Godville

12.2.2012:

Today, I awoke to find, that I was not in the small cottage that I had gone to sleep in, but in a temple in a mysterious village, called “Godville”. Here a monk told me that, I, Banana Guy, had been chosen to worship the god “Banana Girl”. I was slightly annoyed about not being given a choice, until he told me, that it meant, that I would get a lolly pop if i was good. So you now see before you the proud worshipper of the wonderful goddess: Banana Girl! i promise that i will write about my life every day!

13.2.2012:

Forget what I said yesterday! This place is a nightmare! I died! admittedly, my lady, Banana Girl resurrected me… But I lost all my money, all my hard earned money and artifacts, GONE! Just imagine! Gone! Just like that! BUT, I did get the lolly pop that I was promised, so it’s ok. It was a very tasty lolly pop, cola flavour, my favourite!

15.2.2012:

sorry that i didnt write yesterday, but i was kinda dead… anyway… you know They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Well, my Lady has just proven that wrong.

18.2.2012:

Note to self: always never accept apples from wandering archers.

my first fight ever:

Suddenly found myself completely healthy, standing in the arena. No doubt the Great One wants me to kick somebody’s butt!

10:18 Shouting “Don’t panic!” Banana Guy welcomes his opponent. Lumin8 idly responds with “For Godville!” and the duel begins!

10:19 Lumin8 barked “Banana Guy – kill!” and drove her enemy knee-deep into the ground.

10:20 Banana Guy threw a good jab. Lumin8 got a brand new shiner.

10:20 Lumin8 threw a strike of moderate strength at her rival. Banana Guy decided not to dodge this time.

10:21 A voice came from somewhere above: “Smite!”

10:21 Banana Guy touched the enemy with cold hands. Lumin8 shivered and froze.

10:22 The voice from the clouds suddenly said: “Smite!”

10:22 Lumin8 gave a scary scream and tried to chop off her enemy’s legs in the hope that Banana Guy’s heart would sink into his boots.

10:23 The booming voice from above said: “Smite him!”

10:23 Banana Guy yawned so wide that Lumin8 got hit in the face with tooth fillings.

10:24 Banana Guy raised his hands to the sky and murmured something unintelligible. Lumin8 immediately felt the wrath of the heavens rain down on her.

10:24 Everything in the area suddenly started to vibrate from a loud voice commanding: “Heal!”

10:24 Unintelligible mumbling came from somewhere above.

10:24 Lumin8 tried to use her wit. When that failed, she simply flicked her opponent savagely in the ear.

10:25 Banana Guy suddenly noticed that his weapon had caught fire, immediately rushed into attack, and landed a scorching blow. Banana Girl is on the watch.

10:25 The booming voice from above said: “Heal!”

10:25 Banana Guy counted the stars floating around his head, then suddenly grabbed one and threw it at his enemy.

10:25 Lumin8 suddenly felt a surge of energy and forgot about her wounds! It looks like Masteryi is on the watch…

10:25 Lumin8 painted a heart on the ground and looked at the enemy. Banana Guy almost added an arrow, but changed his mind and started to attack instead.

10:26 Banana Guy struck as hard as he could. Lumin8 fell head over heels for him.

10:27 Awkwardly bouncing from the enemy’s attack, Banana Guy caught a lightning bolt intended for his rival.

10:27 Something in the clouds roared: “Heal!”

10:27 Masteryi paints a beautiful rainbow; the bridge of light arches down to his servant. Banana Guy wheezes resentfully, watching as the enemy gets stronger.

10:27 Lumin8 ran around her opponent several times, giving him a severe headache.

10:28 A voice came from somewhere above: “Heal!”

10:28 Banana Guy was scalded with an abrupt lightning bolt from the sky.

10:28 While Lumin8 was relaxing on the floor, Banana Guy climbed onto the ropes, grinned maliciously, and leapt onto her with a brutal cry.

10:29 Banana Guy felt a sudden burst of energy and rushed towards the enemy, cheering at the heavens.

10:29 Something in the clouds roared: “Strike him gently, my mighty champion!”

10:29 Lumin8 slashed her enemy. Banana Guy responded with an impolite remark.

10:30 Banana Guy suddenly felt a surge of energy and forgot about his wounds! It looks like Banana Girl is on the watch…

10:30 The judge’s eyes suddenly rolled into the back of his head and he screamed: “Strike him gently, my mighty champion!”

10:30 Feeling the presence of his goddess, Banana Guy rushes forward and gives the enemy a huge blow.

