- I am the very model of a Godville-born adventurer,
- As can be verified by anyone who’s smelt my stench afore.
- I finish quests to pile up my golden bricks so lustrous,
- And oft ignore my god whose droning voice is loud and blusterous.
- I strike down all my enemies with blows of such ferocity
- It isn’t any wonder why I’m met with animosity.
- Indeed, I tackle battles with such frightening temerity
- That leaving one alive would be a great peculiarity.
- To buy some new equipment ought to strengthen my morale again,
- Because I love to level up my weapon, shield, and talisman.
- As can be verified by anyone who’s smelt my stench afore,
- I am the very model of a Godville-born adventurer.
- I’ve found a bolded item and a stone of a philosopher,
- So, as should be apparent to most any interlocutor,
- I’ll haul them in a manner so inept and so precarious
- That one is sure to break; my god must find this so hilarious.
- I shout my motto at a volume verging on the thundering;
- I spend my every waking hour pillaging and plundering.
- And if my god should take the time to lovingly encourage me,
- I’ll write a smarmy diary entry, simply as a courtesy.
- Then off to the arena where I battle for aggrandizement,
- And watch as my opponents get laid low by my god’s punishments.
- As can be verified by anyone who’s smelt my stench afore,
- I am the very model of a Godville-born adventurer.
- If only any of the talents that I have would correspond
- To something that’s acknowledged by a title or some pantheon;
- And if at all my combat skills I wasn’t quite so maladroit,
- And if I found a smidgen of intelligence I could exploit;
- If I could keep my pet alive for more than just a day or two,
- And take back every stupid thing that I have spouted hitherto;
- In short, if I had more than just a smattering of competence,
- I’d say that I’m a perfect hero with some greater confidence.
- And yet I’m well-intentioned, full of vim and spontaneity;
- I’m always willing to debase myself to serve my deity.
- And so, as verified by anyone who’s smelt my stench afore,
- I am the very model of a Godville-born adventurer.