When my God, The Letter J, called me to be a hero, first I asked why He reversed the charges. Then I swore an oath to travel the world, slay monsters, and drink enough beer to make my God constantly facepalm at my actions.
I have set out into the world with an aim to stand apart from Guy, This Guy, That Guy, That Other Guy, and That Guy Mega Man.
When it’s all been said and done, I raise my beer and I swear ‘God, it’s been fun’.
06:26 While walking through the forest, I heard a strange noise coming from a large blue box. I decided to ignore it and move on.
08:31 Nearly purchased a siege tower for my equipment but couldn’t figure out how to push the darn thing around.
11:35 Finally found some fool who was able to save me from all these tribbles. I even managed to get 3353 coins for them!
06:26 Laugh at me now, Terminator T-34, but when I invent time travel, I’m going to come back and slap you silly.
04:01 AM The trader told me that a brand new facehugger would help me stand out from the crowd. The price for individuality was 2340 coins.
06:31 PM Upon killing the monster, it coughed up a nice artifact. Aha! The old thingamajig in the Whatchamacallit trick, eh?
03:02 PM Visited the soothsayer. She said I should cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring. I’m not one to argue with destiny, so off we go!
09:02 AM The final score was That Other Other Guy: 1, Task Killer: 0. Received 20 gold coins as a match fee and was awarded a shrubbery as a winner’s trophy.
03:21 PM The Boneless Skeleton was shredded into tiny strips. I picked up a thigh bone and 27 coins.
08:10 PM The trader told me he didn’t need my cool side of the pillow as he had one of his own, but dropped and broke his when he tried to show it to me. Decided to strike while the irony was hot and got 279 gold coins for my item.
07:26 PM Found a yellow submarine at the seashore yesterday, but it was infested with beetles so I let it be.
05:38 PM As I was walking by a wedding, the bride threw her bouquet and I adroitly caught it in mid-air. An accompanying note read, “determine the terminal airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.”
07:53 PM Just as the Flugelhornet was about to finish me off, it said its shift was over and left me alone.
05:49 PM The golden brick was worth its weight in gold, assuming it weighed as much as the 979 gold coins the trader paid me for it.
01:31 AM Note to self: D flat.