13 Dec 2016 21:30
Writer! I noticed that the chronicles are still blank. Has my hero not done anything worthy of writing?
On the contrary, m’lady, he has recently defeated a strong monster along with his allies.
21:29 Notes from the battlefield: The heroes brought together by the Great Random have defeated the Summoning Alpacalypse! Christopher Dark got 1897 coins.
Hmmm. Why did my hero gain so little after defeating it?
He died halfway, m’lady.
That idiot.
14 Dec 2016 00:04
Hello? M’lady?
I wasn’t sleeping
Well all right… I just want to inform you that your hero has gone on another quest.
00:04 Considered finding proof that I’m an intelligent life form, but then realized it would be far easier to complete another quest, so I decided to find the square-root of an apple pie.
Sigh. Why do I have someone so unintelligent?
Perhaps I can refresh your memory, M’lady?
It was a wild and stormy nig-
no cliché please
Apologies, almighty
Ahem
There was once a young man named Christopher Dark. It was indeed a wild and stormy night when he got into an accident. It was apparent that he was unskillful in handling horses and ended up being thrown in a ditch. The headforce trauma caused him to lose a great amount of intelligence and memory of himself. It is unsure as to whether if he was ugly to begin with or if the accident disfigured him. Our merciful goddess here-
Great and merciful goddess
Oh yes, the great and merciful goddess, Valrez, took pity on him and healed him. He owes his life to her.
And that is why you have him. Everything is just summarised of course.
Tsk I would have gotten rid of him a long time ago if he didn’t entertain me so much
You like him.
He entertains me
You like him.
He’s just interesting
You like him, m’lady. He’s like your own child.
Nonsense. Any child of mine would be smarter than him.
Whatever makes you happy, m’lady.
08:27
M’lady! M’lady!
Hm?
Your hero died again.
What! Why wasn’t I aware of it earlier?
06:36 Successfully got away from the Arachnophobic Spider. Wait, what is my body doing over there?
Sigh
08:27 Waking up and smelling the coffee. Thank you, Great One!
This is the fith time he has died. You should take better care of him, m’lady.
Stop nagging me.
15:01
I have successfully completed my quest on finding the square root of a
Christopher? This isn’t your diary, you should not have access to this.
Apologies m’lady, I’ll take him out.
What was he talking about?
He has just completed his quest.
15:01 Took a lot of pushing, but I finally got this round apple pie in this strangely square root. Not sure what that accomplished. Seems like a waste of a perfectly good pie.
My quest to find the square-root of an apple pie has been completed! Received a pot of gold. Let’s go on a shopping spree!
I just hope he doesn’t get too drunk
My best wishes for him too, m’lady
23:29
You know, writer, I was thinking. I should give you a name.
I already hav-
What about Joe? Arthur?
Actually, it’s-
Frank? Charles? Nah, it doesn’t suit you.
My name is J-
Oh! I know! I shall call you Steven. It’s perfect.
M’lady, please-
Alright Steven, break time is over. Go think about things to write. I shall watch over my hero.
But-
Valrez out
…My name is Jeffery
17 Dec 2016 14:14
Our hero is currently on a quest to do an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay. Not to mention, he has just leveled up this morning.
09:46 Wow, I am level 17 now. I think that’s a bigger number than the level I was before.
Sniff They grow up so fast
Indeed he does. Even his quest is more mature. Oh, and m’lady?
Yes?
He drew you a picture.
14:08 I drew a picture of you, Most Righteous One. Could you stick it on your heavenly fridge?
His drawing is terrible.
Then why are you sticking it up on to the fridge?
… Well I don’t have anything better to stick anyway.
Hmm.
What? It’s not like I like it or anything, I’ll just put this up until I find a better decoration.
Whatever makes you happy, m’lady.
19 Dec 2016 23:09
STEVEN!
it’s Jeffery, m’lady
WHAT IS THIS?
