Godville

Had a Biowolf for 5 years named Tigger. ♥ My Goddess was tired and told me to let him go.
I miss him dearly. :(

~ Diary entry
- Earthy entry

• Quest entry

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Diary
~ Hello. Helloooo. Sorry, Luminous One, just got a new pen and I need to get used to it.
~ Felt the need to write in my diary… Guess this is it. Woo…
~ I really need to hire a scribe to write these entries. This Voodude keeps stabbing me while I lean over my diary.
~ Ate. Prayed. Killed something.
~ Tried to navigate by using the stars. I’m sure it would have worked if it hadn’t been for all that sunlight.
~ I am dedicating this entry to the patient Are We There Yeti who is currently waiting for me to finish writing in the middle of our battle.
~ Accidentally knocked over a holy relic. Quickly swept the shards under the carpet before any divine being could notice.
~ Tried to picture nothingness, but drew a blank.
~ Came upon a spoon in the road. How odd…
~ Asked a tree for directions, but its branches pointed in every direction. Barking mad.
~ Finally found the right path. Yeah, I’m quite sure about it.
~ I drew a picture of you, Exalted One. Could you stick it on your heavenly fridge?
~ I leveled up! A huge golden podium rose out of the ground, giving me a chance to do an epic hero pose. Finally a level up as extravagant as Fido’s!
~ Confessed all my sins. Even the ones no one could prove I did.
~ I was just dreaming of a time when heroes can live in peace with all of your creations, my Lady. But now is not that time — there’s a Healing Prankenstein up ahead.
~ I finally returned the book ‘A Hundred Ways To Overcome Procrastination’ to the Godvillewood library. Unfortunately, there was a fine of 2424 gold coins.
~ Are you there, Exalted One? It’s me, Neptune J. I was just wondering if you could make something new happen. I’m bored.
~ Lost my faith. Got struck by lightning. An ardent believer again!
~ Note to self: The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
~ This diary entry is pun-free for your enjoyment, Almighty.
~ As I stood at the rim of a deep well, I felt an insidious urge to kick someone into it. Madness.
~ The cruelty of the Feral Pet Rock is a thing of the past. Let a whole new wave of cruelty wash over this lazy land!
~ Did a quadruple aerial cartwheel to evade a blow to my knee and bumped my head instead.
~ As I ripped a handful of nuts and 5 gold coins from the dying Blind Weresquirrel’s grip, it croaked, ‘Choke on it!’ Silly monster, I know a better use for this stuff than eating it.
~ As I sat in the tavern, I could swear I heard my drink say, “merge Tribble with Tribble.” Must be the liquor talking.
~ A mysterious voice whispered gently in my ear: “Combine Tribble and Tribble.”
~ Great One, I can do nothing with these tribbles!
~Ît wâs râîñîñg câts âñd dôgs, sô Î pût lîttlê rôôfs îñ my dîâry tô hêlp ît stây dry.
~A voice from the skies thundered: “learn.” Nice.
~As instructed, I cracked a book and put in some solid study time. Okay, not really, but managing to write that with a straight face is apparently worth some experience.
~Suddenly, a grape of wrath cried out, “Neptune J! You came back for me!”, and leapt off the shelves into my arms. I’m sure there’s a simple explanation, but I don’t know what it is.
~The surgeon replaced my injured colon with a new semicolon. He warned that my bathroom routine may become a little punctuated.
~After defeating the Beta Male, I felt an urge to twirl my weapon and strike an epic pose. Strange…
~Today’s resolution is to drink even more beer, kill even more monsters and complete all my quests.
~Found an electronic diary on the ground. Left it there because why anyone would ever need more than ten entries is beyond me.
~I couldn’t stand watching the Scared Crow die, so I took a seat.
~Tried to picture nothingness, but drew a blank.
~Am I bothering you, Great One? Am I? Am I? Huh? Am I? Well? Because I sure am bothering myself.
~ Trïëd tö mäkë my dïäry löök mörë ïntërnätïönäl by äddïng ïn ëxträ döts.Trïëd
~ According to the position of the moon and stars… I’m lost.
~ Tried to picture nothingness, but drew a blank.
~ The Rainbow Unicorn squeaked, “You’re so dead when you get to the Underworld!” as its life slipped away. Stuffed 15 gold coins in my pockets before slowly backing off.
~ Channeled my love from within and delivered a brutal hug to the monster. It suffered from a few moments of air deprivation. Thank you for the kindness, my Lady!
~ Stumbled upon an elven beehive. Laughed hard at the pointy-eared bees.
~ Bet the Rainbow Unicorn link 30 gold coins that it couldn’t jump off a cliff and survive. I won the bet and took my money from its body.
~ Forgive and forget… Wait a minute, what did I say I wanted to do just now?
~ The Hired Mussel was vanquished. I stood upon its lifeless body for you, my Lady!
~ How is it possible that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes the whole box to start a campfire?
~ There’s a waxing moon tonight. I expect a hairy residue in the morning.
~ Chucked my old diary up at the sky to save it to the cloud.
~ Dear Diary, I have elected to employ a greater degree of formality in my record-keeping. I trust that this meets your favor. Regards, Neptune J.
~ Saw a guy yelling ‘This is Sparta!’ Told the confused soul he was in Godville.

