Congratulations! Your hero is officially dead…
I died. I have been brought back time after time only to die again. These are my tales:
21:55 A bush near me just burst into flames and told me: ‘die.’
21:56 Merciful One, it’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
21:56 I suddenly heard a thunderous voice in my head: ‘die.’ That was stunning.
21:56 Merciful One, it’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
03:30 Felt a burning desire to examine the continuum transfunctioner. Sadly, a notarized death certificate was inside. Strange, I don’t recall that particular death, but it’s simply impossible to appeal a notarized certificate.
THE ACT OF DYING
09:08 Aha, a Postman of the Apocalypse! I will kill it until it’s dead!
09:09 My knee-length socks of luck was damaged by a strong blow from the monster. Dang that Postman of the Apocalypse.
09:10 My whole life flashed before my eyes and faded away. Darn the Postman of the Apocalypse.
09:00 A Thesaurus Rex jumped out of a bush with a wide, wicked smile and said: ‘Well, well, well! We finally meet, Some 1!’.
09:04 The Thesaurus Rex may have killed me, but I got the last laugh. It still has pieces of me stuck in its teeth!
11:00 A Ravenous Bugblatter Beast roared furiously in front of me, then came closer to say hello.
11:01 Shamefully died by the hand of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast.
09:42 Oh my Lady, is that a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast on the horizon? I can smell my own fear…
09:42 The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast was shocked by the power of my ‘gnashing of teeth’ skill.
09:43 I perished in battle as a true hero. Ravenous Bugblatter Beast, I’ll be back!
14:19 A Lightsaber-Toothed Tiger has snuck up on me. I have to take its dare!
14:21 Couldn’t stand having to fight both fate and the Lightsaber-Toothed Tiger.
03:58 A Were-Panther-II is bothering travelers. Maybe I should do something about it… like “kill the Were-Panther-II.”
04:00 The Were-Panther-II may have killed me, but I got the last laugh. It still has pieces of me stuck in its teeth!
03:00 Darn, I’ve killed this Tyrannosaurus-Ex a thousand times, yet it’s back again! Maybe I should look around for its respawning site and destroy it? 03:00 My arm just fell off. Oh well, it’s just a flesh wound.
03:01 Shamefully died by the hand of the Tyrannosaurus-Ex.
08:28 The Dogfather aimed at the gaping holes in my armor. Perhaps buying my equipment from the bargain bin wasn’t such a good idea after all.
08:28 MEDIC! I need a medic over here!
08:29 Couldn’t stand having to fight both fate and the Dogfather.
01:10 Dear Diary, I must confess a secret that’s been buried deep within my troubled heart… Darn it! It’s a Dreaded Gazebo!
01:13 My firewall was damaged by a strong blow from the monster.
01:13 Couldn’t stand having to fight both fate and the Dreaded Gazebo.
11:49 Dogmeat desperately signals that a Card-Carrying Villain is near.
11:55 The Card-Carrying Villain had to perform an awesome combo, several critical strikes, three fatalities and bribed me with a golden brick before I admitted my defeat.
01:13 A Thesaurus Rex suddenly appeared in front of me. The devil must have brought it here… To arms!
01:13 Too busy to write right now. I’m in the middle of a fight.
01:14 What a nice day to die… Asked the Thesaurus Rex to tell the Great One that I love her.
10:35 Dogmeat yelps mournfully as trouble approaches… Good gracious! A terrifying Nervous Monty Python is coming straight at me!
10:36 I died by the hand of the Nervous Monty Python, but my name will live on!
02:21The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast bid me to let it pass. Over my dead body!
02:22I perished in battle as a true hero. Ravenous Bugblatter Beast, I’ll be back!
06:29 Oh man, this place is plagued by the Postman of the Apocalypse and its relatives! The toughest one has spotted me and is ready to fight. Well, so am I.
06:32Couldn’t stand having to fight both fate and the Postman of the Apocalypse.
05:34 Heard a loud growl. Please, I hope that was my stomach… Nope, it’s a Tyrannosaurus-Ex!
05:36 Too busy to write right now. I’m in the middle of a fight.
05:37 What a nice day to die… Asked the Tyrannosaurus-Ex to tell the Great One that I love her.
04:58 I noticed I was being followed by a powerful Ninja Pirate so I wandered in circles hoping to make it dizzy. Unsuccessfully.
05:01Couldn’t stand having to fight both fate and the Ninja Pirate.
