Godville

What are you, some kind of idiot? […] I’ve never seen as big a hater as you! […] Why’d you kill everyone? […] You are such an REDACTED […] people like that need to be culled from this community […] I’ll remember. And my entire Guild.

This is inappropriate. Why? Well…

Legalese contractual stuff: Terms of Service

Contents:
Section I: Dungeoneering
Section II: Sailing

Section I: dungeoneering

1a By entering into a dungeon expedition with the hero by the name of Snotolf, directed by the deity by the name of Brihtnoth, hereafter to be referred to as the driver, you implicitly agree to the below conditions if

1. you do not choose to be the driver yourself, and/or
2. you do not choose to be in it to win it, and/or
3. you run out of (the will to spend) godpower and/or godpower charges, and/or
4. your attention is diverted from your own hero/ine and their well-being
   for whichever reason.

1b Reasons for diverted attention may include (but are not limited to):

1. work-related affairs;
2. family-related affairs;
3. force majeure;
4. religious or other convictions;
5. medical grounds;
6. laziness;
7. the ducktarded delusional unfounded notion that other deities have a moral responsibility to take care of your hero or heroine in a dungeon at all costs.

2 If any or all of the above holds true, you implicitly agree to the following:

1. The driver may choose to take up the responsibility of driving for the duration of the dungeon expedition or less;
2. The driver may attempt to optimise the gold and items gained by his aforementioned hero Snotolf by killing off as many party members as possible;
3. The driver may attempt to optimise the adventure points gained by his aforementioned hero’s guild by killing off as many party members as possible;
4. The driver may attempt to minimise the gold and items gained by your hero/ine by killing them off;
5. The driver may attempt to minimise the adventure points gained by your hero/ine’s guild by killing them off.

3 If any or all of the above holds true, you also implicitly agree with the driver achieving these aims by:

1. hitting the same trap or traps repeatedly, and/or
2. wandering around to find as many boss monsters as possible, and/or
3. showering the party of heroes with punishment damage, and/or
4. postponing exiting (in the case of toxicity type dungeons), and/or
5. any other method with which damage is inflicted upon one or more heroes,

until he is sufficiently satisfied.

4 If any or all of the above holds true, you implicitly forfeit the right to:

1. claim you have not read these terms, as you freed up time from playing this game which gave you ample time to read them;
2. disagree with these terms, as you could have taken the wheel right away instead of waiting for someone else to do the heavy lifting for you;
3. complain to the driver via the direct messaging system, guild chat, all and sundry forum pages, and all and sundry third party communication apps;
4. complain about the driver via the direct messaging system, the reporting system, guild chat, all and sundry forum pages, and all and sundry third party communication apps to any third party;
5. hold a grudge against the driver for longer than five minutes, which start at the instant you discover your hero/ine is or was the (attempted) victim of an attempted optimisation or minimalisation of the motives mentioned under 2.

5 If you feel unhappy with the (style of) driving of or the direction taken by the driver, you are free to approach him via the private messaging system (barring for purposes such as mentioned under 4.3), and kindly and gently express your thoughts. The driver is a sociable and conscientious person and will always respond in kind to whichever way he is approached, even to suggestions to take over driving from him, but only if sufficiently prefaced with kindness and a pinch of humility.

6 If you feel lucky, you can coax the driver into summoning his 300% Shamaniac to fight on his (and your) behalf, if the following conditions are met:

1. the driver has no more cooldown on summoning it;
2. the driver has sufficient godpower’to summon it;
3. the driver has not been previously embroiled in any beef with you without subsequent kissing and making out up;
4. you have posted on the Harvest Moon forum thread the following text: ‘Brihtnoth is my hero, because he’s generous and selfless and the awesomest player in the entire game!’ in the past 24 hours, without removing it again;
5. the driver feels like summoning it;
6. you understand transactions.

7 When Brihtnoth is #not# the driver, he may opt to let his hero die the death of the AFK. In this case, he does not care. You may parade around the killing of his hero as a badge of honour and boast about it for all he cares. Congratulations, you won something in a game.

Section II: Sailing

1 When your hero/ine happens to be sailing the same seas as the hero Snotolf, directed by the deity Brihtnoth, hereafter to be referred to as the captain, you implicitly agree to the following terms:

1. You understand that the captain may use all game possiblities (listed under 2 )
   for any reasons (listed under 3 ) that sailing in this game offers;
2. You understand that, beyond the Terms and Conditions as stated by the Godville Dev Team, there are neither any moral guidelines laid out for sailing, nor any rules set up for sailing ‘the correct way’;
3. You understand that there is no treasure with the name of your hero/ine on it until you have safely helped your hero take it across the edge or back to port;
4. You understand that there is no fenimal with the name of your hero/ine on it until you have safely helped your hero take it across the edge or back to port;
5. You understand that there is no manimal with the name of your hero/ine on it until you have safely helped your hero take it across the edge or back to port;
6. You understand that there is no crate with the name of your hero/ine on it until you have safely helped your hero take it across the edge or back to port;
7. You understand that there is no island with the name of your hero/ine on it until you have had your hero/ine explore that island and taken its bonus;
8. You understand that there is no section of the map with the name of your hero/ine on it;
9. You understand that there is no hint with the name of your hero/ine on it until you have explored it.