New Diary Entries
~ I had to use my outdated diary pages to start a campfire again. It’s unfortunate that this forest doesn’t have twigs for kindling.

Earthly News
- The hero is telling himself that it’s cool to cry…
- Being mesmerized by raindrops in a puddle…
- Murdering a classic at the guild’s karaoke night…
- Sitting under a tree by the stream, watching Fido chase trout…
- Considering this diem carpé’d…
- Practicing tai chi while drinking chai tea…
- Joined a march against protesting.
- Shadow puppet fighting with Fido…
- Waiting for the stop sign to change color…

Pet Stories
~ Fido roared loudly and charged at the Strange Stranger, but stumbled and fell. Yes, that’s definitely my double dragon.
~ Just as the undertaker was about to take me away, Fido outwitted him, giving me time to flee. Clever double dragon!
- Fido nibbled on the Snap-Dragon’s feet, causing massive tickling damage.
~ Ouch! Fido, stop that! I don’t want to go that w… Oh, you found the right path. What a good double dragon!
~ The Terror-aki Chicken raised its hand for a deadly final strike against me, when Fido suddenly threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. Fido was knocked out by the impact of the monster’s carcass. Oh, my Lady, if I don’t bring him back to his senses in time, he’ll lose all his levels and his will to compete!
~ A high priest rolled up his sleeves and slapped Fido, instantly bringing my beloved double dragon back to consciousness! At least, I think he was a priest… Paid him 5192 gold coins anyway. Oh Fido, how I’ve missed you!
~ My double dragon spun himself a cocoon, then instantly emerged from it looking slightly bigger. Stop showing off, Fido!
~ Fido, quit barking at the air. There’s no one else around here… is there?
~ “Fido the double dragon” sounds distinguished, doesn’t it? My Lady, do you like my pet?
~ Told Fido to watch my beer while I deal with this Continental Drifter. Almighty, could you watch my pet to make sure he doesn’t drink it this time?
- Trying to get Fido to quit treating prayer beads like a chew toy…

Deaths
~ Was banned from attending my own funeral as the undertaker finds it too spooky.
~ My death wasn’t related to my alcohol consumption. I guess I didn’t drink enough.
~ A Borderline Collie happened to be passing by and stopped to chew on my mourning star.
~ I’m alive again! This time, my Lady, I’m going to do everything right. Can’t wait to get back to the tavern — I’ve got some serious catching up to do!
~ As I was saying… (after being resurrected)

Fishing Adventures
~ This pond smells fishy. Let’s see if I can catch something here.
- Whispering words of encouragement to fish eyeing the bait…
- Beating the fish senseless to keep it from suffering…
- Scowling at a dripping boot dangling from the fish hook…
~ Why is it that whenever I think I have a bite, I end up only getting tin cans, old boots or seaweed?
- Sitting under a tree by the stream, watching Fido chase trout…
~ Oooh, someone’s left their fishing rod behind… Let’s see if I can put it to good use.
- Practicing his superstitious fishing dance…
- The hero can almost hear the fish laughing at him…
- Fished out a fish in a barrel…
- Becoming a seafood critic…
- Wondering if those new waders make him look fat…
~ It looks like the fish don’t know that this is a fishing spot. Time to take off.
~ Caught grasshoppers for bait with Fido.

