I have been birthed! Although I feel a bit odd… I can speak perfect Godvillian, and I’m quite tall… I thought newborns were supposed to be small? Oh well, I’m not going to complain! Besides, I keep hearing this voice telling me to buy some gear and kill some monsters, and I feel It’s best not to argue with the voices in my head.
Alright! I got a temporary job as a shop assistant! I noticed that the manager was a bit spacey, so after “working” a few shifts at the general store, I bought the best gear I could and began to leave. Before I could get to the gates, a woman came over to me and asked me if I could “take one for the team” while I was gone. My first day and I’m already questing? Boy am I excited!
Not long after I left town, I came across this weird stone. It had a peculiar shape, and it was actually quite pretty. I thought it could be worth a lot, so I attempted to pick it up. I immediately felt an intense burning sensation and let go, yelling words that I didn’t know I knew. Upon further inspection of the stone, I noticed it said “MILE”. Odd.
This random voice spoke to me a short while after, and he quickly explained that those “milestones” are a way to tell how far I’ve traveled, it’s pretty neat! Afterwards, he urged me to get back to my quest, and to keep an eye out for monsters; What a nice… guy? I asked him who or what he was, and why he was helping me, and all he said was: “All will be explained soon.” That didn’t sit right with me, so I refused to move until I got a new answer: “You just remind me of someone I knew…” That’s a satisfactory answer… For now.
Reached a forest during my travels today; It was full of monsters! I managed to dispatch a few easily, but then I encountered a Dandy Lion, and boy was he dapper! I used my meat shield to defend against his brilliantly manicured claws, and attacked him with my peasant’s sickle. The battle raged on for hours as we tore into one another, trying to gain even the slightest bit of leverage over one another. I was starting to feel drowsy, fatigue slowly taking over, and then I saw it: The Dandy Lion’s one weakness! With one final leap, I swung as hard as I could. The next things I could remember were the words “Oh poppycock!”, the monster running away, and his blood-soaked monocle in my hand; Life was good.
After the fight I was tired, hungry, and afraid… I felt that I lost too much blood in that fight… Luckily, I bumped into a fellow adventurer named Geoff who so nicely pointed me towards the nearest shrine. I asked him why not a hospital, and he gave me cheery reply: “You’ll see, trust me.” Before we parted ways he handed me a card for the Guild Name guild and told me to check it out when I was more experienced. Cool!
Upon entering the shrine, my blood loss started taking its toll on me again, bringing me to my knees. I felt like I needed to do something, but what? That’s when the voice in my head said: “You seem to be having a bit of trouble, you should try a prayer!” When asked to whom I should pray, he said: “Why not pray to me? I am your “father” after all! Hahaha!” Obviously bewildered by this, I looked up, Only to be met by a brilliant light. “Oh, sorry about that! Let me dial it down a bit.” As the light began to dim, I saw a figure. I began to stand back up to see who it was, and by the time we were face to face, I was speechless. It was as though I was looking in a mirror!
“Relax, Zephyrix, everything is fine! Don’t be so tense!”, he said. I asked him how he knew me, and what he said changed my life forever: “I created you, Zephyrix. I am essentially your father! I sculpted you in my own image, and I am here to give you divine protection.” I asked him why he waited until now to tell me, and he told me that it was to help me grow. Yeah, right, more like he’s a lying sack of Grue excrement. “Still unsure?” he asked, looking at my blank stare. “Here, I’ll prove it!” He stepped back and held his arms out, a light poured down from the heavens, and my wounds were healed. I passed out in disbelief.
When I awoke, I found myself in the same position I was born in. I assumed I had a bad dream; Boy was I wrong. As I brushed The dust off my conquistador’s cuirass, I heard laughter behind me. I reeled around to see my “father” again, although this time I held it together. “Now you belive me, no? My name is Zephurious, and I will be your protector from now on. Put ‘er there, son!” He extended his arm as he said this, which I of course met with my own. Well tried to anyway; It passed right through his! “Bwahahaha! I’m a god, son! This is just a divine projection of my visage, you cant make physical contact with me!” I sighed and rolled my eyes as he continued on his chuckling binge. When his jocularity finally subsided, he dismissed his projection and told me to get back to my quest. Geez, he doesn’t have to be that paternal…