23:08 Hi, ma’am. This is Atheo Heron. I’m writing in Christopher Dark’s diary to let you know that I don’t believe in you.
Oh? That is just one of Christopher ’s many friends.
I must speak to him about the type of company he keeps. Such absurdity! How dare this Heron not believe in me?
Come to think of it, m’lady, all the friends he has currently are made after he was saved by you. Could he have had friends before?
Huh, he probably did.
Should we ask him?
Oh Steven-
Jeffery
Oh Steven, don’t take the fun out of stuff, let’s go discover his past ourselves!
Please don’t do anything rash, m’lady.
Rash? Please, I’m the embodiment of care and caution.
Then why did your hero die 5 times under your watch?
I’m paying you to write, not talk smack about me, Steven.
Sigh
21 dec 2016 16:06
M’lady, must I remind you that your hero is capable of dying?
16:03 That darned Epic Flailer killed me. Smite him, Great One, smite him! But first resurrect me please?
What?! I just went to sleep for a little while and he died?
16:05 Judging by my hangover, last night was awesome! Thanks, my Lady! Wait, am I in the morgue?
There, good as new!
What happened to the whole “embodiment of care and caution”?
… I was sleepy. Stop nagging me
As you wish, m’lady.
22 Dec 2016 21:53
On this day, our hero, Christopher Dark, defeated a great number of monsters, attained snowflakes, completed a quest and found himself a pet.
10:25 I looked into the kind eyes of the vanquished monster and suddenly decided — Ballpoint Penguin, you’ll be my pet! And I’ll call you Spot. Bandaged his wounds, gave him a treat and fastened the leash.
A ballpoint penguin.
What?
I said-
Oh I know what you said. But why?
What seems to be the matter, m’lady?
… Isn’t that just simply a pen?
It may look like a ballpoint pen (hence, the name) but it is a moving, breathing pen. That looks like a penguin.
Why couldn’t my hero have gotten a pet that is actually an animal?
Don’t discriminate against stationery, m’lady. They have rights to be a pet too you know.
Is the pen cute?
Well cuteness is based on perception-
IS. IT. CUTE.
No.
Dang it, Christopher. Why couldn’t you find a better pet, like mine?
I do hope you’re not referring to me, m’lady.
Hush now, Steven. If you’re good, I’ll give you a treat!
You better give me a raise.
27 Dec 2016 14:21
Well it seems like my hero had found a quest
Find a snow angel with no footprints around it
Um, m’lady? Isn’t it my job to write about these things?
Yes Steven. Yes it is.
Well then-
Remember how we were supposed to find out about his past?
We?
Have you been following his adventure?
Why yes, m’lady. Yes I have.
Wonderful. Narration time!
Very well.
08:20 A cute little girl wearing nekomimi asked me to find a snow angel with no footprints around it. It’s a bit weird, but why not embark upon this quest?
And so our hero embarks on his quest.
Christopher looks at the vanishing figure in the snow. Were those real ears? Chris wondered. He doesn’t care, a new quest he shall complete!
Spot-
The clumsy
Spot followed his master as they headed out further away from Godville. Many monsters were vanquished by his stupidity and his weapon and many others which he ran away from.
“Hey!” Landon Terre shouted from across, while driving a tree branch into a monster’s head.
Chris ran excitedly towards him and tried to tackle hug Landon, but missed and hugged the dead monster instead. After much sanitising, Chris decided to walk together with Landon.
“What is your current quest?” Our hero asked his friend. Spot hopped happily beside them.
“Let me see, I wrote it down somewhere…
07:55 a.m. A strange holographic woman appeared before me and implored me to find a snow angel with no footprints around it. On my honor, it will be done!
There!"
“Oh my goddess! Same here!” And they hi-fived each other’s faces.
That is the end of Christopher ’s adventure for today.
WHAT. That’s it?
For now, m’lady.
28 Dec 2016 11:53
It seems like Chris and Landon are coming face to face with an angry witch hiker.
