The Epic Tale of Senneth
by Senneth (because my Goddess was “too busy”)
(I actually called it The Tale of Epic Senneth, but my Goddess said lying was for evil heroes. And it’s really only part of the tale, since I don’t remember much of it. Sorry about that.)
That thing that comes before the beginning:
I begged and begged for chronicles of my own. I told my Goddess it’s all the rage now and my friend Tayse had chronicles too. And I told her I’m so very jealous of other heroes, I said “Goddess, I’m so very jealous of other heroes!” and I even wrote a song about it. Or Iago did, he’s the poet. I’m not quite sure…
Anyway, my Lady said she was working on my chronicles and she got as far as the invocation of the Muses. I knew it. I just knew she’d write them in some obscure language no one speaks anymore. She also said she only writes in dactylic hexameter, and that takes time. I’m pretty sure she speaks it too (whatever that is), because I hardly ever understand her.
She then recommended a lorem ipsum until she’s finished. I don’t know what she was thinking, she knows how bad I am with the ladies. This Lorem sounds nice and exotic, but since girls usually slap me as soon as they see me, I doubt this one would want to write my chronicles.
My Goddess isn’t very helpful, if you haven’t noticed yet.
Beginning:
I don’t really remember how I came to be, but I do remember my Goddess said something like: “Okay, Senneth, here come the usual goddess-hero platitudes, so pay attention now”. I’m sure she told me a lot of other stuff too, but whenever someone says “pay attention” all I hear is “nap time”. She woke me up when she screamed at me to join those awesomesauce fellows in the League of Adjudicators.
Middle:
I’m pretty sure today can be considered “middle” since yesterday comes before it and tomorrow after it. If not, then too bad, because I can only remember today and bits and pieces of yesterday. So… today I got a new pet, after my Simba died at the will of the Random. I needed 6300 coins to revive him, but at the time I had 8874 coins, which is clearly not the right amount. Crushed with grief, I decided to get absolutely trashed at the Mended Drum, as I am wont to do when I’m crushed by something. When I sobered up, I saw a Trojan horse following me. But if my Goddess asks, I tamed him myself in an impressive display of my fierce taming skills and whatnot.
I am told Trojan horses are quite rare. I suppose Iago is a fine pet, although I don’t see what the big deal is with this “rideable” thing. I don’t like being rideable one bit, Trojan horses are heavy. My Goddess says that the Trojan horse is “the most loathsome, vile concept the antiquity has bequeathed to modernity and that Iago is the most perversely evil character ever to plague Elizabethan plays, or indeed, any play in the history of literature”. I think that means she likes my pet.
End:
I noticed that chronicles usually have an ending (I’m perceptive like that), so here you go.