10:30 Banana Guy opened his mouth. Lumin8 choked on the fragrant exhalation.

10:30 The booming voice from above said: “Strike him gently, my mighty champion!”

10:30 Lumin8 shook her coin purse and glanced at the enemy. Banana Guy licked his lips and rushed forward.

10:31 Banana Guy raised his hands to the sky and murmured something unintelligible. Lumin8 immediately felt the wrath of the heavens rain down on her.

10:31 A voice came from somewhere above: “Strike him gently, my mighty champion!”

10:31 Masteryi paints a beautiful rainbow; the bridge of light arches down to his servant. Banana Guy wheezes resentfully, watching as the enemy gets stronger.

10:31 Banana Guy yawned so wide that Lumin8 got hit in the face with tooth fillings.

10:32 The voice from the clouds suddenly said: “Strike him badly, my mighty champion!”

10:32 While Banana Guy was busy counting crows, Lumin8 crept up from behind and did her dirty business, removing several points from her rival’s health.

10:33 Banana Guy raised his hands to the sky and murmured something unintelligible. Lumin8 immediately felt the wrath of the heavens rain down on her.

10:33 The scoreboard suddenly flared and showed the text: “Strike him badly, my mighty champion.”

10:33 Lumin8 felt a sudden burst of energy and rushed towards the enemy, cheering at the heavens.

10:33 Banana Guy took off a shoe and performed a masterful headshot. Lumin8 sustained a severe concussion.

10:34 Lumin8 received a lightning bolt straight to her rear. Banana Guy is prostrating, praising his goddess.

10:34 The voice from the clouds suddenly said: “Strike him badly, my mighty champion.”

10:34 Obeying the order sent from above, Banana Guy gathers his strength and strikes his opponent one more time.

10:34 Lumin8 doesn’t look good today. Lots of tomatoes have been flying at her from the stands.

10:35 Something in the clouds roared: “Strike him badly, my mighty champion.”

10:35 Lumin8 took a hat in her hands and suddenly slammed it down on her enemy’s head.

10:36 A voice came from somewhere above: “Strike him badly, my mighty champion.”

10:36 Banana Guy tries to take control over the enemy’s mind. Lumin8 snorts with contempt and sets her headpiece straight.

10:36 Lumin8 blew her opponent’s mind with her dancing. Banana Guy shook his head trying to recover.

10:37 Banana Guy knocked his opponent off her feet, but Lumin8 managed to grab the offender and pull him down at the last moment.

10:38 Lumin8 is on her knees. Banana Guy salutes to the heavens! The winner receives a gold brick and 492 gold coins.

6.7.2012

hmm… lovely holiday. a bit long, but oh well! sorry i didnt write during it, but i forgot my diary chronicles at home. Oh, and about the postcard… 2 things: 1. they dont exist in godville and 2. I’m out of money. but now i am back with avengence! and a pet! sooba, the dust bunny! he’s so cute! much trouble! so often , he has almost got himself killed! but luckily my friends I am always there to save him!

7.7.2012

i said sooba should be more careful! today the tragic day finally came… : My Sooba died while saving my life from Talking Donkey! i cant take it anymore! everything i’ve ever loved has died! sooba! you idiot lovely little pet, why did you save my life?!

8.7.2012

i know i shouldnt be saying this, but i think i’m gonna have to find a place to bury sooba soon, he’s getting heavy it’s disrespectful to carry bodies arround everywhere. but i am sure that one day, if i am lost on a lonely island, and have nothing to eat but the look in his beautiful little eyes won’t let me do it. why did he have to die? he was still so young. i didnt even have the achievement to raise a pet to level ten yet! one less mouth to feed! and what am i to do without him? now i’ll have to find another creature that’s dumb enough to live with me that lives up to my standards.

3.8.2012

I’ve done it! Woohoo! I brought my stinky little beast my beautiful little pet back to life!!! Why am I only saying this now? Because I couldn’t be bothered to Because I couldn’t find time, wasting my time in all those pubs and casinos spending my oh, so precious time doing heroic deeds in bed always travelling, never taking the time to stop and smell the flowers well, only occasionally , not a chance! I go around, rescuing helpless dragons and slaughtering the ravenous princesses who had captured them. rescuing beautiful princesses from weird dinosaurs dangerous, fire-breathing dragons.

