I had a simple and beautiful life like everyone else. I lived in a castle rulled with wisdom and justice over my kingdom called Nair. Many a scholar has questioned, researched. and scoured through kraker jack boxes to find the answer of why the kingdom was named Nair. Yet no answer could be found.
One day as I sat in my chambers eating out of my favorite avengers lunch box I heard my banana ring like bells on feast day. Not knowing if the machine would get it or what a machine was I answered it. On the other end was Destiny!!! Wanting to know if I wanted to buy a monthly prescription to Godville weekly.
From then on my life was changed! I threw that banana against the wall and walked out of my castle knowing just what to do! But once I walked out I forgot what I was doing…
So I wandered the lands until I came upon the most wondrous thing I had ever seen. A Tavern called the Beerburgh Inn. I discovered the wonders of beer. I tried all two kinds they had. I spent all my time there drinking, laughing, and singing with the other patrons. Until the Inn keeper realized about 30 minutes later I had no coins or beer tokens as the others called them. Out the door I was thrown like yesterdays mutton by two tavern hired toughs.
As I laid there in the mud outside my once called home, two men walked up. The first was a tall, lean man with a swelled cranium and the second was a very large man with arms and legs the size of tree trunks, a barrel chest and a confused look plastered to his scarred face. The lean man said to me. "You seem to be in need of a place to stay." With an accent I couldn’t quite place.
His name was Ivan Dringin. He was bent on world domination. His plan was genius. He had the funds. The manpower. And a name that was fun to say fast.
I moved up in the ranks fast. With my ability to have the snot beat out of me, skill in beer drinking and my willingness to be tested on I quickly became a valued thug. His right hand goon Stew Pead and I became good friends. We did everything together. Until a bullet ricocheted off a so called hero…..
He was wounded. I tried to talk him through it but it’s like he couldn’t hear me… Just like that he was gone. How was I to go on? Then I was offered his job as second hand goon and it didn’t hurt so bad…
I was an excellent goon, a well loved part of the team. Until I fell on the self-destruct button of Mista Ivans inator he was using to take the world hostage and he fired me! Like he never accidently blew up his own lair before.
So here I am again wandering.