09:55 The Pocket Monster is vanquished. Arranged its body to improve my feng shui.
09:57 The Enemy of My Enemy cried ‘Help! Help! I’m being repressed!’ and vanished. Received 13 gold coins and a cool side of the pillow.
09:57 A fully clad but armless knight in black armor challenged me to a duel. What a nut.
09:59 MEDIC! I need a medic over here!
09:59 The Pocket Monster was so impressed with my fighting skills that he rewarded me with a golden brick. Posthumously.
04:28 Saw the Grayscaled Dragon ahead and suddenly had an immense urge to pray for my life.
04:33 I didn’t trip, Soul Supreme. I simply attacked the ground.
04:34 My whole life flashed before my eyes and faded away. Darn the Grayscaled Dragon.
02:46 My weapon glowed blue. A mighty Inevitable Hulk must be nearby.
02:49 MEDIC! I need a medic over here!
02:49 Couldn’t stand having to fight both fate and the Inevitable Hulk.
01:56 Tried to get a portrait done of my battle with the Nameless Godvilla, but the artist didn’t have enough red paint to properly capture my injuries.
01:57 Nibbler sat on the sidelines, batting his eyelashes and looking super cute. As soon as the monster’s back was turned, Nibbler struck it from behind with a tire iron. Good solar bear, you’ve always been so crafty.
02:02 What a nice day to die… Asked the Nameless Godvilla to give the Great One my love.
02:35 I perished in battle as a true hero. Feral Hero, I’ll be back!
00:03 The Dreaded Gazebo had to perform an awesome combo, several critical strikes, three fatalities and bribe me with a golden brick before I admitted my defeat.
01:24 The Neverwinter Knight was so impressed with my fighting skills that he rewarded me with a golden brick. Posthumously.
04:30 Crashed into a Godvillain while running away from a tree. Both can easily hurt me, but it’s less embarrassing to fight back against the monster.
04:31 The Godvillain had to perform an awesome combo, several critical strikes, three fatalities and bribe me with a golden brick before I admitted defeat.
06:12 …3…2…1! Ready or not Philosoraptor, here I come!
06:15 The Philosoraptor had to perform an awesome combo, several critical strikes, three fatalities and bribe me with a golden brick before I admitted defeat.
4:33 Who is that, staggering toward me? Is it DaviiJones ? Is it the “Harvest Moon” guild leader? No, it’s just a Shaggy Godvillain! Why is that less scary to me?
04:36 Tried to do a full roundhouse kick, but ended up twisting myself knee-deep into the ground. I’m so dexterous!
04:36 I was mortified at the thought of being defeated by a Shaggy Godvillain. Literally.
06:58 I guess I should have checked to see what was on the other side of the door before I accepted the Cantankerous Chimaera’s offered escape route. Eh, die and learn.
06:58 I didn’t trip, Most Righteous One. I simply attacked the ground with my face.
06:56 Skillfully dodged an attack from the Cantankerous Chimaera by bending over to tie my shoe.
BEING DEAD
02:59 How am I writing in my diary if I’m dead? Does this mean I’m a ghost writer?
03:09 What bad luck it is to die in such an embarrassing pose.
03:44 It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called living.
02:33 Oh man, this place is plagued by the Feral Hero and its relatives! The toughest one has spotted me and is ready to fight. Well, so am I.
02:40 A Romanticore happened to be passing by and stopped to chew on my boots of resistance.
02:50 Of all the things in the world, I like shoes the most and being dead the least. Oh goddess, why couldn’t I have just drank myself to death?
03:25 The only person that cares about me is you, my Goddess, yet even you let my body lie here in the dirt.
05:35 There is a terrible, ghastly silence.
00:08 That does it! Great One, can you make me a butterfly in my next life?
13:49 Man, I really need to get a life.
13:59 I felt a cold shiver, like something just walked over my grave. Wait, it was something walking over my grave. Where are you, my Goddess?
14:34 Wow, I really screwed up this time… I’m in like… 1, 2… Wow, 7 different pieces, good luck putting me together, Omnipotent One!
01:29 Hm… I wonder, will I be resurrected wearing clothes or naked and why?
01:39 I’m feeling uncomfortably numb… Great One, can you help me?
02:14 Watched sadly as my double peglegs rusted.
04:24 Those people look like they’re going to bury me. Great One, hurry up!
09:08 A zombie tried to eat my brain. It seems I didn’t help to feed the poor fellow’s hunger.