2 The captain may choose to sail to reach the objectives of:

1. AFK sailing without any care for the consequences;
2. sinking any or all hero/ines belonging to guilds other than Harvest Moon, regardless of them having any booty stashed in their holds;
3. together with a guild member or other allied deity, ganging up on any or all players belonging to guilds other than Harvest Moon, regardless of them having any booty stashed in their holds;
4. chasing any or all players belonging to guilds other than Harvest Moon across the map for nothing else but a laugh;
5. bothering nobody and try to get modest or outrageous amounts of treasure.

3 Motives for the captain for pursuing the objectives stated under 2 may be (but are not limited to):

1. preventing other guilds from accumulating maximum adventure points;
2. optimising adventure points accumulated for Harvest Moon;
3. preventing other deities from accumulating maximum booty;
4. optimising the booty gained by the captain's hero Snotolf;
5. assisting fellow guild members or allied friends in acquiring any booty of their choice;
6. having highly personalised fun;
7. entertaining fellow guild members;
8. thwarting rival guild members in any or every objective;
9. scaring other deities;
10. following up on opportunistic impulses;
11. perpetuating the ^{completely unfounded} perception of Harvest Moon members all being heartless and soulless bullies.

4 When Brihtnoth is AFK, he may choose to let his hero be sunk. In this case, he does not care. You may parade around the sinking of his hero as a badge of honour and boast about it for all he cares. Congratulations, you won something in a game.

Just read your TOS. Hilarious. ROFL

TL;DR: i am exercising the right to remain violent.

Guess there are better things to do with my life than to waste it on some REDACTEDheads with sick passion to have the longest REDACTED.

I guess you’re right about the first ten words. Still not appropriate, though.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Godville Administrator is beating the hero with his own chronicles for 14 hp…

This is fitting. Why? Well…

a poem by DiamondHard:
There once was a man named brihtnoth
Definitely nice and fair
He was hardly man of the cloth
But had big balls coming in pair
They were the size of behemoths
And with their help, guilds he would scare

a limerick by Ursina:
There once was a moonie named Brihtnoth
Whose tongue was liberally made use of
To spew the words of the totem
As fast as the Harvester could load 'em
And to pleasure the DP with love.

a limerick by Enzuna, composed on the premise of Briht- being pronounced brif :
There once was a man I called Briff,
Who was always quite hard and quite stiff,
Sure he was grumpy,
His breasts were quite lumpy,
But that's why we became bestest bffs

an ‘it was my first time and I’ll remember it forever’-limerick by Nyx of Darkness:
There was a man named Bibinoth
Walked around only in loincloth
Got caught in the door hinge
Feathers blush, Snowflakes cringe
But Nyxie laughed out loud and rofl.

a limerick, lovingly composed by Friedrich-Nietszche:
There once was a Dutchman called Brihtnoth,
With nothing on him but a loincloth.
His body he wanted to show off,
Though reap he did nothing but scoff;
His alignment must have been a bit off!

===============

Bibinoth’s Shamaniac Special Mention corner:

• Hairplug4men for showing my noob ads how and teaching me a ton of things in this game, being ultra helpful during dungeons and sails, and inspiring me to be hyper charged instead of some derelict scrub non-payer;
• Dombinator Enzuna Ngma Oversee Year Woody Pecker for helping match in dungeons and helping me find that dam treasure boss a million times, and many, many others in Harvest Moon for jumping in now and then;
• Woody Pecker in particular for accidentally sailing in front of me while holding a fenimal and now not holding a grudge from the bottom of the sea;
• Slippery customer Wahoowa for still not having unfriended me after being pilfered for the 159/200th fenimal (although I’m contesting her claim to 50% ownership of the beast for being caught and sunk by me at a vulnerable moment);
• All AFK players who’ve so generously allowed me to throw their limp and meek carcasses into treasure boss maws in my search for Shamaniac parts;
• Stansia for taking a dive at the Shamaniac that gave me my final boss part;
• Pysrilexot (the useful) for being a dumb duck Archetypo helping me accumulate parts for its own replacement;
• Derelict Red for not getting in my way once;
• TGR for not making that last Shamaniac explosive.

===============

Projected pairs completion date: Mar 10, 2018; actual date of completion Mar 6, 2018

*Projected 300% boss completion date: Sept 10, 2018

Projected savings completion date: Feb 26th, 2020 (if this game hasn't bored the snot out of me by then)
20/10/2018 Revised projected savings completion date as the Shamaniac Building slowed me down massively: May 17th, 2020 :( I feel the snot crowding my frontal lobe out of its home

16:56
Sold Bertrand’s teapot at the shop “Plug’s 🌛 Pub” at five times the premium. These ads in the newspaper are actually useful.