“Looks like this witch-”
“No Landon, don’t complete that”
“Flew off her handle.”
And with that, they attacked the monster.
12:18
After a long but successful battle, Chris and Landon split the loot equally between them.
“Hey, have you ever wondered what is it like to live without a personal goddess?” Chris asked as they continued along their way.
“Probably same as before they found us.”
“What?” Christopher stared at Landon. “We had a life before this?”
“You don’t remember?” he asked and Chris shook his head.
“I smell a side queeeessssst” Landon yelled happily, attracting the attention of an undead monster ahead.
Christopher grinned. He’ll deal with his other problems later.
30 Dec 2016 17:55
Upon completing their quest, they trudged back to Godville.
“Hey hey hey, are we on for the side quest?” Landon asked.
Chris nodded, earning a slap on the back which caused him to cough out blood. Must. See. Doctor.
18:14 The physician gasped at my IQ test results and asked what they were before the accident. What accident?
“That’s a clue, Chris,” Landon whispered excitedly. “You were in an accident! Maybe that’s why you don’t remember! Or maybe your photographic memory-”
I sense a pun coming
“-never got developed!”
There it is
Landon damaged his vocal cord from laughing too hard at his own joke. Or maybe it was because he was punched in the throat by Chris.
31 Dec 2016 10:52
Chris and Landon headed out of Godville with a clue as to where to go.
“My goddess informed me that she found me in a ditch near Trollbridge,” Chris said while Spot squeaks with excitement. The three of them headed off to Trollbridge.
“Has it always been this cold?” Landon asked while shivering.
“Hurry hurry!” Chris ran to keep himself warm.
8 Jan 2016 21:13
Our hero has managed to finally finish this little side quest of finding out his past. I shall update the readers on his-
Begin!
Sigh All right.
After entering trollbridge, Chris and Landon ran to the nearest tavern they could find. While drinking, they decided to chat with the bartender.
“Amnesia? Well you found the right person to talk to! I know everything that comes and goes around here, ask away!” the bartender said.
And thus they asked away.
“How may cats pass through here?” Landon started.
“Why is it so cold?” Chris joined in.
“Who is in a relationship with who?”
“How many dogs are there here?”
“What do you call a chicken that crosses the road? A joke!”
“How many fingers am I holding up?”
“How many bones does a human body have-”
“Guys. Stop,” the bartender slammed both their heads down to shut them up. “Ask me something that’s relevant to what you’re trying to figure out!”
“About a month or so ago, there was an accident near trollbridge where a hero, me, was thrown off a horse and into the ditch, can you tell me anything about that?” Chris asked.
“Ah yes I remember. You borrowed a horse from one of our stables. I was there trying to get ol’johnny, who runs the place, to give me back my money for the beer because he collapsed the other time from drinking too much I swear that man really needs to know his limits and take some responsibility-”
Landon cleared his throat.
“Anyway,” the bartender continued. “You were looking to get a horse and for some reason you chose Black Jack and that animal is seriously dangerous for riders who don’t know how to ride, but he is the fastest horse there. I tried to warn you but you told me you wanted to go home quickly back to some town named Anville-”
“Thank you!” Chris jumped up with excitement and dragged Landon out.
About three days later, they arrived at Anville.
“This is it Landon,” Chris couldn’t believe it. He was in his home town! “I’ll finally meet my family!”
Landon started to protest but Chris already ran ahead. He forgot to mention that heroes don’t have families. Oops
After asking several people there, Christopher finally located his house.
“Mom? Dad?” He called out. Landon approached warily.
There was a nightstand by a small bed and on it was a picture of an old lady and young Christopher.
“I wonder if this was my grandma,” he looked at the picture with amazement. Never had he felt so familiar with his surroundings. “Where is everyone?”
“Chris…” Landon started but Chris pushed him aside and explored the house. It was a rather small house with only one bedroom.
