1. I guess I’m born now. Whoop-de-do. What, did you expect more fanfare than that? maybe trumpets in the background? Yeah, right. That doesn’t happen when you are born, told to “sieze the day and hold it for ransom”, and then expected to DO it. So yeah. I am not very excited to be alive.
2. So, I guess I knew this adventuring stuff wouldn’t be “easy” or “pleasant”, but you have GOT to be kidding me. I mean, I’m just minding my own business, trying to fit in with all the other heroes by wearing ridiculous armor and writing in a diary, and some monster thinks he can pick on me. Yeah, I showed him. But really? Am I marked as ” that person who everyone hates and wants to destroy”? I bet this is your fault, ya stupid watermelon goddess.
3. Jeez, one little joke about my goddess’s stupidity and she tries to burn me up with a lightning bolt. Yes, about twelve gazillion volts of electricity. It’s a wonder I DIDN’T burn up. It also made the little label on the side of my diary that says “personality” go from neutral to spiteful. I guess I’m becoming evil. It’s for the best, I guess. I mean, I can’t imagine myself being one of those pampered, NICE heroes. They make me sick, hugging their oh-so-precious little puppies and kittens and baking meals that don’t have any raw, bloody meat in them. Ugh. It disgusts me.
4. Stupid blue sky. Stupid green grass. Stupid beauty of nature. Just leave me alone to my misery, why don’t you?
5. Okay, I guess I’ve gotten used to the whole monsters-trying-to-kill-me thing, but other heroes? Are you serious? Usually I just pass by the other heroes on the road, sometimes with a threatening glance or a punch in the soldier if they look scared of me, but THIS hero must have been having a bad day. I’m not surprised, especially if their deity is as stupid as mine is, but did they have to take it out on me? He lost to my insanely immense power, of course. If I see him again, I’m going to start a fight. Just to show him.
6. Okay, okay, I didn’t mean the things I said about my goddess! Jeez, I thought these were MY chronicles.
7. Laughed at a guy named Tacitus- who was handing out flyers for the “Tundra Expedition Society.” I was about to rip the flyer up before a note at the bottom caught my eye: “free beer.” I guess I might as well join, right? I mean, I don’t have anything better to do.
8. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
9. Ouch! Why do you have to take your anger out on me? What did I do that was so terrible? Wait, don’t answer that.
10. Why do I have to write in this stupid diary anyway? Monsters make fun of me for it, I’m constantly missing good opportunities to fight… It doesn’t do me any good at all. I should get rid of it right now. Just wait while I record this in my diary.
11. Ugh, I wrote in it again! stupid! stupid! stupid!
12. If cell phones were invented, I would SO call the cops on you, ya stupid watermelon. All this lightning has GOT to be considered some kind of abuse.