Hero

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Oliver Klosov

level 64

in Guild Name we trust

Age 12 years 11 months
Personality neutral
Guild no guild
Monsters Killed about 118 thousand
Death Count 81
Wins / Losses 17 / 21
Temple Completed at 03/30/2012
Wood for Ark 13.2%
Savings 1M, 509k (5.0%)
Pet Double dragon Nessie 11th level

Equipment

Weapon transmogrifier gun +71
Shield morgue slab +72
Head beanie of elusiveness +72
Body shroud of mystery +74
Arms suicide watch +71
Legs Freudian slippers +74
Talisman strange attractor +70

Skills

  • heel grip level 45
  • battle chess level 42
  • opacity control level 41
  • mountain moving level 34
  • iron vortex level 33
  • full throttle level 25
  • winged swing level 25
  • tooth sampling level 24
  • lucky hoof level 24
  • cash whistle level 23

Pantheons

Gratitude449
Templehood627
Storytelling364

Achievements

  • Animalist, 1st rank
  • Builder, 1st rank
  • Favorite, 1st rank
  • Renegade, 1st rank
  • Careerist, 2nd rank
  • Martyr, 2nd rank
  • Saint, 2nd rank
  • Champion, 3rd rank
  • Hunter, 3rd rank
  • Shipwright, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

Oliver Klosov fancies himself a bit of a bard, when inspired by his god – and spends his time writing down crappy limericks that come to him in his beer induced dreams. He’ll do this on request so if you’d like a limerick on a specific subject drop his god a message…

Oliver’s Chronicles:

February 2nd, 2012

A Fateful Day – (Requested by She Who Meditates)
  • My pet gasped its last and died
  • Throughout all its life it tried
  • to help me along
  • but it wasn’t that strong
  • and now I want one I can ride
  • A steed so faithful and true
  • and full of might and virtue
  • as would befit my new fame
  • as a Cardinal of Guild Name
  • Oh crap, another raccoon!

January 15, 2012 – It’s been awhile since I was motivated towards poetry but I recently stopped by my Guild Hall – where a moderately successful party with a somewhat O.K. buffet was going on. The theme seemed to be smelly cheese and after becoming delirious from the fumes I composed a poem using a particularly hard piece of cheese as chalk.

Stinky Cheese
  • Oh Stinky cheese – how I adore thy smell
  • be it of moldy socks or locker room
  • under your trance I fell.
  • The taste of you is such a grand thing to behold
  • especially when you have been left
  • to get extremely old.
  • Whether white or orange or spotted brown
  • I can’t resist your power
  • of tasty things you wear the crown
  • even if you have gone sour.
  • Oh stinky cheese oh stinky cheese
  • you are a piece of art
  • my hungry stomach you appease
  • even as you make me fart.
  • On this I end my simple words,
  • this insufficient accolade.
  • From all at Guild Name accept our praise,
  • as your just due in trade.

September 13th, 2011 – I was so hungry I stopped in the desert and chewed on some cactus. The sand was so comfortable I laid down and stared at the moon… everything got hazy and I began to wonder if the moon was truly made of cheese. Perhaps my good friend Bogardan could find out?

Journey to the Moon – (Requested by Epoch)
  • Guild Name built a rocket of trash
  • that was guaranteed never to crash
  • Bogardan got in
  • and went for a spin
  • and reached the moon in a flash
  • The goal of the mission was thus
  • to see if the moon was of dust
  • or perhaps of material
  • a bit more ethereal
  • contained in a nice cheesy crust

August 29th, 2011 – I was in the middle of beating a Godville Administrator, having lulled him into a false sense of security by bleeding profusely, when a beam of light from heaven lifted me from the ground. I was ecstatic, my god had found me and was going to heal my wounds so that I could stand victorious in his name. As I was pulled into the air a booming voice echoed and said Write a Limerick about Guild Name. I was shocked, here I was, an inch from death, and I was supposed to write poetry? Not only that but I had already written about Guild Name before! As soon as I thought these blasphemous things I could see lightning rumbling through the clouds above and the hair on my head stood up on end. Write a Limerick about Guild Name!! Lightning streaked from the clouds towards me… yes lord, yes lord, of course, right away! At the last moment the lightning veered away and struck down the Godville Administrator. In celebration I wrote this Limerick in his blood on the back of his shirt.