“Yo kiddo,” a man stood in the doorway. “Where have you been?”
“Are you my father?” Chris asked happily.
“Hell no, I’m just a family friend, your parents died, kid, remember?” Chris looked crestfallen. “Anyway, where have you been? You missed the funeral! Everybody was expecting you to be there, considering your grandma was the only family you had left-”
Ah, so that’s why I wanted to rush back home. Christopher felt empty.
“I don’t remember.”
“Well you’ve always been a weird kid, heard from some people you became a hero or something, but i suppose you would want to stay for awhile-”
“No.” Chris said firmly. “I have started a new life. I will be going now.”
Chris ran out and Landon tried to follow him. Landon found Chris under a tree, curled up in a ball.
“I was so looking forward to seeing my family, and to belong somewhere.” His voice came out muffled. Landon sat down beside him.
“You got me, mate,” Landon gave him a nudge. Chris glanced at him and tried to smile.
“Perhaps somethings are best left unknown.”
27 Jan 2017 17:26
M’lady! Wake up!
Hm?
16:48 The Ideabox Guardian raised its hand for a deadly final strike against me, when Spot suddenly threw himself under its feet. The monster stumbled and fell dead on the ground, its neck broken. Spot was knocked out by the impact of the monster’s carcass. Oh, my Lady, if I don’t bring him back to his senses in time, he’ll lose all his levels and his will to compete!
And?
How can you be so heartless? You must help him!
Ah well it’s a pen. Just go get a refill or something… If it dies, Chris might get a cuter pet
Sigh My best wishes for him and his pet, m’lady.
25 Feb 2017 18:29
Well it’s been awhile, hasn’t it Steven?
Yes, m’lady. (Steven/Jeffery has given up correcting Valrez at this point)
What has he been doing?
He got himself a new pet, a dust bunny, and is currently level 31. Oh and he just went to arena
18:10 Notes from the arena: In the red corner of the arena — Landon Terre. In the blue corner — Christopher Dark. The judge makes the heroes equal and gives the go-ahead for the duel.
Landon? Sounds familiar.
That is his friend, m’lady.
Ah, a tense battle indeed. I trust that Chris won?
He lost.
(Steven narrating) And afterwards, our great and merciful goddess made a face like this:
D:
18 April 2017 22:36
It seems like you have been ignoring me, m’lady.
…
Do not be like this, we have guests today.
I still can’t believe you forgot my birthday. It was on the 11th of April.
Yes, yes. Happy belated birthday oh great and merciful goddess Valrez Please don’t cut my pay
All is forgiven. I am the the great and merciful-
And today we have guests:
The God: NobodyIsPerfectButMe
and the donkey, Sven
Unfortunately, due to my inability to speak Japanese, I have taped the donkey’s mouth shut.
Hey! Why did you do that to my Sven?
I write this chronicle. I make the rules.
I don’t know why you invited the guests so late, Steven. Its my bed time.
This is just a preparation, m’lady. Think of it as a prelude.
All right. Good night to you all.
Wait What? We just got here.
Ah, our goddess has passed out from exhaustion already. From doing what I do not know as she doesn’t really do much.
1 May 2017 13:04
I apologise for the wait, NobodyIsPerfectButMe. Our goddess had fallen sick for the past few days
I’ve been waiting here for two weeks
Our utmost apologies.
Hey, what is NobodyIsPerfectButMe doing here?
We had a guest over because you wanted it, m’lady.
Really? I don’t remember.
Has Sven been stuck with the duct tape over his mouth for the past two weeks?
Moving on. Steven gets mauled by Sven
Today, we will be observing our hero and heroine at work. Steven shall narrate.
Steven and Sven are furiously wrestling
Nevermind, let’s postpone this. I’m still sick anyway.
I’ve been here for two weeks-
3 May 2017 08:09
Steven comes out victorious while Sven is bounded by more duct tape
I apologise for the delay again, NobodyIsPerfectButMe.
