Michaelus Pilido

level 44

Just trying my best here

Age 6 months 10 days
Personality virtuous
Guild Ankh-Morpork City Watch
(chief master)
Monsters Killed about 34 thousand
Death Count 16
Wins / Losses 38 / 38
Temple Completed at 08/08/2022
Wood for Ark 10.9%
Savings 489 thousand (1.6%)
Pet Sun dog Oy 24th level


Weapon vorpal sword +55
Shield stunt double +53
Head stiff upper lip +53
Body dragon scale pajamas +53
Arms thrown down gauntlets +53
Legs mission briefs +54
Talisman broken mirror +54


  • clinical strike level 26
  • forced generosity level 23
  • iron vortex level 21
  • glance of Kaa level 21
  • mass effect level 20
  • rail-bending level 20
  • deafening snore level 17
  • lion belch level 16
  • mating contact level 8
  • mega-bite level 4




  • Builder, 1st rank
  • Favorite, 1st rank
  • Animalist, 2nd rank
  • Saint, 2nd rank
  • Careerist, 3rd rank
  • Champion, 3rd rank
  • Freelancer, 3rd rank
  • Hunter, 3rd rank
  • Martyr, 3rd rank
  • Shipwright, 3rd rank

Hero's Chronicles

There was a farmer, had a dog, Michaelus was his name… oh. The farmer was Michaelus, not the dog. He had a couple of cats too, and enjoyed drinking a bit much. The farm wasn’t doing too well, what with the monsters wandering onto the property mussing up the gourds. Between those and the beasties always hiding in the tall grass, Michaelus got used to carrying a big stick into most encounters. After awhile, the gourds were all but forgotten, the house sold to pay off debts, the pets tearfully re-homed, and Michaelus ponderously padded down perilous paths punching pests for prizes. Between the drinks and the random encounters, Michaelus found himself down in ditches more often than not, but never dead for long. After awhile the booze haze cleared enough for him to realize the annoying voice in his head wasn’t just guilt-driven drivel, but might actually be the reason he kept regrowing a drowned liver and stolen kidneys… Or maybe its just too much happy-juice combined with generous helpings of knocks to the head. Well… things can’t get much worse, and the lady in his head isn’t always nice, but she does seem to care.

Found an interesting pamphlet in the Temple District of Godville. I placed it in my bag, hoping my Goddess would take a peek.
“God Idurr’s Way of Gentle Guidance:
Tired of Punishing your dear mortals, simply to melt wealth into gold bricks? Here’s an alternative!
You can encourage your hero whenever they have more than 3k gold. That has a very high chance of converting the 3k gold into a gold brick based on the day’s price. And Encouraging for gold bricks is best done when the hero is at max health. Higher chance of success. This is all better than the hero wasting the gold on beer or fines.
Then there’s bosses. Tell your hero to dig when they are in the field and they may unearth a boss. High chance of getting a brick drop plus tons of gold to convert to bricks. Also watch out for notifiactions of folks hunting bosses nearby.
Also, look out for monsters with the ‘Bricked’ identifier. They can drop gold bricks when defeated, although it’s avery low chance.”
And Lo’! My Brilliant Lady Pazriel grew even more tolerant of my mistakes and more forgiving of my transgressions! Thank you, God Idurr! Surely a prayer of appreciation to you will be tolerated by my ever more benevolent Goddess!

Things were good for a time, and then I began dreaming only of golden bricks. Day in and day out, all I can think of is building a gleaming temple for my Goddess. If this weren’t enough, I’ve grown to fear the jingle of coins on my person! l gain gold only to attract lightning! I’ve noticed other heroes dungeoning and sailing, and it makes me wonder if my Goddess is growing bored of this golden grind. Please, oh Shockingly Luminous One! I’m just trying my best here! Have patience with meeEEeeEeEee…

Covered head to toe in electrical burns and ash, on the fourth month and twentieth day in service to my Divine Lady, I’ve finally completed Her golden temple. What a sight to behold! Our own temple among the rows and rows of other shining examples… but my Lady’s glows brightest! As if all was known, I was lifted up with a Miracle, her touch no longer shocking, but gentle. My Lady, I’ve done it! I’ve finally done it! I did my best and it paid off! Ha…haha…HAHAHAHAHAAA! I’m done, I’m finally done! I’m… what’s this about an Ark now?