Bravely bold Tavana ran away
Bravely ran away, away
When danger reared its ugly head, she bravely turned her tail and fled
Yes, brave Tavana turned about and gallantly, she chickened out
Bravely taking to her feet, she beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, oh, Tavana
She is packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering off
And chickening out and pissing off home
Yes, bravely she is throwing in the sponge
—
In days of yore lived Tavana the Wise, Tavana the Bold, Tavana the Fearless, Tavana the Renowned, Tavana the Righteous, Tavana the Customer-Paying-by-the-Word, chosen to walk in the sacred light by the Divine Te Fiti.
At her beck and call is Snuffles the “Long-lived”, a frog of war of rarest breeding. Verily, this frog of war follows her with devotion most fanatical, if somewhat confused.
Holds great fondness for children, while harboring notable disdain for their fully grown versions.
The gathering of thieves who prowl by night, known as “Unleashed”, hath named her sister. ft can she be found among the drunkards and brawlers of the clan. When they meet in secret, they leave an empty chair for her—though whether from respect or fear, none dare say. Their chroniclers have filled many pages with her exploits, though half are surely lies and the other half worse.
Lo, in Bosswell even the street urchins tell legends of her unpaid tabs; while ’tis said in Godvillewood that she once drank three barrels dry ere sundown. Frequently observed inciting monsters against her foes, yet maintains high regard among surviving friends.
For reasons unknown to mortal minds, her pouch perpetually contains a check-mark box. She doth greatly favor making rounds of Los Adminos’ alehouses. Blessed with a sharp mind, despite suffering from numerous head wounds. Though she utterly rejects the words of soothsayers, she follows their every instruction, just to be safe. Many heroes seeks glory in battle, but this one? She would rather poach an Easter egg.
’Tis a peculiar calling to take a break from questing and relax, yet she pursues it with remarkable zeal. Somehow she finds time to learn to read between the lines, and thus bones do crack and heads do roll. Few would dare such madness alone. Worlds she could save, yet chooses not to, yet she chooses to explore a spooky castle standing on a cliff.
Behold her sacred maneuver of “rail-bending”, which she performs even in sleep. Lo, her most glorious feat—“thumb blowing” performed through rings of flame. Verily, it too is written that none have mastered the “navel clamp” quite like her, making even the wisest scratch their venerable heads.
That’s the short of it, though our heroine claims there’s more, so let us pause our telling here, lest we leave no tales for the morrow.