I have been here for-
Ayy I knew Steven would win in a fight against a donkey
All right. Now. I shall narrate while the two here can comment. Let us start:
Christopher came across DarcyLewis struggling with a Firefox. To help her, he decided to throw his weapon at the monster, smacking Darcy right across the face.
Oops
Chris decided that maybe it was best if he just sat out of this fight.
Idiot
He’s never gonna get Darcy to be his girlfriend like this-
He doesn’t need a girlfriend
“Woody looks a little beaten up, doesn’t he?” Darcy noted, brushing the carcass of the monster off of her.
“Just revived him yesterday. I got the idea to save up some money when I got struck by lightning every single time I spent money on beer. Which I don’t understand why because beer is obviously more importa-”
And Chris got struck by another bolt of lightning.
Serves him right
The hero and heroine decided to trudge back to town together to heal.
“Wanna do a quest together?” Darcy asked.
“Sure! I just finished mine anyway. Who knew it was so hard to protect a suicidal villager from dying,” Chris placed Woody on his head for fun. “And Woody nearly died from it.”
Unfortunately, after reaching town, Chris and Darcy both had one too many beer and were unable to start the quest today.
Geez, I waited for over two weeks just to witness them talk and pass out?
You know you can leave and come back anytime right?
… No
Oh Steven-
Jefferey/Jeffery
Oh Steven, I locked the doors. No one leaves without my permission
Sven breaks down the doors while a pile of duct tape lies at the corner
My doors!
Ah, I forgot to check up on him. Excuse me for a while. Steven gets more duct tape and chases after Sven
Oh well, since the doors are finally unlocked, I can finally go out.
Weren’t you the one who locked it?
Oh I did. Right after you came. Then I lost the key and I couldn’t leave either.
Y’all are crazy.
5 May 2017 07:19
Good morning. Let us continue and see where our heroes are. Sven is tied to a chair
10:57 An epic journey of a thousand milestones begins with a drunken dare to find the middle of nowhere.
Chris and Darcy had started on their quest last night, after binge buying beer and other useless things. They were kicked out of the town after Darcy helped Chris vandalise a church, spray painting, “Friendship is magic” on their white, pristine walls.
“Where do you think nowhere is and how do we get into the middle of it?” Darcy wondered.
“Let’s go to the trollbridge where I found a nice bartender who knows everything. That will be extremely convenient for this plot,” Chris suggested.
“He knows everything? That’s awesome. I’m gonna ask a few questions of my own.”
They arrived at Trollbridge, bloody and battered, while Woody jumped around happily.
“Remind me to never challenge Woody to a fun, little duel.” Chris collapsed outside the clinic, requiring Darcy to drag him in.
“And remind me to stay out of your fights with him.” She sighed.
“But it was just supposed to be fun and games!” He protested.
8 May 14:42
After a few days of resting in an Inn, Chris finally remembered where the bar was at and brought Darcy to see the bartender.
“Ay, it’s that idiot again!” the bartender exclaimed.
“That’s me,” Chris answered and took a seat. “We got some questions for you.”
“Where’s the other idiot? Did you manage to find your family?”
“Who?” Darcy asked.
“Nevermind,” Chris quickly said. “Let’s have a drink first.”
“So I take it that you have something more to ask?” the bartender brought two beers put for them.
“How do I get my god to stop punishing me? How do I find a cat to pet? Why is the sky blue? Who made Gods? What number am I thinking of right now? Who-”
“Well I now I get what they mean by birds of a feather travel together,” the bartender slammed Darcy’s head onto the table to shut her up. “If you haven’t met the other idiot yet, you should. Y’all three all ask such stupid questions.”
“Ah well, we’re here to find out what is the middle of nowhere. I was wondering if you knew anything about it that can help us finish the quest faster,” Chris asked while Darcy rubbed her head gingerly.
