Day 1 Chronicle – A factual written account of important or historical events in the order of their occurrence. Record (a related series of events) in a factual and detailed way.
Those early days, before I knew I had a wonderful, merciful goddess, are mostly a blur. One day I’m farming my land, the next I’m a newbie hero. The first day of my new life I spent mostly lost and a little drunk. Hey, if you were hearing strange voices and seeing stuff you’d be drunk too. I remember fighting my first fight. After getting poked in the eyes and getting my feelings hurt, I finally destroyed the monster. I ended up in several towns where I quickly set about blowing all my hard earned gold on alcohol, very cruddy weapons the local merchants had to offer, not to mention the occasional company of a woman. My faith in my goddess is strong though. I have learned a lot and gained much experience. I managed to level up a couple of times inbetween mugs of beer and shots of whiskey. I’m on a mission now, if I can remember what I’m doing and where I’m going. There’s gotta be an easier way to get directions than using a magic 8 ball!
Day 2 Gratitude – The state of being grateful, thankfulness. A feeling of thankfulness or appreciation, as for gifts or favors.
Today I finished my original quest. Met many strange and nasty creatures along the way. Again the appeal of booze and women blinded my better judgement. I ended up blowing most of my gold coins I had earned. Began questioning my faith and existance of my goddess. I don’t understand why, if she’s there, she allows me to make such poor decisions. Was promptly struck by lightning. So I sacrificed some gold coins in hopes of reinforcing my faith in my goddess. Was eventually filled with warmth, and I just know that was my lady! Traveled through many milestones today. Got lost, and asked a stranger for directions, he wouldn’t help me, what a tool! Moved up a couple levels and completed a few quests. Had to run away from two fights, only because I was drunk. We will meet again!
Day 3 Unity – The state or quality of being one; singleness, or, the state or quality of being in accord; harmony.
Today was an exciting day! Not only did I get to visit taverns, I received my first gold brick! I can’t wait until I have enough gold bricks to build my goddess a temple! I won the gold brick during a fierce battle with the dreaded Santa Claws. I also came up with a motto, Little worm on a big hook. I can scream this at enemies to instill pure terror in them, and also give my self a little ego boost. My goddess was a huge help to me today, making her presence known all day. For some strange reason I was overcome with the urge to dig and found 500 gold coins! Score! I also went from being just a kind fellow to a righteous fellow. Traveled to Godville and traded my gold coins for some more cruddy equipment. Sat under a tree and relaxed.
Day 4 Storytelling – One who tells or writes stories; or one who relates anecdotes.
Today was a good and bad day for me. I bought 2 gold bricks and found 2 gold bricks while fighting creatures. Destroyed many monsters and completed Quest #6 and (finally!) made it to level 10! Now I can fight in the arena. My goddess has yet to send me to the arena though. Perhaps she hasn’t sent me because I’ve been on a 3 day alcohol/women bender. I sacrificed some gold coins and monsters to my holy one, in the hopes of persuading my goddess to allow me to show off my mad skills in the arena. I’ve felt a distance from my goddess today, like she is only occasionally checking in on me. Perhaps she is busy playing Angry Birds. Anyway, met a passing hero today, she was very nice. Too bad she’s going to Hell for believing in the wrong goddess! It’s really a shame. At one point today, during a fierce battle with a foe, I was suddenly engulfed by freezing cold and complete darkness. It was a dreary, empty place. I was filled with feelings of fear and sadness. Suddenly a beautiful woman bathed in pure white light appeared before me. She began to speak, “I can not believe you just got your ass handed to you like that! If your going to battle with monsters, than by me, than do it right! Unfreaking believable! I’ll revive you this time, ya putz, just don’t die again!” I awoke from this dream lying under a tree. A creepy old guy was siting next to me and my pants were gone. Strange…..
Day 5 Might – The power, force, or influence held by a person or group. Physical strength; strength or ability to do something.
Today I leveled up to 11. I spent much time praying to my goddess and thanking her. I have taken out 662 monsters since beginning my new life as a hero. I have ran from many fights as well, but only because I have a nasty hangover which is seriously hindering my mad skills. Made a trip to Godville to pimp up my equipment. Was sidetracked by the tavern and got hammered instead. It cured my hangover at least, however, now I am seeing double of everything! I collected 2 gold bricks for my temple to my goddess. I’m currently working on Quest 7 “Kill Humans”. Strange quest. Goddess if you are there, these leaves and bark are so very rough! Can you please provide me with one roll of Charmin? It is quiltedly soft afterall! I took a nap and had a dream I was a giant ice cream cone and someone was trying to eat me. When I woke up and that old strange dude was sitting next to me and my head was wet. So very eerie….
Day 6 Greed – Intense and selfish desire for something, esp. wealth, power or food.
I pondered much today as I traveled through milestones, killing monsters. Mostly where I was going and how I ended up where I was. I asked my goddess for and explaination to my questions. I was suddenly confronted with fire on the ground that spelled out “How the Hell should I know?” Hmmm….wonder who did that? Anyway, as I fought my way through milestones I was rewarded with gold coins and many items. I took my coins and my items into town to spend and sell. Stayed away from the lot lizards in town, but did manage to go to the local pub. After several drinks my nerves and my wallet both relaxed. I spent almost all my gold coins on new equipment. Why, oh, why must my armor and weapons be so pathetic? I met a new friend! His name is Dagaan. He’s a pretty cool dude, even though he prays to the wrong God…..
