It seems I must start from the beginning. Very well, I’ll tell you a little about myself. This shall be divinely entertaining.
I awoke from a wonderful dream (I was dancing with a beautiful boy. Light brown hair that flopped just the right way, dark brown eyes that you can stare into forever and still keep looking, and- I’m terribly sorry for Annie being off subject… It seems my little “Hero” is obsessed with Justin Bieber, just like her goddess. So I must be doing something right! (Just get on with it, Annie.) Right.) So, anyway, I awoke from my dream right into another one.
In this dream, I was standing in a big Ahem. big huge field. There was a herd of big Ahem! big HUGE zebras running around. There was a girl controlling them, but she was about as tall as me! And she kind of looked the same, too, only she was glowing pink. And she wore glasses. Wait, do Supreme Deities need help seeing? Move on, Annie. Sheesh, you just piqued my curiosity. But okay, I’ll move on…
…She told me, “You are a chosen hero, Annie, so go out there, take life easy, buy a ton of drinks…“ AHEM!!!!! What? You are an idiot. My exact words were these: “I am the Goddess Amazinzebra1998. You are a Chosen Hero, Annie. You must slay monsters in my honor and build a temple for me- ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?
And I wasn’t, so she screamed “WAKE UP! DO SOMETHING USEFUL, YOU LAZY FREAK!” at me. So I woke up, pulled on fresh clothes, shoved the signed picture of Justin Bieber from under my pillow and the bottle cap with a picture of a zebra inside (I’m assuming Amazin left it for me as a reminder of her,) in my pockets, and left for adventuring.
And so the Idiot Train leaves the station…
THE (MIS)ADVENTURE CONTINUES…
First quest complete! At least you can do that. Heyyyy…
Gained a motto. Fun. You get a battle cry. If you’re brave enough to battle.
I joined Jade Butterfly! I gotta say, they’re pretty awesome! For once, you do something right.
I. AM. AWESOME! Finally got my firefox! Thanks, My Lady! Take good care of Sooba, kay? I’m tired enough of resurrecting you, I don’t need more complaints of someone dying. Fine, fine, I’ll take care of him. You better.
I died again today. It took a few minutes but I was finally ressurected. Huh. Oh well. Six is the magic number, anyway. I have some great advice on not dying, Annie! What is it? STAY ALIVE! That’s a great idea! Wonder why. Oh, right, IT WAS MY IDEA!
I’m finally level 20!!!!! Not sure what I’m so happy about, but whatever it is, it must be pretty good! You’re glad I’ve lasted this long without abandoning you. Or worse. Shutup… Awwww, did I hurt a little Annie’s feelings? A little. Sorry. Here’s a little spending money. What is this for? Stuff. Duh.
Yet again, I have died. Wait, if I’m dead… how am I writing my chronicles? I have no words. Just resurrect me already. Fine. It’s good to be alive again!
My goddess is out sick today… it’s gonna be a looooong day. Heard that.
I had a busy day. Learned Disarming smile, died, and got into a fight with Saffronn. There’s only one way to make it all worth it… To the tavern! HEY! NO DRINKING! I’m sorry, I’m too busy feeding Sooba to hear you. Yet again, I have no words.
I live for the Great One, I die for… um… what exactly? You die as a result of not going to town and healing when you have ten Hp. Shutup. Hey Sooba, go see Annie! Owwww. Sooba, you pounce hard! Go on a diet!
My Goddess has decided to start accumulating godpower in case I get into a sparring fight with Saffronn again. I find this annoying because when I fight monsters, I’m always expecting the ever-so-helpful wide angle desintigration beam that never comes. Great One, use a charge already! But I need these for emergencies, like melting gold bricks and skirmishes! Too bad! If I had some godpower, I would soooooo set you on fire right now. Too bad you cant… Hey Sooba! Annie wants you! Sooba, no, I don’t, stay away… OWWWW! Will you ever learn?
And so, as you can see, Annie will never learn, and Sooba seems to make a better punishment than a fighter.
Yay! I’m level 22! Wow, you’ve smartened up this long. Keep going! Very funny. Hey, I’m here all week. So long as I have an Internet connection, anyway. What? Nothing.
No comments on this next post, My Lady! Aww, where’s the fun in that? But ok, I’ll be off plauging some distant land while you write…
I keep running in to my friend Beepocles, follower of the false god Beeporama. He’s evil but otherwise pretty helpful. As long as he’s not falling into hidden traps right when I need him. But yeah, otherwise really helpful! ;)
I made it to the guild rank Advisor today! Now are you glad you didn’t join Zombie Horde, like I found you questing on earlier? In my defense, I died 2 days ago and resurrected myself yesterday! Sorry. I was unable to do any goddessy things for four days. Use a charge already! That’s not what I meant… But since you’re too drunk to care, I’ll just go with it.
Apparently, I am spiteful. Not sure what it means, but it sounds cool! Three… two… one… now. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go chase fairies and rip their wings out. Hey, Annie, do you have an asprin? I have a divine headache. Sure, but I have a question. What? What’s an aspirin? Owww.
I keep hearing the Almighty calling me a Lazy Freak. Yep. It be true. Yeah, that’s my new nickname! Ummm… I was actually saying you are a lazy freak…
I’m on my 100th quest! My Lady, what’s the point of these quests? That information is classified. What does that mean? It’s a secret. Oh.