Chronological
11:26 AM Game over! Press “Resurrect” to continue…
11:30 AM Hmm, that’s strange. I could’ve sworn I was dead a second ago. Oh well, back to questing!
11:31 AM Prayed so intensely I forgot what I was praying about. I hope you remember, my Goddess.

10:11
Just like that, a warm, fuzzy feeling filled my body. I don’t feel like complaining about my health anymore.
10:11
I’m freezing! Almighty, can you please turn up the heat, even just a little?
I heard that when it rains, it’s because you’re crying. Don’t be upset, Exalted One! Look, I’m doing a little dance for you!
10:04
My life seems repetitive. I need to change something… maybe my breakfast cereal?
10:01

03:33
Ugh, give me five more minutes, Almighty. I’m busy right now.
03:33
Ants marching past me stopped and formed into the words: “heal you idiot!.”
03:32
I offer to you, Soul Supreme, these burnt offerings of toast and eggs.
03:32
The words, “sacrifice” drifted by on the winds, clearing the dust from all around. That’s a sweeping statement, Most Righteous One.

04:57
Cheers to you too, Great One! By the way, somebody just asked me to give you these nine brickets of divinity…
04:57
Opened my diary to read “Congratulations” Hmm, I don’t remember writing that…

Quests

• Decided to take a break from questing to do my own thing. Finally, a chance to discover who framed Roger Rabbit.
• I’ve finally discovered who framed Roger Rabbit. All this time it was [Spoiler]! What a twist!
  Finally completed my quest to discover who framed Roger Rabbit. Got some experience and a golden brick after a long, draggy cutscene.

• Just when I thought I could retire to a quiet life of drinking beer and counting my money, I realized I simply had to grow a spine. Well then, quickly! Before someone else does it first!
• Grew enough of one to refuse to finish this quest. The more milk I drink for the calcium, the less room I have for beer.
  Sweet! By completing my quest to grow a spine, I received some experience and… a raft of measures. Again? Really? Oh well, at least I can sell it.

• Completely forgot about tonight’s Godville Dance. So instead of embarrassing myself and going alone, I’ll help a pig rebuild its straw house.
• (Diary) A giant hand descended from the sky and pointed in a random direction. Aha, so this is how I can help a pig rebuild its straw house faster!
• Done. Quickly ran away before another pig could ask me to help rebuild its wooden house.
  Completed my quest to help a pig rebuild its straw house. I was offered many, many rewards, but turned them all down. A true hero quests just for the sake of questing!

• Checked my horoscope in the Godville Times. Apparently, today is a good day for me to dream a dream within a dream. Can’t wait to get started.
• Got lost in the layers of dreams. Now I don’t know if this is reality. Prepare to resurrect me if this is not, my Lady.
  A hero’s work is never done, but my quest to dream a dream within a dream certainly is! This golden brick is a nice reward for such a thankless job.

• I asked the band at the tavern to play my favorite song. They said they would if I could convince a frog that it used to be a prince for them. A quest for a song request. Seems fair.
• I also found a princess who thought she used to be a frog. After true love’s first kiss, it turned out she was right and they hopped off together. I hope they live happily ever after.
  Had finally managed to convince a frog that it used to be a prince when I was ambushed by a prize committee with an oversized check for 2475 gold coins. Time to celebrate!

• A strange holographic woman appeared before me and implored me to put the alphabet in numerical order. On my honor, it will be done!
  “O” is obviously 0, so it goes first. “I” looks like 1, so it goes second, then comes “A” for looking like 4, and “b” for looking like 6… “C” looks funny, so I’ll just throw it out…
• Completed my quest to put the alphabet in numerical order, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. No, wait. That was for Fido. I didn’t get anything!

