Matt was spending some time at Milliways the restaurant at the end of the universe when he had a spiritual revelation. He saw a vision of the great prophet and god zarquon. This god told him that the ultimate answer to life the universe and everything was 42 and he must tell everyone so the god would grow more popular. Loyally he set off to do so but was beaten to it by a computer called deep thought. (strange as deep thought spent millions of years working this out. My guess is that Matt was simply too slow getting to the phone, which was being cleaned by a telephone sanitizer, also he couldn’t leave the restaurant as his ship had been commandeered by the two-headed galactic president; Zaphod Beeblebrox.)
Plagued by guilt Matt apologized to Zarquon and volunteered to serve him for the rest of his days. Zarquon accepted the apology and gave Matt his first quest. To find the holy grail. So here It is using a similar style to/ copying the style of Spode.
Quest 1: to find the Holy Grail.
This took several days and Matt2 was severely wounded by a rabbit with a viscous streak a mile wide. He didn’t shower for the whole quest and smelt of more than elderberries by the end of it. Eventually he found it looting a French Castle. The irritating thing is that the French knights had told Matt2 that they had the Grail several times when he was passing the castle and even offered it to him once. But due to his headstrong nature and stupidity he refused to believe them.
After this quest Zarquon began thinking up difficult tasks for his minion. He decided that a temple would be nice so he told Matt2. Unfortunately due to a mishearing Matt2 thought his god wanted a temple made of golden bricks when in fact all he required was a temple made of glazed bricks. This meant that Matt2 would be working for a long time.
Quest 2: Deliver some crisps to the IT-Shaman
This quest had to be done twice because the IT shaman doesn’t like ready salted crisps.
Quest 3: dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s
Zarquon set Matt2 this task because he was finding it difficult to read his diary. After this quest was completed Matt2’s handwriting didn’t seem to have improved, and Zarquon found that Matt2 was dotting the ts and crossing the i’s
Matt2’s travels brought him to a bizarre land where the people all walked upside down and said G’day when they actually wanted to say ‘hello! how are you?’ Matt (I’m going to call him Matt from now on because I am to lazy to keep typing 2, especially since I’m using an ipod to type this which means to type a number i have to press 2 buttons instead of 1. Anyway ignore me, carry on reading the chronicles, that is, if you can remember what i was talking about before i started this passage which i originally intended to be short but is increasing in size with every word that i type. if you can’t then feel free to skip back up to the open brackets so that you can remind yourself what was happening) found that the animals in this land all had one thing in common: they were all exceptionally weird. Matt named this collection of oddities marsupials which means weird creatures in elvish.
Matt became more and more obsessed with these animals and eventually created a guild which was dedicated to worshipping them. However other heroes and their gods failed to see these marsupials the way Matt saw them. Instead they saw them the way they actually were: odd. Thus Matt abandoned his own guild and for a while he flitted about, from guild to guild but not really becoming attached to any guild in particular. until he joined the Knights who say Ni
Matt was an excited and inspired guild-member. He steadily rose through the ranks and eventually became guild-leader when the former leader; Coldwilson, went feral.
Matt started to realize that Zarquon was reading his diary. He started to- ooh hang on my heroes just entered a duel i better go check on him, p.s if your reading this then you should feel very honoured as it won’t be around for long.
Hey I’m back, i decided to leave the above paragraph so that you may all feel honoured. Aren’t i the nicest? plus i won the fight so i may as well use this as an opportunity to show off. But don’t go thinking that that’s my main reason because it isn’t no-siree
Anyway where was i? Ah yes hem hem (clearing my throat) Matt started to realize that Zarquon was reading his diary. He began taking measures to prevent him from intruding in this way. He found a loose floorboard in his room and hid the diary under it, However Zarquon found it easily because Matt forgot to replace the floorboard afterwards. Next Matt bought a massive padlock to keep his diary secure. Zarquon was angered by this, he wasn’t feeling very omnibenevolent that morning as he was suffering from insomnia so he threw lightning bolts at Matt’s head and set his hair on fire until he agreed to take the padlock off.