The bartender glanced around. The bar was empty except for the three of them. He placed a, “Sorry, we are closed” sign on the door and walked back towards them, seemingly in deep thought.
17:57
Just to take a quick break from the story: It seems that Landon Terre has been writing letters in his chronicles for his friends. It seems appropriate for us to answer.
Dear Landon,
It is I, Jeffery. Perhaps you may wonder why it is I who is writing back to you instead of your dear friend, Chris-
Who would have beaten you in the arena duels if he wasn’t sick on both occasions-
-who is currently busy questing with DarcyLewis to reply. He is deeply regretful for the loss of your pet and wishes you a better future with your new pet, Sandy the biowolf.
Yours truly,
Jef-
STEVEN
15 May 07:26
How was your weekend, m’lady?
I was sick the whole damn time Steven, don’t act like you don’t know it. Where’s NobodyIsPerfectButMe?
Here!
Let us resume:
The bartender closed shop and walked back towards them. “You guys on a quest?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Darcy replied. “We were bored and since our gods are such good friends, I thought we might as well do something together.”
“Tis’ too dangerous,” the man shook his head. “You know, I used to be a hero too-”
“Aren’t you too fat?” Chris asked.
The bartender silenced him with a glare. “Which part of used to do you not understand? I was once a hero until my god became bored with me and left me for good. I thought to myself, why not become a bartender? So I sold the half-built temple and got myself a bar. Anyway, that is besides the point.”
The bartender went to the store room and came back out with a map. “Alright. I once did that quest a long time ago. It was a pretty secluded place. I buried some stuff there, maybe you can take it back for me?”
“Ooh a treasure hunt,” Darcy’s eyes sparkled. Chris grabbed the map and thanked the man before leaving. The bartender waved sadly. “If only I was young again…”
18 May 11:08
Unspecifiedistan was where the map is leading them to. That is a long way for them to go, especially when it seems that there is a steady increase in the number of monsters as they move nearer to the town.
“Hey! It’s Atheo!” Chris exclaimed while waving madly at the hero, who was fishing. Atheo waved back, momentarily distracted from the fishing line, and a sudden tug pulled him into the pond.
“Oops, let’s go,” Chris whispered to Darcy and dragged her away from the pond where Atheo was spluttering.
They still had a long way to go before they even reach their destination.
29 May 07:11
STEVEN!
Yes m’lady?
Why haven’t we been updating my hero’s story?
Apologies m’lady, I’ve been busy, but look! They’ve finally reached Unspecifiedistan.
It took Chris and Darcy many days to find Unspecifiedistan as the town seems to keep moving around. How strange.
“Is this it?” Darcy asked. It was rather gloomy here and Chris can’t help but shiver.
“Let’s sell our loot first and find an Inn. The treasure isn’t going anywhere.”
Darcy nods in agreement.
31 May 10:40
Both heroes spent the past two days getting hammered and bothering the townsfolk with questions.
“This map sucks, it doesnt show the directions to nowhere” Darcy whined, thrusting the map to Chris. Chris took the map and stared at it for a while before Darcy informed him that it was upside down.
Chris gave up and decided to knock on more doors to ask people questions about the whereabouts of nowhere but was, once again, thrown out of the vicinity.
“There are no friendly people around,” Chris sighed. He balanced Woody on his head and decided to head to the local bar in hopes for a bartender as knowledgeable as the one from Trollbridge.
“Hey Darcy-” Chris turned around before he stopped in his tracks. Darcy was not behind him, nor was she anywhere around him.
They were separated.
Chris swore so loudly that it sparked the wrath of his Goddess.
Darcy
“Chris?” Darcy glanced around her. The hero in question was not anywhere around. Where is he? She wondered briefly before getting distracted by a shiny coin on the ground.
30 June 08:08
Well it’s been almost one month
Where on Earth were you?
Ah you know, exams and such. Anyway, let’s continue the story!
