It has been years since hero Khalidsama was monitored (if you can call random smiting that) by deity AbgAlid as he quested away in GodVille. Like a child reminiscing the day of his birth, Khalidsama would often recite from the Holy Book of Esoteric References, the mantra:
“We have purposely trained him wrong; as a joke” – Kung Pow.
For in the Godville universe, AbgAlid was relieved that for a change, his newest gag character needs no micromanaging.
There had many other Khalidsama(s) willed into existence by means of the Random Character Generator up in the sky by AbgAlid before; scattered throughout the universes. Some are now lost forever in a thrown away PC; never to reboot again or even run without a floppy boot disk or a DOS emulator.
But each and everyone of them required special attention and, what in GodVille would be known as a God Voice, before they even do ANYTHING. At times, these Khalidsama’s would just stand there as the enemies shoot arrows into their torso, complaining about having low health as a pool of blood encircled their feet.
One such incarnation of Khalidsama dwelled in the Forgotten Realms, attempting in vain to solo his way through the Swordcoast; dying and reloading repeatedly as he waits to finally dual into a Fighter/Thief class so he can payback his enemies with interest. Gathering incompatible party members however turned out to be practical in a pack mules kind of sense but also to hear them bicker. Looking at you … Edwina. (High five if you know this one)
Another such hero found himself dropped onto the island of Pagan by the Guardian where he found himself dying and reloading at 486 speeds only to killed again by a poorly designed jumping puzzle.
“Ultima 8 is just not a platforming game; it is not!” -AbgAlid Holy Book Chapter 3 Verse 5.
Or imagine being released off a boat with no instructions in Morrowind and the joy(?) of discovering that if you run towards a wall overnight (find something to keep the arrow key down), it will help build your running stats! Way too much work for AbgAlid.
And the list goes on. As a low intelligence half-Orc in Arcanum, a Chem-Reliant protagonist in Fallout and even a nameless hero in Gothic (AbgAlid still called him Khalidsama), these Khalidsama(s) have come and gone.
But in Godville … well, can you believe it has been 4 years? AbgAlid probably would have to edit this yearly to change the number in this post. Somehow this world has successfully remained fresh ever since AbgAlid’s first impressions of this game:
“#godville A #ZPG where your hero literally battles a barrage of endless puns as you read his diary entries full of #dadjokes. Lol.”
-Finished, it’s finished, nearly finished, it must be nearly finished?