Today I was baffled by music coming from the heavens. Apparently the Almighty likes music as much as I do! Finally, you get something right. That scares me… I think I was just insulted…
Level 24! I’m so happy! You’re getting smarter… Now I’m really scared. Again, I think I was just insulted.
I’m number 52 in the pantheon of Storytelling! Thank you so much! I’m so proud of you, Annie! Hey, that’s the first encouraging thing you’ve said to me this whole time! Really? I didn’t notice. ;)
I am Annie Ember, FOR, ummm… THINGS! raaaargh! Great One what do you think? Does it sound impressive? Ummm… I really don’t think I should answer that…
I’m Grand Master of Jade Butterfly! This calls for an awesome event… FOR, ummm… THINGS! Oh, yes. Because yelling your new motto in the middle of your chronicles is so amazing. Annie Ember will now only refer to herself in the third person. Annie Ember needs a celebratory ten-layer cake. Amazinzebra1998 is starting to regret letting her little imbicile write chronicles by herself.
New motto: Don’t be Jargumentitental! Whatever that means. It’s a cross between Argumentative an Judgemental, like a lot of people I know. Not true! Its a dumb word, anyway! Note to self: add Annie to list of Jargumentitental people.
Death #20? If only I would stop dying… Not getting on the pantheon of Survival anytime soon, aren’t we? Not like it matters, right? No, I guess not, that’s what the pantheon of Storytellers is for!
I AM GONNA KILL ANNIE!!!!!!! No, my goddess, I’m already dead! FINE!!! TAKE THIS THEN!!!Yay, I’m alive- wait. AHHHH! IT BURNS! STUPID ACID! OWWW! NO! NO MORE LIGHTNING! AHHH! MY LADY, WHAT DID I DO? YOU LET SOOBA DIE! GATHER ABOUT 6,800 COINS AND GET HIM RESURRECTED BEFORE I DECIDE TO BRING OUT THE PERSONAL HAILSTORM!
I’m sad. Sooba is officially dead. On the bright side, though, Annie now smells like bacon!
Today I found a Dust Bunny! I’m gonna hug him, and squeeze him, and call him Bess! And you’ll make sure it doesn’t die, because if you do I will kill you personally. Ummm… sure I will… I’ll try, but I’m not paying resurrection fees!
I’m a Jade Butterfly Cardinal! Wait, does that mean I’m a butterfly or a bird? I just confused myself. I’m not surprised. The command ‘pray’ confuses you. Was that ‘pray’ or ‘prey’, my goddess? I have a headache now.
Interesting turn of events. My About three days into being a Cardinal, my Lady started yelling at me to join this guild called Blue Feather. It turns out they’re really popular and awesome and stuff! So she listened (FOR ONCE) and did something right (FOR ONCE)!
Oh, Almighty Zebra Goddess! I am so ashamed! Bess is a zombie dust bunny and it’s all my fault! WHAT!?!?!?!?! BESS IS USELESS NOW! HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Well, he’s not entirely useless. He still breaks stuff and sacrifices dead rats to me! Because that is totally useful.
Amazinzebra1998, everybody!
THE IDIOTIC POEM
I know there were diary quotes here before, but me and Deelav27 agree that I must post this incredibly dumb poem now… let me go get it. Plus, this will be a lot more entertaining.
- There once was a girl called Amazin,
- whom on Christmas morning was lazing,
- Around until 8 when timing was great,
- and for once she snapped out of her dazing.
- None of her gifts had ranked higher,
- than her shiny brand new Kindle Fire,
- so she turned on the phone with the WiFi at home,
- and got herself online (without wires!)
- Amazin found herself an app,
- and she downloaded it in a snap,
- it was called Godville and (and this part wasn’t planned!),
- she fell in love (and got slapped!)
- Amazin needed a good username,
- so she used the one that brought her the most fame:
- she was born in 1998 and thought zebras were great,
- So Amazinzebra1998 was her goddess name!
- The last part to become a member,
- was something Amazin remembered,
- she’d written a story that wasn’t so gory,
- and she named her heroine Annie Ember!
- Very soon Annie was dead,
- the blood that she’d spilled was bright red,
- she gave her goddess a scare, was resurrected with care,
- and now all she wants is a bed.
- Annie acquired a motto,
- her goddess has changed it a lot-o,
- from FOR THE SILVER RING! to FOR, ummm… THINGS!,
- And- Wait, Annie’s dead in the grotto.
- Annie wanted to join a guild,
- And she didn’t want one to build,
- So she took on a quest to become the best,
- And joined the Jade Butterfly Guild!
- Annie found herself a fox,
- from which the vet collected a box,
- of fleas that were tamed but still go unnamed,
- and locked them all up in Fort Knox.
- Afterwards Sooba was dead,
- He lost all the blood that he shed.
- But he could be saved, which is what Annie craved,
- But they couldn’t reattatch his head.
- Annie now has a Dust bunny,
- who thinks everything is funny,
- she thought he was cute even though he was mute,
- and almost forgot Sooba was a mummy!
- Amazin was finally tired,
- of the guild in which Annie was hired.
- So she did some research and found out all the perks
- And Blue Feather is where she retired!
- Annie was fighting a Thing From Under The Bed,
- It was going good up until Bess became dead.
- He became a zombie thanks to dumb Annie E.,
- but at least now he can’t lose his head!
Verse 14 coming soon! (Maybe!)