2011-08-31: My god created me today. I feel amazingly mature for someone so young. No sissy sippy cups for me – I’m heading down to the local pub for a pint to celebrate my birth.
2011-09-16: Became the 489th member of the “Harvest Moon” guild. Wanted to start my own guild, but every time I tried I would get struck by lightning. Oh, how my god works in such subtle ways.
2011-10-18: My god decided that I am trustworthy enough to care for another creature. My new pet Firefox “Behemoth” will be a wonderful addition on – I mean at – my dinner table.
2011-12-01: My last pet didn’t love me enough to stay alive. I replaced him with a new pet Rocky Raccoon “Rex”. Given my track record for pets, I have high hopes for this one.
2012-01-26: My last pet didn’t have the stones to keep up with me. I was fortunate enough to replace him with a new pet Trojan Horse. A pet this rare deserves the crappiest name I can think of: “Baloo”. What the hell was I thinking?
2012-01-29: Became a cardinal of the “Harvest Moon” guild. No fanfare, no parade – just a Certificate of Completion. I think that I will finally settle down with this guild.
2012-02-15: Reached 14,549 gold coins, bringing me to the 5th position in the Greed Pantheon. After repeated lightning bolts to the face, I reluctantly bought three gold bricks, bringing my temple completion to 40%.
2012-03-14: Didn’t have time to bury my last pet before I found a new replacement pet Solar Bear “Gleep”. At least Gleep will have a great first meal…
2012-05-02: I apparently love Solar Bears but hate Gleep. Instead of resurrecting my old pet Gleep, I replaced him with a new pet Solar Bear “Oy”.
2012-07-10: Dearest diary, today was the day! I carefully laid the last brick, swept all the rooms, opened all windows to let your glorious light shine in. I can’t believe it, your temple is finally finished, my Lord! I feel delirious with happiness.
2013-01-20: Slaughtered one hundred thousand monsters throughout my seventy lifetimes. Time to write a catchy ballad including this new feat.
2013-01-24: Saved over 18,000 gold coins to heal my knocked-out pet Solar Bear “Oy” but then promptly died and lost it all. Perhaps it is a sign from my god that I should abandon Solar Bears and focus on a pet more worthy of my prominent might.
2013-02-15: After such a glorious battle with the Double Dragon I could not bring myself to deliver the finishing blow. Instead, he will be my new companion. Come along, Pinky, let’s go questing, narf!
2017: Woah! What a night! Had a drink or two and woke up this morning to find that over four years have gone by. My god, where have you been all my life? Time to resume my wandering and pillaging ways.