5.8.2012

Today I SAW my goddess! I SAW her! And she told me to come with her. Excitedely I asked where we were going. “Further than we’ve ever gone before!” was the answer. Seeing my puzzled expression, she added “We’re going to save the world!” This wasn’t the answer I had expected, and for a moment I was silent. Then I did something that I deeply regret: I got angry, and I stamped my feet, threw myself onto the floor, cried and yelled “I don’t want to! No! No! No! Not again!!! I’ve never done anything else! Can’t I have a break for once?” That was probably the worst decision which I’ve ever made! Well, at least I now know what it feels like, to have 2 metres of golden spear in my back!

28.8.2012

Today I had the longest battle I’ve EVER had! It WOULD have been awesome, except for ONE thing: I lost!

16.11.2012

Had a lovely heroic day today! I played with toy soldiers with my best friend I saved a little kitten from a tree I bravely defeated ten one hundred boss monsters and didn’t die a single time! ps: I am sorry that I lied to you about writing every day, but I am too busy defeating monsters to write.

9.2.2013

What a party! WOW! I haven’t partyd partied like that since I was thrown out of school I got Sooba! Shame I don’t remember it… I think it was great, but considering the fact that I have been knocked out since new years eve And speaking of Sooba, he’s nokked knocked out now and i can’t seem to get enough monwy money together to pqy pay his vet bill… I somehao somehow dout doubt that he’ll servive survive. weel well, i gess I’ll just have to prey pray to my lady and hope for the beast best. so, here gos goes! dear Banana Girl, here speaks your most faithful and only servant. please help me to get enuff enough money together to pay your most faithful servunts servant’s pet’s vet bill. well, let’s hope that worked. good luck, sooba!

11.2.2013

Dammit Banana Girl! My prayer did’nt work! My poor litle little Sooba has only 8 ours hours left. I feer that I shall not be able to wake him up befoar before his time is up and he will seese cease to exist. and added to that the doctor has told me that i has have seerius serious branedamage braindamage witch which stopps me being abel able to spell ptoperle properly. I am beginning to wonda wonder whether my days too are not numbread numbered. if my darling sooba dise dies, i am not shor sure that i would care so mutch much if they were. I just hoap hope that if i do die, that my godes goddess dus dose does not resurect me. if she does, then, then, i’ll NEVER bake cookies for her agen again!

12.2.2013

alas, Sooba is no longer my peet pet. although he did wake up on his one own, i was not able to ekstend extend his pet rejistrashin registration. the officials told me that if i didn’t manage that, i could not keep him. thai they said they wood would keep him in a nice, safe place where i could visit him. i left the office with a lollipop after having cried my eyes out for two hours. but there is auso also good news: the dokters doctors say that my brain damage is beginning to heal! it should be gone in a few days!

13.2.13

Toes Those lying idots idiots! the officials were not telling the truthe truth when they told me I could vist visit him! today I went too to see my little Ssoba sooba, as i had planed planned to do everyday, and they told me that he was “in freedom now and happier than he could be anywhere else” ! and tha the doctas doctors where were no better! today I asced asked them to write me a permishon permission slip so that i cood could once more enter the areena arena to fite fight. they told me that I was “thanks to the heavy damage taken to your brain after the last battle, you can only keep fighting next week” I hate them all! ALL of those @&$%#¥

6.10.2013

Pah! branedamage Braindamage my foot! I’m obviously fine! Just recently I trained a biowolf! Which is of course an amazing act of intelligence and braivery bravery! my doctors are, once again, insisting I’m crazy, but I’m not! I’M NOT! I’M NOT! I’M NOT! i’m not… Anyways… my biowolf’s name is uh, well ALRIGHT I’ve forgotten. never mind…

27.12.2013

Um, well, according to my doctors, I never actually tamed that biowolf, it attacked me and dragged me into its cave, where I was left unconscious and close to death for two and a half months… But never mind that, right guys? It’s all ok, because my best friend heroically came and found me and he rescued me. after that long in captivity I was slowly regaining consciousness and when I awoke to see the wretched creature had left it’s cave, so it was easy to get away standing over me, about to take a bite out of my left arm! And even though it had previously broken my leg both my legs,I managed to take it by surprise and tackle it to the ground! in the process it managed to take a bite out of my clothes right arm! using my uninjured arm I grabbed it’s head, smashed it into the floor, thus knocking it out and allowing for enough time for me to wriggle out of it’s cave and into the moonlight, where there was a baby solar bear, gazing at me helplessly. I picked it up (with my left arm, my right arm hanging limply by my side) and soon, it’s elder brother came along and was thrilled to once more see his brother, whom he had thought lost beyond hope. He let me ride on his back to godville, and now he visits me regularly and has allowed me to adopt his baby brother as a pet, so long as i looked after him well. I promised, not to fail him!