It seems that while our great and merciful goddess was absent for one month, our heroes were also wandering around aimlessly for the said time.
Can’t they do anything without me?
A lightning bolt struck Chris and gave him a sudden inspiration.
“Maybe Darcy is at the bar!”
She most certainly was not.
Another lightning bolt struck him. This time, Chris decided that it was a wiser course to go to the shop which the lightning bolts were illuminating.
“Chris!” Darcy exclaimed and rushed to give him a hug. “Where were you?”
“I was wondering around the town going through the routine of drinking and passing out daily.”
“Well while you were partying, I was actually asking around about the placement of the middle of nowhere. Who knew bothering the same person for half a month can get them to finally crack and give answers.” Darcy grabbed the map from Chris and started heading north.
“Isn’t that the exit?” Chris balanced Woody on his head while rushing to catch up.
“Apparently the middle of nowhere is located right outside the town. Nowhere is actually the name of actually small field hidden by the woods which we would have to pass through.”
Chris glanced at the woods looming ahead of his and decided maybe it was better for Darcy to take the lead. Darcy seemed to agree with him and marched on fearlessly ahead. Random monsters appeared while our heroes were walking through the tall grass and challenged them just like in pokemon
While going through the twist and turns, both our heroes started to converse and speculate about what could be in the box which the bartender had burried in the middle of nowhere.
“I bet it’s treasure,” Chris proclaimed. “Piles and piles of money!”
“Nah, its probably some recipe to brewing good beer,” Darcy said.
They bickered back and forth, unable to agree on the contents of the box. Only when they stumble across a field did they finally stop their small argument.
“Is this it?” Darcy whispered.
“Why are you whispering?” Chris whispered back.
There was a sign in the middle of the field. To proof how much of a man he was, Chris decided to venture forth and read the sign himself while Darcy waits for him.
“Uh Chris?” Darcy called out but he did not pay attention to her. He was nearing the sign.
“Welcome to the middle of Somewhere, watch out for the quicksand.” Chris read.
“Christopher!” Darcy shouted as he slowly sank to the ground. Woody used Chris’s head as a launch pad and jumped onto safer grounds.
Chris did nothing. He just simply stood there while Darcy ran to the woods to grab a large branch for Chris to hold on to.
She threw the branch at his head.
Maybe that was not a good idea.
“Ouch! You’re supposed to hold one end of the branch while I hold the other end!” Chris shouted.
“Ohhhh,” she snapped her fingers and went to get another branch. Thanks to the quicksand being extremely slow, Chris was still alive and well by the time Darcy found another branch.
Unfortunately that branch broke.
This was getting too painful to watch so our great and merciful goddess sent down and angel to lift him out from the quicksand.
Feeling embarrassed, Chris walked in silence with Darcy as the walked across the field of Somewhere, avoiding the quicksand and continuing their path back into the woods.
1 July 12:16
12:14 My Lady, I have you and Woody, but why do I still feel like something is missing from my life?
Maybe you need a girlfriend
For the last time, NobodyIsPerfectButMe, I’m not making Darcy his love interest.
4 July 08:53
It took them a couple of days before entering another field. The horde of monsters that chased them helped them greatly in picking up their speed. When Chris and Darcy arrived at the field, they both went to the middle carefully together.
‘Welcome to the middle of Nowhere’ the sign read.
“Yes!” Darcy cried, and they hi-fived each other.
“Now, how do we dig up the treasure?” Chris asked.
They forgot to bring a shovel with them.
21 July 13:52
“It took us 2 weeks and 3 days just to go back to town to get a shovel and come back here,” Chris noted.
“Well we could have came back earlier if Woody didn’t go off and die again,” Darcy glared at the dust bunny.
Woody glared back at her from the top of Chris’s head.
“Ah well at least we’re here now,” Chris went up to the middle of Nowhere.
