My head just exploded. I wish I had some glue.
I secretly fell in love with a one-armed zombie. Things were going well until my biowolf, Dogmeat, buried her head somewhere in the festering woods. She hasn’t spoken to me since. I sent Dogmeat to obedience classes and asked my headless love for forgiveness, but I’m hoping that a little heart to heart counseling will go a long way.
Despite the will of my God, I finally ventured on my dream vacation. I witnessed many magical happenings and tamed a plethera of mythical beasts, harnessing their powers as my own. I embraced the finest and most rare cuisines, enriched with uniquely flavored spices, and served with the smoothest of Elvish ales. I discovered that ice cream made from unicorn milk tastes like rainbows. Unfortunately, it was all just a dream, a cruel trick delivered as punishment for failing to return my zombie love’s head to her body.
My biowolf met an untimely death. I was unable to cease my frequent travels to the tavern. Thus, unable to save enough loot to revive my pretty companion, I took his body to the local taxidermist and am now forced to drag his stuffed carcass behind me on all of my travels for eternity. My goddess spanked my bottom with a dirty sandal as a form of punishment. The life of a hero is often a somber one. I enjoy having him around, but my new pet Toto refuses to stop chewing on my biowolf’s leg. I perpetually remind Toto that biowolf is not a toy, but he isn’t very bright.