10.03.2014

Well, I failed him… my little buck – that’s what I decided to name him- got knocked unconscious recently and hasn’t been the same since… its a real shame, espescially since – well, you know I said his brother was my pal and visited me, weeeeell those visits have become rather uncomfortable and he’s sort of promised me that no solar bear would ever be my friend again… But nevertheless I refused to let him take my little Buck! Although this temporarily makes me happy he also promised he would gather an army of monsters to tear me apart and get his baby brother back… Oh well, I guess SOME things just can’t be helped, and as a wise old friend of mine once said: “What’s coming will come and we will meet it when it does” Nah I’m just kidding, I’ve never had any wise friends, that was this weird drunk guy I met at the bar…

02.05.2014

So yeah, Buck started biting and scratching me when I no longer let his brother into the house, so I gave him to the local orphanage, figuring that some kids would have more fun with a disturbed solar bear than me… Well, a few of them have been attacked by Buck, and now his brother has started “visiting” them instead of me, but I mean, nothing has happened that a good hospital cant patch up! Yet… uh yeah, so never mind that, it will never happen, so I needn’t bother myself too much about it! Anyway, so I also figured that, since Buck’s big brother was busy with poor defenceless children, I could get a new solar bear, and so I have done! His name is Fang,and he is very cheerful. As yet, he hasn’t turned at to be Buck’s brother in disguise, and I hope it stays that way, too! Hmm, strange, He’s watching me write this… Almost as if he could read… Nah, I’m just imagining things! I guess… I mean, he’s only level 10… So anyway that look is scaring me, so I think I’m gonna stop for now… Maybe I can try and make his cheerful side show again, I am really clever after all!

22.11.2014

Ouch. So, making his cheerful side didn’t really work… Also, it turns out he, uh, was Buck’s brother in disguise. What a pity. So anyway, sorry I didn’t write in you, diary. I’ve been a little busy, trying to get my pet to stop trying to kill me. It is rather unnerving. And today, I finally gave him up. I am sad, although my mother says it isn’t healthy to mourn a deadly creature. But alas, I was so sad that I jumped in the path of a monster and let it kill me. So, to drown my sorrows, I went into a tavern, and drank until the lights went out. So, I heroically went into the battlefield, and killed many monsters in Fang’s my Lady’s name! Unfortunately, I did not return alive. After many months years days of fighting, a monster finally took the better of me. So there I lay, waiting to be resurrected by my Lady. So, there I lay, stubbornly refusing to let my Lady resurrect me. At last, after many months years hours of lying dead, I finally let her, as I knew it was for my own good, and death was getting pretty boring my Lady would miss me, needing me to fight evil in her name. So, here I go. Fang, I promise to find a new best friend in your name! One that doesn’t kill me!

26.11.2014

Dear diary, Ladies and gentlemen, Hello everyone! So, anyway… Today I am bored. Ha! Got you! I’m not really bored! actually I am very stressed! Tomorrow is my best friend’s birthday! Thus, I am very busy preparing. I have been searching for a present for many, many milestones. And I have found one! It’s the head of a monster! I hope she doesn’t think it’s gross. I know I do It’s a wonderful present! I also wrapped it in The monster’s skin and put a pretty pink bow on it! It’s rather distressing beautiful! I especially think the bow is a nice touch. I’ve also been handing out leaflets to everyone in Godville, telling them to come to the main square tomorrow for a super-secret SURPRISE PARTY!!! Hopefully I didn’t give her one, too… So, anyone who is reading this, you, too, are welcome to come! You hear me? TOMORROW: MAIN SQUARE IN GODVILLE:SURPRISE PARTY FOR Sorry I had to cross that out, she just appeared behind me and started reading over my shoulder. But now she’s gone! TOMORROW: MAIN SQUARE IN GODVILLE:SURPRISE PARTY FOR FEIFEI BE THERE!

29.05.2015

Wow, 2015 already. I cant believe I’ve been writing in this diary every day for more than three years now! I’m amazing. So, happy new year and all! merry christmas! happy easter! Did I miss anything? anyway, I am so bored right now. Did you hear me, my lady? I. Am. Bored. I have had nothing to write about for ages. make something happen.