.
“I’m only giving face to your master.” Azorius sighed, giving Abraxas his usual breakfast: A short stack of chocolate chip pancakes, an oatmeal raisin cookie, and a big glass of milk. “We already anticipated you coming. Here you are, Milord.”
“Thanks Azorius!” Abraxas giggled with a smile, taking his breakfast to the private room where he had to meet his patron demon. When he arrived, he saw Azaroth sitting at the table. He did not have any food, and only a blood red drink. Abraxas was never brave enough to ask his Master what it was, and always assumed it was something scary like Blood of the Righteous or something. “Master. I’m here.”
“Sit Dark One.” Azaroth stated with his usual powerful demeanor. With a swift motion of his hand, the chair across the table pulled itself from the table, allowing the hero with his occupied hands to sit. When he put his food down on the table, the chair pushed itself in. This made the simple hero fill with awe every time. It was pure simplicity for Azaroth to use telekinesis like that, but to Abraxas, it was nothing short of a miracle. “Dark One, Abraxas Irinoth Lazarius Caricosa. Since the last time we had our check in, your pet died and you got a new one. I sent that penguin to you. Why did you let it die and replace it.”
“Master! I didn’t mean to make you upset!” The young hero, with a mouthful of pancake, started panicking. “Fang was great, but he died and I couldn’t save enough coins to save him! Every time I had enough, a lightning bolt came down and melted all my money into a brick for your temple!”
“Are you trying to blame me for what you could not do?” The demon across the table asked, his red eyes seeming to get a shade brighter and more menacing.
“Never Master! How could you be at fault for that! Either way, Sandy is far stronger than Fang. I can even ride him, though I need to be careful not to wrinkle his suit…” Abraxas once again started to blather.
“Enough Dark One. You are merely a demon in training. Demonic blood runs through your veins, yet you are not a demon. Remember never to speak your truename.” Azaroth started.
“Yes yes. It’s not like I can even say it…” Abraxas interrupted.
“Remember who you are talking to Abraxas. I hold your life in my hands. If I really wanted to, I could end you, your family, your friends, and even this whole guild.” The demon stated, his eyes once again glowing.
“Sorry Master. Please forgive your foolish chosen one.” The young hero stated, looking slightly dejected, using words he learned from one of Azaroth’s previous scoldings.
“You are forgiven. Just remember your place. You’ve grown stronger, but you are still far from being strong enough to be a true demon. Don’t die again before that moment. Resurrecting you is tedious.”
“Yes Master.” Abraxas stated, tears in his eyes. To him, Azaroth was an omnipotent god who chose him. Why him? Abraxas wanted to prove to his demonic deity that he was the correct choice. However, before Abraxas could speak again, Azaroth was gone in another wisp of dark energy. The young hero knew that he had to get stronger to make his master proud, and the only way to get stronger was his new favorite past-time: Killing monsters.
Unbeknownst to the demon in training wolfing down pancakes, Azaroth merely teleported to the room next door, where his family of Azazel and his sons Rowan and Satan were located. “Dad, once again, great cooking!” Rowan smiled with a mouthful of pancakes from the same batch as Abraxas’s.
“Thank you Rowan!” The fallen angel smiled, stretching his wings a bit. “Seeing how we’d be eating from this batch, I figured that I’d try my hardest. Not that I ever slack off when cooking.”
“Yeah Dad, this was a good batch.” Satan laughed, shoveling chocolate chip pancakes into his mouth. If an ignorant being walked into this room, they would only see a demon family eating breakfast. In reality, this was the demonic royal family. “Father, Dad said that today was our turn with the remote, right?”
“Yes Satan. Today you and Rowan get to play.” Azaroth smiled, ruffling Satan’s pitch black hair, watching for his blood red horns. There were two schools of thought in the demonic realm: Humanoid or Demonic look. Some demons preferred to walk around flaunting their horns, wings, claws, and any other demonic features they had. Meanwhile, others prefer to take a more human looking form, and save their demonic features for when they need to use their true power. Rowan and Azaroth preferred the humanoid look while Azazel and Satan preferred the demonic look. And, this was a good thing for Abraxas, as he’d be paralyzed with fear and awe if he saw Azaroth’s true colors.
“So Satan. You get it until lunch, and I get it from then to dinner?” Rowan chuckled, negotiating with his brother for the remote control to Abraxas’s life.
“Sure, only if I get it after dinner too.” The muscular, winged, shirtless demon retorted.
“Alright Satan. Don’t kill him.” Azaroth smiled, handing a small remote control to Satan and taking a drink from his crimson drink. “A morning Bloody Mary is always a great thing…”
“Will do Father.” Satan smiled an evil smile.
“And don’t use all my charges. I’m saving them for later!”
“Yes Father…” Satan replied, slightly disappointed. “Get ready for some lightning Abraxas.”
“Just save some bolts for me.” Rowan and Satan laughed together, becoming wisps of dark energy, much in the same vein of Azaroth when he teleported.
Coming soon: A Day in the Life of Abraxas and Azaroth. Part 2