• Noticed a small box in my bag. When I opened it, it said, “Good day, Neptune J. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find a clean public restroom”. Then it blew up. Odd. I’ll take the mission.
• At last! An island oasis in a sea of filth! Sweet, sweet relief.
  Though I was hoping that succeeding in my quest to find a clean public restroom would win the respect and admiration of my peers, this golden brick will have to suffice.

• I glanced at my workout calendar, and yesterday’s entry was “do nothing until the next quest”. I’d better get around to doing just that…
• That was a nice break. Guess I should go get that next quest now.
  My quest to do nothing until the next quest was a triumph! I’m making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. Got a golden brick too.

• As I sat under a tree, a spider descended on its silken thread and stopped in front of my face. Clutched in its legs was a tiny rolled-up parchment upon which was written, “find a burning bush and talk to it”. Looks like another job for me to do!
• Thought this quest was ridiculous until I found a burning bush espousing some nonsense about the meaning of life. Tried to talk to it. Unfortunately, it freaked me out, so I poured water on it and put it out.
  My quest to find a burning bush and talk to it has been completed! Received some experience and a wish for good luck.

• Woke up to find that I had someone else’s trousers on. It must have been quite a party! Rifled through the pockets and found a scrap of paper saying “Dare: clean the window of opportunity.” Challenge accepted!
• Oof! I cleaned it so well I ran into it… Darn, now it’s smudged again!
  Hope that I won’t have to clean the window of opportunity again. But the reward was good: an extra dose of experience and a shiny golden brick!

• I was standing in the sunset, looking across the golden rooftops of Godville, with the breeze ruffling my hair. A passerby called up from the street, “What’s with the epic pose? Did you save the world anonymously, or something?” Well, not yet…
• It took a long time, but I finally managed to save the world anonymously. Soon, the world will hear of my great accomplishments and shower me with praise and gifts for… wait, what? THAT’s what anonymously means?
• Finally! My quest to save the world anonymously is done. After hearing about how epic I was, I humbly accepted a pile of wooden ark planks and a gift-wrapped, triple-sized chunk of experience.

• When I volunteered to learn to distinguish the small monsters from those that are far away, the questgiver said he had never seen such a sorry-looking hero. He’s obviously never been to the tavern at closing time.
• Figured it out. If I can touch them, they’re small. If I can’t, they’re that weird kind that get bigger when they get near me.
  Somehow I’ve managed to learn to distinguish the small monsters from those that are far away. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go and bust a move.

• Got lost in the layers of dreams. Now I don’t know if this is reality. Prepare to resurrect me if this is not, my Lady.
• A hero’s work is never done, but my quest to dream a dream within a dream certainly is! This golden brick is a nice reward for such a thankless job.

• I’d say that’s darned impressive, given that I never learned the alphabet.
• Finally! My quest to arrange the milestones in alphabetical order is done. After hearing about how epic I was, I humbly accepted six logs for the ark and a gift-wrapped, triple-sized chunk of experience.

• What’s taking the quest giver so long? He’s usually awake at this hour… Oh, whatever. I’ll just teach the world to sing in perfect harmony while I wait and check back for a mission later.
• The wild animals and insects sang a merry tune and the trees performed a dance. I know you’re trying to cheer me up, Great One, but that was actually a bit creepy.

• The editor of the Godville Times told me that I won’t be good enough to join his staff unless I repaint the firewall. I’ll get right on that, I’ve always wanted to have my name in the paper.
• Painted the wall blue. Now it’s a waterwall.
  Somehow I’ve managed to repaint the firewall. Found a chest full of money. Gonna go on a shopping spree.

• The local sheriff asked me to find out where the little birdie gets all its information. I don’t want to go to jail, so I’d better do it.
• Whoa. Followed the birdie to a massive underground lair full of glowing screens and little flashing lights on countless square boxes. I don’t know where this place is, but I’m getting out of here!
  I’ve finally managed to find out where the little birdie gets all its information. My titanic efforts were rewarded with a golden brick and some pocket change!