“Here,” Darcy thrusts the shovel at him. “You dig. I’m done doing stuff for you, you useless piece of shi-”
“All right!” Woody jumped down from his head as he plunged the shovel into the ground. “I hope I’ll finish this soon.”
14:24
“It’s been about half an hour~” Darcy whined. Woody decided to climb back on Chris’s head. “Are you done yet?”
“This is a lot harder than I thought,” Chris muttered. Woody lapped the sweat off his brow.
“Stop being so gross, Woody,” Darcy pulled Woody off Chris and place him on her head. “Let him work in peace.”
“Clang!” At last, Christopher hit something metal. With their combines efforts, Chris and Darcy managed to pry the box put from the ground.
“This is it,” Chris whispered. With shaking hands, Darcy tried to open the box.
There was a combination lock.
Darcy groaned and Chris plopped to the ground.
“Now what?” Chris asked. Darcy shook her head and Woody fell off her head and onto his stomach.
“I guess we should bring this back to the bartender and request him to open it.” Darcy got up and placed the box in her bag. “Let’s go.”
5 Sept 19:35
Darcy had just about enough with Chris.
“We could have travelled faster if you didn’t keep dying!” she jabbed his head. “You died 6 times this month!”
“Not my fault that the monsters target me and not you,” he mumbled under his breath.
They finally arrived at Trollbridge after a month or so of walking. Darcy was relieved. Spending 4 months with a man as infuriating as Chris was more than enough to last her a lifetime, but she still felt slightly sad about this adventure ending. Slightly.
“Let’s go find the bartender,” Chris led the way.
“There you both are!” The bartender cried, rushing over to give them a hug. “I thought you both died and never came back!”
“Well Chris did die but we’re alive and well now,” Darcy returned the hug. “More importantly, can we see what’s inside the box? We couldn’t open it.”
“Of course!” He ushered them into the back room. “I’ll have Steven to watch the bar for me while we look at it.”
What?
Just go, it’s for story progression. I’m out of characters.
The two heores waited impatiently for the bartender to convince Steven to watch over the bar while still narrating. I am not omnipotent you know.
Everyone ignored poor Steven.
:<
Anyways, through a miracle, Steven (who has finally accepted being called Steven instead of Jeffery) managed to see what was happening behind closed doors.
“We couldn’t open the box because we didn’t have the password,” Chris informed the bartender. The bartender stared at the combination lock thoughtfully for a few moments before smashing it open with a hammer.
“I forgot the password,” he explained.
They slowly opened the lid.
“Ay! It’s me old pictures!”
“Pictures?” Chris was disappointed. He was hoping for something fancy. Darcy also seemed rather disheartened. However, as the bartender pulled out more photos, they couldn’t help but become more and more interested.
“I didn’t know you had a wife,” Darcy picked one photo up.
“She’s a real pretty lass, ain’t she?” He gently took it from her. “Lost her to illness. We didn’t have children. When she was gone, I had no one left and that was when my god took me in. I buried these because as a hero, I had no fixed home and I couldn’t carry these with me all the time.”
His eyes were shining slightly. He quickly rubbed them and gave both heroes another hug.
“Thank you. I’ve been meaning to get these myself but tis too far.”
Both Chris and Darcy decided that they should leave the bartender alone with his memories.
“Well that wasn’t quite what I was hoping for, but it was still pretty nice.” Darcy skipped around the road with Woody on her head.
Christopher was crying too hard to reply.
“H-he had a w-w-wife b-b-b-b-but now h-he’s al-o-O-O-NE!” And Chris broke down.
“There there,” she patted him on the back. “At least we now have a lifetime supply of beer from him.”
“M-M-MY L-LIFETIME IS SHO-O-RT” he sobbed.
And so this is the end of this adventure for the two heores.
I am still stuck at the bar.
Someone help me.
Well, NobodyIsPerfectButMe, what do you think?
I’ve been here for 4 months… Where is Sven?
Ded and gon
Will be continued when Steven- cough Jeffery cough When Steven feels like it.