The original Another Jessica, the writer of this… thing, and just a beautiful, smart, intelligent, kind, witty, strong, awesome person, decided that real life was a better haven. Now another person is in charge.
09:55 Faced with the choice between listening to the full recount of my chronicles or jumping into a nearby volcano, the Gloomy Optimist went for the less painful option, leaving behind a repressed memory card.
12:20 Convinced the Healing Anti-anti-virus to read my chronicles in the hope it’d be impressed and we could be friends. It sent them back with heaps of grammar corrections and a scathing review. This outrage must be washed in blood. To arms!
03:19 A voice from the clouds suddenly said, ‘THAT chronicle is only one notch below mine? I should just delete it. SMH. Attack!’
WELCOME EVERYONE, AND TONIGHT WE’RE TUNING IN TO:
The (sacred/twisted/holy/mediocre – choose the right word) tales of Emo-Goth
It all begins with a girl. A very powerful girl, with powers. See, she could freeze time, move space and shoot lazer beams with her eyes and breasts. Oh, and also she was The Chosen One, whatever that means. She was a beautiful blonde with a few pink strands in her long hair which gracefully fell down her slender back. Her eyes were a deep, rich shade of blue, but they could also change colors: when she was sad, they took a beautiful dark blue color; when she was happy, they went violet; and when she was angry, they changed to ruby red. Also, she had double-D-sized breasts. Other things don’t matter, so if she had had a beard, we wouldn’t know now.
This girl wasn’t just beautiful, no! She was also very smart and even discovered the fourth law of physics before that Einstein guy. She was also very athletic and many guys who had tried to come on to her spoke in very high-pitched voices afterwards.
Of course, her talent couldn’t stay unnoticed forever. She got recruited by a big intergalactic alien trans-mega-corporation. She worked there, killing bad guys and even worse girls. Like, that guy who tried to invent hydrogen-based universal fuel was surely bad, right? But once upon a time she was betrayed by her lover! He bought her a platinum necklace with diamonds instead of the gold one with rubies she wanted! That was the final straw for her, and she, knowing that her “Tragic past 1st rank” achievement was finally reached, decided to hide somewhere, so no one would see her tears that made mascara streak down her cheeks, leaving ugly black traces and pieces of false eyelashes behind.
She’s been looking for a place to hide for… a few minutes, maybe? Or hours? Years? Seriously, she didn’t count. So, after looking in all the wrong places she finally found it – a lone white cloud in the sky.
She got there (How? By an elevator, of course!) and thought “I could sit on this lovely cloud forever and watch these pretty thingies!”. And so she did, but got bored soon. So she decided to create a male follower (I wonder why, hm…) to watch, torture and laugh at, and named him Emo-Goth to match her purpose.
But something went wrong: Emo-Goth appeared on the ground, not the cloud. The girl wanted to get down, but the elevator had already been confiscated for tax evasion. And the follower couldn’t get up too, because for some reason he only reacted to a few specific commands (First law of godhood: you can’t create a being smarter than you), “Get up here” never being one of them. So the only thing left for her was to sit there and watch Emo-Goth, occasionally throwing lightning bolts at him, and regret and angst over things because it’s part of the genre.
What is the girl’s name? Some of you may have guessed already, but to those who didn’t, I’ll tell you: She goes by Florianna Ecletta Sera Pariss Lolipoppia Cathippy Celere Mystiq Lilac D’O’Riverjen-Dexter-Slytherin-Norfolk-Dark-Light-Night-Brightmore-Vader-Wesker-McDuck, but her real name is Another Jessica. Well, Another is better than Lolipoppia, I guess.
So now, on to the more important person: Emo-Goth.
Some facts about our star:
!!!WARNING: LOTS OF NUMBERS AND WORDS AHEAD!!!
- Emo-Goth somehow managed to get drunk even though his goddess melted everything he had into golden bricks. What stealth!
- But now that he has a temple, he gathers those bricks when entering the arena. Does he want a second temple?
- Emo-Goth loves skipping turns on the arena. Skipping the one that could have won you a brick and gold – come on!
- Also he loves invites to Godville, probably hoping to meet a cute heroine, what a naive hero. As if his goddess would ever want to have a rival (O_o what?)…
- “Acid tears” is a good skill for Emo-Goth. Maybe he’ll learn “Cry of horror” or “Poisoned kiss” someday?
- Emo-Goth’s prototype is a certain SS, if you know what I mean.
- He reached pure evil! a few (update: a lot of) times. Apparently, being that doesn’t make a hero more intelligent. Surprise…
- And managed to reach 1st place in the pantheon of destruction several (update: many) times.
- The 3rd of November, 2014 was a memorable day for Emo-Goth: he’s stayed first in the pantheon of destruction for the whole day!
- By pure luck, no, wait, dirty luck he got the invincible 2nd rank achievement.
- And somehow even have been 98th in the pantheon of duelers on this memorable day – 16.11.2014.
- Finally this talking donkey got knocked out! Three-and-something months, sixteenth level – you fought for your existance well, Bess, but everything comes to an end. – dated 21.11.2014.
- 22.11.2014: Emo-Goth finally got (somewhat) matching set of equipment. Sort of like a secret magical agent:
- Weapon Bi-sickle
- Shield Restraining order
- Head Skull mask
- Body Class action suit
- Arms Power gloves
- Legs Thunderwear
- Talisman Protective pentagram
- 25.11.2014 – Finally, he built a shiny big metal (gold is metal, right?) temple! 121 days and 35 levels of gathering all those bricks finally paid off! Special thanks to the narrator’s friends for the AFK battles.
P.s. And bye-bye now, pure evil! - 20.12.2014 may or may not mean something, anything, everything for the reader, but for Emo-Goth this is the day he first reached pure good… not for long.
- On 25.12.2014 from 11.00 to 12.00 he was 666th in creation. Talk about irony…
- 28.12.2014 was the day when he got 1st in storytelling… somehow. Even the genius narrator can’t explain, bit is blushing fiercely.
- On 24.01.2015 the mighty Emo-Goth was 30th in senior duelers’ pantheon! But then other nasty duelers got jealous and conspired against him… this is a story
for another day, but its results can be very well seen. - The highest place in senor duelers pantheon Emo-Goth had was… fourth! This is how the magic of the beginning of the season works.
- 11.04.2015, 17:00-18:00 seemed to him like a good time to be 666th in the pantheon of gladiatorship for a while… and Another Jessica has been torn between moving him up as always or freezing him there for a while, too.
- Somehow one time managed to be 4th in duelers, another time – 5th in creation. Nothing changed though.
- Anater Jesika veri is smart riili… wait, where did this come from?
- Зыз энтри из вриттэн ин транслитэрэйшн, бат ю’лл нэвер ноу, хаха!
Epilogue
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……
………
She felt it – a strange feeling that resembled a headache, but was actually far more painful and… dangerous. The girl whimpered, unused to any pain at all From her eyes, turned black from the pain, fell a tear.
Then it got worse. Her vision was blurring, her whole body was seisuring as a strong foreign energy was filling it. She tried to scream, but no words or even loud noises came from her mouth. It waas as if her voice was just gone. She looked at her hands – and could see, though very indistinctly, the clouds. Not her hands, not anymore.
- You are nothing, – said an ordinary-looking girl, closing the Godville tab in her browser the last time. – Just an account. Why did I even create you?.. Why do I feel so bad leaving you? But I must. This was fun before, but now the game has become just a routine. Farewell, Emo-goth. And why am I talking to myself anyway?