12:03 Great One, I’m dead! Don’t you know any cheat codes?
17:23 Great One, once you resurrect me, refund me for the unlived life that I could have had.
11:16 On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
14:01 Saw a fat lady singing.
19:21 Dogmeat howls at the moon in lamentation.
09:48 Dear Diary, I learned something very important today: my head cannot turn 360 degrees.
10:33 And somehow I thought death was a once in a lifetime experience.
12:43 Time… passing… by… so… slowly…
18:03 Almighty, I don’t believe in the afterlife but I am bringing a change of underwear just in case.
06:53 Boredom forced me to study a nearby anthill. Earned a bit of experience.
07:03 I can’t stand seeing the ogre’s toothpick degrading. When will I be resurrected? Why does it take so long?
09:48 Woody sniffed my leg and dug into it. Oh, that can’t be good…
09:55 Great One, where are you? I’m tired of lying here doing nothing…
04:50 There’s the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope it isn’t a train.
07:00 Eternal nothingness is fine, I just wish I had dressed for the occasion.
03:16 Checked my pulse to make sure I’m still dead.
08:34 My brains fell out again. Gosh, it’s hard to keep an open mind.
11:29 I can’t stand seeing my armor of the True Chosen One degrading. When will I be resurrected? Why does it take so long?
01:28 Examined my dead body. Not a very heroic pose, but at least I have a fatal wound on my chest, not my back.
04:49 Lying here thinking about death, like I have anything else to do, being dead and all. Where are you, Mighty One?
12:10 Examining my wounds. Sure hope this limb can be reattached.
12:45 I see dead people.
01:19 Great One, where are you? I’m tired of lying here doing nothing…
01:29 I can feel rigor mortis releasing it’s steel grip… Oh Great One, help me now, before I start to disintegrate into the soil.
06:06 Hey! Who turned off the light?
10:41 Oh Omnipotent One, won’t you be so kind as to reincarnate me into a plant so that I do not need to carry out these never ending quests anymore?
10:51 That does it! Great One, can you make me a tree in my next life?
11:26 The thing I regret most is the fact that I’m not alive.
02:27 Great One, hurry up and resurrect me before I enter the afterlife! I’m pretty sure the thousands I’ve slain aren’t waiting to embrace me with open arms and affection.
02:37 Staring, empty eyed, as a trail of ants marches past. Please, Great One, don’t let them start on me.
03:12 Smelled something strange. Am I rotting?
12:21 My Goddess, I seem to have misplaced my head. Is it nearby?
05:42 If this is all a dream, don’t wake me up.
05:52 I should really stop writing in this thing during fights. Dying hurts.
05:06 Got a V.I.P./R.I.P. card from Death. It reads: ‘Since you already know your way around, make yourself comfortable’.
10:14 I’m feeling a tad nostalgic, Exalted One. Maybe you should go ahead and resurrect me now?
09:26 One more death and then the next one is for free. Can’t wait!
06:35 I spent a moment contemplating the meaning of the afterlife.
02:54 My weapons master once told me to ‘float like a bee, sting like a butterfly’. No wonder I kept dying.
09:10 Lying here thinking about death, like I have anything else to do, being dead and all. Where are you, Great One?
05:21 Hello darkness, my old friend.
06:20 Long ago a wise man told me not to try too hard to die. Looks like I ignored his wisdom and died trying.
07:05 The afterlife isn’t too bad, but it’s not to die for.
02:07 I’m not dead, Exalted One, I’m just taking a break from the living.
02:17 I think I should stop getting into fights with everything that moves. It really shortens the life expectancy.
02:42 Ah, Great One. Life’s a glitch, isn’t it?
04:41 Wow, I really screwed up this time… I’m in like what… 1, 2… Wow, 8 different pieces! Good luck putting me together, Luminous One!
04:50 I regret that I have nothing but one life to give for my god. Omnipotent One, can I have another?
05:15 Sometimes I wish that my life would change with a snap of my fingers or a click of a button… Wait, I have no life.
06:35 You never take responsibility for your actions, Most Righteous One! That’s why this is all your fault!
08:35 Was banned from attending my own funeral as the undertaker finds it too spooky.
???
01:13 I can hear someone shouting from the mall: ‘Hello Xana, this is your god, I want you to kill a villager as an offering.’ (+|−)
DEATH COUNT: 114
Here is my shame:
09:20 While the Chaos Forger was updating its Monsterbook status to ‘Killing Darmani’, I quickly slipped away.