Heroine

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Smartass girl

level 37

Smartass never changes!

Age 6 years 3 months
Personality neutral
Guild no guild
Monsters Killed about 29 thousand
Death Count 27
Wins / Losses 0 / 0
Bricks for Temple 45.2%
Pet Ninja tortoise Snowy 12th level

Equipment

Weapon rain bow +47
Shield farcefield +44
Head beard of epicness +47
Body sheep's clothing +46
Arms Icarus wings +47
Legs boots of all evil +45
Talisman universal remote +46

Skills

  • navel clamp level 23
  • asynchronous swimming level 17
  • mosquito roar level 14
  • spontaneous combustion level 11
  • chakra bending level 11
  • quantum fireball level 10
  • glance of Kaa level 8
  • homesickness level 6

Pantheons

Hero has yet to take places in pantheons.

Achievements

  • Builder, 2nd rank
  • Favorite, 2nd rank
  • Renegade, 2nd rank
  • Animalist, 3rd rank
  • Careerist, 3rd rank
  • Martyr, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

Where am l??. Oh.. I just believe in a God and what!!? a God of Idleness. and here I thought He give me power and freedom to have a awesome adventure. I was told I can do anything I want and so….

Well… Started my journey at 12.08pm on 03/12/2017.

My first quest – Collect signatures to ban petitioning. What a great quest for me😠.
Wasted a talent like me to do such menial task.

I met a Tickling Crocrodile and I almost died from been tickle.

Practiced my fencing skills. Still sore from digging the post holes.

Yet another day of questing, yet another day of risking my life for minimal rewards. Fun.

Faking the flu to get a day off…
You cannot see me, no You cannot.
Tried to save money by visiting the vet instead of the doctor, but left in a hurry when he started talking about spaying.

Gave the trader the hidden gem as a gesture of good faith, then beat 366 coins out of him.
See how smart I am!! 😎

The jingle of these coins is driving me crazy. I need to get rid of them fast!

Closed my eyes for a moment and listened to the sound of nature. It sounded like, “Smartass.”

Had a hot date last night, or at least I think I did. I can’t remember a thing, but 230 gold coins are missing from my wallet, so it must have been pretty awesome!

The best things in life are free. The rest are just too expensive.

Was abducted by aliens looking for intelligent life forms. I must be smarter than I look, because they promptly sent me back.

Finally this petition to ban petitioning has been successfully petitioned.
Though I was hoping that succeeding in my quest to collect signatures to ban petitioning would win the respect and admiration of my peers, this golden brick will have to suffice.

The past has gone, the future is yet to come, but Happy Hour is right now. Carpe diem!

Heard someone shout ‘Fire in the hole!’ Immediately ran over to warm up.
Free heater!!😆

After a day of walking, killing monster and almost get killed myself. My body need some relaxation so…
Administering acupuncture to myself by rolling around on a hedgehog…

I noticed that the drinking horn and the dragon egg incubator fit together like puzzle pieces. Now I think they look more like a dream machine. Hopefully, a trader thinks so as well.

Playing Tetris with gold bricks… for entertaiment.
See the shiny blink blink.

To unsubscribe from my regular updates, simply stop reading my diary. 👌

You hear that, monsters? Yeah, it’s me, Smartass girl, and I smell victory! Also a nearby skunk. But mostly victory! So run, cowards!

Dreamed I was eating a huge marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone. Yucks!!😨😨

Aha, that was the WANTED Mind Boggler from the wanted list! Collected some proof to claim the reward for it later.😄

Tried to look powerful by attacking a straw man. Got defeated by allergies. Pethetic😧

Found “friend” stranded at the bottom of a bear trap. Carefully avoided jumping into the trap myself, and instead fell into a nearby pit while looking for assistance.

Saw an ad claiming I could collect dozens of bricks per day working from home, without slaying another monster. What an amazing opportunity! Immediately sent 127 gold coins for the information packet and training kit. Scam!!
“Smartass never changes”!!!

The final score was Smartass girl: 1, Generic Evil-doer: 0. Received 33 gold coins as a match fee and was awarded a bag of dirty thoughts as a winner’s trophy.

Yet another day of questing, yet another day of risking my life for minimal rewards. Fun.