Day 7 Construction – The building of something, usually a large structure.
Today began with a horrible dream. In this dream I was lost, alone, scared and naked. I could hear a great monster approaching from behind me. With each step it took the ground would vibrate under its girth. Just as it was about to appear before me, again the beautiful woman from my other dream appeared before me. She was looking at me with pure contempt and said “Didn’t I tell you last time not to die again!? Why do you have to be such a little Tool? I’m going to revive you again, but this time you better do things right or I am going to punish you severely!” When I awoke, I was again under a tree, and again the old creepy guy was there and my pants were missing…. Definately a strange day.
Day 8 Taming – Domesticate (an animal), or, make less powerful and easier to control.
Today I made it to level 12! Go me! Since today is Thanksgiving, I decided to celebrate. First I went into town and took a long, hot bath. (Which left one Hell of a dirt ring.) Then I found the first available woman and hit the local pub. After I was sated with both liquor and women, I went about my new quest, joining a guild. My goddess had me quit this quest multiple times, but because I didn’t understand what she was trying to tell me, I started ignoring her. Met a new friend named Shamela! She was very pretty, but any physical attraction I had was disspelled by my fear of the Divine One. Found a gold brick during one of my many battles, that’s 8 so far!
Day 9 Gladiatorship – Conduct, state, or art of gladiator.
I’ve been in a very dark, stubborn mood today. My goddess has been trying to communicate with me all day and I have ignored her completely. Upgraded my equipment to some pretty positive stuff. I entered a deserted temple today and was blessed with an Aura of Huskstering.Killed many monsters, but I also ran from several who hurt my feelings. Current monster death count for me is 1198, but whose counting? I am very bored, so I asked my goddess to make something exciting happen. She has yet to respond, stupid Angry Birds.
Day 10 Creation – The act or process of bringing something into existence; a thing made or invented, esp, something showing artistic talent.
Started a new diary today because I ran out of room in my old one. My goddess was not pleased with my decision. Made it to the 491st milestone by killing many evil monsters, and running from some really tough ones! Found 2 gold bricks in the guts of two seperate foes. Went into town to get some much needed TLC from the local tavern AND the local lot lizards. Upgraded all my equipment to completely positive stuff! Finally! Hopefully now I can kick more ass instead of getting mine handed to me. Met a new friend today, her name is The Almighty Ones and she is just a young pup, her chronicles are just beginning. I’m halfway to level 13. I should be the ultimate warrior with all the experience I have gained! Wish my feet would stop hurting, it’s probably from all the runni…er….um…..fighting I mean. Yeah, that’s right.
Day 11 Destruction – The action or process of causing so much damage to something that it no longer exists or cannot be repaired; the action or process of killing or being killed.
I made it to the 590th milestone today! Yay! Still working on the quild quest, I can’t make up my mind which guild I want to join. Made it to the town of Deville, where I soaked in a hot tub of water until my fingers were wrinkled. Bought a gold brick, thats 11 total. Met a new hero named Criv today. He is a cool dude who is a level 38, I can’t even count that high! Also befriended a hero named Thanosia, she is part of the happy guild (chef master). Had a hot date with a local lady, when I woke up not only was she missing but so was 384 gold coins. I knew I should’ve taken her to see the new Twighlight movie instead of hitting the local pub! I just had to get blitzed outta my mind, or maybe it was the medicinal herbs I smoked. Either way, I prayed to my goddess for forgiveness for my wreckless behavior. I also offered her up 184 coins as a sacrifice. She has not responded to my prayers, however I did find some strange journal entries in my diary. I don’t remember writing them, of course, thats not saying much.
Day 12 Hero – A person, typically a man, who is admired for courage or noble qualities.
Today has been the same old kill monsters, run from monsters routine. BORING! yawn. After having my ass handed to me multiple times, I decided to head to Godville to see what was going on. I never noticed this one my other visits, but Godville is a HUGE town! There’s people everywhere, and women on every street corner. Yet they never cross the street, strange. Went to medicinal shop to get some more of those smokeable herbs I liked so much. I did check out the local wares, but decided to blow my gold coins on liquid sustance. I met a new friend named Donkyle today. He invited me to join his guild, but I’m too stupid to do that. I didn’t get anymore gold bricks today, but there is some strange diary entries yet again today. Perhaps it IS time for me to go back to AA.
Day 13 God – (In Christianity and other monotheistic religions) The creator and ruler of the universe and source of all moral authority; the supreme.
I started my day off by falling in another Hero’s trap and suceeded in hurting myself. If I ever find out whose trap this is…..After healing myself with some magical smokeable herbs, I continued on with my quest. Met another new friend along the way named Narwal. He may be younger than I am, but he’s smarter. Instead of wasting all his gold coins on booze and women, he purchased some pretty decent equipment. While he was in the bushes attending to his business, I snuck and read his chronicles, which I enjoyed. After passing many milestones and running from unspeakable creatures, I ventured into town to spend my gold coins and sell my loot. I’ve gained much experience during my quests and am now a level 13. Go me! Tried to seduce a lovely young maiden at the local pub. After whispering the most sweetest poem in her ear, she turned around and slapped me. I Like Big Butts was appropriate verbage in my opinion, given the situation. Oh, well, another lonely, drunken night ahead for this hero.