Hero

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Willylowman-barbarian

level 52

Oh Long Johnson

Age 12 years 11 months
Personality neutral
Guild no guild
Monsters Killed about 69 thousand
Death Count 40
Wins / Losses 13 / 15
Bricks for Temple 92.3%
Pet Heffalump Boo 19th level

Equipment

Weapon sonic boomerang +53
Shield stunt double +53
Head contra band +53
Body liquid crystal breastplate +52
Arms Icarus rockets +53
Legs mission briefs +53
Talisman cheat sheet +56

Skills

  • palm of the panda level 40
  • smack of the bribe level 31
  • cri de coeur level 28
  • electro static discharge level 27
  • fanned fingers level 21
  • cry of horror level 20
  • explosive character level 19
  • bloody itch level 15
  • sober view level 14
  • sticky fingers level 13

Pantheons

Gratitude662
Storytelling422

Achievements

  • Careerist, 1st rank
  • Favorite, 1st rank
  • Renegade, 1st rank
  • Builder, 2nd rank
  • Saint, 2nd rank
  • Animalist, 3rd rank
  • Champion, 3rd rank
  • Martyr, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

I was sitting there, minding my own business eating a rabbit under a tree, when suddenly this strange fellow appears. He looked very odd. Instead of wearing furs or the robes I’ve seen the Elders wear, this guy had what could only be described as individual robes for his arms and legs, except instead of being loose, they were close fitting. And they were red and black, like the colors of flowers! Then we had the weirdest conversation…

"I...am Queue," he said.
"What's a Queue?" I asked.
"I...am your god."
"Pffffftt...God of tailors, maybe," I stated in disbelief.
"SILENCE!  You will do as I command!"
"And why would I do that?" I replied.  At that moment, a lightning bolt zapped the ground at my feet, burning my toes in their sandals!
"AAAAAAAAAH!  Okay, okay, you're a god - "
"YOUR god," he interrupted.
" - right and I'll do whatever you say!" I declared.
"EXCELLENT," Queue said with glee.
"So...what do you want me to do?" I asked.
"Bring me...a shrubbery!" He demanded.
"A what?" I asked doubtfully.
"No, no, no, just joking.  I want you to build me a temple...Out of gold bricks!"
"Now I know you're joking," I said.
"No, really, I'm serious," he said. "Go get some gold bricks and make me a temple."
"Why in blue blazes would you want me to do that?" I asked.
"For my amusement," stated Queue.
"Alright...so...where the FUDGE am I going to find gold bricks???  I'm a freakin' barbarian for crying out loud!"
Queue sighed. "Maybe I should go back to toying with Pickard...Doesn't really fit my medieval theme, though."
I had no idea what he was talking about, so I had to ask.
"Pickard.  Now THAT sounds like a good name for a god.  Is he a god too?"
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Roared Queue.
Suddenly, my furs burst into flames!  I stopped, dropped, and rolled just as I had during the pig roast accident of '03.
"ENOUGH.  You will build me a temple of gold bricks or I will smite you where you stand!" Queue shouted.
"Okay, okay!" I squealed, "Please, give me a little help on this quest.  I am but a lowly barbarian, have mercy on me!" I pleaded.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever.  I'll heal you from time to time and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.  But if you at all stray from your quest - ZAP! - Understand?"
"Yes, yes, my Lord!" I groveled.

...And that, you see, is why I killed all of those guys, burned down your village, and had my way with your women. Well, except for that last part. It gets a bit lonely, being a mass murderer and all. But seriously, not my fault. I’m normally a warm, caring individual. BELCH!