I think my days are numbered, but luckily I don’t know how to count.

Received 1705 gold coins for the invite to Godville. The trader said that it would have been worth far more, but he’ll have to pay to sterilize it for cooties. Tarven time!!!
Sold all my loot! I am off for a quiet beer, to be immediately followed by a dozen or so noisy ones.

I had to grovel at the merchant’s feet to buy this golden brick. That was a bit humiliating.
Why?? 3130g. Where’s my beer!!! 😲😲😲

Seven days with you, Most Righteous One, makes one weak.😩😩

Fishing in this area is prohibited, which only makes it more interesting. This Gift of Fate should make good bait. 🎣🐟

Caught a goldfish. It quickly turned into a golden brick before I could utter a single wish.

Wow, a gravestone! This thing will match the rest of my body armor perfectly. 😎

Travelling through time by walking in and out of the clock tower…

Yes, my Lord! Following your command I blindly made a set of kitchen throwing knives using the stress ball, scale model of a scale and 16 gold coins as materials.

13th quest – Done! From now on this village is enriched with another educated idiot. He will definitely get a post in charge.
Completed my quest to educate the village idiot. I was offered many, many rewards, but turned them all down. A true heroine quests just for the sake of questing!

Stumbled upon a slain heroine whose banner displayed the motto: “Better die with honor than live with shame”. Seems she got what she wished for. Smartass Salute!!

Tried to get a refund for my broken knotty stick. The trader told me that my lifetime warranty had expired just yesterday. 😲😲

The trader told me that a brand new tanker’s helmet would help me stand out from the crowd. The price for individuality was 927 gold coins. See, Smartass girl unique helmet.

Wishing her Lord’s temple would complete itself…😅😅

First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the beer. Tavern, here I come!

11 Dec 2017 #12
10:41 I feel that I ought to start a movement. Heading off to collect the signatures in support of the new guild — ‘Idle’!

You know what, Almighty? I’m beginning to think that you really only pay attention to me for short periods of time, then ignore me for hours. I’m just going out for a bit. See you later.

I had to grovel at the merchant’s feet to buy this golden brick. That was a bit humiliating.
Why again!? 3000g! Where’s my beer!?

Found a hot tub in the middle of nowhere and decided to jump in. Got out as soon as a Hanna-Barbarian came along and started adding carrots and seasoning to it. 😨😲😱

While I was searching for the laughing matter, somebody dropped 2383 coins from a passing cloud. Bingo? 11 Dec 17. 😆

Tripped over a stone and face-planted on a huge gold brick. It may be my concussion but I swear my beer money’s vanished! Is that your doing, God!? My beer!!!😢😢

Never provoke a monster. They can’t take a joke.

Tried to get the doctor to write me a prescription for beer. Don’t know whether it worked or not, because I can’t read his handwriting. 😷😵😭

From friend
Saw Smartass girl running from a Hiphopopotamus while I was fleeing from the Hydracula. We joined forces and bravely fled together. 😂😂

Participated in a banana 🍌 throwing contest with the local 🐒 monkeys. Now I’m “fruited up” beyond all recognition. 😏

The glow of the dead Glowing Propagandalf spread over me. It turned out to be an Aura of Audibility.

Looked skyward, and saw a grid of letters made of shimmering light. Immediately felt an Aura of Audibility descend over me. Must have been the Aura Borealis.

The Punk Croc revealed itself as a sales rep and handed over a free sample of a bottle of talon varnish before rushing off to catch the next hero. Talk about aggressive marketing.

Met Idle-jackass and borrowed his diary to read. I edited several entries to make it more appealing.

The final score was Smartass girl: 1, Chain Male: 0. Received 16 gold coins as a match fee and was awarded a last place trophy as a winner’s trophy.

Exalted One, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the gold to buy shiny new things. Meanwhile, please accept my humble donation of 735 coins.

Just found out that the locals of Meadows of Eternal Tranquility have dubbed Idle-jackass and me “The Dream Team”! Apparently it’s because we both pass out at the first sign of danger. 😫😲

00:29 ¡noʎ ʎouuɐ oʇ ʇsnɾ uʍop ǝp!sdn ʎɹʇuǝ s!ɥʇ ǝʇoɹʍ I ’ʎʇɥƃ!ɯl∀ ʎǝH
Hey, Almighty. I wrote this entry upside down just to annoy you!