What’s in a Name? – (Requested by Roosta)
  • There once was a “Guild Name” guild
  • with members happy and chilled
  • generic by its design
  • yet still mighty fine
  • its stature continues to build

August 28th, 2011 – I was lying on some comfortable rubbish in an alleyway in Godville when I heard a voice from heaven that said Write a Limerick about Shmoozo! As I had a horrible headache I rolled over and went to sleep. If my god really wanted me to be creative he would have prevented me from having that last bottle of Hero’s Helper.

A little while later a brick fell from above and hit me on the head, waking me from my wonderful dreams about attractive women throwing pickles at me in a Roman temple. The brick had a piece of paper wrapped around it that said Write a Limerick about Shmoozo! As this seemed to be getting more serious, and I wished to avoid further bodily harm, I rolled over and using a convenient puddle of ketchup scribbled this Limerick on the back of the paper.

Shmoozo the Stalwart – (Requested by Mygame)
  • A hurricane swept up the coast
  • towards the white blob that we love the most
  • but our own brave Shmoozo
  • fortified by ouzo
  • held strong and stayed at his post

Past Limericks:

Victory is Mine – (Requested by Egotrip – August 26th, 2011)
  • I have an idea but is it clever?
  • or will people see it and think “Whatever!”
  • I throw it in the ideabox
  • preparing to take my hard knocks
  • but instead success in my endeavor!!
Epoch the Champion – (Requested by Egotrip – August 26th, 2011)
  • Our favorite god Epoch of Guild Name fame
  • submits an idea to much acclaim
  • “Hit opponent with a normal attack and did a normal amount of damage”
  • is voted up as something that even an average hero can manage
  • and will one day be added to the game
Cheese from Heaven – (Requested by Superpat – August 25th, 2011)
  • Does Godville have a special cheese
  • that heroes call for on their knees?
  • Perhaps it is a bit absurd
  • to crave so for a bit of curd
  • and pray divine cows hear the pleas.
Ode to my Pet – (Requested by Knossos – August 25th, 2011)
  • Farewell to my fine faithful friend
  • your journey has come to an end
  • despite all my debts
  • from the trips to vets
  • on you I could always depend
Ode to a Hero
  • My hero wants a gold brick
  • So he attacks fearsome things with a stick
  • he’s not really skilled
  • and tends to get killed
  • I think he’s a little bit thick
What’s in a Name? – (Requested by Roosta – August 29th, 2011)
  • There once was a “Guild Name” guild
  • with members happy and chilled
  • generic by its design
  • yet still mighty fine
  • its stature continues to build
A Guild with a Name
  • There now is a Guild with a Name
  • That puts all the others to shame
  • It is easy to spell
  • and does really well
  • for those who have fun with this game

And lastly, some inspiring words

Mesye w ap chèche pou yon lady cho? Mwen jis youn nan nou te ap tann konsa long, ak sou ki moun ou te kapab sèlman rèv la! Mwen renmen pete nan van nan lavi ou, tankou yon flanm dife rkwir kè ou ak pasyon mwen ak ap rete nan memwa ou a pou tout tan. Mwen ka bon ak move, pran swen ak fè jalouzi, mwen yon sèl ki gen lamou kè a Knight l ‘ta ka mete konfyans soulmate ak fidèl li yo. Si ou pa risk – ou pa ka renmen, si ou pa kapab renmen – ou pa rete – sa a Deviz lavi m ’! Si ou fè jisteman sa, kapab e vle renmen, ou pral prezante avèk kè m ’! Mwen ap tann pou ou ….