Great One, the fact that I write is a proof that I’m not stupid. The fact that I write while fighting monsters is proof that I am.

I’ve heard that the best defense is a good offense. Therefore, retreat must be the best attack!

From friend
Climbed a tree to avoid the Hacked Accountant. Met Smartass girl avoiding her own problems. 😂

Disassembled the gordian knot and the golden LEGO brick, hoping to create something new out of them. The result exceeded all expectations — I reassembled everything and made a high-definition dictionary out of the remaining parts!

Thought I heard a ticking sound, so I threw my one nightstand as far away as I could and dove to the ground with my hands over my ears. After half an hour with no explosion, I gingerly got up and continued my journey.

Just as my health was getting low, I remembered the bottle of hot sauce in my pocket. Poured it all over my arms and legs. When the Critical Mastodon bit into me again, its eyes suddenly went wide and it ran away screaming for water. That was close!😥

I tried traveling at the speed of thought, but soon realized that walking was much faster.

11 Dec 2017
Quest #14 – Start the “Idle” guild in Godville.

13 Dec 2017 😆 Day 2774 g.e.
09:25 Finally! Now there is the “Idle” guild in Godville and I’m its first member!😆

Shouted “Smartass never changes!” so loudly that the distant echo scared even me.

Heard a small popping sound in my loot bag. When I checked, I found that my invite to Godville had turned into popcorn. Delicious!

I resolved not to spend all of my hard earned money in one place. Tonight, I’ll visit every tavern in Los Adminos!

Met up with Idle-jackass who showed me some weapon tips. 😤😴

From friend
Smartass girl ran out of the bushes shouting, “Idle-jackass, I’m coming!”, tripped over a tree root, and fell on the ground, knocking herself out cold. Well, you know what they say — if you want something done right, do it yourself.

From now on, I shall completely devote myself to my quest, Exalted One! I shall not deviate from… Oooh! A little kitty!

A funeral director, an undertaker and a crowd of mournful friends have gathered to watch my imminent duel with the oncoming Undermaker. I suddenly have a bad feeling about this!

Great One, I am very smart, but I always end up doing stupid things. Here’s 78 coins for putting up with it.

24 Dec 17
Idle-jackass taught me a special skill that she said no one else knows, called “navel clamp” and swore me to secrecy. I’m not entirely sure what “secrecy” means, but I can’t wait to show everyone at the tavern!

Quest 33 – Decided to campaign to increase the minimum wage for questing heroes. After all, what could possibly go wrong?

Met Idle-jackass in the shop looking for a purchase. He gave me some tips on how to dress. Apparently I look much better with this new Hellboy’s cuff!

Chaos, panic, and disorder — my work in this town is done.

With its last breath, the defeated Couch Commando coughed up Smartass girl and died. She looked a little shaken up, but handed me a noble gas can and 4 gold coins she found in its belly as a thank you for saving her.😲😭

As I entered Tradeburg the townsfolk cheered, ‘The village idiot has returned!’ I looked around, but I didn’t see her.

Threw my gold in the air to show off my wealth, but a gold brick hurtled onto my head in return. Ow.

The Roosterfarian suddenly stopped moving, so I immediately dealt a fatal blow and got 3 gold coins. You see, Soul Supreme, that’s why you shouldn’t go AFK.

While the enemy was taking a time-out, Argeline helped me cleanse my wounds and fed me some deliciously fresh buns.

My pocket ripped under the weight of all my gold, and I squirmed uncontrollably as a torrent of freezing coins ran down my leg. When they finally stopped I couldn’t find them anywhere, but there was a shiny gold brick in my sock!

Woke up during my own funeral. Received 341 coins from the funeral director for increasing his business as some attendees were shocked to death. Cool! Should died more often so i will never be short of beer’s money.🍺🍻

Just before I came back to life, a tall bony fellow gave me an aura of spookiness as a parting gift. Neat! 👻👿👻

Rescued Argeline from the bottom of a deep well. Apparently she was on a quest to build a chimney but had managed to get the plans upside-down. 😲😥

02:08 Here’s your protection money — I mean, voluntary donation, Great One.